By Rebecca Ching, LMFT
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The podcast currently has 115 episodes available.
What is your relationship with your dreams?
Not your goals or visions for the future, but the actual dreams that appear when you sleep?
Deepening our understanding of our dreams is not just a trailhead, but a transformative journey to better understanding ourselves, what drives us, what limits us, and what impacts our choices and behaviors.
Today’s guest, Selden “Dee” Kelley, urges us to take the time to reflect on dreams so that we can better understand how our inner systems are processing our present and our past. He reminds us of the profound power of witnessing our subconscious burdens, a process that validates our experiences and our desire to be seen and heard.
Dee is a lifelong learner. He holds five degrees in religion, psychology, an MBA, and a PhD in Industrial Psychology and Organizational Development. He served 18 years as the Pastor of the First Church of the Nazarene in San Diego and held various leadership and administration positions before becoming a pastor.
He has a deep passion for helping others discover the rich guidance that dream work can provide for their journey toward health and wholeness, and helps people connect with the power of their dreams as a pathway toward new insight, better decision-making, and improved creative thinking.
Content Note: Dee draws heavily from Jungian male-female archetypes. I want to note that the discussion of gender expands across the spectrum and is not limited to the male-female binary.
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When you are excited about something, how do you show up?
Do you wear excitement and passion on your sleeve for all to see?
Maybe your personality is more low-key and strategic, and it is less obvious when you're really excited about an idea, a vision, or being a part of something.
Or maybe you adapt and edit yourself, muting your responses to play it cool for fear you won’t be taken seriously.
Yes, it’s essential to consider your role, environment, and audience when you feel energized about something. But if we’re constantly focused on who we should be, how we should act, and what the right thing to say is, it’s hard to have hope and a vision for the future.
Meg Raby Klinghoffer does not feel weighed down by messages about playing it cool and downplaying her excitement and joy anymore. She is emphatically all in with helping others envision how the spaces where we live, work, and play can be inclusive for those with invisible disabilities. She is becoming a contagion to create spaces where we can all be welcome and feel comfortable being ourselves, from concerts to museums to schools and beyond.
Meg is the author of the My Brother Otto series, a Speech-Language Pathologist, a writer for Scary Mommy, and a full-time employee of KultureCity, the nation’s leading nonprofit in sensory inclusion. She is also autistic.
At any given moment, Meg is thinking about how to better love the humans around her and how to create positive change without causing division.
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What sparks your imagination?
What shuts down your capacity to imagine?
Where does your mind go when the stakes are high, and the pressure feels too great? Do you find yourself mentally preparing for the worst possible outcomes, as if you were rehearsing a play? Do you shut down or numb out to manage your fears and anxieties?
Our brains naturally seek comfort in the known or fill in the unknown with potential disasters. However, it takes conscious effort and practice to build the capacity to imagine positive outcomes when things feel bleak.
But we can counter overwhelm and despair by connecting with imaginative individuals who embody hope, curiosity, and possibility grounded in vision and action.
These visionary leaders remind us that something different is possible and that we can choose to take deliberate action to change the prevailing tides.
In this new series of Unburdened Leader conversations, I’ll be in dialogue with leaders who urge us to envision a future that's not just a distant dream, but a reality we can actively shape today.
Over the next few months, you will hear conversations that invite you to take meaningful action here and now that does not deplete but heals and energizes.
These visionary conversations will help you connect with your desire to see a way through the noise and do something different.
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What does it mean to you to live a life with no regrets? Is that even possible?
What if it’s less about avoiding regrets entirely and more about being clear on your values, dreams, and desires and combining that with intentional practices to build a life focused on things that matter to you and the world around you?
Of course, this takes work because we’re constantly pulled in many different directions and responding to many inputs, just trying to keep our heads above water.
To lead well, we must get clarity in our values and develop trusting relationships with our inner worlds and physical bodies.
Instead of chasing a life with zero regrets, we need to learn to respond well to our regrets in the moment. If we want to look back and feel good about how we responded, we can’t numb out or bypass; we must make amends and correct our course.
Today’s conversation is with a long-time friend and colleague who reminds us that living an aligned life is a meandering path, a life that is always stretched and tested. It's not always easy, but when we stay connected to our values, desires, and integrity, there can be ease and clarity even in the hard times.
