By Lana Manikowski
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The podcast currently has 144 episodes available.
After going through infertility treatments, including IVF, many women find themselves facing life without the child they hoped for. This journey of being childless not by choice is filled with grief, heartache, and often, a deep sense of comparison. You may be asking yourself questions like, “Why can’t my life look like hers?” or “What am I supposed to do now without the milestones of motherhood to guide me?”
In this episode, I want to remind you that while it’s natural to compare yourself to others, it’s not where your fulfillment lies. You can begin to break free from those comparisons and create a life that is rich with meaning—even when it doesn’t involve children.
We’ll talk about what it looks like to reclaim your body after years of IVF and fertility treatments, let go of the idea that motherhood is the only path to joy, and start building a future that excites and fulfills you.
Imagine waking up each morning, no longer weighed down by the question of “What if?”
Instead, you’re filled with the excitement of new possibilities.
You’re investing in your passions, learning new things, and finding ways to make a difference in the world. Your body feels like a place of strength again—not because you had a baby, but because you’re learning to appreciate what it can do, how it moves, and the joy it brings you in everyday moments.
This episode is all about helping you stop comparing your life to others and start living with purpose, joy, and fulfillment.
Your life, just as it is, has so much beauty to offer.
Links and Resources:
Subscribe & Review: If today’s episode spoke to you, please consider subscribing and leaving a review. Share your thoughts, let me know how this episode helped you, and spread the word so we can reach more women who are on this journey of being childless after infertility and IVF.
You don’t have to navigate this alone—together, we can find meaning and fulfillment beyond comparison.
If you’re childless after infertility treatments, you are not alone, even though it might feel like you are. In this episode, I open up about my personal journey through seven years of fertility treatments, only to end up without the child I dreamed of. I know firsthand how devastating and isolating this experience can be. What most women don’t realize is that these feelings—grief, confusion, loss of purpose—are prevalent among women who have undergone IVF or fertility treatments without having a child.
But here’s the truth: most fertility clinics don’t offer the support or resources to help you make sense of life after treatments. We’re left to navigate this uncharted, unexpected path without guidance. That’s where today’s episode comes in. I’ll walk you through the 10 most common struggles women face after unsuccessful fertility treatments, and more importantly, I’ll show you how you can begin to shift your perspective so these struggles no longer define your life.
Key Points from This Episode
1. Grief and Loss
Grieving after infertility is specific and complex.Grieving the loss of your dream of motherhood is deep and often unacknowledged by others. It doesn’t have to define you forever.
2. Identity and Purpose
When motherhood doesn’t happen, it can feel like you’ve lost your identity. But there is so much more to you than the title of “mom.” You can redefine your life and find purpose in a way that is fulfilling.
3. Feelings of Failure
It’s easy to feel like your body failed you, but infertility is not your fault. Learning to release self-judgment is crucial to moving forward and finding peace.
4. Compassion and Jealousy
Seeing friends and family share milestones with their children can lead to feelings of comparison and jealousy. But you can release those feelings and celebrate your own unique journey.
5. Isolation
Infertility and childlessness can be isolating. You’re not alone in feeling this way. Finding a community that truly understands what you’re going through is important.
6. Relationships with Partners
Infertility puts a strain on relationships, but it’s possible to reconnect with your partner in a deeper way once you release the weight of grief.
7. Navigating Friendships
Being the only childless friend in your circle can feel isolating, but your friendships can evolve, and you can still find meaningful connection.
8. Cultural and Social Expectations
Society places a lot of pressure on women to find purpose in motherhood. However, you define your own success, and it doesn’t have to include children.
9. Uncertainty About the Future
When your future no longer includes children, it can feel like you’ve lost direction. But you can create a new vision for your life that feels exciting and full of possibility.
10. Fear of Aging Alone
The fear of growing old without children is real, but you can build meaningful relationships and a support system that gives you love and care throughout your life.
Why This Episode Matters:
The feelings you’re experiencing after leaving fertility treatments without a child are not unique to you. They are incredibly common, yet rarely talked about. Most fertility clinics don’t provide resources for women in this situation, which leaves us feeling alone. But you don’t have to stay stuck in these feelings forever. There is a way to shift your perspective and move from merely surviving to thriving.
