Tony answers questions from his private Facebook group on everything from discovering your self-worth post-narcissism, how you can trust again in your new relationships, levels of intimacy, and more. 

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19. You'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. 

With the continuing "sheltering" rules spreading across the country, PLEASE do not think you can't continue or begin therapy now. http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch can put you quickly in touch with licensed mental health professionals who can meet through text, email, or videoconference as soon as 24-48 hours. And if you use the link http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch, you will receive 10% off your first month of services. Please make your mental health a priority, http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch offers affordable counseling, and they even have sliding scale options if your budget is tight.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

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WUTN Q&A 1-2022-07-19.mp3

[00:00:07] Hey everybody, welcome to episode 38 of Waking Up to Narcissism. I'm your host, Tony Overbay. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist and host of the Virtual Couch podcast. And one quick thing that I would plug, I guess up top is I am going to keep the marriage workshop on Tony over Baker slash workshop. And it's a it's a $19 hour and a half course. Not even a course. It's a workshop. It's a workshop that just I feel like is really explaining the things that we didn't know, we didn't know about relationships. And I do feel like the more feedback I get, especially on this podcast, that we don't really understand, if we didn't come from a necessarily healthy childhood or if we didn't see the most idyllic situation modeled, which I don't know if any of us really saw that with our parents and their marriage. And so I feel like so often when I'm talking, the more I realize that when I'm talking about becoming too interdependent people and then becoming more emotionally mature, and that the more that we are differentiated and interdependent and and autonomous and we're two individuals and we're coming together with curiosity and what an emotionally mature relationship that is. I feel like I've lost half or more of the people as I'm about halfway through that big speech. So I really do lay out from the beginning what abandonment looks like, what attachment looks like, why we fall for the people that we do, and how we show up early on in a relationship with just stars in our eyes.

[00:01:29] And even if we feel like some things are a little bit awkward, there are some red flags. I'm sure I'll be better later. And so we just go assuming so many good intentions and then we don't have the tools to communicate. And then we find ourselves in these unhealthy relationships where we kind of feel like maybe this is it. And so I really feel like this workshop is just a good way to get an idea of, Oh man, that is what a relationship could look like. I would like more of that or I would like that at all. And maybe that's something that you can share with a spouse and then have a conversation about it. And if the conversation goes with who does he think he is and how does he think he knows everything? All right. Now we're getting into the territory of, okay, why is that person why is my spouse not open? At least to say, huh?

Tony shares his thoughts on John Kim's, aka "The Angry Therapist" article "7 Tips for Dealing with Life if You Can't Afford a Therapist," https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-angry-therapist/201802/7-tips-dealing-life-if-you-cant-afford-therapist John is the author of the book "I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck: An Everyman's Guide to a Meaningful Life." https://www.amazon.com/Used-Miserable-everymans-guide-meaningful/dp/1780723962/

John was featured on episode 107 of The Virtual Couch https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-virtual-couch/id1275153998?i=1000457707797

"http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19. You'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. 

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

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[00:00:22] Hey everybody, welcome to Episode 329 of the Virtual Couch. I am your host, Tony Overbay. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist. And today we are going to start with an email. Now I get plenty of emails and I'm grateful for the emails and please continue to send your emails. I get emails of requests for different episodes or questions to handle on a Q&A or request to point somebody to therapy or whatever the emails are. But here's one that I received a long time ago and that I never have talked about, but I think it will set the table for where we're going to go today. So the email says, and I will protect the anonymity of the person that wrote it. But the email says I needed to write and tell you that you're snorting needs to stop. I can tell that it's not genuine. It's obviously forced. I want to listen to your podcast, but in episode 257, you had already snorted. You had already forced two snorts in the first couple of minutes. And I really need you to either stop snorting or I am not going to be able to listen. And I know that several of my friends listen as well, and they all say the same thing. So I did hesitate at the time. I remember writing up a pretty clever response and I never responded to the person because there really wasn't much need to respond.

