Think Queerly

This past weekend I was a guest on the Shaun Proulx Show on Canada Talks on SiriusXM Canada, channel 167.

Shaun and I went deep into the discussion that you are not your problems or your past stories. We talked about what you can do to reframe your problems, and how to come up with creative and empowering solutions.

Enjoy this special edition of the Living OUT Podcast and be sure to check out Shaun's website here: http://www.shaunproulx.ca.

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For many years I held onto my past. I thought about people who made me feel bad and unworthy. I reacted to how heteronormative culture boxed me in and made me feel shame for being a gay man. I felt like a loser graduating high school with a 51% average. My past became my identity and I was stuck in the drama of that tired old story.

How would it feel to move forward with ease, to live out the best of who you are, to explore what you’ve hidden away in the closet, and to finally get what you want?

In this episode I share some of my journey, and some of my “baggage” to explain how a single shift in focus can dramatically improve your life.

Read the accompanying post, If You Can Leave Your Baggage Behind, Then You Can Increase Success.

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Do you stick to the appointments you make with other people and compromise or cancel appointments that you make with yourself?

What do you do on a daily or weekly basis to take care of yourself that never appears on your calendar? What always gets done with consistency and without argument or resistance?

For example, in my past I would compromise many of my “self-appointments.” I shrugged them off as unimportant, but these were important habits like writing and meditation. Writing allows me to express my creativity and helps me build my business. Mediation helps me with clarity, focus, calmness and peace of mind.

So why is it that if it’s an appointment you make with yourself, why is that less of an agreement with yourself? Why do we let ourselves off the hook, so to speak?

Read the complimentary post, Why Your Most Important Appointment Is the Booking You Make with Yourself.

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In this episode I look at why we often go on the defensive about what we believe to be right, why we attack so easily when confronted with something we don’t agree with or believe in, and what that says about who we are.

Below are the key quotations I reference from the podcast,Ram Dass Here and Now, “Reality of Who We Are”, episode 86.

“You only try and protect your position when you don't have much faith in where you're at. Just like you only come on to other people, about their position, when you don't have much faith in where you're at."

“A compassionate being is what he or she is, creating a space in which other people can be what they need to be, not what you want them to be."

“You're no longer flamboyant in your protest. Your protest is somewhat more effective because you less define yourself as them."

“Constantly seeking the external hit because you're afraid fully to confront your possible bankruptcy. Because your model of yourself has in it so much unworthiness, that you're afraid that if you really stopped and looked, and "be-ed" it would be too ugly, too frightening, it wouldn't be enough."

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Taking risks is not about trying to be different or trying to make a name for yourself. This is not the same as riding a rollercoaster or sky-diving. This is a risk of the soul, exposing your truth, your abilities, and your creative genius to the world.

You can’t predict anyone will care, follow you, or even support what you do — especially if you are only motivated by your ego. If the ego doesn’t get recognition (“Hey, look at me!”) your efforts feel diminished and wasted.

If you want to create something truly great and of incredible value that will improve people’s lives, you need to shut out all the voices, all the criticism, all the “You should do this” suggestions, trust your gut and risk it all.

Read the accompanying post, If You Can Accept Discomfort, You Can Achieve Personal Greatness.

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Do you have a vision for what your dream life looks like? Or do you have a mission, or what some refer to as having a calling in life?

You can have all of the above. As an example, I am consciously creating my dream life every day (and sometimes I doubt it will ever happen, but that’s another story). My focus on growing my business is connected with my mission and my calling.

So how do you create that vision of your dream life, and more importantly, how do you take steps every day to live your life by design and have your dreams, not just inspire your actions, but pull you towards your goals?

Read the accompanying post, What Is Your Calling in Life?

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The outcome of this self-assessment process is to gain clarity on the reasons for your problems, struggles or challenges. Once you get clarity on what’s holding you back, you can then come up with solutions and create an action plan to solve those problems and challenges.

