We’ve all had bad bosses.

We might have even been one. At the very least, we’ve probably let people down who counted on us.

We all carry burdens from our past that show up in how we lead. And we’re all confronting systems that foster toxic workplace cultures where overwork and blurred boundaries are the norm, spaces that don’t feel safe or generative, and where there is little to no accountability.

The question we face is simple, but urgent: How do we want to lead?

Our leadership can reinforce toxic systems and norms. Or we can learn to recognize our own burdens and do the work to become more aware, adaptable, and flexible. We can create spaces where people feel seen, heard, and valued, even when systems feel unstable or unfair.

Because leading is about deciding, in every moment, whether we respond from our burdens or from our values. 

And my guest today helps us reflect on those choices and decide how we want to lead through her own lived experiences with bad bosses. 

Mita Mallick is a Wall Street Journal and USA Today bestselling author who is on a mission to fix what’s broken in our workplaces. She’s a corporate change maker with a track record of transforming businesses and has had an extensive career as a marketing and human resources executive. 

Mallick is a highly sought-after speaker who has advised Fortune 500 companies and start-ups alike. She is a LinkedIn Top Voice and was named to the Thinkers 50 Radar List. She’s a contributor to Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, Adweek, and Entrepreneur. Mallick has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, Time Magazine, Forbes, Axios, Essence, Cosmopolitan Magazine and Business Insider.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• Three scenarios where leaders commonly shift into being bad bosses
• Key reasons why we tolerate bad bosses and what we can do to shift the culture
• Why Mita’s 13 archetypal bad bosses persist in our workplaces
• Why leaders have to invest time and connection in their team members if they want to retain them
• Why another executive coaching program will not fix a truly bad boss
• The number one skill leaders can focus on to become a better boss
• Why corporate America needs more humility and vulnerability

Learn more about Mita Mallick:

• Website
• Connect on LinkedIn
• Reimagine Inclusion: Debunking 13 Myths to Transform Your Workplace
• The Devil Emails at Midnight: What Good Leaders Can Learn from Bad Bosses

Learn more about Rebecca:

• rebeccaching.com
• Work With Rebecca
• The Unburdened Leader on Substack
• Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

• EP 102: Toxic Leadership: The True Cost of Workplace Trauma with Mita Mallick
• Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success, Adam Grant
• The Fearless Organization: Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace for Learning, Innovation, and Growth, Amy C Edmondson
• The Normalization Of Corruption In Organizations, Blake E. Ashforth and Vikas Anand
• Managing to be ethical: Debunking five business ethics myths, Linda Klebe Treviño and Michael E. Brown
• Examining the Link Between Ethical Leadership and Employee Misconduct: The Mediating Role of Ethical Climate, David M. Mayer, Maribeth Kuenzi, Rebecca L. Greenbaum
• The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, Bessel van der Kolk M.D.
• The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory: The Transformative Power of Feeling Safe, Stephen W. Porges
• Primal Leadership: Unleashing the Power of Emotional Intelligence, Prof Daniel Goleman PH D, Richard E Boyatzis, and Annie McKee
• Psychological Conditions of Personal Engagement and Disengagement at Work, William A. Kahn
• Emotional Intelligence: Theory, Findings, and Implications, John D. Mayer, Peter Salovey, David R. Caruso
• Working with Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman
• The 5Ds of Bystander Intervention - Right To Be
• EP 52: Charlie Gilkey: Leading With What Matters Most
• EP 85: Team Habits: Redefining Workplace Dynamics with Charlie Gilkey
• Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, Elizabeth Gilbert
• The Anxious Achiever: Turn Your Biggest Fears Into Your Leadership Superpower, Morra Aarons-Mele
• Sia - Unstoppable
• The Sopranos
• Breaking Bad
• Fresh Off the Boat
• The Fresh Prince of Bel Air

How we care for ourselves is inextricably connected to how we lead.

In a culture where we moralize health and sell wellness as a symbol of worth, where we’re obsessed with productivity and optimization, our relationships with food and our bodies go beyond personal struggles.

They shape how we lead, how we show up for others, and how we define success. When leaders model extreme routines, restrictive regimens, or performance-based wellness, they may unintentionally perpetuate shame and comparison–even if they intend to inspire or be helpful.

