The Therapist Perspective

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How do you know if your partner is truly CHANGING or BEHAVING?   If you have asked your partner to change aspects of their person that is hurting the relationship, it is good to know if their efforts are real.  Most of the time our partner are "Behaving".   It is important that we know if our partner truly working on Changing toxic behavior.  This episodes provides helpful information about what the differences are between changing and behaving.  

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It is one of the most common communication barriers that I notice as a therapist.  The act of filling in the blanks.  When we don't fully know or understand something, we fill in the blanks with our own thoughts.  The problem tends to be that we usually get it wrong.  It gets in the way of truly understanding the needs of our partner and the relationship.  This episodes goes over the reasons we do it and how we can start changing this bad habit. 

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 Gender roles provide an idea of who we need to be in society and in relationships.  But do gender roles help or harm relationships?   Many people feel that if men and women were better at understanding their roles that couples would be better for it.  Others believe that gender roles get in the way.  Listen to get my perspective about the affects of gender roles in relationships.  

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Confronting truth is one of the most difficult things we can do.  It can keep us in unhappy relationships.  It can slow down our personal progress.  We often do not even realize that we have created stories to help us deal with reality.  When we are able to confront truth, we allow ourselves to better understand how we affect our relationships and we can better understand our relationship with ourselves.  
If you want to have a healthy relationship with the people in your life and with yourself, you must learn to identify the stories that we tell ourselves and confront the truth.  

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This questions has generally frustrated me.  For a very long time I did not agree with people's "secrets to marriage".   My wife and I are confident that we have narrowed down one very important aspect to secure a happy relationship.  When we understand that the rules for a happy relationship have changed, we become better equipped to to create healthy relationships.  

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What do you consider a successful relationship?  Longevity is not the bet metric for success.  Success in a relationship means fulfilling the promises that were made at the start of the relationship.  In this episode I review 5 key features to happy relationships.  
The goal is to be happier than the day you first made your commitment to your partner.   It is possible.  

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Abuse is not always easy to identify.  Many people may be in an abusive relatioship and not even know it.  Society has a way of normalizing abusive relationships.   It is important to know if you may be in an abusive relationship since it can give you a fair opportunity to do something about it.  
It can be difficult to identify an abusive relationship since they can be highly manipulative.  This episodes provides perspective on the spectrum of abuse and how to spot abuse in a relationship.  

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Leaving a relationship can be a very difficult thing to do.  This episode focuses on better understanding when to leave a relationship.  There is a difference between working on a relationship and surviving in a relationship.   
We owe it to ourselves to have the best opportunity to be happy with our partner.  When we understand ourselves and take accountability for our happiness,  we are put in a position that may require a series of courageous decisions.  

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As therapists my wife and I frequently encounter unhealthy views about sex in a relationship.  This episode addresses important myths about sex in relationships.  It's important to distinguish the difference between intimacy and sex.  We tend to have many misconceptions about how much sex couples should be having and about men's need to have sex.  
When a couple can figure out how to improve true intimacy, their relationship with sex naturally improves.  

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Self-esteem is more than just a feeling.  A person can have high self-esteem and be insecure at the same time.  It's because of how we define self-esteem.  Getting to know your true self is the key to sustainable self-esteem.   It takes time to create a sustainable sense of self.  Listen to understand the difference between superficial self-esteem and genuine self-esteem.  


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