This Little Light of Mine - Leading Yourself Through the Fire of Religious Trauma

Well... it's Christmas Eve and we can finally see the finish line for 2020. What a strange year... did any of our futurists or experts predict this one?

As we head into this break I wanted to put together a quick episode to share Holiday survival tips for LGBTQ2S+ Christians or for anyone who might have all the happy joyous feelings that we're 'supposed to' have at this time of year.

I'll be home for Christmas this year and I want to acknowledge how hard that's going to be for me.

To be honest, the break between Christmas and New Years is usually one of the loneliest and lowest times of the year for me.

I know that I'm not alone, and that for many Queer people of faith, the holiday season can be really hard and really dark. That cheery exterior that we are expected to portray in pictures, at parties and on social media.... that's not the reality for many of us.

Christmas can be a reminder and a celebration of everything that the church said that we are NOT allowed to be and can activate many Religious Trauma Syndrome triggers.

To help survive this holiday season I want to propose 7 Holiday survival tips for LGBTQ2S+ Christians.

James

IG: @MyLightShinesBright

If you’re still with me, I want you to hear this clearly—your story isn’t over. Even if it feels like you’re standing in the dark, even if you’re exhausted from the fight, even if the lies you’ve been told still whisper louder than the truth you’re trying to believe—you’re still here.

And that’s leadership.

Not the kind the world glorifies, but the quiet, courageous leadership of choosing to stay. Of choosing to breathe. Of choosing—just for today—to believe that something more is possible.

Leadership starts there. It starts in the moments no one sees. When you say, “I matter enough to ask for help.” When you say, “My Knowing deserves my trust.”

This isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about taking one brave step toward hope. And then another. And then another.

So if you’re standing on that edge, wondering if it’s worth it—hear me when I say: It is. You are. And the world needs the light only you can bring.

Trauma is blocked emotional energy that is trapped inside of your body. You need to process it and you need to feel it.

What I have learned is that when I repress and deny my feelings and my Knowing, I’m blocking my connection with God and I’m hurting myself… and I’m hurting others.

At more than one point in my life I thought it would be easier to leave this world than to feel my feelings, follow my God given Knowing, speak out against those I considered to be in ‘control’ and to share my truth.

I was drifting towards suicide because I cared more about what others thought about me than I did about myself. I believed the lies that I was being taught about my being, instead of trusting my Knowing.

Trigger Warning - I want to share that this is another ‘explicit’ episode as this part of my story contains content that may trigger some survivors. In today’s episode I will be talking about suicidal ideation and attempted suicide. This is a topic that nobody wants to talk about, but we desperately need to talk about. I’m dedicating this episode to all those struggling with mental health challenges and to the incredible services that The Trevor Project provides in the US and that Kids Help Phone provides in Canada to help support young LGBTQ lives.

Hold on. Reach out. Take the next small, loving step.

And when you’re ready, I’ll be right here walking with you.

You are loved. You are needed. And you’re already leading—just by choosing to stay.

Until next time, take care of your heart, trust your Knowing, and keep your light shining.

If you are a survivor of religious trauma, sexual abuse or assault or are a person facing mental health issues related to today’s conversation I strongly encourage you to be extremely gentle with yourself and to reach out to a mental health professional that specializes in trauma.

There is no shame in asking for the help that you deserve.

You are loved

James.

https://www.humankind.work

Hello and welcome to Episode 18 of This Little Light Of Mine.  My name is James Powell and I’m glad that you’re able to join me for today’s episode, ‘Scapegoat’.

Over the past few weeks on IG and Facebook @MyLightShinesBright our trauma topic of conversation has been around the concept of ‘The Scapegoat’.  This is a relatively new term for me, and it seems like it’s a term that resonates with many that are on similar journeys of trauma recovery, addiction recovery, those deconstructing their religious beliefs, people experiencing homelessness and many in the BIPOC and LGBTQ2S+ communities.

A scapegoat is a truth teller in a family, company or community.  They are the ones that will verbalize or act out “the problem” that others are attempting to cover up or deny.

Scapegoats are also called many other names… negative, shit disturber, trouble-maker, problem child, killer of dreams and get labelled with words like hostile, angry, crazy or defiant.

What I’m learning is that insecure leaders or people with insecure positions of power need to marginalize or try to sideline the scapegoat.  The truth-telling of the scapegoat brings issues to the surface, questions the status quo and calls for actual transparency and radical change in our world.

On today’s episode I’m in conversation with another radical truth-teller, scapegoat, and leader, Junia "June" Joplin.

Junia “June” Joplin began serving in church ministry over twenty years ago, at nineteen years old. She has served congregations in the U.S. and Canada, most recently serving as a pastor in suburban Toronto. She holds degrees from Appalachian State University and the Baptist Theological Seminary at Richmond. 

A long-time advocate for greater LGBTQ+ acceptance in faith communities, June made international headlines last summer when she came out as a trans woman and was subsequently fired by her congregation. June has been acclaimed as a stirring preacher and graceful leader. Her sermons and other content can be found on her website, pastorjune.com.

June is feisty, funny and incredibly vulnerable as she shares part of her story and message of hope and love for fellow truth-tellers.

I hope you grow as much from this conversation as I did.

James

www.humankind.work

Hello and welcome to Episode 17 of This Little Light Of Mine. My name is James Powell and I’m glad that you’re able to join me for today’s episode, ‘In the shadows’.

Before we get started with today’s episode, I want to be very transparent that this is my first ‘explicit’ episode as this part of my story contains content that may trigger some survivors. In today’s episode I will be talking about sexual assault, rape, trauma and dissociation. I encourage all listeners to be gentle with themselves and to proceed with loving intent as they listen, knowing that it’s okay to stop and/or take breaks. 

