The Vicious Virgos

Y’all know we saved the best for last.

All about water signs is the closing up our elements series and it came in like a flood 🌊

Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces - your water has no form and you rely on others to create boundaries to keep you from running away or drying up. We’re jealous of how you actually have feelings and you’re intuitive AF. We honestly don’t know where we’d be, or the type of person we’d be, without you softening our rigid b*tchiness 🥰

You’re a reason to LOVE, love. A reason to believe people are inherently good + a reason to be suspicious and question everything.

We love you water signs, you may or may not be our fav 😘

Have a water sign in your natal chart? Make sure to click the 🔗in bio to listen to this episode. Don’t sleep on this one bbs. Xoxo

Don’t forget to follow us on our socials: 

www.instagram.com/theviciousvirgos

www.tiktok.com/theviciousvirgos

If you’ve been paying attention, you know Ilana + Jack have been DYING 💀 to learn more about this & it all started way back to last April when Ilana booked Jack an appointment with an astrologer🪐

So WTF is your Descendant & why is it important?

We’ll tell you the first part, but you need to listen to hear the rest 😘

Your Descendant is the exact opposite of your Ascendant or Rising sign. So if you’re a rising Sag (cough*ILANA*cough), then your Descendant is … wait for it… Gemini ♊It’s essentially your shadow self - the part of other than annoys the sh*t out of you, yeah - hello projection.

Want to know more? Guess you’ll just have t

In proper Virgo fashion, we are committing to our plan and giving you all the next episode in our elements series: Air 💨

Yes, today we’re talking air signs--the elusive, logical, communicative, overthinking doers of the zodiac. Yes that’s right, the *airheads* -- except not really, at all.

These signs breeze through life, never stopping to catch their breath. Their mentality is “live and let live”. They’re smartpants that lead with their *brains* and utilize their intelligence to help them make decisions easily 😝

SO if you’re a Gemini, Libra, or Aquarius, have any of these signs in your birth chart, or know one of these social-o-paths, you should probably listen to this episode.

🌜Moon Signs - but make it Trivia… then add in a dash of celebrity (okay, way more than a dash - it’s essentially the meat and potatoes of this episode). Ilana + Jacquelin hit the jackpot and finally got a break because our favorite ♓ put together this list (love you Collin) and all we had to do was play along.

So who did he pick?

⭐Pete Davidson

⭐Kim K

⭐Will Smith

⭐Zendaya

⭐Zoe Kravitz

⭐Billie Eilish

⭐ … and obvi more

So do us a favor, grab your pen and some paper, we’re asking you to keep score and see how well you do. Click LINK in bio to listen + play along ⬆️

Tip: Don’t follow Jack’s lead, she failed miserably.

Earth signs are pleasure weeks who delight in matters of the flesh 🥰

Sex, Food, Sleep, a stiff drink, and a soft bed. These grounded babies have to feel comfortable in their surroundings and at home in their skin. They’re connected to their bodies & desires in a way that has them CONSTANTLY seeking to understand:

What is my “purpose?” 🤔

All about Earth Signs kicks off the 2nd episode in our “Elemental” series - don’t forget to check out “All About Fire Signs” while you’re at it 😘

We’re talking change and abundance baby!

⏲️Take this time to focus on your finances, step back for some self-care, or get over any hurdles you’ve been dealing with in your love life. These transitions are inevitable and we’re here to give you just enough guidance to make sure these changes don’t hurt… too much 😉

Y’all are always asking us for predictive episodes - so tune, report back, and tell us if we got this one right 🤍

Episode 32 is on FI-YAH (we gagged writing that, so cheesy)🎤 Each zodiac sign is ruled by an element 💫 Whether that’s Water, Fire, Air or Earth. This week we’re breaking down what it means to be a “Fire 🔥 Sign,” as a part of our Elements Series… so maybe you’ll finally understand what Ilana & Jack mean when they say, their “rising fire is showing.” 😉

🎵..Is this love that I'm feeling

Is this the love that I've been searching for…🎵

Okay, now that you’ve found it - what’s next? You know we’re obsessed with all things personality-test-related, so why would determining how we love and should be loved be any different?

Do you know your love languages? Guess you’ll just have to listen to find out 😘xoxo

Astrology is bullsh*t. Everything you've been hearing from us is B.S.

Okay... but not really...this episode isn't what you think 👀 But we don't want to spill too much or you probz won't listen. So just go listen!

Who’s your Daddy? Oh, that’s right - Saturn is 🪐

There to tell you to get real, grow TF up, and get yourself back on track so you can actually achieve those dreams you keep journalling about (we’re so proud that you journal 🥰). This is the time to get serious and think about WHO you really are - what kind of legacy do you want to leave behind? What mark do you want to make on the world - if any?

Make sure to listen to this week’s episode as Ilana & Jack tell you what you can expect during YOUR Saturn Return. Whether it’s your first time around or your second, we’ll dive into each sign and tell you exactly what’s in store for your Return.

We don’t want to spoil it - but this episode is DEFINITELY rated “E” - you know, for *extra special*... ha!