In this episode, I share how the women I’ve helped through my Thrive After Infertility Mastermind have shifted their lives from being consumed by grief and loss to feeling fulfilled and hopeful for the future. As someone with an advanced certification in grief and post-traumatic growth, I understand the weight you’re carrying, and I’m here to help you transform your life.
Resources Mentioned:
Thrive After Infertility: A 12-week coaching program for women who are childless after infertility, and craving a sisterhood with women who are ready to thrive and feel fulfilled without the children you always dreamed of
-Free Thrive Call: Ready to explore what’s next for you? Let’s get on a free call and create a plan that helps you move forward.
- Free Resource: Grab my free guide, *“The Top 27 Things People Say When You’re Childless and How to Respond”*.
Join the Conversation
Have you experienced any of these struggles? How are you working through them? Connect with me on Instagram @lana.manikowski and let’s continue this important conversation. Remember, you don’t have to navigate this journey alone.
Welcome to another episode of The "So Now What?" Podcast! This week, we’re diving into the important topic of body image after infertility—a struggle many women face when their journey to motherhood didn’t go as planned. If you’ve been feeling disconnected or resentful toward your body after years of fertility treatments, this episode is for you.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why body image struggles are common for women who are childless after infertility.
How to begin the process of healing your relationship with your body by focusing on what your body does for you every day.
The benefits of gentle movement and why it’s important to move your body with kindness.
How to embrace body neutrality as a step toward self-acceptance, even if body positivity feels out of reach right now.
Practical self-care tips to help you reconnect with your body, including writing down three things you’re grateful for each day.
This episode also touches on self-compassion and how small shifts in how you think about your body can lead to big changes in how you feel about it. Whether it's appreciating that your body allows you to take a walk, or simply that it keeps you alive each day, reconnecting with your body is possible—one step at a time.
Lana also introduces her Fall Thrive After Infertility Mastermind, a 12-week coaching program designed to support you through challenging holidays like Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. You’ll get the tools and community to help you thrive, even when it feels like life didn’t go according to plan.
Key Takeaways from This Episode:
Body Image After Infertility: Understanding why infertility can make you feel disconnected from your body and how to start healing.
Gentle Movement and Self-Care: How small acts of kindness, like yoga or a walk, can help you feel more connected to yourself.
Body Neutrality: Why you don’t have to love your body right away, but you can learn to accept and care for it.
Want More Support?
Get the replay of Lana’s free class on handling awkward questions about not having kids. Just email her at [email protected] or DM her on Instagram.
Join the Fall Thrive After Infertility Mastermind: Learn more about this supportive, transformative program here.
Download Lana’s free guide: The Top 27 Things People Say When You’re Childless and How to Respond at LanaManikowski.com/thingspeoplesay.
In this episode, Lana dives into the complex emotions that can arise when you’re the only one in your group of friends who is childless after infertility. If you've ever felt like an outsider among your BFFs as they talk about their kids, this episode is for you. Lana explores how to maintain meaningful connections, even when your life looks different from those around you. She shares personal stories and practical advice on how to embrace your unique journey, reclaim your relevance in your friendships, and feel empowered in your childless future.
What You’ll Learn:
Key Takeaways:
Resources Mentioned:
Support the Podcast: If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating and reviewing the podcast. Screenshot your review and send it to Lana to receive a $5 Starbucks gift card as a thank you! Your reviews help other women who are searching for resources to find the support they need.
Stay Connected:
Thank you for listening! Remember, it's never too late to discover your meaning and fall in love with your life again. Tune in next week for another empowering episode.
Welcome to this week's episode of The "So Now What?" Podcast! In this episode, we're diving into a subject that many women who are childless after infertility can relate to—managing emotions during back-to-school season when you weren’t able to have kids. This time of year can bring a mix of emotions—sadness, frustration, comparison, and even a deep sense of loss—as you see friends, family, and social media filled with photos of children heading off to school.
For those of us who went through infertility treatments and now find ourselves living a life without children, back-to-school season can be a stark reminder of what we hoped for and what didn’t come to pass. It’s easy to feel as though life is moving forward for everyone else while you’re stuck watching from the sidelines. In this episode, we’ll explore how to manage these emotions with self-compassion and how to break free from the comparisons that can drain your joy and sense of worth.