This isn’t a dismissal of health. Caring for our bodies, feeding ourselves well, and seeking movement that feels good and helps our bodies be strong are powerful acts of self-respect. 

But when an obsession with performance and purity–whether through hustle culture or “clean” living–erodes our self-trust and amplifies our inner critics, it becomes a leadership issue.

Today’s guest is an eating disorder specialist who understands how shame, perfectionism, and chronic striving get tangled up in how we feed and care for ourselves, and how we show up in the world. Unburdening our relationship with food and body isn’t just about health; it’s a powerful leadership move.

As a clinical psychologist, Dr. Jeanne Catanzaro has specialized in treating eating issues and trauma for close to 30 years. She trained in psychodynamic psychotherapy, Somatic Experiencing and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) before discovering the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model. Dr. Catanzaro served as the director of a day treatment program for eating disorders for two years and is currently the Vice President of the Internal Family Systems Institute. She is the author of the book, Unburdened Eating: Healing Your Relationships with Food and Your Body Using an Internal Family Systems Approach.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• Why unburdening our relationship with food and body is a continual process, not a three-step plan
• How to approach your motivations for how you eat and exercise with curiosity and compassion
• How diet culture isn’t just about weight, but reflects wider cultural and systemic beliefs about bodies, health, beauty, and worth
• How value judgments about how we and others eat protect us from vulnerability and reinforce hierarchies
• Why it’s impossible to fixate on your own body without your self-judgment rubbing off onto others
• Common wellness traps that can feed our inner managers and protectors at the expense of our core self-knowledge

Learn more about Dr. Jeanne Catanzaro:

• Website
• Unburdened Eating: Healing Your Relationships with Food and Your Body Using an Internal Family Systems Approach

Learn more about Rebecca:

• rebeccaching.com
• Work With Rebecca
• The Unburdened Leader on Substack
• Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

• Health Food Junkies Orthorexia Nervosa: Overcoming the Obsession with Healthful Eating, Steven Bratman, David Knight
• Health At Every Size: The Surprising Truth About Your Weight, Lindo Bacon
• Health at Every Size® (HAES®) Principles – ASDAH
• Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, Dr. Kristin Neff
• Jessica Wilson
• Sonya Renee Taylor
• Sabrina Strings
• Da'Shaun Harrison
• Jessica Knurick
• Evelyn Tribole
• Why Can’t Americans Sleep? - Jennifer Senior, The Atlantic
• Original Sin: President Biden's Decline, Its Cover-Up, and His Disastrous Choice to Run Again, Jake Tapper, Alex Thompson
• Celeste, Pete Kuzma
• Lincoln's Dilemma
• The Great British Baking Show
• The Breakfast Club
• The Buggles - Video Killed The Radio Star

What does it take to lead when your story becomes the story, and the stakes are survival and justice?

When you’ve experienced relational trauma or institutional betrayal, as Judith Herman wrote in Trauma and Recovery, “The ordinary response to atrocities is to banish them from consciousness.” 

But silence protects systems, not survivors.

When we do speak up, at best we’re often told to move on, and at worst we might face violent pushback. The stress and fear from the blowback can all too easily silence us and chip away at our integrity and adaptability if we don’t do the important work to address the toll it takes.

But when we give ourselves permission to feel the overwhelm, and still take one step forward, we shift from silence into action. Sometimes that step is public and loud. Sometimes it's private and steady. All of it counts. There is no one right way to advocate for change.

My guest today did more than just share her story; she used it to create meaningful change in her home state of Texas. In this conversation, we discuss what it means to bear the weight of your trauma while advocating for others, the emotional toll of being a public face for change, and what it looks like to keep showing up, even when the system makes it difficult.

Summer Willis is an endurance athlete, advocate, and mother of two who ran 29 marathons in a year to raise awareness for sexual assault survivors. She is the namesake of the Summer Willis Act, landmark consent legislation passed in Texas. Through storytelling, extreme challenges, and her nonprofit Strength Through Strides, she empowers others to turn pain into purpose.

