Tony welcomes Nate Christensen, APCC, back to the podcast to discuss self-care. Nate shares "The Wellness Model" and how the acronym "POSIES" touches on several areas of self-care that can be incredibly effective when dealing with emotionally immature or narcissistic people in your life. POSIES addresses the need for self-care in the following areas: Physical, Occupational/Financial, Social, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual. Tony gives the origin story of his "Emotional Baseline Theory," which is the first rule of his 5 rules of interacting with the emotionally immature or narcissistic person or organization in your life. Nate and his wife Marla host the podcast "Working Change," https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/working-change/id1582227016

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. 

With the continuing "sheltering" rules spreading across the country, PLEASE do not think you can't continue or begin therapy now. http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch can put you quickly in touch with licensed mental health professionals who can meet through text, email, or videoconference as soon as 24-48 hours. And if you use the link http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch, you will receive 10% off your first month of services. Please make your mental health a priority, http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch offers affordable counseling, and they even have sliding scale options if your budget is tight.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

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Hey everybody, welcome to episode 42 of Waking Up to Narcissism. I am your host, Tony Overbay. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, host of the Virtual Couch Podcast, and I am joined on his second appearance on waking up to narcissism bye by my pal Nate Associate Intern Nate Christianson.

[00:00:54] Yes, sir. Welcome aboard. Thank you.

[00:00:57] So you are you are an associate professional, so see it. [00:01:00]

[00:01:00] You're a mouthful.

[00:01:01] Yeah, you are a.

[00:01:02] An associate professional clinical counselor. And as if that wasn't enough, the BBS which you know, they handle all our licensing stuff decided that they'd like us to put registered at the front of that to. Okay so.

[00:01:14] Registered associate. Professional clinical counselor. Yeah. Oh that is. It's a lot. Congratulations.

[00:01:19] Thank you.

[00:01:20] And I'm a licensed marriage family therapist. I'm one letter, one word, less right.

[00:01:26] When I get licensed, I can throw registered out at the door.

[00:01:29] Oh yeah. Okay exactly. Was on before we just looked this up and it was episode 25 and it was the neuroscience of narcissism which we were also looking at the stats and it's, it's kind of mind blowing to see the reach of these episodes. And that one was really good. And as a matter of fact, I'm remembering right now, I got a transcription of that one because we just talked about so much that had to do with narcissism and the brain, and I don't think I ever did anything with the transcript. So if anybody is interested in a transcript of Episode [00:02:00] 25, then just reach out to me at [email protected] or through my website and I will get you a copy of the transcript. So a tiny bit of business, Nate, is people can still go to Tony over Baker slash workshop and it is a $19...

Tony shares part 1 of a 2-part podcast on his "blueprint to happiness." Tony goes back to the beginning, YOUR beginning, as he starts from birth in describing why it can be so difficult to be happy and what is necessary to maximize your opportunities for happiness. Tony breaks down competing definitions of happiness from Russ Harris' book The Happiness Trap https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Living-Second/dp/1645471160/ and then he shares what our attachment and abandonment wounds look like in childhood and how they play out in our adult relationships.

If you are interested in being coached in Tony's upcoming "Magnetic Marriage Podcast," please email him for more information. You will receive free marriage coaching and be kept entirely anonymous when the episode airs. 

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. 

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

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[00:00:00] J.c. Penney is helping hardworking families across America save even more. All Labor Day weekend. That's right. We got you celebrate a four day super savings weekend with 20% off already. Great prices. Plus, save an extra 10% across the store. That's extra. Extra savings in addition to our huge end of summer deals. Grab your coupon on the JCP app and save all you want. Shopping is back. J.c. Penney Coupon Required and valid on select styles 92295 Exclusions Apply C Store or JCP dot com for details.