What to Expect in This Episode:Why Back-to-School Season is Emotionally Difficult for Women Who Are Childless After Infertility: We’ll discuss the complex emotions that can arise during this time of year—whether it’s seeing kids with their backpacks heading off to their first day of school or hearing friends share their back-to-school routines. We’ll explore how these reminders can trigger grief and feelings of being left out.
How Comparison Undermines Your Wellbeing: Comparison is a common reaction, especially for women who are childless after infertility. We’ll break down why women in this situation often find themselves comparing their lives to those of women with children, and how this comparison cycle can prevent you from fully embracing your life.
Validating Your Feelings: It’s important to give yourself permission to feel the sadness, anger, or jealousy that can surface during back-to-school season. I’ll share why acknowledging and validating your emotions is essential, and how it can actually be a powerful step toward healing.
Practicing Self-Compassion: We’ll talk about how to be gentle with yourself when feelings of self-judgment creep in. It’s common to think that your life is lacking or that you’re somehow less worthy because you didn’t have children. I’ll offer practical strategies to help you show yourself more kindness and acceptance.
Reframing the Back-to-School Experience: While back-to-school season can be challenging, it’s also an opportunity to shift your focus toward celebrating the unique and fulfilling life you’ve built. We’ll explore how you can create new traditions during this time of year that reflect your growth and achievements—whether or not they involve children.
If you’ve gone through infertility treatments and ultimately didn’t have children, back-to-school season can be a particularly emotional time. It can feel like a constant reminder of what you longed for and the life you imagined. Everywhere you turn, there are photos and stories of children going off to school, which can stir up feelings of grief, longing, and exclusion.
But it’s important to remember that you are not alone in these feelings. Many women who are childless not by choice experience these same emotions, and they’re valid. Through this episode, I want to offer you the tools to manage those emotions, so that back-to-school season doesn’t have to feel like a painful reminder of what didn’t happen, but rather a time for self-compassion, reflection, and growth.
Episode Takeaways:Understand why back-to-school season can be emotionally challenging for women who are childless after infertility.
Learn how comparison can undermine your sense of worth and prevent you from fully embracing your life without children.
Discover the importance of validating your emotions and showing yourself compassion during this emotional season.
Get practical tips for reframing your experience of back-to-school season and finding fulfillment in your own unique journey.
If back-to-school season has been tough for you, or if you’ve found yourself feeling triggered by the children and families around you, this episode is here to support you. Tune in to learn how to navigate these difficult emotions with grace and self-compassion, and how to find peace—even when your life looks different than what you once imagined.
Links and Resources:Free Guide - The Top 27 Things People Say When you are Childless (..and how to respond): Get your copy here
Sign up for my FREE coaching class on September 10th: Click here to registerThis class will teach you how to confidently handle the question, “How many kids do you have?” with ease and strength.
Join the conversation: Follow me on Instagram @lana.manikowski to connect with a community of women who understand what you’re going through. Share your story, offer support to others, and let’s lift each other up as we continue to thrive, even after infertility.
Thank you for tuning in to this week’s episode. Your journey is uniquely yours, and it’s my honor to be a part of it. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need to hear these words.
Remember: You are worthy, you are loved, and your life matters—just as it is.
Welcome and Personal Update
Vacation Preparation: Lana discusses the anxiety she felt as she prepared for her first vacation since leaving her corporate job, and how this trip is a significant change from her previous work-focused vacations.
Upcoming Free Coaching Class
Free Webinar Announcement: Lana is hosting a free coaching class on September 10th at 6 PM CT. This session is designed to help those who struggle with responding to the question, "Do you have children?"
Registration Details: You can sign up here: Sign Up for the Free Webinar. For those unable to attend live, a replay will be sent to all registered participants.
Today's Topic: Unpacking Anxiousness Around Vacation
Working with a Life Coach: Lana explains how her recent session with her life coach brought up feelings of anxiety related to not working during her vacation. This was the first time she would be traveling without the responsibilities of her former corporate job.
Past Corporate Life: Lana reflects on her time working in the medical field, where she often felt tethered to her job even during vacations. She recounts moments where she would hide in the bathroom to take work calls, illustrating how deeply her identity was tied to her work.
