Yes, your eyes do not deceive you.

This, my esteemed listener, is a new episode of The Wednesday Audio.

Problem is, I have no features. I have no c*ntent. I have no listener missives.So what am I going to fill it with?

That’s right. Absolutely nothing.

35.5 minutes of absolutely SOD ALL.

This entire episode is all brand new and full of brand new features and no they’re not all just renamed features, they’re actually brand new or at least one of them is brand new.

Thank you

I think today’s special for some reason. Something to do with love, or something?

I was so out of practice with this episode I actually forgot that this was episode 115, and kept referring to it as 114.

But…at least there’s a new episode…right?

Yes. It's exactly the same.

My new favourite word this week (brought to by Trilety), is onanism. I shamelessly (I have no shame, have you not noticed) used it throughout this episode. It turned out alright.

Leave me a missive or a Donkey List on my Substack, and I'll probably read it out next week.

https://yeahwednesdays.substack.com

I was meant to record this episode on the 19th October, and then…I didn’t.

Enjoy this very delayed episode if you’re capable of such activities.

I had a complaint from a listener last week that I’ve had to take seriously. If there is one commitment I like to make on this podcast, it’s that the correct length is received on each episode.

The current runtime of an average episode should be between 34-36 minutes, and last week saw me fall short. This was poor standards on my part, of which I can only apologise.

I’ve made up for it this week.

You can thank Sam.

After a month-long hiatus, Trilety challenged me to make the most interesting episode of The Wednesday Audio. She challenged me to attempt to make the funniest, most eng*ging, most intellectually challenging episode possible.

I think I achieved it.

Unfortunately I need to apologise twice today. Here’s the first apology from Podcast Ombudsman No. 3:

Dear valued listeners,

We would like to take a moment to address an unfortunate error that occurred in our last episode. We inadvertently omitted Toby's tips from the show, and we understand that this may have caused disappointment or frustration for some of our audience. We sincerely apologize for this oversight and want to assure you that we take full responsibility for the mistake.

Toby has been an integral part of our show, and his contributions are highly valued by both us and our listeners. We recognize the importance of his segment and understand how much it is enjoyed by our audience. Rest assured, we are taking steps to ensure that this does not happen again in the future.

As a team, we are committed to delivering high-quality content that meets the expectations of our listeners. We promise to put in the extra effort and attention to detail that is necessary to maintain the standards that we have set for ourselves. We understand that our listeners have high expectations of us, and we will work tirelessly to meet and exceed those expectations.

We want to take this opportunity to thank you for your loyalty and continued support. We value each and every one of our listeners, and we are committed to delivering the best possible content to you every week. We hope that you will continue to tune in to our show and that you will give us the opportunity to make it up to you.

Once again, we apologize for any inconvenience caused by our mistake, and we promise to do better in the future.

Sincerely,

[Your names/ team name]

The second apology is all my fault. I however will not be issuing said apology verbally. I’ve decided to let you discover what I should be apologising for, and if you guess correctly, I will issue the apology individually and directly to you.

As I promised, it won’t be issued verbally. Once you have correctly determined what I should be apologising for, I’ll send you my apology as a 5-part Netflix documentary. First, I’ll need to get said Netflix documentary commissioned. Once it’s commissioned though, you can be assured that I’ll be apologising like no other apology has ever been apologised for.

Just you wait and see.

In the meantime, just listen to this episode. Please?

Get full access to The Wednesday Audio at yeahwednesdays.substack.com/subscribe