It’s hard to be open and honest with anyone today, especially on tough topics like gay marriage or religion. There’s a real fear of being misunderstood, clobbered or cancelled. Because we are living in an era of incivility.

The simple task of even producing an article like this one….is just too risky. If I have any readers after this piece it will be a miracle.

Wisdom

Don’t you think wisdom is one of the benefits of traveling through the various stages of life? I do.

Wisdom is simply a worldview that is continually influenced by experience and knowledge.

To permanently fix your mind on a particular position is short sighted. It suggests that you’ve reached enlightenment. And, have finished gaining experience and knowledge, forever.

Since it’s just you and me talking, I’ll go ahead and admit it. I was once uncertain about gay marriage. It seemed to threaten the institution of marriage and seemed to be out of line with my faith tradition. But, a man named Dr. David Watson changed my mind. About five years ago he said, “I don’t ever want to see a couple sitting behind me in church and have them feel un-welcome in God’s house.” In a split second that experience and his wisdom changed my mind. It wasn’t hard.

“When the facts change, I change my mind. What do you do, madam?”Sir Winston Churchill

The point is that we are a work in progress. And, as good human-beings we should constantly evaluate our positions. This is why it’s important to stay open minded to people who disagree with you. Because there is always more to learn and absorb. Like your Mom’s favorite recipes. They get better over the years as she continually tweaks and adjusts the ingredients based on wisdom & experience.

The ability to change your mind shows an openness to seeing the world differently. And it opens up a whole new world of possibilities. But, changing your mind takes courage. It’s an outward sign that you remain open to learning.

But in today’s world, changing your mind is frowned upon. It’s wishy-washy, or hypocritical to change your mind. As if finding new ways of seeing complex problems is a sign of weakness. Hogwash.

“The difference between sounding smart and being smart is: I don’t know”.

Naval Ravikant

Social media has exacerbated this problem and led to a war on civility. The world is now full of opinionated armchair experts. And, most of them are on Twitter, where the only form of communication is screaming. Twitter is the land of extreme overconfidence. Everyone is an expert. And, everyone believes their own bullshit.

The more overconfident we are in our opinions, the more likely we are to express (scream) those opinions. And, the more likely we are to launch a little spittle with our opinions.

Some people believe that the space program was fake but that professional wrestling is real.

 

Some people have simply forgotten how to listen. Whether it’s gun control, abortion, taxes or ketchup on eggs, they have an expert opinion. It’s as if they’ve simply stopped listening and learning, because they already know everything.

“I want you to know, I value each of your opinions, even when you’re wrong.” 

-Ted Lasso

Social Media has created a false sense of community and protection that makes some feel more confident in their views. Polarization increases closed mindedness and closed mindedness increase polarization. Take climate change, for example. It’s not a hill I’m prepared to die on, even though half the world is on fire or underwater right now. But, there are many who will gladly die on that hill. After all, there is valor and virtue in identification with a group that is trying to save the planet. Esprit de corps and all that. 

Despite my current position on Climate Change, I reserve the right to listen and learn more about that issue and to potentially change my mind as evidence continues to grow.

 

So why do we get so entrenched in our positions? Research shows that the more times we repeat an opinion, the more deeply entrenched we become. Like my unwavering opinion that the ageless Keith Richards had John Lennon and George Harrison rubbed out. C’mon, you know it’s possible.  

 

Keep digging, my friend.

Apparently the more times we are “pitched” on a position the less likely we are to adopt that position. Instead of examining our position through civil discourse, we simply dig in deeper. 

Maybe that’s the reason Donald Trump lost the US Presidential election. Perhaps he told everyone that he was doing a terrific job one time too many.  

 

There’s a big difference between being confident and being overconfident. See, being confident is sexy and infectious. It’s the swagger of a pimp in a white fur coat. But, overconfidence is off-putting-as we say in the south. It’s simply closing your mind off from human curiosity. It’s a refusal to be open to ideas and opinions outside your tribe. It’s the fastest way to get avoided at cocktail parties, even if you are wearing a white fur.

 

In 1861, Walt Whitman penned the famous line: Be curious. Not judgmental. But I think in 2021 some have turned that famous line around: Be judgmental. Not curious.

 

Courtesy Raging Rhetoric

And, that judgment creates sophomoric contempt for those of differing opinions. See, contempt leaves no room for curiosity. Everything is black & white. Everything is self righteous.

 

Perhaps there’s a sense of comfort and identity in our identity tribe; a sense of belonging to something bigger than ourselves. Like the way that a church or synagogue allows those of like mind to be in community with one another.

 

To be curious is scary, for some. Scary, because for some people this is the first time they’ve felt a sense of real community or belonging. Being open to dissenting opinions could lead to exclusion. Next thing you know, you’re eating your Lunchable alone in the middle school cafeteria again.  

“Arrogance is ignorance plus conviction,” 

-Tim Urban

 

In his bestselling book, Think Again, Adam M. Grant writes, “If knowledge is power, knowing what we don't know is wisdom. The less intelligent we are in a particular domain, the more we seem to overestimate our actual intelligence in that domain.” Said another way, those with the strongest convictions typically have the least ability to find their ass cheeks with both hands.  

According to Grant, “We listen to views that make us feel good, instead of ideas that make us think hard.”

 

Courtesy xkcd via Mark Manson

Groundhog Day

The good news is that, according to the Wall Street Journal, pants with buttons and zippers have begun outselling those with drawstrings or elastic waistbands at L.L. Bean Inc. It’s time to get out of your day-jammies celebrate and start to celebrate how little we know about things. And, once we get back into real clothes, let’s develop the courage to identify new ways of seeing old problems.