Content note: discussion of sexual assault

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• The legal loophole in Texas law that ignited Summer’s drive to turn her worst experience into tangible change for millions of survivors
• How sharing her story and raising awareness and support for the law connected Summer to a wide community of survivors and allies when she was feeling isolated
• Why she decided to run 29 marathons before her 30th birthday while sharing her story, and how that challenge evolved into legislative advocacy
• How being an endurance athlete helped Summer through legislative challenges and setbacks to get the Summer Willis Act passed
• How Summer is bringing in lightness to her life after sharing her story over and over while trying to pass the bill
• Why taking the first step and learning along the way are crucial to shaping change

Learn more about Summer Willis:

• Website
• Strength Through Strides
• Instagram: @likesummerwillis

Learn more about Rebecca:

• rebeccaching.com
• Work With Rebecca
• The Unburdened Leader on Substack
• Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

• Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence–From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror, Judith Lewis Herman MD
• Dr. Dan Siegel
• Truth and Repair: How Trauma Survivors Envision Justice, Judith Lewis Herman MD
• Carol Gilligan
• EP 90: Engaged and Consistent Leadership: with Moms Demand Action Founder, Shannon Watts
• Moms Demand Action
• RAINN
• NoMore.org
• Joyful Heart Foundation
• Hisko Hulsing
• Chanel Miller
• The Wedding People, Alison Espach
• Taylor Swift - right where you left me
• Prime Minister
• Cobain: Montage of Heck

What do you care about these days? 

Caring is the currency of leadership, but here’s the paradox: when we care too much about too many things, we can lose sight of the things that truly matter. 

So the question is: How do you direct your energy toward what you value, without becoming overwhelmed by the sheer volume of things you could care about? 

The most effective leaders are those who can connect deeply with their teams, foster trust, and create a sense of safety and belonging. They lead with empathy, not just strategy.

But perfectionism and overfunctioning can lead us to feel like we need to be everything to everyone, at the expense of our well-being and, ultimately, the quality of our leadership.

For many of us, the path to effective leadership begins with finding your enough. When you shift your lens to honoring your enough, you stay connected to your values and to the people and causes that matter most to you, without tipping into exhaustion.

My guest today offers a model of what it’s like to care deeply without losing yourself in the process, and of finding joy and community along the way. 

Ashlee Piper is a sustainability expert, commentator, and speaker whose work has been widely featured on television and in print media. She is the author of Give a Sh*t: Do Good. Live Better. Save the Planet. and No New Things: A Radically Simple 30-Day Guide to Saving Money, the Planet, and Your Sanity.

Piper has spoken at the United Nations,  SXSW, and has a popular TED talk. She is the creator of the #NoNewThings Challenge, for which she received a 2022 Silver Stevie Award for Female Innovator of the Year, and is a professor of sustainability marketing. She holds a BA from Brown University and a master’s degree from the University of Oxford. She lives in Chicago in a home that’s 98 percent secondhand and can often be found singing Seal’s “Kiss from a Rose” at any not-so-fine karaoke establishment.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• How #NoNewThings grew from a personal 30-day goal to attracting thousands of participants and becoming a book
• How taking a break from consumption helped Ashlee refocus on the values and relationships that matter most
• How marketers game our mental and physical states to sell us things, and a simple way to bring awareness to our own consumption patterns
• Why #NoNewThings emphasizes intentionality with purchases over strictly not spending
• Why “sustainable” is the new “natural” and tips for making more informed choices
• How recognizing our “enough” makes space for building community, getting involved, and living our values

Learn more about Ashlee Piper:

• Website
• Instagram: @ashleepiper
• Substack: The Ethical Edit
• Give a Sh*t: Do Good. Live Better. Save the Planet.
• No New Things: A Radically Simple 30-Day Guide to Saving Money, the Planet, and Your Sanity

Learn more about Rebecca:

• rebeccaching.com
• Work With Rebecca
• The Unburdened Leader on Substack
• Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

• Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, Daniel Goleman
• Interpersonal Neurobiology - Dr. Dan Siegel
• EP 02: How Self-Leadership Saves You From The Relentless Drive To Succeed with Dr. Richard Schwartz
• EP 72: Identifying and Addressing the Burdens of Individualism with Deran Young & Dick Schwartz
• EP 131: Leadership, Accountability, and the Self: A Special Anniversary Conversation with IFS Founder Richard Schwartz
• Why 'Underconsumption' is a wild term - by Ashlee Piper
• Grandma Gatewood's Walk: The Inspiring Story of the Woman Who Saved the Appalachian Trail, Ben Montgomery
• Usher - Hey Daddy (Daddy's Home)
• Temptation Island
• Out of This World
• Small Wonder

We persist for what matters most—for the people we lead, and the people we love.

