We all have stories we tell ourselves about who we are and how life should be, even if those stories are subconscious. To keep those stories alive, you expect everything outside of you to cooperate. If your story is that you’re creative, can’t sit still and need a lot of variety, you may expect your jobs and relationships to adjust to your changing whims. And when they don’t cooperate, you cling even tighter to your story and push against reality. This results in struggle: when reality doesn’t match your story and you choose to believe your story (mostly unconsciously). Struggle is painful, but it’s also painful to give up the struggle because you’ve done it for so long; it feels safe and familiar.

A common story is “I’m alone, nobody wants me, I’m not good enough.” Then what happens is your actions support it so you keep creating your single status. Dating is a struggle because it goes against your “I’m alone” story. Instead of choosing reality (there are available people out there and you can have a relationship), you cling to your story, keeping you in struggle. The alternative to struggle is ease and happiness, and it happens through surrendering to reality. When you let go of your illusions about yourself and how life should be, you’re free. Challenging your stories, opening yourself up and surrendering to what’s possible gives you a one-way ticket out of Struggle-ville.