The Gang talks best and worst of karaoke and goes Irish in an attempt to woo more American audiences. Tim forgets some material and Luke sees the weirdest form of the elephant man. Heather tries to lay down some bars and Livy puts on an all-out beatbox concert you won’t want to miss. Plus, a call in from the North Pole from good ol’ Dr. Fauci! Turns out, it’s pretty dang tough to swab an elf. 

Big thanks to our sponsors of this episode!

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The Gang ponders the mysterious world of life before the internet. Livy confesses to not knowing the difference between the metaverse and matrix, and recounts getting sexually harassed by an elderly lady. Luke reads a particularly vicious Amazon review of a disappointed hot sauce user. Tim develops dad-envy at the golf course. Plus, everyone’s favorite Norwegian rocker, Ulf Nerfgun, rings in the show with some classic Scandinavian holiday cheer! (Beware of Krampus). 

Thank you to our sponsors!

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Tim gives the new Beatles documentary his seal of approval and uses the inspiration to write a hit single with Luke! The Gang pretends to not be pretentious by pretending not to know what precocious means (don’t ask). Livy and Heather try to nail down what to get Tim for Christmas...even though he just wants a candle. Plus, a special call in from Mark Zuckerberg, who explains the true meaning of Meta and has a binary sneezing fit. 

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Uncommon Goods: To get 15% off your next gift, go to www.uncommongoods.com/HAWKINS 

Quip: Go to getquip.com/HAWKINS to get your first refill FREE and up to 40% off bundles!

Public Goods: Go to www.publicgoods.com/HAWKINS or use code HAWKINS at checkout to receive $15 off your first order with no minimum purchase!

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Tim gets a call from the most english englishman you’ve ever done heard. Levi joins the gang to give the outsider’s take on marriage and tell us about George Washington’s wooden...feet? Heather and Livy explain the art of feminine hair critique. Luke combines his two greatest passions into one push up. The gang decides that most people suck...and that they must be banished to a mug.

Big thanks to our sponsors!

Skylight Frames: For $10 off your purchase of a Skylight Frame, go to skylightframe.com and enter code TIM

Raycon: Visit www.buyraycon.com/HAWKINS to unlock exclusive deals up to 20% off your Raycon order!

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The gang is joined by comedian and good ol’ Tim pal, John Branyan! A masterclass ensues on the art of stand up and everyone tries out material, new and old, that you won’t want to miss. Resolved in this episode: God decides who’s funny and who’s not and the government can get over your fence if they so desire...probably. Luke speaks blasphemy of cotton candy and Livy counts down from ten. 

Big thanks to our sponsors!

Mack Weldon: For 20% off your first order, visit Mack Weldon.com/HAWKINS and enter promo code HAWKINS

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Public Goods: Go to publicgoods.com/HAWKINS or use code HAWKINS to receive $15 off your first order

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Tim cracks himself up and makes a list of lists. Luke officiates a wedding and could perhaps do yours as well. Livy ruins grilled cheese for everyone, forever. The gang laments multi-level marketing schemes and the perils of falling for one. 

Thanks to ShipStation for sponsoring this episode! Go to shipstation.com, click on the microphone at the top, and enter code HAWKINS to get a 60 day free trial. 

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Tim puts his whole life on the line on a mug. Luke turns out to be one of those anti-stop sign people. The gang decides that Hitler was bad. Livy and Tim sing a very special song about everyone’s favorite leafy bowl food. Jackson rants about the cheater-cheater pumpkin eaters. Plus, a special call in from Mr. Pope, who simply won’t hang up the phone! 

Thank you to our sponsors for this episode: 

Public Goods: Go to www.publicgoods.com/HAWKINS or use code HAWKINS at checkout to receive $15 off your first order with no minimum purchase!

StoryWorth: Go to www.StoryWorth.com/HAWKINS and save $10 on your first purchase!

Raycon: Visit www.buyraycon.com/HAWKINS to unlock exclusive deals up to 20% off your Raycon order!

Uncommon Goods: To get 15% off you next gift, go to www.uncommongoods.com/HAWKINS 

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Tim speaks with a strung out pilot who had a few too many vaccines. Turns out that Heather is the founder (of using) Ebay. Luke gives Tim the “no cap” deal on drip and ice, which goes great. Livy demands mashed potatoes and shares her latest impression of everyone’s favorite Founding Father! Baby Holland plays us out and is simply adorable. 

Big thanks to Mack Weldon for sponsoring this episode! For 20% off your first order, visit mackweldon.com/HAWKINS and enter promo code HAWKINS. 

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A dire call in from an ex-believer who had one too many fiber-one bars. Livy burps. Luke is open about his emotions and scavenges for everything in the Hawkins household (except banana laffy taffy). A theological debate ensues, culminating in Heather’s pronouncement of the best chick-fil-a sauce. Crappaw calls in to tell the gang he loves them and that he still has awful bowels!

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Back from popular demand, more epic vocal guitar from Livy you won’t want to miss! Tim describes his perfect mansion in heaven and laments the danger of caring about everything. Luke tries to predict the future of transportation and shares that his secret scammer is not yet gone. Plus, a very exciting family announcement from Tim’s oldest son, Spencer! Oh, and quick sand is fake, FYI.  

A big thanks to our sponsors!

Butcherbox: Now offering new members a 10–16 pound turkey FREE in their first box. Just go to ButcherBox.com/TIMHAWKINS to sign up.

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