My friends know that I have not used – and do not plan to use – ChatGPT, although I do endorse it for people who do not love to write.

I love to write.

Undissuaded, my friends urge that I should at least allow ChatGPT to gather and compile data for me to edit.

I like to gather my own data.

Jeffrey Eisenberg gave ChatGPT this prompt: “In less than 500 words what advice would Roy H Williams give his good friend Tom Grimes about writing?”

Twenty-seven seconds later, Jeffrey’s computer delivered a 448-word fortune cookie. (I’m not sure why, but I can see it emerging from the front of Jeffrey’s computer on a long, white paper tongue, like the receipt from a grocery story cash register.)

Tom,

Picture this: you’re standing on a bustling street corner, trying to get the attention of a hurried crowd. That’s what writing is like. You have mere seconds to grab someone’s attention and make them care. Here’s how you do it:

1. Engage from the Start: Begin with a bang. Your first sentence should make the reader stop in their tracks. Something unexpected, a question, or a bold statement. For instance, “Have you ever tried to whistle with a mouth full of peanut butter?”
2. Be Conversational: Write as you speak. Imagine you’re having a chat with an old friend over coffee. Use contractions. Keep it casual. The more natural it sounds, the more relatable it becomes.
3. Vary Your Sentences: Mix short, punchy sentences with longer, flowing ones. This rhythm keeps readers engaged. It’s like a song; it needs a beat to keep people moving.
4. Tell Stories: People love stories. They remember them. Use anecdotes to illustrate your points. A well-placed story can make your message unforgettable. “Remember that time we got lost in the woods and stumbled upon that hidden waterfall? Your writing should be like that – a surprising discovery.”
5. Repetition for Emphasis: Don’t shy away from repeating key points. Repetition drills the message into the reader’s mind. It’s like the chorus of a song – it’s what they’ll hum later.
6. Parallel Structure: Use parallel structure to create balance and rhythm in your writing. “He came, he saw, he conquered.” It’s pleasing to the ear and easy to remember.
7. Engaging Openings and Closings: Start strong, but finish even stronger. Leave them with something to think about. A question, a challenge, a powerful statement. Make your closing as memorable as your opening.
8. Be Clear and Concise: Don’t use ten-dollar words when a ten-cent one will do. Simplicity is powerful. It cuts through the noise and delivers your message with clarity.
9. Emotion is Key: Tap into the reader’s emotions. Make them laugh, make them cry, make them think. If they feel something, they’ll remember it.
10. Have a Purpose: Every word should serve a purpose. Ask yourself, “What’s the point of this sentence? Does it move the story forward or add value?” If not, cut it.

Remember, Tom, writing is an art, but it’s also a craft. It takes practice. Don’t be afraid to rewrite, to polish, to perfect. Your goal is to make your reader feel something, to think, to act. Writing isn’t just about putting words on paper; it’s about creating an experience.

So go ahead, write like you’re talking to an old friend. Keep it simple, keep it engaging, and above all, keep it real. That’s the secret.

Cheers,

Roy

My reaction is strangely twisted, like a chocolate and vanilla swirl cone from McDonald’s.

The vanilla twist is that I am impressed by ChatGPT’s ability to extract 10 true things from 30 years worth of Monday Morning Memos. The chocolate twist is my annoyance that ChatGPT used filler words and boring phrases I would never use.

Get your shit together, ChatGPT.

Get your poop in a group.

The following is my rewrite of the sanitized, digitized, homogenized fortune cookie ChatGPT wrote while pretending it was me.

Tom-Tom,

You’re standing on the hood of your car, trying to get the attention of the airpod-and-earbud people who ignore you as they walk by. Welcome to the world of ad writing.

Here are my Ten Tips for Triggering Trouble, Causing Confusion, Raising Riots and Selling Stuff.

1. Open Big: “My dog can whistle like Tom Sawyer and dance like Huckleberry Finn.”
2. Get Comfortable: A relaxed speaker creates a focused listener.
3. Find Your Rhythm: “My client would not, could not, did not commit these crimes.”
4. Tell Stories: People love’em.
5. Say the Good Stuff Twice: Say the really good stuff three times.
6. Use Paired Opposites: Every proton needs an electron. Friends and enemies, ups and downs, ins and outs, whispers and shouts, lips and snouts,
7. Throw Away Every Cliché: Be new, surprising, and different.
8. Don’t Try to Sound Educated, But Say Intelligent Things: Don’t be pompous, be impressive.
9. Make People Laugh, Cry, or Get Angry: If you win the heart, the mind will follow. The mind can always find logic to justify what the heart has already decided.
10. Close Big: The cannon goes BOOM! Then you bow deeply and with a flourish of your hands nighttime falls fast like a curtain and fireworks fill the sky. The people clap insanely, glad they stopped, removed their earbuds, and took a moment to smile.

Indy said to tell you Aroo.

Ciao for Niao,

Roy

SUMMARY BY INDY BEAGLE: It took Brother Chatsworth 448 words to sound like a wooden puppet who wishes it was a real boy, but it took the wizard only 240 words to sound like himself. He’s good at being himself. I’ll bet you’re good at being yourself, too! Aroo. – Indy

PS FROM ROY: The better writer is the self-aware writer, just as a painter is a better painter for knowing he himself is in the pigment.