[00:01:33] But here was the response that I penned or that I put down in my notes that I never did anything with. I said I honestly did hesitate just before sharing this, because I've had so many wonderful conversations with my wife about whether or not you give attention or energy to the people who are negative or mean or the haters, haters going to hate. Right? And maybe I'm just seeking validation, but I feel like the reason that I wanted to share this comment I received at this point when I was writing, it was the day before or the day after I said when I received this comment last night, as I truly empathize for somebody who feels a need to present information in this manner in hopes of eliciting change, and I first wanted to be snarky and funny and say to the person. Episode 247 Try Episodes one through 256, and I even searched for the word snort in my email program and wanted to share many of the comments where people thought that it was funny, human, endearing, genuine, or you name it. And by the way, there were, I think at the time there were 30 or 40 emails that were mentioning snorting at that time. And then I said that I then wanted to get on my soapbox and say how invalidated I felt that at that time. So this was episode 157. So it was I can't do the math.

[00:02:42] We're in episode 329 now,

We've all heard the old adage, "you need to forgive and forget." But how hard is it to try to forget something that someone has done to you that causes you even to feel you need to forgive them? Is it even possible to forget certain things that people have done to us, and better yet, is that even healthy for you? Tony discusses the mental health benefits of forgiveness and the mental health challenges and potential dangers of attempting to forget something significant that has occurred in your life. Tony references the article "Why You Should Forgive But "Never" Forget" by Kurt Smith, PsyD https://psychcentral.com/health/reasons-to-forgive-but-not-forget

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19. You'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. 

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

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[00:00:12] Oh. Come on in. Take a seat.

[00:00:19] You. Hey everybody, welcome to Episode 328 of the Virtual Couch. I am your host, Tony Overbay. I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified mindful habit coach, writer, speaker, husband, father of four and creator of The Path Back, an online pornography recovery program that is helping people become the person that they've always wanted to be turning away from unhealthy coping mechanisms. So if you're interested in learning more, go to Pathbackrecovery.com. And one of the biggest components of the Path Back program is this weekly group meeting that is just growing and growing, and it is such a positive healing support group that it's what I've always dreamed of in terms of support and getting people together and becoming the best versions of themselves. So that is a part of this Path Back Recovery program. So again, go to Pathbackrecovery.com. You can find out more. So today on the podcast, I want to talk about the concept of forgiveness. I had someone recently in my office and they were saying the the old I know that I should forgive and forget. So we've got all the things that I enjoy so much as someone shooting on themselves, which makes them feel like they are doing something wrong and they're applying a clichéd phrase that I absolutely understand. It sounds like an admirable thing to do that the need to forget that goes along with forgiveness. And I feel like that one, if I'm just being honest, is something that often comes from the side of the person who has offended.

[00:01:46] So I will get people in counseling. Let's just give an example of a couple that comes in and I'm going to use so often I hear that I pick on the guy and I don't know if it's because I'm a guy, but so let's just go the the opposite way. So let's say that I've got a guy that has wanted to get his wife into counseling forever and that there's some rift in the marriage. It could be anything from emotional infidelity or it could be a lack of communication, it could be a disconnection and their intimate life or a variety of things. But the guy has wanted to get the wife into counseling forever, and she has even maybe said some things that have been highly offensive to him, that have really hurt him deeply, and he feels like he'll never be able to get over. So they come in to counseling and then the wife in that scenario will say, okay, I'm here, but I'm here. So I just want us to be able to move forward from this day forward. Let's just let's just let bygones be bygones.

Explaining your relationship to the narcissist or emotionally immature person, people, or entity in your life to those around you can be incredibly validating when it's met with empathy, curiosity, and understanding. But, when you open up to someone and they respond with judgment, neutrality, or "one-upmanship" ("you think your situation is bad, let me tell you about my co-workers, college roommates, former high school substitute gym teachers relationship...at least that isn't what you're going through!") it can make you feel even worse! So how do you know who is safe to talk to, and what do you even say? Tony gives examples from his private women's group of positive and negative experiences with sharing. Plus, Tony explains narcissistic triangulation by referencing the article "What is Triangulation in Psychology," by Arlin Cuncic from Verywellmind.com https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-triangulation-in-psychology-5120617

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19. You'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. 