But persistence can start to feel like just another weight to carry, another demand that drains us. 

And people are tired. So many of us are balancing caregiving, leadership, advocacy, a constant firehose of urgent crises, and maybe sneaking in some rest. So sure, persistence sounds good, but how do we keep going without flaming out?

We learn how to prune our proverbial gardens.

Pruning, whether a tomato plant or an out-of-control to-do list, requires focusing on the present so we can remove what no longer serves, while protecting what still has life in it. It’s persistence in action. It’s what keeps us from burning it all down and walking away or from our commitments taking over our lives.

Today’s guest offers us a masterclass in persistence. She started small. When resistance showed up, she didn’t just push through. She revisited her vision. She stayed in relationship with mentors and worked in community. And over time, she has built a global movement for disability, visibility, equity, and justice.

On today’s 35th anniversary of the Americans with Disabilities Act, Tiffany Yu shares a reminder that persistence isn’t about doing it all right away or quitting when it’s too much. It’s about staying focused, refining our vision, and staying connected to supportive people and your mission.

Tiffany Yu is the CEO and Founder of Diversability, a 3x TEDx speaker, and the author of The Anti-Ableist Manifesto: Smashing Stereotypes, Forging Change, and Building a Disability-Inclusive World. She started her career at Goldman Sachs and was named to the 2025 Forbes Accessibility 100 List. At the age of 9, Tiffany became disabled as a result of a car accident that also took the life of her father.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• How the seeds of Tiffany’s disability activism were sown during her time at Georgetown
• How Tiffany’s delayed processing of her grief and trauma impacted her ability to connect with disabled joy
• Why it matters that all of us get invested in prioritizing accessibility and inclusion for the disability community
• Why accessibility is about more than just utility and needs to address the wholeness of people with disabilities
• What leaders can do now to craft more accessible and inclusive spaces and events
• The importance of community and using your influence to build bridges in the face of setbacks

Learn more about Tiffany Yu:

• Website
• Diversability
• Instagram: @imtiffanyyu
• Connect on LinkedIn
• The Anti-Ableist Manifesto: Smashing Stereotypes, Forging Change, and Building a Disability-Inclusive World

Learn more about Rebecca:

• rebeccaching.com
• Work With Rebecca
• The Unburdened Leader on Substack
• Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

• The Persist Network
• EP 134: Focus, Feel, Forward: Redefining Leadership for the Long Haul with Amanda Litman
• Janina Fisher
• Dr. Dan Siegel
• Stephen Porges, PhD
• Best Buddies International
• Stigma Fighters
• Made of Millions
• Francis Weller
• The Power of Exclusion | Tiffany Yu | TEDxBethesda
• Judith Heumann - Defying Obstacles in "Being Heumann" and "Crip Camp" | The Daily Show
• What My Bones Know, Stephanie Foo
• Benson Boone - Beautiful Things
• Severance
• Schitt's Creek
• Oppenheimer
• Reading Rainbow
• Arthur
• Mister Rogers' Neighborhood
• Shine Theory: Why Powerful Women Make the Greatest Friends
• The Problem with Positivity | Tiffany Yu | TEDxYouth@CaliforniaHighSchool

How do we lead in the face of fear, when the stakes feel sky high and relentlessly personal?

The realities of political violence, hostility, and burnout shape how we show up. And they can chip away at your generous heart, opening the path for cynicism and doubt.

But if we can focus on what matters most, feel through our emotions–and help others do the same–and orient our gaze forward to the vision of our lives, work, and world that we want, we create an energy that cynicism can’t easily break down, even through setbacks.

We need to protect our hope and conviction that change is possible. The future is not a done deal. We have choices about how it unfolds.

In this Unburdened Leader conversation, we explore what it takes to lead with clarity, protect our capacity, and still believe that change is possible, even when everything around us tries to tell us otherwise.