[00:00:31] So are you happy? I think that is the big million dollar question. I was speaking to a group of high school students recently and I overheard a young woman say to a young man, I think they probably were both between 16, 17, maybe 18 years old. And she leaned over to him and she said, Are you happy? And it was a tender moment. I could tell that this was about to be something pretty sweet. And I wish that I could tell you that they had a long philosophical discussion and that I learned so much about kids these days, and the future is bright [00:01:00] with our youth. But the young man said something to the effect of, Well, that's a that's a dumb question. And he pointed to his phone and he simply said, means, to which I first felt incredibly old. And second, I had to agree that while I have been really late to the game with regard to memes, they are pretty funny, but I don't know if they are the key to happiness with regard to happiness. On another note, over the weekend, my wife and I saw a sign on the side of a car and I even took a picture of it because I knew that I wouldn't be able to do this justice as time passed and my memory eroded. But the sign said I own a home in and then insert local retirement community in my area there, which happens to be a very nice planned community for people 55 and older. That has not one but two golf courses, restaurants, a world class gym, softball complex, and it seems to be over a million pickleball courts.

[00:01:50] The sight of his car, the sign says, But I own a home in and then retirement community. Turns out it's the best public dog toilet that money can buy. Clearly, [00:02:00] this man is the epitome of when I do my classic old man bit where I yell, Get off my lawn. But I would venture to guess that this man is probably not very happy, and he literally took time out of his day to have a very large sign mad...

YOU are truly one-of-a-kind, the only version of YOU that ever walked the face of the earth. And because of that, you truly feel, think and behave the way you do because, well, you're YOU! So how did you get to be you, and how does being you cause you to show up in the world? And why do so many people try and tell you what you feel, think or how you should behave? Tony tackles what it means to be you from the book "Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom" by Rick Hanson, Ph.D. https://read.amazon.com/kp/embed?asin=B003TU29WU&preview=newtab&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_PT0G7S7YMYJMKH9MT3VW&tag=tonyoverbay-20

If you are interested in being coached in Tony's upcoming "Magnetic Marriage Podcast," please email him for more information. You will receive free marriage coaching and be kept entirely anonymous when the episode airs. 

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. 

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

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[00:00:00] We at Shamrock Farms know you want to get back to whatever you were listening to, but listen to this. That's the sound of ice cold, deliciously fresh Shamrock Farms milk. Listen. Is 13 essential nutrients pour out of the milk bottle and into what should be your mouth. What you're not hearing is high fructose corn sirup because Shamrock Farms milk doesn't have any. Isn't that wonderful to hear? Look for Shamrock Farms milk on your next trip to Dollar General.

[00:00:46] Come on, take a seat. I will hurt you.

[00:00:52] Hey, everybody, welcome to Episode 335 of the Virtual Couch. I am your host, Tony Overbay. I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified [00:01:00] mindful habit coach, writer, speaker, husband, father of four ultramarathon runner and creator of The Path Back and online pornography recovery program that is empowering people, helping people move away from unhealthy coping mechanisms and become the person that they always dreamed of being. And my weekly group calls that are a part of that path back community are growing by leaps and bounds. One of my favorite days of the week is a Wednesday afternoon when we can all get together on those path back calls. So if you are interested in learning more, go to Pathbackrecovery.com and you will find a a downloadable e-book that talks about five myths that people fall prey to and trying to turn away from pornography as a coping mechanism once and for all. And I have gotten away from talking about the path back a little bit. I'm talking about it more lately because I'm putting more into it. I'm putting more emotion into it, I'm putting more love into it. I'm putting my heart into it. And man, it's it's good and I really enjoy it. And while we're on the business end of things, I am still recording podcasts [00:02:00] with anonymous couples and doing some four pillars of connected conversation coaching. And the coaching is going amazing. It's so fun to take couples and then have them bring me a couple of things that they're struggling with and then work that into this four pillared framework.

[00:02:16] So if you've never been a part of couples therapy, couples coaching and you're interested and it is absolutely anonymous, we give you a fake names and profiles the whole thing.

Tony walks through Kristin Milstead's Expanded Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse from her article "Why You Can't Leave the Narcissist in Your Life" https://fairytaleshadows.com/why-you-cant-leave-the-narcissist-in-your-life/

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. 