With the continuing "sheltering" rules spreading across the country, PLEASE do not think you can't continue or begin therapy now. http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch can put you quickly in touch with licensed mental health professionals who can meet through text, email, or videoconference as soon as 24-48 hours. And if you use the link http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch, you will receive 10% off your first month of services. Please make your mental health a priority, http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch offers affordable counseling, and they even have sliding scale options if your budget is tight.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

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[00:00:00] So imagine that somebody has started to tap you and you have no idea why they're doing it and they just keep tapping you and tapping you. Then you finally ask them, Why are you tapping me? And they tell you I wasn't tapping you. And you kind of feel a little bit crazy and you're confused. But they stop, so you just move on and you try to forget. But then they start tapping you again and again and you wonder, What did I do to make them do this? Why are they tapping me again? And so you ask them again and they say, I literally don't know what you're talking about. I'm not tapping you. But they also stop. So then you relax. You say, okay, this must be me. I've got to breathe through this. I just have to relax. Then the tapping starts again and it's heavier and it's harder. And then you can't make sense of this. And they certainly aren't taking ownership of it. So you start to think, either I'm crazy or maybe I deserve this. Maybe everybody goes to this. Maybe this is what every relationship is like. Somebody is tapping and tapping and tapping, but then it will stop again and you relax again. So then after years of this happening, any time this person even starts to come within your vicinity, you get tense and stressed out and then you start to get angry because now they're disturbing you at any given time and they may look like they're just going about their business.

[00:01:11] It's no big deal and nobody else knows about their tapping. So you really do think you're crazy and all of a sudden you think something must be wrong with me because this person seems fine and everybody else doesn't know about the tapping.

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife makes her 4th appearance on the Virtual Couch podcast! Tony and Jennifer discuss the difference between coaching and therapy. Jennifer currently offers couples coaching on her “Room for Two” podcast and group coaching along with traditional psychotherapy. They talk about the differences between creating true intimacy vs. seeking validation from others and moving toward self-validation and differentiation (learning how to be autonomous while still maintaining intimacy).  

They also discuss examples of what a secure attachment looks like in parenting and how we often unconsciously create a dependence on our spouse or our children to feel love. They touch on emotional immaturity vs. narcissism, and they break down what it means to understand our “shadow self” and how bringing our “weakness” out of the shadow can not only be liberating but also allow us to step more confidently into our strengths. 

Dr. Jennifer teaches couples and individuals how to strengthen their relationships, overcome relational and sexual roadblocks and increase their capacity for intimacy, love, and sexual expression. You can learn more about Dr. Jennifer’s courses, coaching, and her “Room for Two” podcast at http://finlayson-fife.com

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony’s “Magnetize Your Marriage” virtual workshop. The cost is only $19. You’ll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. 

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

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Tony: [00:00:00] Okay. Alright, action. , , can I tell you a funny thing ? I'm in an office where it's me and a bunch of divorce attorneys and I feel like there's a joke there, a group on and right out of my door.

, I've got an inner waiting room and they bring the people there to sign papers. I think it's because the conference room is full. So I have a couple right outta my door right now that are, they're getting sign doors papers.

Jennifer: Yeah. Oh, they're fighting. They're they're fighting.

Tony: Yeah. Yeah. So I was, there was apartment, I thought, okay. Should we just open the door and let's give them two, the two, two amazing episode. Yeah. And I can say, all right, Jennifer, let's see what you got. This will be fun. but that's a good, that's a good, uh, segue though. I, I really am enjoying your room for two podcasts.

What's that like for you.

Jennifer: I'd liked it. Yeah. It's been good. Yeah. It's been, yeah, it's been fun to do actually. So it's interesting to hear how much people value it or like how it gives them the chance to think about themselves without being in the actual discomfort of an office and in conflict.

So it [00:01:00] gives them just a sideways look and then they can think about, oh yeah, I do that. And it's easier somehow for our brain to process, you know, I'm actually preparing a lesson for on David and bash Sheba and how the prophet Nathan comes to David and says, oh, there's this guy that did this terrible thing.

And David's like, oh yeah, lose loser. Get rid of . And of course it's him. And that's so much who we are as humans. We have a hard time. Recognizing our own difficult behaviors, and this is just a way to help people see themselves through other people's stories.

Tony: Hopefully, I love it. They're quite there. So many things there that I think would be fun to talk about.

One of those is I did an episode at one point on gossip and I talked about how I foun...