This process is part of my ADD Coaching Methodology: a 12-session program to help you,

1. Assess the foundations of your life. How did you get to this point? What are you proud of? What is holding your back from getting what you want? How do you clear the clutter to support the foundations of your life that best serve you?
2. Dream into the future present about how your life is. Experience what you want as if it has already happened.
3. Design a plan to manage the micro and macro parts of your life so that you can live from your core values and live out the best of who you are.

Get the first step of my ADD Method, The Get Clarity Process, to find solutions to your biggest challenge or problem, right now.

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Why do we act mean or disrespectful towards others?

Why don't we realize that this is a lack of self-respect?

When we attack, harass, bully, defame, or call someone names, it is a reflection of our own self-image. Our actions are a reflection of our lack of control and emotional intelligence.

It's easy to go down the path of anger, attack, and self- protection.

The ancient parts of our brain serve to keep us safe and comfortable. They react instantly and seemingly without logical, conscious thought. They override the pre-frontal cortex, the so-called thinking or logical brain.

It's in the moments after the ancient brain has calmed down that we realize the error of our actions. However, we can learn how to take a pause to sit in that gap between unconscious ancient brain response and logical, conscious response.

Read the complete post, How We Treat Each Other Reflects Who We Are.

Living OUT theme music: “Summer” by Bensound.com

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Have you left the best parts of you in the closet?

As a metaphor, the closet can be the place where you’ve suppressed and hidden away the best parts of who you are. These are your hidden dreams and desires, which might feel too heavy to drag out of the closet.

The things we’re most afraid of doing are in fact the things that make us evolve. What we are afraid of is leaning out of our comfort zone. Comfort is safe, but it’s not expanding; it’s not where personal growth happens, it’s not where we can have an impact in the world.

How to find that spark if it’s been locked away for too long.

Many of us are looking for a way to create or get what we want, or to be “that person” who we want to be. A structure can help you rekindle that spark and live out the best of who you are.

Read the complete post, The ADD to Your Life Methodology: Assess – Dream – Design.

Living OUT theme music: “Summer” by Bensound.com

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One early morning last week on my way to the gym, I saw a homeless man wandering aimlessly. I looked away, avoiding eye contact, and kept going, pretending that it shouldn't matter.

But by thinking the thought, it did matter. It mattered that he was “homeless” and I did nothing about it – other than to recognize this awareness bothered me. I had so much going for me compared to him. I realized the privilege in my abundance.

I know nothing of the homeless man's story. Who am I to judge, but he appeared to have nothing. This doesn't mean he needs anything, but surely a home, personal safety, and peace of mind should be available to him – and not a privilege.

What should I call this repeated, uncomfortable, knee-jerk reaction to seeing a homeless person? Does this make me a bad person? A bad person might sneer, criticize, and judge, which we often do in situations that make us uncomfortable.

Abundance is not a thing. It's a mindset and a state of being. It's a universal constant. If you turn your abundance into a physical object, a possession or something to protect, then it becomes a privilege.

I realized that comfort is a kind of abundance, whereas discomfort is stepping outside of the belief that abundance is limitless.

Perhaps that’s where privilege as a form of protection shows up. If I judge and ignore the homeless man it's because in some way I'm worried about losing what I possess. I am choosing to limit my perception of what I have.

Poverty and prosperity are mental constructs on either side of a spectrum.

Abundance is non-judgmental. Abundance is an expression of the truth of the universe, which is ever expanding. Like Einstein’s famous formula, E = MC2, energy cannot be destroyed; it only changes form.

Like quantum theory, which states that our observation of particles has an affect upon them, by comparison my observation of abundance had an effect upon my understanding of it in that moment – in relation to the limiting concept of privilege.

Perhaps the lesson here is that there are no limitations, other than the limits we create and accept for ourselves. When we limit the nature of abundance, how does that make us judge others as “less than”, protect what we have, and hold back on what we have to offer?

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