This week starts with a high-stakes investigation: is the apartment’s latest intruder a roach or something worse? Liz reminisces about the time she got engaged to a bag of Doritos, talks about all her exes getting pregnant at the same time, and makes the case for why being a lover girl is still elite even if it means crushing on athletes who give facetime tattoo tours. As always, your boy problems take center stage, so keep them coming because we are obsessed.