Amanda Litman is the cofounder and president of Run for Something, which recruits and supports young, diverse leaders running for local office. Since 2017, they’ve launched the careers of thousands of millennials and Gen Z candidates and in the process, changed what leadership looks like in America. She’s the author of two books: When We’re In Charge: The Next Generation’s Guide to Leadership and Run for Something: A Real-Talk Guide to Fixing the System Yourself, a how-to manual for people running for office.

Before launching Run for Something, Amanda worked on multiple presidential and statewide political campaigns. She graduated from Northwestern University and lives in Brooklyn with her husband, two daughters, and their sometimes rowdy dog.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• How Amanda and the team at Run for Something support candidates in the face of real and present fears for their safety
• Why Gen Z’s refusal to accept “the way things are done” is energy we need 
• Why Amanda believes in the optimism of looking to what is possible
• Why getting involved on the local level is a powerful counter to pessimism
• The major disconnect of pop leadership advice with how most people encounter leadership
• How our current moment is making leadership uniquely challenging, isolating, and exhausting
• Why leadership isn’t about being your full self at work, but about responsible authenticity

Learn more about Amanda Litman:

• Website
• Run for Something
• Instagram: @amandalitm
• TikTok: @amandalitman
• Bluesky: @amandalitman.bsky.social
• Facebook: @amanda.litman
• Connect on LinkedIn

Learn more about Rebecca:

• rebeccaching.com
• Work With Rebecca
• The Unburdened Leader on Substack
• Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

• Run for Something: A Real-Talk Guide to Fixing the System Yourself
• When We're in Charge: The Next Generation's Guide to Leadership
• Dark Winds
• Along Came Amor, Alexis Daria
• You Had Me at Hola, Alexis Daria
• The Breakfast Club

Nostalgia can be a balm. Especially when we’re in what feels like a never-ending season of upheaval and change, where every time we start to get our footing, something shifts yet again.

When we’re in the throes of change–in the liminal space, the in-between, the in-betwixt–we as human beings are neurologically wired to seek out what’s known, to reach for comfort and what feels like home. And nostalgia does that for us. It’s no wonder we look back fondly on simpler times, real or imagined.

Because nostalgia isn’t necessarily the truth. And nostalgia doesn’t always serve our growth. Connecting over “Remember when?” can too easily divide us when it becomes a rigid longing for a past that excludes and harms others or ignores painful truths.

So many of us are living and leading in the confusion, disorientation, and discomfort of these liminal spaces of change. Which is why I invited today’s guest to join me for a conversation about the pulls of nostalgia, the discomfort of liminal space, and the courage it takes to lead ourselves and others through uncertainty without losing our way.

Chris Hoff, PhD, LMFT is a narrative therapist, educator, podcaster, and founder of the California Family Institute. His work explores the intersection of psychotherapy, poststructural theory, and speculative futures. Chris is known for his ability to translate complex ideas into pragmatic tools for clients and clinicians alike. He is the host of The Radical Therapist Podcast and co-editor of An Encyclopedia of Radical Helping. Chris’s teaching, writing, and consulting center the creative, relational, and political dimensions of healing and change.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• How the concept of liminal space can help us normalize the push-pull of the known and the possible
• How the process of Narrative Therapy can help people reclaim agency and possibility 
• Why building coalitions with shared commitments is vital for making change across our differences
• How intentional scenario planning can help people and organizations see what they need to make the best-case scenario more likely
• How nostalgia can keep us stuck in problematic storylines about the past

Learn more about Chris Hoff, PhD, LMFT:

• Website
• California Family Institute
• The Radical Therapist Podcast
• Liminal Lab on Substack
• Instagram: @drchrishoff
• YouTube: @drchrishoff
• An Encyclopedia of Radical Helping, Erin Segal, Chris Hoff, Julie Cho

Learn more about Rebecca:

• rebeccaching.com
• Work With Rebecca
• The Unburdened Leader on Substack
• Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

• Man's Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl
• The Gift of Therapy: An Open Letter to a New Generation of Therapists and Their Patients, Irvin Yalom
• Narrative Therapy
• Collective Cultural Action | The Critical Art Ensemble
• Beyond Community | Liminal Lab
• Therapy Rocks! | Against Nostalgia | Liminal Lab
• Zen at the End of Religion: An Introduction for the Curious, the Skeptical, and the Spiritual But Not Religious, James Ishmael Ford
• Philosophy for Militants, Alain Badiou
• The Years of Theory: Lectures on Modern French Thought, Fredric Jameson
• The 1975 - Somebody Else
• Andor
• Valley Girl
• Some Kind of Wonderful

When you hear the word, feedback, what comes up for you?