With the continuing "sheltering" rules spreading across the country, PLEASE do not think you can't continue or begin therapy now. http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch can put you quickly in touch with licensed mental health professionals who can meet through text, email, or videoconference as soon as 24-48 hours. And if you use the link http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch, you will receive 10% off your first month of services. Please make your mental health a priority, http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch offers affordable counseling, and they even have sliding scale options if your budget is tight.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

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[00:00:06] Hey, everybody, welcome to episode 41 of waking up to Narcissism. I am your host, Tony Overbay. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist and host of the Virtual Couch podcast and not a lot of business to take care of up top here. I continue to have the marriage a marriage magnetize your marriage workshop, which is about an hour and a half long. You can find that at Tony over Baker slash workshop. And I'm also still looking for couples who would like to anonymously be coached on an upcoming magnetic marriage subscription based podcast that I have a few episodes recorded now and it's phenomenal. And if you've not gone to couples counseling before or seen couples or heard couples be coached, then I think it's going to be a great place to start to just understand what that process can be like. And I work in my four pillars of a connected conversation and [00:01:00] taking ownership and accountability and what it means to be differentiated and do you want love or control and all of those wonderful things. So if you happen to be listening to this podcast and you and your spouse would be interested, you can send a message through my website at Tony over eBay.com or you can send a message to info at Tony Overbay and just let me know that you might be interested. And one of my I'll have an assistant reach out to you, might have you fill out a little bit of paperwork and we'll talk more about that and I'll keep you up to date on when that podcast is going to be released.

[00:01:33] And actually, I think it's safe or fair for me to probably mention in every episode because I'm continuing to get more and more traction, which I'm grateful for with this podcast. And I had another a handful of men, both categories. So men that reached out this week that said that they feel like their their spouse, their wife may be the person that's exhibiting more of the narcissistic traits or tendencies or the emotional immaturity. And they were interested about a group because I've got my private [00:02:00] women's Facebook group that continues to grow. So if you're a woman in a relationship with the narcissist in any way, shape or form, whether it's a spouse, a parent, a coworker, whatever that looks like, please reach out to me. If you're a guy in that situation, I would love to be able to have a group there. And I also have a group of men that I got two m...

Tony welcomes Nate Christensen, APCC and host of the podcast "Working Change," with his wife Marla https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/working-change/id1582227016 to the Virtual Couch. Nate shares his 4-step emotional process and explains where we have more of an opportunity to work with our emotions to drive positive change in our lives. They also talk about the role of "gut feeling" and intuition, how sometimes it is essential to lean more into "trusting your gut," and why we must question our intuition on other occasions. 

If you are interested in being coached in Tony's upcoming "Magnetic Marriage Podcast," please email him for more information. You will receive free marriage coaching and be kept entirely anonymous when the episode airs. 

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. 

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

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[00:00:00] The. Come on in. Take a seat.

[00:00:22] Hey, everybody, welcome to episode 334 of the Virtual Couch. I am your host, Tony Overbay. I am a licensed marriage and family therapist. And I am eager, I'm excited to get to today's episode with my buddy, my pal Nate Christiansen. So Nate has been on the virtual couch now more than any other guest. And true, he is my associate formerly known as Intern. So we work together. We're in the same building. And as I've been blessed with a very full practice, when people reach out to me and want to work with me specifically if my schedule is full, I do often refer them to Nate and so far I can honestly say that Nate has not disappointed. But if you are [00:01:00] familiar with Nate's appearances on the virtual couch, you'll know that Nate has a very good way of breaking down the way the brain works with regard to mental health issues. And I personally know from working with a lot of people now for almost two decades that often an understanding of the mechanisms of the brain are a huge part of the initial understanding of maybe why we feel or think or behave or react the way that we do. And knowing how we react is often a huge catalyst that can help drive change.

[00:01:29] So today we'll be no exception. We're going to be talking about how emotions happen and where they come from. And Nate is going to lay out what he refers to as a four step emotional process and where in that process we may have an opportunity to guide ne'er I say, lovingly control our emotions, and we're talking about the good kind of control of our emotions. So before I get to that interview with Nate, I have a few interviews in the can for my upcoming subscription based Magnetic Marriage podcast, and I can [00:02:00] honestly say that I wish I had done something like this sooner because I really feel like it's going to be extremely helpful for those who may be looking for more in their own marriages. To listen to couples be coached on how to use my four pillars of a connected conversation, or for people to truly see where that love versus control concept maybe comes into play in a real relationship and just so much more. So if you want to be one of the first to know when the podcast will launch, then go sign up on Tony over Buy.com. And if you are interested in being one of the anonymous couples to be coached, then feel free to reach out through that same the contact form on my website or you...

