The Snark Factor 3 in 3

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I missed a day, and this one is late because the basement flooded.

So yes, today’s episode was written by a man who recently stared at wet flooring and reconsidered the entire concept of home ownership.

We start with Congress quietly paying out taxpayer money for sexual harassment settlements, which is one of those stories that makes you say, “Wait… we had to pass a law to stop that?”

Then we move to frozen pizza sold at Walmart and Aldi, facing a salmonella alert, because apparently, even late-night freezer regret now comes with a public health advisory.

And with Mother’s Day coming Sunday, restaurants are rolling out deals, freebies, brunch specials, bonus gift cards, and the most dangerous phrase in American dining:

“Participating locations.”

Congressional settlements.

Salmonella pizza.

Mother’s Day brunch.

Three stories, three minutes.

Let’s go.

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After a short break for my daughter’s college graduation, The Snark Factor 3 in 3 is back.

Today: Pizza Hut moves “Hut Forward,” which sounds less like a business strategy and more like something said right before a youth group trust fall.

Also, Las Vegas is discovering that tourists may leave casinos to find cannabis, and worse, they might spend money somewhere else. Apparently, that’s where Vegas draws the line.

And Ford is waiting on aluminum because America’s truck supply is now being managed like a middle-school group project.

Three stories.Three minutes.Concern remains fully stocked.

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Episode 75 of The Snark Factor 3 in 3 is here.

The UAE is reportedly quitting OPEC, which means the world’s oil cartel may now have the organizational stability of a group project where one guy already bought his own poster board.

John Hinckley Jr. has thoughts on presidential security at the Washington Hilton because, apparently, we are now sourcing venue-safety analysis from the “historical trauma” department.

And there’s a scam called ghost tapping, where thieves can use tap-to-pay technology to charge your card without your card leaving your pocket. Wonderful. Your wallet now needs both financial planning and a paranormal investigator.

If you’re listening regularly and haven’t subscribed yet, that’s the easiest way to get The Snark Factor 3 in 3 every weekday.

Three stories. Three minutes. Let’s go.

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Today on The Snark Factor 3 in 3, late-night edition!

More than 1,000 TSA officers have reportedly quit during the DHS shutdown, which is less than ideal if you enjoy the modern airport experience of standing barefoot in a security line while society collapses politely around you.

The CDC is warning about antibiotic-resistant Salmonella linked mostly to backyard poultry, because apparently the chickens have unionized and gone biological.

And Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer” turns 40 this year, which means Tommy doesn’t just work on the docks anymore. Tommy needs progressive lenses, lower sodium, and a guy who can look at the water heater.

Three stories. Three minutes. Let’s go.

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Today’s Snark Factor 3 in 3 starts with the White House Correspondents’ Dinner being interrupted by gunfire, because apparently even Washington’s formal dinners now come with an emergency evacuation plan.

Then we get the inevitable conspiracy theories, because nothing can happen in America anymore without somebody online yelling “staged” before the police report has punctuation.

And finally, a new survey says one in five recent college graduates regrets their major — especially in political science, international relations, public policy, communications, media studies, and PR.

So today we have Washington chaos, internet brain rot, and college regret.

A full buffet.

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Sources

CNN: White House Correspondents’ Dinner shooting coverageThe Mirror: Conspiracy theories after the shootingCBS News: College majors recent grads most regret

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Today’s Snark Factor 3 in 3 has Congress trying to reopen the Department of Homeland Security, Chevron warning that air travel could get even more expensive, and Little Caesars testing drone delivery in Texas.

So, naturally, the most functional institution in America may now be a pizza chain sending breadsticks through the sky.

Congress can’t deliver funding.Airlines can barely deliver flights.But Little Caesars can deliver pizza from the clouds.

That feels about right.

Three stories. Three minutes. Let’s go.

Sources:USA Today: DHS shutdown and CongressCBS News: Chevron CEO on airfare and jet fuelMLive: Little Caesars drone delivery

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Today’s Snark Factor 3 in 3 covers Meta tracking employees at work, SiriusXM taking over YouTube audio ad sales, and a study suggesting gold diggers come in both male and female varieties.

If you’re listening regularly and haven’t subscribed yet, that’s how you get this every weekday.

Sources:

New York Post - Meta workers outraged over software tracking keystrokes and mouse movements

SiriusXM Investor Relations - SiriusXM Media becomes exclusive audio advertising representative for YouTube in the U.S.

New York Post - Study reveals how to spot gold diggers, both men and women

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Today’s Snark Factor 3 in 3 has a little housing market drift, a little Vegas nostalgia, and one of those stories that makes you wonder whether mankind has finally started freewheeling into nonsense.

First, Zillow says home values are expected to rise just 0.3% by the end of 2026, with existing-home sales also barely moving as mortgage rates keep the housing market stuck in neutral. Then there’s Las Vegas, where the MGM Grand Buffet is set to close on May 31st, which feels like one more piece of old Vegas being quietly escorted out the side door. And finally, a Chinese automaker has reportedly patented a voice-activated in-car toilet, because apparently the future of transportation now includes asking your passenger seat for bathroom access.

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Evening edition! Audio is above.

Today’s Snark Factor 3 in 3 has a little bit of everything: a Navy carrier that seems to have been deployed since the invention of indoor plumbing, Walmart trying to make its stores more modern with wider aisles and more digital everything, and a reminder that the future may belong less to the guy in the conference room and more to the one wiring the building that keeps the AI servers from melting down.

Remember, The Snark Factor 3 in 3 is also available on your favorite podcast platform.

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Today’s Snark Factor 3 in 3 takes a look at three very different reminders that common sense is apparently hanging on by a thread.

New York City is pushing ahead with a plan for a city-owned grocery store in Harlem with a reported $30 million price tag, because, naturally, the best way to make food more affordable is to have the government spend a fortune getting into the supermarket business. Meanwhile, Top Gun 3 is officially in development, which means Tom Cruise is once again preparing to sprint past the concept of aging and climb back into a fighter jet. And PepsiCo has now discovered that customers tend to come back when snack prices stop looking like luxury goods.

So today we’ve got government groceries, immortal Maverick, and the shocking revelation that people prefer cheaper chips.

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