Think Queerly

What is overwhelm?

It’s a state of being in which you feel total overpowered by one or more emotions, situations, or everything all at once.

In truth it’s an emotional state in which you are overly identified with too many of your problems or struggles and you are stuck in your head. It’s a vicious cycle, and the problem is that you are not your problems!

So how do you take back control?

The first step is to move in a different way. Yes, move, but differently....

What I described in today’s episode is part of my ADD Coaching Method.

Book a Coaching Discovery Call with Darren

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In this episode I speak about the challenge for gay men to forgive homophobia in their lives, be it from individuals, family, and society at large.

The topic for the episode was inspired by a discussion of models of forgiveness in Raymond L. Rigolisoso’s book, “Gay Men and The New Way Forward” and this coaching group (which I’m a part of), “Gay Men of Wisdom”.

http://www.gaymenofwisdom.org

I discuss the meaning and origins of the word, forgiveness, and what it means to me on a personal level (including how I’ve experienced homophobia and what I do and don’t forgive). I dive into how we could define forgiveness with respect to homophobia to contribute to the betterment of society.

I look at where forgiveness as a distinct gay male gift originates and how that knowledge could shape future generations.

With forgiveness we do not condone homophobia. Instead we seek to confront it with compassion and dialogue. When we can come from that place it demonstrates to others the level of self-worth we have for ourselves.

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If you want to accomplish something that’s important to you, do you believe that setting a goal with a deadline, or making a New Year’s resolution will do the trick?

Do you create lists of goals with the best intentions, but then for whatever reason, you never accomplish them?

Over the years of studying personal development, goal setting systems, and personal productivity methods, I’ve discovered that there are a myriad of ways to establish, manage, and follow through on your goals – within a particular system.

However, what’s MOST often missing from all of those systems is the METHOD – the STRUCTURE – that precedes and SUPPORTS the system.

If you really want to resolve to do something BIG in the coming New Year…

If you’d rather be already be on your way to accomplishing your goals while everyone else is making up their New Year’s Resolutions…

If you’re ready to commit to taking action on accomplishing meaningful goals that will allow you live out your dreams in the next 3 years then,

Contact me for a discovery call.

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Do you think the following statement is true:

People who are afraid of the future cling to the present.

When I first read that sentence it hit me hard, because of my recent awareness that I have ‘apparently’ been fearful of my own future. I’ve been experiencing fears around the promise of something new and I wasn’t sure if I could make my goals – my dream – a reality.

If you are fearful about the future, feeling frustrated, or at the end of your rope, it's because you’re creating negative emotions in the present moment based on stories from your past.

You are looking back at what hasn't happened, what you haven't done, and negatively judging yourself for those choices and actions.

It’s not that you are afraid of the future, you are instead seeking to escape the reality of your present moment, which is a result of the choices and actions you’ve taken in the past.

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Have you hard the expression, “You need to fall in love with the process, not the goal”.

That’s only partially correct.

While it’s highly motivating to fall in love with the process, you never want to be attached to the goal. You don’t want to be emotionally dependant upon the goal.

You want to fall in love with the doing, the taking action, accepting, trusting, and believing that your choices and actions are leading towards your desired goal.

Love is an important emotion to drive your motivation in accomplishing goals.

It puts you in an open and receptive state. Feeling the love of the process will make it easier to slip into flow state, in which you lose track of time and space and simply do the work.

Love makes working on your desired goal easier. The more you focus on the doing – the present moment “journey”, and loving that process – there will be no attachment to outcome.

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Pretend that you recently accomplished a really big goal.

I’m talking the big-kahuna, significant life goal: a major promotion at work; a $30,000 sales target reached; you’ve moved into your dream home; you lost over 20 pounds of body fat; or whatever you have in mind as a meaningful, impactful goal.

Now that you find yourself in a much better place than you were before achieving that goal, you feel uncomfortable. You might even be experiencing fear. That is not what you expected!

It’s time to re-frame and adjust how you see yourself, here in this new state of being.

You have to let go of the old you and transform.

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Have you ever said (or heard others say) something like,

“Is that for me? Oh, you shouldn’t have!” Or, “I don’t deserve this.”

Too often I hear this from those of us who serve others in capacities like coaching, personal training, massage, teaching, blogging, and so on.

For some reason we depreciate ourselves, as if we shouldn’t be proud of our accomplishments, including our gifts, skills, talents, products, and services.

When you give something that is of value to others, you are entitled to receive something in return for your service.

In other words, you deserve it.

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If you're excited by every new idea, jumping from one project to the next, you'll never get what you want.

Instead, the outcome will be many small projects, some completed, and others abandoned; or jumping one job to another. You will be no closer to achieving your goals and creating the life of your dreams.

But, once you know what you want to do – with clarity and on your own terms – you can then establish systems and structures that will keep you on the path to accomplish your goals.

Want to learn how to create a plan to accomplish you goals and dreams in 3 years that excites the fuck out of you in 8 systematic steps?

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One of the core steps to Live OUT the best of who you are is to keep a journal.

We journal for self-awareness to work through our problems and struggles, to get clear on how to solve those problems, and to give form to our creative inspirations.

When we journal regularly we stay connected with who we are. No one else has the power to assess, dream, and design our lives.

Divine your own truth by your own hand, and write your life’s story going forward, page by page.

Read the post, Divining the Depths of the Well of Self-Awareness.

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ADD To Your Life

How many times have you sought out someone’s opinion, or wanted someone to agree with you?

Maybe you didn’t know how to resolve a difficult situation and you asked what they thought. Or perhaps you were working to solve a problem and you wanted someone to tell you that you were doing the right thing.

The truth is that other people’s opinions do not matter.

They are simply their opinions and have nothing to do with you. Usually we are seeking validation in seeking people’s opinion or agreement with what we want to do. The problem with validation is that it’s not who we are.

We are not other people’s opinions, judgements, or agreements with us.

What we need instead of other people's opinions or agreements is insight.

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