The Link Between Work and Self-Worth
Job as Identity: Lana discusses how, for many women who are childless not by choice, their careers become a major source of validation and worthiness. She shares her own experience of feeling successful and validated through her job, especially after the emotional toll of infertility treatments.
Common Struggles in Life After Infertility: Lana touches on how many women in her Thrive After Infertility Mastermind program face similar challenges—using work as a way to measure success and self-worth, often driven by the label of being a "failed patient" in fertility treatments.
Coaching Insights: Learning to Relax
Feelings Work: During her coaching session, Lana did some “feelings work” to identify where her anxiety was manifesting physically. This exercise helped her realize she had difficulty relaxing and not working on vacation.
Nervousness About Free Time: Lana also uncovered nervousness about spending uninterrupted time with her husband, despite their close relationship and shared love for travel. She questioned whether she knew how to enjoy downtime without the distraction of work.
Reframing Vacation: By the end of her coaching session, Lana decided to allow herself to fully enjoy her vacation without the pressure to work. She prepared her business tasks in advance and planned to focus on reading—a goal aligned with her vision board.
Vision Board and Intentions for Vacation
Choosing Activities Over Work: Lana shares how she selected two books to bring on vacation, aiming to replace any urges to work with reading. She emphasized the importance of aligning her vacation activities with the intentions on her vision board, which included relaxation and quality time with her husband, not working.
Vision Board Inspiration: Lana encourages listeners to revisit her Instagram post from August 7th to see her vision board, which visually represents her goals for relaxation and connection during her vacation.
Final Thoughts and Invitation to Connect
Free Coaching Session Offer: If this resonates with you and you'd like to talk through anything that's been holding you back, I’d love to help. You can schedule a free Thrive Session with me using this link: Schedule a Thrive Session.
Conclusion
Encouragement: Lana closes the episode by acknowledging that none of us need to work during vacation and encourages listeners to embrace relaxation and enjoyment fully.
Welcome back, gorgeous! By the time you listen to this, I’ll be in Turek, Poland, celebrating a family wedding. As excited as I am about this trip, I want to share something equally important with you—how to let go of the disappointment that often follows unsuccessful IVF and infertility treatments. If you’re struggling with feelings of failure or sadness because you couldn’t have children after all your efforts, this episode is for you.
Free Webinar: How to Handle Awkward Questions About KidsBefore we dive in, I want to remind you about a free webinar I’m hosting on September 10th at 6 PM Central Time. This class is designed to help you navigate those awkward and painful moments when someone asks, “Do you have kids?” We’ll discuss how to respond with confidence and self-compassion. If you can’t attend live, you’ll receive a replay—just make sure to register here.
Understanding the Root of Disappointment After IVFIn this episode, we explore how disappointment often stems from self-judgment. When you’ve tried everything to become a mother and it hasn’t worked out, it’s easy to feel like you’ve let yourself and others down. But is this disappointment truly warranted? We’ll discuss how to reframe these feelings and stop allowing them to define your self-worth.
Why Disappointment Feels So OverwhelmingFeeling disappointed in yourself can be exponentially more painful than being disappointed in others. We talk about why these emotions can be so powerful and how they often keep us from trying new things out of fear that we won’t meet our expectations. Learn how to quiet the loud voice of disappointment and take steps toward self-forgiveness.
Creating a New Narrative for YourselfLiving a life of disappointment is not something you signed up for, and it’s certainly not something you deserve. We’ll explore how to create a new narrative—one where you’re not defined by your ability to have children, but by your strength, resilience, and the meaningful life you can still build. This is a crucial part of the work we do in the Thrive After Infertility Mastermind.
Letting Go of Perfectionism and Embracing AcceptanceMany women who undergo fertility treatments are high achievers, accustomed to setting goals and reaching them. When motherhood isn’t one of those achievements, it’s easy to feel like a failure. In this episode, I discuss how to let go of the perfectionism that might be holding you back and embrace acceptance and self-compassion instead.
Personal Stories of Disappointment and HealingI share my own journey with disappointment—how I felt like I let down my family, my husband’s family, and myself. We’ll talk about the healing power of realizing that you are not a disappointment and that it’s okay to let go of these negative emotions.
