The Topical

By The Onion

The Topical is the daily podcast from The Onion and Onion Public Radio, and the only podcast brave enough to ask: What if the news had sound effects? Join host Leslie Price each day as he barely scrat... more

4.6

14161,416 ratings

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FAQs about The Topical:

How many episodes does The Topical have?

The podcast currently has 258 episodes available.

The Topical episodes:

June 01, 2020 Florida Governor Deploys National Guard To Force Residents Back Into Malls, Movie Theaters
State officials are taking these drastic measures after millions of Florida residents continued to ignore government instructions to get back out there and save the economy.

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8min
May 29, 2020 NASA Curious How Folks Would Feel If They Hypothetically Already Launched A Manned Mars Mission That Didn’t Go So Hot
All conjecture, of course. Plus, top U.S. health officials announce a coronavirus vaccine is imminent, and would have actually been available weeks ago if people weren’t so hung up on being made sterile by it.

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9min
May 28, 2020 Authorities Receive List Of Demands From Increasingly Hostile Coronavirus
Destruction of PPE. Free rein in nursing homes. Mass disposal of all hand sanitizer. These are just a small portion of the demands issued today by the coronavirus that must be fulfilled within the next 24 hours, or else.

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8min
May 27, 2020 What Are ‘Coronavirus Parties,’ And Why Weren’t We Invited?
More cases of Covid-19 are being traced back to the irresponsible trend of ‘corona parties,’ leaving our reporter Kenneth Neeley to wonder why he hasn’t been invited to one yet even though he’s great at parties.

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10min
May 26, 2020 Heavenly Sources Confirm Jesus Christ Will Transfer To Iowa State University After Getting Grades Up
The once-academically troubled son of God was finally able to get his GPA up during this past semester at Western Iowa Tech Community College. We’ve got the latest on the next chapter of the messiah’s ongoing education.

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9min
May 25, 2020 Military Announces $2 Million Research Initiative To Find Out How Mother Of 3 Kathy Summers Able To Do It All
Department of Defense officials believe the mother’s impressive ability to care for her three energetic children and husband Landon while still carving out enough me-time to keep from pulling her hair out could have countless applications in the U.S. army.

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7min
May 22, 2020 Quarantine Leading To More People Taking In Foster Gimps
In these trying times where social isolation is the norm, companionship has become a top priority for many Americans. Which is why it’s no surprise more rescue subs than ever before are now finding their forever dungeon.

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10min
May 21, 2020 Benadryl Introduces New Controlled Coma Pills To Sedate Users For Entirety Of Allergy Season
Following today’s FDA approval for over-the-counter use, Benadryl’s new Sedate Plus could soon be alleviating your symptoms by forcing you into a deep state of unconsciousness for six months of allergy season.

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7min
May 20, 2020 U.S. To Combat Growing Disillusionment By Playing New National Pump-Up Anthem Throughout Country
The growing coronavirus death toll paired with weeks of social isolation is damaging the nation’s morale, but that all might be about to change. Hear how the U.S. plans to combat our collective sense of dread by blaring a brand-new national pump-up anthem at full volume across the country.

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8min
May 19, 2020 Americans React With Indifference After First Case Of Coronavirus Spreading To Pet Ferret
The coronavirus is claiming new victims today as the CDC announced the first confirmed case of Covid-19 in a ferret. Hear just how little of a shit American’s could give about the new discovery.

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8min

FAQs about The Topical:

How many episodes does The Topical have?

The podcast currently has 258 episodes available.

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