Tony welcomes Ross Rosenberg, author of the best-selling book “The Human Magnet Syndrom - The Codependent Narcissist Trap,” https://www.amazon.com/Human-Magnet-Syndrome-Codependent-Narcissist/dp/B0B31MDWYM/ to the podcast. Ross shares his personal story of what led him to write The Human Magnet Syndrome. Tony and Ross break down “Self-Love Deficit Disorder,” and Ross shares what it looks like to move into a place of “Self-Love Abundance.” Ross also tackles the difficult question of “should I stay or should I go” in a relationship with a narcissist, and what role do children play in making the decision to stay or go? You can find out more about Ross, and his courses and programs at https://www.selfloverecovery.com/

Ross’s latest “Codependency Cure™” work, like The Human Magnet Syndrome, breaks new ground in the mental health field. This groundbreaking work reformulates, redefines, and ultimately renames “codependency” to “Self-Love Deficit Disorder™." His original theories and concepts, such as the “Relationship Compatibility Theory,” “The 11 Stage Self-Love Recovery Treatment Program,” “The Observe Don’t Absorb Technique,” and many others, have reshaped what we know about codependency, codependency recovery, narcissism, dysfunctional relationships, and narcissistic abuse.

Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., LCPC, CADC is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and celebrated author. He is also a global thought leader and clinical expert in codependency, trauma, pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and addictions.

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony’s “Magnetize Your Marriage” virtual workshop. The cost is only $19. You’ll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. 

With the continuing "sheltering" rules spreading across the country, PLEASE do not think you can't continue or begin therapy now. http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch can put you quickly in touch with licensed mental health professionals who can meet through text, email, or videoconference often as soon as 24-48 hours. And if you use the link http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch, you will receive 10% off your first month of services. Please make your mental health a priority, http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch offers affordable counseling, and they even have sliding scale options if your budget is tight.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

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[00:00:06] Hey everybody, welcome to episode 36 of Waking Up to Narcissism. I am your host, Tony Overbay. I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, host of the Virtual Couch Podcast, and today is a phenomenal episode. When I started helping people look at narcissism and their relationships, emotional immaturity, all of these things, there was a book that one of my clients actually had recommended to me that really started to give me a lot of the dialog or the concepts that I began to work into my practice, and they started to make so much sense and they were from a book called The Human Magnus Syndrome. And it's funny because I knew the name of the author because I would often refer to the author, Ross Rosenberg. And if I go on my Amazon account, I had ordered the book, I think at the time of this interview a dozen times or more for different clients, and I had recommended the book to so many people because his concepts around pathological kindness, when that person is in a relationship with a pathological narcissist and the concepts around ...

Tony discusses Amy Morin, LCSW's article "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do." https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201501/13-things-mentally-strong-people-dont-do

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony’s “Magnetize Your Marriage” virtual workshop. The cost is only $19. You’ll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. 

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ00:00:15]

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Come on in. Take a seat.

[00:00:22] Hey everybody, welcome to Episode 326 of the Virtual Couch. I am your host, Tony Overbay. I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, a certified mindful habit coach, writer, speaker, husband, father of four and creator of The Path Back and online pornography recovery program that is helping people reclaim their lives from turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms like pornography. So if you want more information, go to pathbackrecovery.com. And I'm excited. I'm excited as always. On recording days, it is exciting to record a podcast. It's mind blowing to think that we're on Episode 326 of the virtual couch and add another 30 to 40 episodes of waking up the narcissism and just love. I love recording. I love spreading the good news of mental health, if that makes sense. So let's get to today's topic. 13 Things that Mentally Strong People Don't Do. And this is from an author named Amy Marin, and she is the author of the book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do. And I've talked about her on previous episodes. I've done a couple of episodes, I think based off of some of her other articles. I really enjoy the things that she is putting out. And if I take you on my train of thought of how I got to today's topic, the there's been a steady pattern over the last few episodes. Yeah, I did one on Doomscrolling. That was because there was a lot of heavy things that were in the news.