Schedule a Free Thrive SessionIf this episode resonates with you and you feel stuck in your journey, I’m here to help. You can schedule a free Thrive Session with me to talk through the things that are holding you back and start working towards a more fulfilled and joyful life. Book your session here.
Get Your Free Resource: 27 Things People Say When You're Childless and How to RespondFinally, I’ve created a resource that I think you’ll find invaluable—27 Things People Say When You’re Childless and How to Respond. It’s free and available here!
Thank you for listening! Remember, it’s never too late to discover your meaning, and you are not defined by your ability to have children. Have a beautiful week, and I’ll catch up with you from Italy next time!
Sign Up for the Free Webinar: Register Here
Connect with Me: https://lana-manikowski.myflodesk.com/webinar
Instagram: @LanaManikowski
YouTube: Lana Manikowski
Free Download: The Top 27 Things People Say When You are Childless
Hey there, lovely listeners! Did you know I have a YouTube channel? Yes, I do! You can watch the video version of this podcast, including some fun outtakes, on my YouTube channel at Lana Manikowski on YouTube.
This week, I want to share something that hit me deeply: the parallels between the journey of Olympic athletes and women who undergo fertility treatments. Watching a recent track and field event, I couldn't help but notice how much their experiences resemble ours. Let's dive into it.
The Journey of PreparationBoth Olympic athletes and women undergoing fertility treatments spend years preparing for a single dream. Athletes dedicate themselves to grueling training regimens, strict diets, and countless sacrifices. Similarly, you might have faced numerous medical procedures, hormonal treatments, and financial burdens, all with the hope of becoming a mom.
Facing DisappointmentDespite all the preparation, not all athletes win a medal. Similarly, many women complete their fertility journey without becoming a mom. The emotional toll, the physical exhaustion, and the financial strain can be overwhelming. But both journeys are marked by an incredible amount of perseverance and strength.
The Role of Support SystemsAthletes rely on coaches, teammates, and family for support. For those of us going through fertility treatments, the support system might include partners, doctors, nurses, or online communities. Sadly, not everyone has access to a robust support system, making the journey even more challenging.
Psychological StrengthThe mental resilience required to face setbacks, whether it's an athlete missing a medal or a woman navigating failed fertility treatments, is immense. The emotional highs and lows, the waiting, the uncertainty—it all takes a toll. But remember, it's okay to grieve, to feel lost, and to seek support.
Moving ForwardJust as Olympic athletes find new paths after their sports careers, women who conclude their fertility journey without becoming moms can find new meanings and joys in life. It's not about giving up; it's about finding a different path that brings fulfillment and happiness.
Join Thrive After InfertilityIf you're ready to move forward and thrive, my program "Thrive After Infertility" might be just what you need. The next class starts on October 1st. Let's work together to ensure you don't carry the burden of not becoming a mom forever. You can find more details on my website.
Free ResourceBefore you go, I want to share a fantastic resource I created: "The Top 27 Things People Say When You're Childless...and How to Respond." You can download it for free on my website. It's a great tool to help you navigate those sometimes uncomfortable conversations.
ConclusionThank you for joining me this week. Remember, it's never too late to discover your meaning and find joy in your life. I'll be checking in from Poland next week. Until then, I love you and I'm here for you.
Hey there! It's been quite a week in the media, and I felt compelled to address some comments circulating about childless women being miserable. As someone who deeply values integrity, especially in my role as a life coach supporting women crafting fulfilling lives without children, I want to make it clear: this isn't about politics, and it never will be. My goal here is to provide a space where all women, regardless of political affiliation, can feel supported and understood.
This week's episode is a response to the myth that women who are childless are inherently unhappy. As someone who once immersed myself in politics, even working in Washington, D.C., I understand the power of narratives. But as I shifted my focus to life coaching, I chose to step back from the constant news cycle, focusing instead on creating a positive and supportive environment.
I rarely watch the news now, and some might say I live in a bubble. To that, I say, yes, I do—and I value the peace it brings me. It's important to me to curate my environment, choosing what influences I allow in. While I care deeply about the future, my energy is better spent fostering a supportive community for women like us—women who are childless, not by choice, but because of infertility.