Most of us do not have a neutral relationship with feedback. It’s tangled up with our past experiences, workplace power dynamics, cultural expectations, and–importantly–our early relational wounds.

But at its core, feedback is a deeply relational act that has the power to help us unburden rather than re-wound.

Which is why it’s so frustrating that feedback in leadership and workplace culture is so often done without care, rendering the process performative, detached, and isolating.

Some of the constraints that can hamper authentic feedback in the workplace are necessary and protective, but it feels like we’ve lost the plot for the role and purpose of feedback, and in some cases, have abandoned it altogether.

But it is possible to navigate these complex systems intentionally and with clarity. We can make feedback a tool for accountability, care, and growth that helps leaders strengthen their self-awareness and be better advocates for their teams.

My guest today helps us unpack how leaders can cultivate a feedback culture that allows for mistakes, growth, and realignment.

Therese Huston, Ph.D., is a Cognitive Neuroscientist and Faculty Development Consultant at Seattle University. She was the founding director of the university’s Center for Excellence in Teaching and Learning and is now a consultant for its Center for Faculty Development. Her latest book Sharp: 14 Simple Ways to Improve Your Life with Brain Science is out now from Mayo Clinic Press.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• Why how and where feedback is delivered matters just as much for positive feedback as negative
• Strategies for making feedback a supportive and generative dialogue
• Why it’s critical to allow others space to process your feedback before you start problem solving
• How starting with your authentic positive intentions can make others more receptive to feedback
• Why it’s worth ending the conversation by checking in about their takeaways
• How typical feedback can perpetuate disparities in the workplace, and steps leaders can take to change those dynamics
• A tip from Therese’s new book to help manage stress and difficult conversations

Learn more about Therese Huston, Ph.D.:

• Website
• Twitter: @ThereseHuston
• Connect on LinkedIn
• Let's Talk: Make Effective Feedback Your Superpower
• Sharp: 14 Simple Ways to Improve Your Life with Brain Science

Learn more about Rebecca:

• rebeccaching.com
• Work With Rebecca
• The Unburdened Leader on Substack
• Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

• Principles: Life and Work, Ray Dalio
• Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity, Kim Scott
• Nine Lies about Work: A Freethinking Leader's Guide to the Real World, Marcus Buckingham, Ashley Goodall
• The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever, Michael Bungay Stanier
• Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well Douglas Stone, Sheila Heen
• The 90 second life cycle of an emotion
• Leslie K. John
• Personality feedback is holding certain groups back – Textio
• Job Burnout At 66% In 2025, New Study Shows
• EP 123: Befriending Your Nervous System: Building Capacity for Regulation with Deb Dana
• The Frozen River, Ariel Lawhon
• Adele - Skyfall
• Shrinking

The leaders I work with want to be the kind of leaders who can handle complexity without defaulting to blame, shame, or shutting down.

But when visibility and accountability collide with unhealed relational wounding, it doesn’t matter how many books we’ve read or retreats we’ve attended; our bodies remember. And it can feel deeply uncomfortable.

Discomfort is part of the gig, though. If we let it, it moves us towards being better humans to ourselves and others. True accountability may not always lead to repair and reconnection, but it is a profoundly relational and humanizing practice led by values, justice, and grace.

But when discomfort turns to shame, accountability feels threatening rather than connective. And when we fear accountability and its discomfort, it causes more harm.

The work of unburdening is never entirely over, but as Dr. Richard Schwartz reminded me in today’s fifth anniversary conversation, the more unburdened we are, the more accountable we become. The more we desire justice. The more we want to see change. 

It’s a powerful affirmation of what’s possible when we commit to being Unburdened Leaders.

