theTimeVault

The listeners must relax and believe.

Everything in the TimeVault is considered and correct.

You must accept it without question.

You must obey orders.

The presenters of the TimeVault know what is best.

In 54 minutes, when you stop listening, you will be given an opinion.

You will be glad to agree.

You will question nothing in the TimeVault

There is no such thing as other podcasts!

There are no other podcasts!!

Other podcasts do not exist!!!

THERE ARE NO OTHER PODCASTS!!!!!!!

The listeners must relax and believe.

Everything in the TimeVault is considered and correct.

You must accept it without question.

You must obey orders.

The presenters of the TimeVault know what is best.

In 54 minutes, when you stop listening, you will be given an opinion.

You will be glad to agree.

You will question nothing in the TimeVault

There is no such thing as other podcasts!

There are no other podcasts!!

Other podcasts do not exist!!!

THERE ARE NO OTHER PODCASTS!!!!!!!

During our forced isolation we've been watching a lot of Film and TV. Survivors, Outbreak, Contagion, Masque of Mandragora, Masque of the Red Death, Mask of Zorro, The Masked Singer, The Mask, Son of the Mask, Mask, M.A.S.K., The Man in the Iron Mask, The Man in the Iron Mask, The Man in the Iron Mask and err...oh yes, The Man in the Iron Mask

But we couldn't face any more so we're back, whether you like it or not. Get used to it!

Ros has found her new calling…Road Rage Influencer; when she’s not goading violent henchman types into ramming elderly drivers in dark tunnels, she’s flying helicopters over public roads while shooting at vehicles transporting highly unstable explosive materials. It all comes back to haunt her though when she has a reaction to a bad salad.

Ed meanwhile is in the most understaffed scientific research facility in the world, having to spend the whole weekend showing the worst security man ever how to wind a really big watch. He’s so keen to leave he willingly lets himself get captured by some dodgy types, tied to a chair surrounded by lasers and exploding liquid while he waits for a nasty phone call….

Oblivious to all of this, Beckett’s feeling pumped about finding a secluded spot to get crazy with a cute lab technician, unaware that she won’t do anything for less than ten million!

It looks like he’ll have to cancel Gerhardt the Magician.

Ros has found her new calling…Road Rage Influencer; when she’s not goading violent henchman types into ramming elderly drivers in dark tunnels, she’s flying helicopters over public roads while shooting at vehicles transporting highly unstable explosive materials. It all comes back to haunt her though when she has a reaction to a bad salad.

Ed meanwhile is in the most understaffed scientific research facility in the world, having to spend the whole weekend showing the worst security man ever how to wind a really big watch. He’s so keen to leave he willingly lets himself get captured by some dodgy types, tied to a chair surrounded by lasers and exploding liquid while he waits for a nasty phone call….

Oblivious to all of this, Beckett’s feeling pumped about finding a secluded spot to get crazy with a cute lab technician, unaware that she won’t do anything for less than ten million!

It looks like he’ll have to cancel Gerhardt the Magician.

It’s all happening on the moon! Except it isn’t. The moon-base is staffed by the most normal, relaxed bunch of colleagues you’re ever likely to find in Doctor Who. It’s so relaxed that Ben stacks boxes, Polly waffles on about nail varnish and the doctor looks at shoes under a microscope. Ahh, lazy days…..

But oh no! Scott has just head butted the moon and gets a bad case of the sweats when he starts hallucinating Billie Piper. He needs help but no one really appreciates the gravity of the situation until the many love children of Bender and Metal Mickey turn up with a plan to kill everyone on Earth by rotting the teeth of everyone on the moon….

No, I don’t know either. They’ve been hiding behind the breakfast cereals in the store room and i think they’ve having a sugar rush.

It’s all happening on the moon! Except it isn’t. The moon-base is staffed by the most normal, relaxed bunch of colleagues you’re ever likely to find in Doctor Who. It’s so relaxed that Ben stacks boxes, Polly waffles on about nail varnish and the doctor looks at shoes under a microscope. Ahh, lazy days…..

But oh no! Scott has just head butted the moon and gets a bad case of the sweats when he starts hallucinating Billie Piper. He needs help but no one really appreciates the gravity of the situation until the many love children of Bender and Metal Mickey turn up with a plan to kill everyone on Earth by rotting the teeth of everyone on the moon….

No, I don’t know either. They’ve been hiding behind the breakfast cereals in the store room and i think they’ve having a sugar rush.

The man without a face doesn’t have a face but he does have a face and another face.

The woman with an unmentionable job and questionable taste in music has her name and someone else’s name and keeps extra hair by her bed but not by her other bed.

A pair of medium atomic weights have taken to squatting in someone else’s dingy, squalid little flat while they bicker about job satisfaction and look at the most miserable, depressing photographs they can find.

The children’s division of the Oliver Twist Fan Club who want to poke people’s eyes out with umbrellas are just a distraction.

What we’re here to talk about is what happens when the Blank Stare, the Big Hair and the Bickering Pair gather on the staircase to have a big ol’ barney in the middle of the night.

aka ‘Stop Piscine About’

The TARDIS crew go for a swim in their latest adventure when they discover the lost city of Atlantis!

A mad mad scientist (that’s a mad scientist who’s then gone mad) with an equally mad accent has found the city and promised to raise it, but only he knows that to do it he must blow up the world! Ahahahahahaha!!! (see, i said he was mad).

The Doctor tries to stop him by doing something educational with a cooking pot while Polly wanders around wearing whelks and mussels trying not to be turned in to a fish, and the boys? Well, they just prance around in tight fitting wetsuits for most of the story – clearly servicing the fetishist fantasies of the costume designer.

There are big hats, big priests, dodgy disguises, dancing fish (which aren’t nearly as entertaining as they sound), a stereotypical Irishman, underwater filming without the water, one of the most clichéd cliff-hangers ever......and did I mention the mad scientist?

A politician with a penchant for gardening who likes chocolate bars and compulsive gigglers is a big man in the ‘underground alternative medicine’ scene.

When he’s not lurking in the cellars of his restaurant chain, he surrounds himself with a lot of card players; his secretary likes playing solitaire while his public relations advisor prefers snap. When Bond turns up and convinces one of them to switch to Happy Families, chaos ensues.

After he has a little quarrel with his unexpected wife because she forgot her mongoose and doesn’t like playing darts, he picks a fight with an army of black russians who chase him all over the place until he gives their magic slave back.

He does this and then his new sex-mad girlfriend goes country dancing in zombie land so that he can shut the local dancing skeleton in a box full of snakes and then saves the day by puncturing Kananga’s over inflated opinion of himself. Pop.

Then he talks to his friend, Felix. Who can fix anything.