The idea that childless women are miserable is a damaging stereotype rooted in outdated societal expectations. It suggests that a woman's worth and happiness are tied solely to her ability to have children. But this couldn't be further from the truth. Many women, whether by choice or circumstance, lead rich, fulfilling lives filled with purpose and joy. That's the message I share weekly on this podcast.
Experiencing childlessness, especially after infertility, can indeed bring moments of deep sadness or even misery. These feelings are valid and normal. It's essential to acknowledge them without self-judgment. Remember, it's okay to have days that aren't filled with joy. This doesn't mean you're failing or destined for a life of unhappiness. It simply means you're human.
Fulfillment doesn't come from one single source, like motherhood. It's found in relationships, hobbies, careers, personal growth, and so many other areas. Happiness and purpose are not linear; they come from a diverse range of experiences. We are multifaceted beings, capable of finding joy and meaning in various aspects of our lives.
If you're feeling stuck in sadness or finding it hard to move past these negative feelings, now might be the time to explore new communities and support systems. Whether it's through a local group, social media, or programs like my "Thrive After Infertility Mastermind," connecting with others can be a powerful way to rediscover joy and purpose.
To those who believe that childless women are miserable, we can't change everyone's mind. But we can change how we see ourselves. It's about proving to ourselves that we can create and enjoy a fulfilling life. If you're feeling down or questioning your worth, remember that you're deserving of happiness and fulfillment, just like anyone else.
Life is full of ups and downs, and that's okay. It's about embracing the full spectrum of emotions and not judging ourselves for feeling anything less than perfect. Happiness and sadness can coexist, and that's what makes our journey authentic and meaningful.
As you navigate these challenging emotions, remember that you're not alone. It's never too late to find meaning and create a life you love. I hope you have a beautiful week, filled with moments that remind you of your worth and potential. I love you all, and I can't wait to connect with you again next week. Take care!
On this episode, we're diving into a topic that often gets overlooked: embracing abundance after infertility. It's something many of us struggle with because we rarely see examples of women thriving in a life that doesn't include motherhood. That's precisely what inspired me to start this podcast — to fill that gap and provide a space where we can explore where these communities exist, how to navigate difficult interactions with those who don't understand, and finding acceptance and peace on our unique paths.
I remember vividly the moment my reproductive endocrinologist gently recommended against further IVF cycles. It was like a ton of bricks crashing down, leaving me unsure of what lay ahead. Deciding not to pursue adoption or egg donation wasn't easy either. I wasn't prepared to just bounce back; healing takes time, and it's okay to sit with those emotions.
If you're feeling lost in this journey right now, please know you're not alone. There's no timeline for healing, no one-size-fits-all approach. But when you're ready to take that next step toward reclaiming your life and finding joy again, that's what today's episode is all about.
Navigating conversations where people offer well-meaning but insensitive remarks can be challenging. "Just relax, it'll happen," or "You can always adopt," aren't always helpful. It's important to assert our boundaries and share our stories authentically. You deserve to be heard and respected in your journey.
Finding supportive communities is crucial. While social media can be a lifeline, it's also important to curate your feed mindfully. Surround yourself with voices that uplift and inspire you. Consider joining support groups or programs like Thrive after Infertility, where you not only find connection but also actionable steps to shape a life you love.
Creating or joining local meetups can also be incredibly fulfilling. I started one myself, and it's grown into a vibrant community of women celebrating life beyond motherhood. It's about finding spaces where you can be yourself, where you don't have to explain or justify your path.
As you embark on this journey of rediscovery, think about who you want to be six months from now. Take small steps toward that vision, whether it's engaging more deeply with supportive communities or setting boundaries on social media. Your journey is unique, and your path forward is yours to define.
If you're looking for practical tips on handling insensitive comments or starting conversations about your journey, check out this free resource I created just for you. It's call The Top 27 Things People Say When you Are Childless...and How to Respond.
Remember, it's never too late to redefine what brings meaning to your life. Thank you for being here with me today. I cherish our time together and look forward to connecting again next week.
Until then, take care of yourself and know that you're not alone on this journey. You are seen, you are heard, and your story matters. Here's to embracing the abundance that awaits us all.
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