[00:01:36] And then I talked about emotional validation, emotional invalidation, and where I just noticed when people ask me what I see as a therapist out in the wild, out in the world, or even in my office, it's so often people telling other people what they think or what they are supposed to think or feel or do. Instead of looking at relationships with absolute curiosity of understanding that I only know my experience. So let me find out about your experience. Tell me more about that. And then last week I talked about what to do with emotions and the fact that we even as kids, even in the very best of homes, that we're taught to avoid emotion, that if we're told on a pretty regular basis, hey, it's not a big deal or don't worry about it or get over it, or they didn't mean it, that it's natural for us to not know what to do with our emotions. And so when we keep those emotions buried, then those emotions can come out big. They can come out as anger, they can come out as extreme sadness. And then people try to hide those emotions. They try to stuff those emotions. And a lot of times that is one of the things that drives people to unhealthy coping mechanisms because they feel like they just don't know what else to do. And I have really resonated with that as I continue to process some trauma of an accident with one of my kids, my daughter, and just realizing that there are still really good tools out there, tools of absolute radical acceptance and tools of sitting with my emotions and mindfulness and the concepts around inviting m...

Sometimes we don't realize how childhood trauma can show up in adulthood. Even the most supportive parents often tell children "not to worry about it," or "they didn't mean it," or "it's not that big of a deal." So it's not surprising that it can be difficult to sit with uncomfortable emotions. Tony goes through Dr. Andrea Brandt's article "9 Steps to Healing Childhood Trauma as an Adult," https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/201804/9-steps-healing-childhood-trauma-adult

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony’s “Magnetize Your Marriage” virtual workshop. The cost is only $19. You’ll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. 

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

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Come on in and take a seat.

[00:00:22] Hey, Rudy, welcome to episode 325 of the Virtual Couch. I am your host, Tony Overbay. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, a certified mindful habit coach, a writer, a speaker, a husband, a father of four, and creator of The Path Back, which is an online recovery pornography recovery program that is helping people reclaim their lives from turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms. So if you want more information about that, go to Pathbackrecovery.com and have an amazing group that meets every week. It's online through online telehealth, zoom, that sort of thing. And it's just a strength based. It's empowering. So if you want help in overcoming unhealthy coping mechanisms, go to Pathbackrecovery.com. And I'm going to leave up a place on my website at Tony over Bacon's workshop. And there I have it's a $19 hour and a half workshop that tells you everything you need to know about how to show up in a relationship, especially in marriage. Because I feel like we truly don't have the tools that we need. I'm talking no one does until you have to go find the tools. And you don't find the tools until you've gone through some things in your relationship or your marriage so you don't even have to have a bad relationship to go check this out. I talk about all the things, all the childhood abandonment and attachment wounds and how we show up like that in our adult relationships and how we really we really don't even understand what it means to be two people to individual people before we can be one person.

[00:01:39] And that's the Esther Perel quote, and it's a beautiful quote. So go to Tony Bacon's workshop to find out more. And I've got a lot of workshops that I have planned that are coming up that will deal with a lot of different issues. I look forward to telling you more about those things and head over to the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast. I have an interview coming out this Friday with a gentleman named Ross Rosenberg, and he wrote a book called The Human Magnet Syndrome. And Ross is doing some phenomenal work about redefining the concepts of what codependency is and talking about renaming it self love deficit disorder. And it is it's a really, really healing way to look at if you are in unhealthy relationships, whether it's with a spouse or there's the parent, whether it's with a church, an institution, and that really the self love deficit is something that is so common in a lot of us. So when you hear people say things like, you need to go work on yourself, you need to love yourself, you need to be able to validate yourself internally so often. That sounds awesome, but we don't really know what that means.

Tony tackles the topic of co-parenting with a narcissist or emotionally immature spouse/ex-spouse. He discusses the significance of a child's reliance on external validation from a parent and what that looks like when couples stay together purely for the children. And he breaks down the article "How a Narcissistic Co-Parent Can Manipulate Your Child," by Erin Leonard Ph.D. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/peaceful-parenting/202205/how-narcissistic-co-parent-can-manipulate-your-child And Tony shares a poem from a person who is on the path of healing from parental narcissistic abuse. Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony’s “Magnetize Your Marriage” virtual workshop. The cost is only $19. You’ll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. 