Tony shares an email from a listener who says that her "waking up" to the narcissism in her relationship saved her life. She shares how her relationship gradually shifted from good to a place where she regularly questioned her sanity. Plus, Tony discusses the "Maddening and Bizarre Things Narcissists Do" by Julie Hall from the Narcissist Family Files https://narcissistfamilyfiles.com/2019/01/30/maddening-and-bizarre-things-about-narcissists-explained/

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. 

With the continuing "sheltering" rules spreading across the country, PLEASE do not think you can't continue or begin therapy now. http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch can put you quickly in touch with licensed mental health professionals who can meet through text, email, or videoconference as soon as 24-48 hours. And if you use the link http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch, you will receive 10% off your first month of services. Please make your mental health a priority, http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch offers affordable counseling, and they even have sliding scale options if your budget is tight.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

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[00:00:07] Hey, everybody, welcome to episode 40 of Waking Up to Narcissism. I am your host, Tony Overbay. I am a licensed marriage and family therapist and also host of the Virtual Couch podcast. And if you haven't listened to the Virtual Couch podcast, I would encourage you to do so. I had someone reach out to me, I think it was last week and they mentioned that they felt like the waking up to narcissism and the virtual couch were almost going hand in hand and I didn't realize that. So we might talk about confabulation on waking up to narcissism or a trauma bond and then over on the virtual couch. I'm dealing a lot right now with implicit and explicit memory or what it feels like to be you as the only version of you. And it does feel like I'm trying to figure out from a mental health standpoint of what where that spectrum of tendencies are that we're talking about over here on waking up to narcissism. So if there's narcissistic traits or tendencies of its emotional immaturity, I feel like [00:01:00] over on the virtual couch, I'm trying to figure out then what does that spectrum look like and how does that show up in your marriage or in your relationship with your kids or in trying to figure out who you really are? So I hadn't noticed that I was doing a little bit of this back and forth between the podcast, but definitely something to take a look at.

[00:01:17] And I also now have a few episodes recorded of the Magnetic Marriage podcast, which is going to be a subscription based podcast for the cost of, well, less than one therapy session. With me, you're going to have access to me doing some coaching with couples, anonymous couples. So if you want to know more about that, you can go to Tony over eBay.com and just sign up for my newsletter and you'll find out more about that. If you happen to be one of the couples or people that would like to possibly be coached, you can send an email to info at Tony over Macomb. But again, the more of the episodes that I record, the more I feel like this might be a good opportunity to just hear what you don't know, that you don't know about what a relationship [00:02:00] can l...

Alana Gordon and her husband Luke share their story of the highs and lows of navigating a marriage after discovering Luke’s pornography and sex addiction. They talk about what their marriage looked like leading up to the discovery of Luke’s addiction if Alana saw signs before discovery, and what the relationship looked like days, weeks, months, and years after “D-Day.” Alana is the Program Director of WORTH (Women of Rebirth and Therapeutic Healing https://healingwithworth.org/) and the Director of Choose Recovery Services (https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/). Luke is the Co-Director of Choose Recovery Services and the Director of the Men of Moroni and Sons of Helaman pornography addiction recovery programs (https://lifechangingservices.online/menofmoroni/). 

Tony’s episode about Trauma Bonding on the Healing with WORTH podcast can be heard here https://open.spotify.com/episode/1NCKsJ5ce7oSfhagyaxORi?si=74e1ef1a52bc4421

If you are interested in being coached in Tony's upcoming "Magnetic Marriage Podcast," please email [email protected]. You will receive free marriage coaching and be kept entirely anonymous when the episode airs. 

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. 

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

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[00:00:15] Come on in. Take a seat

[00:00:21] Avery, welcome to Episode 333 of the Virtual Couch. I'm your host, Tony Overbay. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, a certified mindful habit coach, writer, speaker, husband, father of four and creator of The Path Back, a pornography recovery program that is continuing to build momentum and help people overcome turning to pornography as a coping mechanism. So whether you want to call it an addiction, it's not an addiction. It's something that's annoying, something you waste time on. Any kind of unhealthy coping mechanism, the Path Back Recovery program is for you. So I would suggest you go to Tony eBay.com and I have a link there for courses and you can find the path back through there. So coming [00:01:00] up on today's episode, I have an amazing interview and it's almost embarrassing to think that the work I do, the couples work that I do, that I really haven't interviewed couples. And so I interview Luke and Alana Gordon and they are a pretty amazing couple that I had been made aware of from several people because they do a lot of work in the community that I do as well. She is a therapist and she's also been through betrayal, trauma, and then Luke is her husband, so then he would be considered the betrayer and Alana the betrayed. And Luke is now doing some relationship coaching, some addiction coaching. And so they're a couple that have really walked the walk.

