The Snark Factor 3 in 3

Three stories, three minutes, let’s go.

Today I’m talking about what happens when everything gets a little cheaper, a little sadder, and a lot more ridiculous.

Cord-cutters are now cutting back on streaming costs, which is funny because the whole point of streaming was supposed to be saving money in the first place. Then there’s 7-Eleven, closing hundreds of stores while trying to become more of a food destination, which feels ambitious for a place most people visit only after better plans have failed. And then there are cruise weddings, which somehow take the inconvenience of a destination wedding and combine it with the low-grade panic of being trapped on a floating buffet.

Listen to the audio above.

Sources:

Cord Cutters News - A New Study Shows Cord Cutters Are Cutting Back on How Much They Pay For TV

Associated Press - 7-Eleven expects to close hundreds of its stores in North America this year

New York Post - Cruise weddings are a cost-efficient but glamorous trend couples are partaking in

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Three stories, three minutes, evening edition — let’s go!

Today I’m talking about a federal court striking down a 158-year-old ban on home distilling, scientists arguing that lobsters feel pain, and why IRS staffing cuts suddenly have some people feeling a little too confident at tax time.

It’s one of those episodes where every story feels like a different version of the same basic truth: the second people think the rules changed, things get weird fast.

Listen to the audio above.

Sources

Home distilling ruling: FOX6 Milwaukee

Lobster pain story: New York Post

IRS staffing / taxpayer behavior story: Wall Street Journal

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Hunter Biden says he’s too broke to pay his lawyer, but apparently still has enough energy to challenge Don Jr. and Eric Trump to a cage match.

Then there’s tax season, where the new advice is simple: if you’re mailing your return close to April 15, maybe don’t trust the system to suddenly become efficient just for you.

And finally, a semi full of gummy bears caught fire on Interstate 80 in Nebraska, creating what I can only assume was the sweetest-smelling disaster in recent highway history.

The audio is above.

Sources:New York Post — Hunter Biden says he’s too broke to pay lawyer, challenges Trump sons to cage matchCNBC — Mailing your tax return near the April 15 deadline comes with risk1011 Now — Semi full of gummy bears catches fire along Interstate 80

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The audio is above.

Today’s Snark Factor 3 in 3 gets into a CIA tool called Ghost Murmur, which sounds less like covert technology and more like something overpriced and smoky on a cocktail menu.

Also in the mix: airline baggage data that somehow makes Allegiant look competent, which may be the most unsettling part of the story, and an Amazon driver accused of cutting out the middleman and starting her own private fulfillment center out of the garage.

Three stories.Three minutes.A little distrust of modern life.

Let’s talk tomorrow.

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The audio is above.

Today’s three stories all had the same basic theme:Modern life is ridiculous, and somehow still getting more ridiculous.

A possible two-week ceasefire with Iran is being talked about as if the world just needed a timeout.

Lowe’s is putting serious money into training tradespeople, which is probably the clearest sign yet that America is starting to remember who actually fixes things.

And a baby born on a flight from Jamaica to New York is already wrapped up in citizenship questions, because apparently, even being born isn’t enough anymore. Now you also need coordinates.

Three stories, three minutes.

Let’s talk tomorrow.

Sources:CNBC — Trump says he agreed to a two-week ceasefire with Iran tied to reopening the Strait of HormuzLowe’s Foundation — $250 million investment to train 250,000 tradespeople over the next decadeNew York Post — Baby born on flight from Jamaica to New York sparks citizenship questions

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Three stories, three minutes, let’s go.

Today’s episode is about what CBS is putting in Stephen Colbert’s old time slot, why the Associated Press is offering buyouts as it moves further away from newspaper journalism, and the self-driving car in Austin that managed to turn the future into a dead duck.

So, late night gets cheaper, journalism gets smaller, and technology is still out here learning the hard way.

The audio is above.

Sources

MyFox8, “Here’s what’s taking over Stephen Colbert’s Late Show time slot”

Associated Press / Morning Sun, “AP says it will offer buyouts as part of pivot away from newspaper journalism”

KXAN, “Self-driving car runs over Mueller Lake Park duck, raising safety concerns”

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Audio is above. (Note: I got a late start to this one, but I am also experimenting with different release times)

Three stories, three minutes, let’s go.

Today’s episode is about the possibility of diplomacy with Iran, the FBI admitting a major incident involving a sensitive surveillance system, and sleep experts informing you that the real threat to civilization may be your snooze button.

So — war, breached surveillance, and one more study telling you the only thing standing between you and total collapse is better sleep discipline. That feels about right. Everything is broken, everything is stupid, and somehow your alarm clock is the thing getting judged.

Sources

CNBC

The Hill

Slate

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Three stories, three minutes, let’s go.

Today’s episode is about a jobs report that everybody reads differently, three women who turned a Frontier baggage fee into an arrest, and an Amazon recall that sounds like a great way to set your living room on fire.

The audio is above.

Sources

U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics

People

New York Post

U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission

AL.com

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War in Iran may be “nearing completion,” according to President Trump.

Which is a phrase that sounds less like military strategy and more like a guy standing in your kitchen saying the cabinets should be in by Thursday.

Also, Americans now say they need $1.46 million to retire comfortably.

Not to live like a king.

Not to buy a yacht.

Just to stop working without feeling like you’re one prescription refill away from selling a kidney on Facebook Marketplace.

And Hershey says Reese’s will return to its classic recipe after criticism from the founder’s grandson.

So in one day, Americans got updates on war, retirement, and peanut butter cups.

And somehow, the peanut butter cups may be the most reassuring story of the three.

The audio is above.

Sources: Reuters, CBS News, People

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The audio is above.

Some days, the news really does most of the work for you.

President Trump says the U.S. could end the war with Iran in two to three weeks. Two to three weeks. That is an incredible way to describe a war. It sounds less like geopolitics and more like a guy telling you when the kitchen counters might finally be installed.

Then there’s Tiger Woods stepping away to seek treatment after the rollover crash and DUI case. He says he will focus on his health.

And then the New York Post reports that Gen Z workers in New York are using lunch breaks to cry, nap, hide in churchyards, or rent nap pods just to make it through the workday. Lunch used to mean a sandwich. Now it means emotional triage in a padded tube.

That’s today’s 3 in 3.

War with a service window.Tiger stepping away.And office life now apparently requires a recovery chamber.

Sources

Reuters on Trump saying the U.S. could end the Iran war in two to three weeks.

Reuters/AP and local reporting on Tiger Woods stepping away to seek treatment after the crash and DUI case.

New York Post on Gen Z workers using lunch breaks to nap and cry around New York City.

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