With the continuing "sheltering" rules spreading across the country, PLEASE do not think you can't continue or begin therapy now. http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch can put you quickly in touch with licensed mental health professionals who can meet through text, email, or videoconference often as soon as 24-48 hours. And if you use the link http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch, you will receive 10% off your first month of services. Please make your mental health a priority, http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch offers affordable counseling, and they even have sliding scale options if your budget is tight.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

------------------------------------------------TRANSCRIPT------------------------------------------00:00:10] Hey, everybody, welcome to this episode of Waking Up the Narcissism. I am your host, Tony Overbay. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist and host of the Virtual Couch podcast, and I highly encourage you to go check that one out as well. And I will any kind of business, so to speak. Let me just get out of the way, right out of the gate. I have put the marriage workshop. I've continued to have that up on my website. It's at Tony over Macomb workshop, and that is a very inexpensive hour and a half workshop that I did where I tried to lay out all the things that we don't know heading into marriage, heading into relationships, because I'm convinced, seeing, I don't know, 12, 1300 couples now over a long period of time that we just don't have the tools naturally to go into a relationship. We all come into a relationship where all that's an all or nothing statement. I feel like most everyone comes into a relationship somewhat emotionally immature, seeking external validation, and then it is the process of getting into a relationship where we can grow and we can be edified and we can learn what really matters to us. But if that is not your experience, because you don't feel like you can open up your spouse or you feel like you are losing your sense of self, then I really feel like this workshop may help make a little bit of sense of that, and then you can find that again at Tony Macomb workshop.

[00:01:26] And if you're looking to help, therapy therapists are becoming really hard to find now. And I know most of the therapists I know have a pretty lengthy wait list. So it can be hard, but you can go to Betterhelp.com, slash virtual couch and get 10% off your first month's treatment. And you can typically be seeing someone within 24 to 48 hours. They have a really nice intake form and you can do that through its text or phone call or video chat or any of those kind of things. So there's all of that. But I want to start today with a really it's a really well written email.

Understanding Emotional Invalidation - Why Some People Don't Feel Safe in Conversations. Tony refers to the article What Is Emotional Invalidation by Brittany Carrico https://psychcentral.com/health/reasons-you-and-others-invalidate-your-emotional-experience#how-to-validate-someone

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony’s “Magnetize Your Marriage” virtual workshop. The cost is only $19. You’ll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. 

With the continuing "sheltering" rules spreading across the country, PLEASE do not think you can't continue or begin therapy now. http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch can put you quickly in touch with licensed mental health professionals who can meet through text, email, or videoconference often as soon as 24-48 hours. And if you use the link http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch, you will receive 10% off your first month of services. Please make your mental health a priority, http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch offers affordable counseling, and they even have sliding scale options if your budget is tight.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

---------------------------------------------------TRANSCRIPT----------------------------------------------

[00:00:00] Hey, everybody, welcome to Episode 324 of the Virtual Couch. I'm your host, Tony Overbay. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist. And today we are going to talk about validation, emotional validation. And before we get to that, just a very quick we'll get all the business out of the way, right out of the gate. You can go to Tony over Macomb workshop. I still have my very affordable we're talking $19 hour and a half workshop on all of the things that you go into a relationship in essence not knowing we don't have all the tools from the factory and then we get into relationships and we don't understand that we all have our own experiences and what emotional validation looks like and in differentiation, all those therapy buzzwords that are so important though, that we just don't know until we have to go find the tools. So I'm trying to give you a head start. You can go to Tony over Macomb workshop and you can go to Pathbackrecovery.com if you're interested in my online recovery program that is continuing to help people turn away from unhealthy coping mechanisms like turning to pornography and helping people become just their very best selves. And we have an online group every week that meets and it is just getting stronger and stronger. So PATHBACKRECOVERY.COM And if you're looking for the world of online counseling, you need if you need help there, go to virtual couch dot com slash.

[00:01:14] Nope that is not it. That is not it Tony over ebay.com slash virtual couch at 10% off your first month's treatment, you can be seeing somebody within 24 or 48 hours and you can see somebody online. You can see somebody through telehealth or there's even people that are texting and emailing and being able to reach out to a therapist pretty quick and they can help with a variety of things. So all of that said, let's get to today's topic. Today, we're going to talk about emotional validation. And I feel like there's a lot of talk around validation. That word seems to be just out there. You're seeing it more on Tik Tok therapy or people's posts on Instagram or podcasts. And and I'm grateful. I'm glad that it's getting a lot of attention or a lot of buzz because the concept of validation is so significant. Now I'm going to have Jennifer Finlayson Fife, one of my favorite guests,