[00:01:41] And I do so much couples work and I do often work in the world of betrayal, trauma, whether that's people that have discovered a spouse that is turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms at a at an alarming amount or rate or people that are going through the betrayal from infidelity. Or [00:02:00] there's also a component of betrayal trauma. When you wake up to the emotional immaturity in a spouse or the narcissistic traits and tendencies in a spouse, where you can also experience that betrayal, trauma, where you feel like you've handed a lot of trust over to somebody that then has not h...

Tony talks about his "aha" moment when attending a wedding over the past weekend of why marriages begin with a lot of pressure and unrealized expectations that originate from each person's family history. Then he shares Russ Harris's 4 Myths of Marriage from the book "ACT With Love" https://www.amazon.com/ACT-Love-Struggling-Differences-Relationship/dp/1572246227/ref=sr_1_1?crid=230A2KCMWA6LX&keywords=act+with+love+by+russ+harris&qid=1659530505&sprefix=act+with+love%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-1

If you are interested in being coached in Tony's upcoming "Magnetic Marriage Podcast," please email [email protected]. You will receive free marriage coaching and be kept entirely anonymous when the episode airs. 

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. 

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

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[00:00:15] Come on in and take a seat.

[00:00:22] Everybody, welcome to episode 332 of the Virtual Couch. I'm your host, Tony Overbay. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified, mindful habit coach, writer, speaker, husband, father of four and creator of The Path Back, which is an online pornography recovery program that is changing lives. If you want to know more about that, head over to Tony. Over eBay.com, you can click on a link called Courses and you can find access to a PDF copy of five myths that people fall prey to when trying to put pornography in their rearview mirror once and for all. Not that exact title, but I think you get the gist. So story time. Over the past weekend, my wife and I attended a wedding. I love weddings, especially [00:01:00] weddings of people that I truly are close to or I care about and I care about. This new couple is one of the participants in the marriage is a relative of mine. And the ceremony was beautiful and it was wonderful to see friends and family that I haven't seen in a long time. We traveled to a place near and dear to me that I grew up and I got to go to restaurants I haven't been to in a long time. My wife and I ran on running trails that we haven't ran on in a long time, and I got to see a couple of my adult children that live away from me. And so everything about this weekend was just amazing.

[00:01:31] But I really do feel like it is so interesting to see people age. And this is one of the first times that I truly thought about the fact that I too am one of those people who is aging. Now, this is a side note, but I've been listening to an audio book called Homo Deus, and it's the follow up to a book called Sapiens that was getting a lot of buzz maybe two or three years ago. Both of these books are by an author named Yuval Noah Harari and where Sapiens, according to the Good Reads Summary, talks about how the breakthroughs [00:02:00] of the cognitive and agricultural and scientific revolutions, how those have shaped our human society and even our personalities, which is what I really found most fascinating. So this follow up book called Homo Deus talks about where we are going next from curing disease to eventually finding a cure for aging. And so I couldn't help but think about a couple of passages in that book that say that it will most likely be the next generation or two that will not just age more gracefully, but maybe not even age at all.

Does it really matter what you do throughout the day concerning your mental health? Tony tackles the impact of implicit memory and how the "flow of experience gradually sculpts your brain, thus shaping your mind" from the book "Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom" by Rick Hanson, Ph.D. https://read.amazon.com/kp/embed?asin=B003TU29WU&preview=newtab&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_PT0G7S7YMYJMKH9MT3VW&tag=tonyoverbay-20

Tony also references the article "Implicit Memory vs. Explicit Memory" by Kendra Cherry https://www.verywellmind.com/implicit-and-explicit-memory-2795346

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19. You'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. 