Molly Mahar is the founder of Stratejoy, a community helping women reclaim intimate, honest, and joyful relationships with themselves for the good of all. She's an entrepreneur, mama, writer, and adventurer obsessed with designing personal experiments that scare you, telling the truth, and her new teardrop trailer. In this episode, Molly shares her journey of living an aligned life, her struggles, and the lessons she learned along the way.
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What do you want to be known for? And what actions do you take to be seen in that light?
What lengths do you go to to avoid being misunderstood and viewed differently than what you want to be known for?
What drives what you want to be known for, and what are your choices to uphold your desired image or reputation?
Most of us have multiple internal agendas that shape our decisions and how we show up and are seen by others and ourselves. Our values, fears, and burdens, internally and externally, drive us.
When we place our worth and safety solely in the hands of others, we go to great lengths to hold on to how we want to be perceived. Lengths that too often leave a wake of chaos, abuse of power, manipulation, and betrayal–all to maintain the illusion of control.
We need more leaders who give us hope and reverence for humanity and others. These leaders do the work to build their capacity for discomfort so that they can lead with conviction, humility, and a deep sense of connectedness bigger than their personal ambitions or fears.
Joining us today is a guest who embodies the principles we discuss on this podcast. Dee Kelley is a leader who leads with love and compassion, demonstrating the power of these qualities in leadership. Our conversation with Dee is a reminder that compassion and empathy are not signs of weakness, but rather, tools for personal growth and resilience.
Selden “Dee” Kelley is a lifelong learner and a beacon of knowledge. With five degrees, his academic prowess is unmatched. He served 18 years as the Pastor of the First Church of the Nazarene in San Diego, demonstrating his deep understanding of faith and its intersection with personal development.
A driving force in his life is to help others discover the rich guidance that dream work can provide for their journey toward health and wholeness. He now helps people connect with the power of their dreams as a pathway toward new insight, better decision-making and improved creative thinking.
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What are you deliberate about in your life?
What does living deliberately mean to you?
Would you say that you’re a deliberate person? Would those who know you say that you are deliberate in how you live your life and lead?
Living deliberately can be a real challenge, especially when we’re constantly dealing with unexpected issues and navigating through the many crises in our world. The pace of life is so fast, it often feels impossible to slow down and reflect before taking action.
But there’s something deeply important about being deliberate if we want to cultivate life, work, and relationships that align with our values. It is messy, awkward, and challenging, but it is so worth it.
Today’s guest has built a career that serves her personal needs, values, interests, and skills through deliberate action, even when it flies in the face of conventional wisdom about entrepreneurship.
Our guest today, Laura Roeder, is a true inspiration. She's a lifelong entrepreneur and the founder of several bootstrapped companies that have each reached multi-million dollar status. Her ventures include Paperbell, CoachCompare, MeetEdgar, Marie Forleo’s B-School, and LKR Social Media. She's been recognized as one of the top 100 entrepreneurs under 30 and has shared her insights on entrepreneurship at prestigious venues like the White House, the Virgin Unites Branson Centre of Entrepreneurship, the University of Southern California, and Loyola Marymount University.
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Do you have thoughts about how the word “trauma” and other therapy-speak terms have bled into our day-to-day conversations in person, at work, and on social media?
Do you feel pressure to perform being “okay,” even when you’re anything but?
Have you ever pursued a project or career milestone only to realize, once you achieved it, that it no longer fits your life, values, or interests?
Today’s guest is a long-time, respected colleague who joins me for a profound and thought-provoking conversation about all of the above and then some. It’s a privilege to have people with whom we can engage in deep conversations without hesitation or self-editing; this chat is no exception.
Our guest, Sarah Buino, is a renowned speaker, educator, and therapist. She is the founder of Head/Heart Therapy, Inc. and Head/Heart Business Therapy, and a member of the adjunct faculty at Loyola University Chicago. Sarah is also a podcast host, known for her series, ‘Conversations With a Wounded Healer' and 'The Burnt Out Practice Owner.’ Her work focuses on the role of personal healing in caregiving and the challenges of group therapy practice ownership.
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What does healing mean to you?
What expectations do you hold around how we heal and how quickly we heal?