Richard Schwartz began his career as a systemic family therapist and an academic. Grounded in systems thinking, Dr. Schwartz developed Internal Family Systems (IFS) in response to clients’ descriptions of various parts within themselves. He focused on the relationships among these parts and noticed that there were systemic patterns to the way they were organized across clients. He also found that when the clients’ parts felt safe and were allowed to relax, the clients would spontaneously experience the qualities of confidence, openness, and compassion that Dr. Schwartz came to call the Self. He found that when in that state of Self, clients would know how to heal their parts.

A featured speaker for national professional organizations, Dr. Schwartz has published many books and over fifty articles about IFS.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• How being in Self allows us to act assertively without igniting defensiveness
• How IFS can help us maintain our empathy and compassion without burning out
• The challenges and risks of the rapid popularization of IFS via social media
• Why being in Self is a continuum not a binary
• Why Dr. Schwartz has a pep talk with his parts every day, even after decades of doing the work
• How he’s navigating increasing media exposure while staying true to his values and IFS principles
• How Self creates a natural desire for accountability in our inner and outer worlds

Learn more about Dr. Richard Schwartz:

• IFS Institute

Learn more about Rebecca:

• rebeccaching.com
• Work With Rebecca
• The Unburdened Leader on Substack
• Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Fear of the unfamiliar is a powerful force. 

And when it comes to autism, we don’t only have a knowledge problem, we have a courage problem. 

We’ve all seen or experienced the harm that comes with labels, bullying, and social exclusion. 

But reflexively protecting ourselves keeps us locked in a cycle of ignoring the need for real education beyond tropes or inspiration porn and keeps us from normalizing the varied needs and supports for autistics instead of perpetuating these supports as burdens or flaws.

So, how can we, as leaders, challenge ourselves to create a world where everyone is welcome—even those who don’t fit the mold? 

We invite autistic voices to the table and platform them in the spaces we live, work, and lead. And we face our fears and discomforts, without getting bogged down with perfectionism and focusing on simply doing the next right thing.

When our director of Health and Human Services is using his position to spread narratives about autistic people that are not only inaccurate, but dangerous, we have to embrace and speak up for inclusion. Inclusion isn’t always easy or efficient, but it makes us more prosperous as a community, and courage grows becomes a contagion.

Today’s conversation will help you consider how we can move past toxic, dehumanizing views about autistic people and start leading with more compassion and understanding.

Eric Garcia is the senior Washington correspondent for The Independent who authors its Inside Washington newsletter. He is also a columnist for MSNBC and the author of We're Not Broken: Changing the Autism Conversation. He previously worked at The Washington Post, The Hill, Roll Call, National Journal, and MarketWatch.

Meg Raby is an autistic female, children’s author of the My Brother Otto series, Speech Language Pathologist, writer for Scary Mommy and full time employee of the nation’s leading nonprofit in sensory inclusion, KultureCity. At any given moment, Meg is thinking about how to better love on the humans around her and how to create positive change without causing division.

Content note: Brief, non-descriptive mentions of suicide

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• How the anti-vaccine narrative around autism pulls resources from the actual work of improving outcomes for autistic people
• How our relational history can intersect with shame and perfectionism to make us fear a neurodivergent diagnosis
• How a deficits-based approach limits our ability to envision what a happy, fulfilling life looks like for autistic people
• How validating what’s often underneath fears about autism can more effectively start conversations that change minds
• Why making spaces neurodivergent affirming is ongoing work, not a checklist

Learn more about Eric Garcia:

• Website
• Twitter: @EricMGarcia
• Instagram: @EricMGarcia14
• We're Not Broken: Changing the Autism Conversation

Learn more about Meg Raby Klinghoffer:

• KultureCity
• Meg's Work at Scary Mommy
• Instagram: @author.meg.raby
• The My Brother Otto Series

Learn more about Rebecca:

• rebeccaching.com
• Work With Rebecca
• The Unburdened Leader on Substack
• Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

• Maintenance Phase: RFK Jr. and The Rise of the Anti-Vaxx Movement
• Maintenance Phase: RFK Jr. and The Mainstreaming Of The Anti-Vaxx Movement
• Scary Mommy: My Aging Parents Shocked Me By Walking Away From Our Relationship