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

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VC Think 2022-07-28.mp3

[00:00:00] So recently I was poking around inside of my Audible audiobook library and I was looking for a particular book. And somewhere in there I saw the total number of books that I have purchased and I don't know if it's been for a lifetime, actually think that I switched my audible account several times early on when you would get two or three free books every time that you created a new audible account. But I've had one going strong, I think, since about 2010, and I know that that number was pushing about 400 books. And I also know that for a while I purchased my audiobooks through Apple iTunes, my iTunes account, and I've spent some time with different Audible competitors over the years. And I know I purchased and listened to books from them as well. And while one might look at that number of books and think to themselves, Man, you are well read, my friend. Well done. I did not. Instead I thought, okay, how many of those books were pure junk fiction, no judgment, just curious. And at any given time, I know that I have a fictional book going, or maybe even two, and usually some sort of autobiography. I'm fascinated by the way that people work and a couple of books on psychology, whether it's my favorite acceptance and commitment therapy, maybe a couples therapy book, something on the brain.

[00:01:05] We're going to talk about that today. But what I also found myself thinking was I kind of don't remember much of any of these books out of the 400 when it ultimately comes down to it. And I find myself often if somebody says, have you seen this movie or you remember this book? And then they go into the details and I do the old what is wrong with me concept that I so preach against, but I'm just wanting to be authentic and honest here. So this brought up a lot of things that I think about and I wonder often is that if we go through all of these experiences in our lives, even just reading 400 or listening to 400 audio books, but then we don't remember them then. Are they of worth or are they of value? So today we're going to explore the concepts of memory. And before you get too far ahead of yourself, wondering where we're headed, I absolutely believe and I think that I have discovered the research and the data to back up that research, that as each one of us are truly a neural mash up of all of our experiences, that can say without a doubt that all of our experiences go into making us who we are.

[00:02:07] So there is an enormous benefit to not only experiences that we have in life,

With all of the amazing advances in technology, the increased awareness of our mental health, and apps, shows, programs, and therapists at our fingertips, why is it so hard to be happy? Tony discusses the "surprising psychology of why dissatisfaction is hardwired" from the article "Why You're Never Going to Be Satisfied With Life," by Nir Eyal https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/automatic-you/202207/why-you-re-never-going-be-satisfied-life

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You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

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[00:00:22] Hey, everybody, welcome to episode 330 of the Virtual Couch. And I'm going to start today with a reading from one of my favorite books of all time. That book is The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. So why is it so difficult to be happy to answer this question? Let's take a journey back in time. The modern human mind, with its amazing ability to analyze and plan and create and communicate, has largely evolved over the last 200,000 years or so since our species, Homo sapiens, first appeared on the planet. But our minds did not evolve to make us feel good, so that we could tell jokes and write poems or say, I love you, how our minds evolved to help us survive in a world fraught with danger. So imagine that you're an early human hunter gatherer. What are your essential needs in order to survive and reproduce? There are four of them food, water, shelter and sex. But none of these things matter if you are dead. So the number one priority of the primitive human mind was to look out for anything that might harm you and avoid it. The primitive mind was basically a don't get killed device and it proved enormously useful. The better that our ancestors became at anticipating and avoiding danger, the longer they lived and the more children they have. And you can, quite frankly, thank them right now for the fact that you are here listening to this podcast.

[00:01:38] So with each generation, the human mind became increasingly skilled at predicting and avoiding danger. And now, after 100,000 years of evolution, the modern mind is constantly on the lookout, assessing and judging everything that we encounter. Is this good or is it bad? The safer is a dangerous. Is it harmful or helpful? But these days, according to Dr. Russ Harris, it's not. The saber tooth tigers or wooly mammoths that are mine warns us about. Instead, it's losing our job, being rejected, getting a speeding ticket, embarrassing ourselves in public, getting cancer or 1,000,001 other common worry. So as a result, we spend a lot of time worrying about things that more often than not never happen. Now, another essential for the survival of any early human is to belong to a group. So if your group, if your clan boots you out, it will not be long before the wolves find you. So how does your mind protect you from rejection? By the group? By comparing you with everybody else in the group. Do I fit in? Am I doing the right thing? Am I contributing enough? Am I as good as the others? And am I doing anything that might give me rejected, kicked out or booted? Does that sound familiar? So our modern day minds are continually warning us of rejection and comparing us to the rest of society. Here's the part where I want to insert old man social media rant right here.