Meeting our basic human need to be loved and experience belonging can be the root of many things we do, say, and want–for better or for worse.
Many of us have experienced relationships that shape how we pursue love and belonging, how we respond to folks who are different or have differences, how we handle conflict, and how we navigate not being perfect and not knowing all the answers.
So, how we seek love and belonging and perceive and pursue healing are inextricably connected.
Under those circumstances, we want to rush our healing process, achieve our desired changes, and be fixed as soon as possible. The stakes are high!
But we do not arrive at “healed” and coast for the rest of our lives. There is no three-step plan to change, heal, and thrive ever after.
Healing is a lifelong process that must be pursued and revisited with the ebbs and flows of our lives. Sometimes, those ebbs and flows feel like tsunamis, forcing us to revisit old wounds or discover new spaces in our stories that require our care and attention so that we can find love and belonging within, first and foremost.
Frank Anderson, MD, returns to the show to discuss his beautiful new book, To Be Loved: A Story of Truth, Trauma, and Transformation.
Frank Anderson, MD, completed his residency and was a clinical instructor in psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He is an author, psychiatrist, therapist, speaker, and trauma specialist who’s spent the past three decades studying neuroscience and trauma treatment. He is passionate about teaching brain-based psychotherapy and integrating current neuroscience knowledge with the IFS therapy model. His published work spans contributions to literature and training for a clinical audience and works accessible to the general public.
Content Warning: We cover some heavy topics around verbal and physical abuse, conversion therapy, and suicidal ideation. Please take care as you listen to this conversation.
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If you love, you experience loss.
Looking back over the last few years, who or what have you lost? A loved one, a friendship, a relationship, a pet, a job, your health, your community? Something else?
Have you had time to reflect on and grieve your losses and find meaning and sense in all you experienced?
And how do you talk about your losses with those around you, if at all?
We cannot engineer the experience of grief out of our lives, but many try, at a significant cost, to their well-being, their relationships, and their ability to function, connect, and lead.
Grief will always do its job regardless of our response to grief’s presence. And the more we try to avoid the heartbreak, mess, awkwardness, outrage, and vulnerability, the more we disconnect from our humanity and those around us.
So, the question for us is: How will we respond when grief comes knocking in our personal lives, work, and world?
Joon ‘J.S.’ Park is a hospital chaplain, former atheist/agnostic, sixth-degree black belt, suicide survivor, and Korean-American, a person of faith and valuer of all.
He is the author of As Long As You Need: Permission to Grieve, part hospital chaplain experience and memoir, and The Voices We Carry: Finding Your One True Voice in a World of Clamor and Noise.
J.S. currently serves at a top-ranked, 1,000+ bed hospital and was a chaplain for three years at one of the largest nonprofit charities for the unhoused on the East Coast.
Content note: This conversation covers topics around sexual abuse, suicide, and experiences of racism. Joon’s message and heart feel healing and gracious as he shares some tender issues. But please take care of yourself as you move through this beautiful conversation.
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Are you aware of all the expectations you hold yourself to?
The day-to-day buzzing of our inner life can feel relentless, can't it? We're all too familiar with the bombardment of 'shoulds' about how we should act, dress, talk, move, etc. It's a struggle that resonates with each one of us, making us feel understood in our shared experiences.
We carry so many shoulds from our family of origin, culture, difficult life experiences, work experiences, people we respect, and people who we want to respect us.
But the shoulds that mess with us the most and lead to the heaviest burdens are the stealth shoulds around what we should and should not feel.
Today’s guest, Dr. Alison Cook, returns for the third time to share her transformative new book. This isn't just a guide that addresses these 'shoulds ', it's an empowering invitation to unpack our stealth expectations of ourselves and our world. It's an invitation to approach the 'shoulds' that show up in our lives with curiosity and compassion, paving the way for personal growth and self-improvement.
Dr. Alison Cook is a psychologist and teacher who has spent two decades helping individuals name what's hard and take brave steps to transform their lives. She is also a best-selling author, teacher, and host of The Best of You podcast. She co-authored Boundaries for Your Soul and is the author of The Best of You, and I Shouldn’t Feel This Way. Alison is also a certified Internal Family Systems therapist, a dear friend, and a trusted colleague.
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