If you are a survivor of religious trauma, sexual abuse or assault or are a person facing mental health issues related to today’s conversation I strongly encourage you to be extremely gentle with yourself and to reach out to a mental health professional that specializes in trauma.

I am terrified about sharing these next few story episodes with you. Ever since starting TLLOM I’ve been pushing these episodes to the back of my mind by telling myself… they are months away… just focus on the episode in front of you. And now we’re here. 

I’m not sharing these stories to be salacious, to call anyone out, or to shame anyone, in fact, that’s why I’ve never shared much of today’s content with anyone. I’m sharing this part of my story because I want to reduce shame. Shame reduction starts when you welcome light into the shadow parts of your life. I’m also sharing because I want allies and those who continue to inflict spiritual abuse on our LGBTQ2S+ children to understand what happens when you teach a child that they’re not allowed to love. 

Authentic sharing is the antidote to toxic shame. Fear, disconnection and hiding in the shadows is what fuels the cancer of shame. I know this fear all too well. In fact, I’ve only been showing you the parts of me that I think are socially acceptable. 

This is how I’ve operated for most of my life, I’ve been hiding behind a mask… but there are other parts of me too… it’s only been through decades of extensive therapy and intensive trauma therapy over the past year that I’m starting to see some of my protective parts. Parts of me… not the whole me. 

Growing up in a fundamentalist background I was never taught about ‘parts’… I was simply taught that I was either good or evil, a saint or a sinner, of God or of Satan. It was this type of harmful thinking that taught me that I was completely broken, a forgotten sinner and an abomination in the eyes of God. It was this type of toxic theology that drove me out in search of nourishment... but the nourishment I found nearly starved me to death.

It's time for more of me to step out of the shadows.

James

www.ThisLittleLightOfMine.CA

@MyLightShinesBright

Join Chad Rollo and I as we talk about deconstructing our faith and the importance of being in community with 'fellow travellers' as we journey this wild & windy (and often painful) road towards integrating our faith and sexuality after years of living behind a wall of shame & fear.

Growing up so deeply entrenched in an evangelical church-based community and family I know how painful and important questions around faith and sexuality can be.  

I desperately wanted to wake up one day and to magically have the absolute affirmation and unconditional love, of my church and from my family, without having any conflict and without having to make any changes to the beliefs that I was raised to believe were absolute truth for absolutely everyone... with no exceptions or shades of grey.

At many times my sexuality and faith seemed to be oceans apart, and honestly, there were times when I said, ‘screw this!  I’ve been hurt too many times.  I’ve fallen for the ‘all are welcome’ ploys for the last time.  The continuous gaslighting of being told that people were coming from ‘a place of love’ when really, they were projecting their own fears and hate towards how God created me, and towards my I AMness.’  This abuse, and it is abuse, was too much.

I want to affirm and honour those that need to walk away.  I understand that for some you need to love and honour your Knowing and Truth.  I get that the abuse, the trauma and the appropriation of God’s name to hate instead of love is not healthy and continues to inflict pain.  Trust yourself, be kind and gentle with yourself, do whatever you need to create a space of psychological, mental, emotional and spiritual safety.  This needs to come first.  Know that I see you.

And what I am now learning, at my current space of healing, is that this pain, it was a call inward.  I needed to go inside to hear and Know God.  It was a call to deconstruct some of the lies, fears, false certainties and mistranslations that I was taught by man.  I needed to deconstruct so that I could remember God’s truth for my life.

What I now know, I didn’t need to turn my back on my faith.  I needed to tune into my faith and turn up the dial in my connection with God.  That is what deconstruction is about.  Deconstruction isn’t a process of destruction… it’s a process of attunement, remembering and transformational spiritual growth.

Chad’s faith looks different than it did years ago, but he wouldn’t change a thing.  The pain of losing his family still exists and is very real, but Chad knows that God has blessed him with Bill and his family, and a community that loves him for exactly who he is.  

Chad probably would not have found this place of peace and acceptance if he didn’t love and trust himself enough AND if he didn’t love and trust God enough to be led through a phase of deconstruction.

And just like Chad shared with me, If he had to go through it all again, he would! 

And as painful as my process of recovery and deconstruction can be, so would I.  There is so much hope, strength and love waiting to be remembered.

I am so glad you're here and that you're asking such powerful questions.

We need you, we need to hear your story.

You are wanted, you are worthy.

You are loved.

James

www.ThisLittleLightOfMine.CA

IG: @MyLightShinesBright

In today's episode I share what it was like for me growing up in the 90’s evangelical church culture and share about one of my worst nightmares coming to life.  

And from the many stories, comments and messages that you have been sharing online through FB & IG it is very clear that this period in time wasn’t an easy, joy-filled or shame free period for so many… not matter where we may have lived on the spectrum of gender or orientation.

The 90’s evangelical purity culture was an organized strategy started by US conversative groups to convince young people that the Bible requires a severe abstinence code.

In response to the HIV/AIDS crisis of the 80’s, comprehensive sex education was being introduced to more and more schools across America.  This angered many conservative and evangelical lobbying groups like Moral Majority who kicked into high gear… and out popped a full blown (and partially federally funded) purity panic. 

Were you pure or were you shamed?

What were you taught about your sexuality while you were growing up?

James

@MyLightShinesBright

Hello and welcome to Episode 14 of This Little Light Of Mine.  My name is James Powell and I’m glad that you’re able to join me for today’s episode, ‘The shift’.

In today’s episode I’m joined by best-selling author, podcaster, and PROGRESSIVE pastor Colby Martin.  Colby is passionate about carving out a space within Christianity that includes: a whole-heartedly affirming posture toward LGBTQ individuals, a broader acceptance of other spiritual practices and religious perspectives, an agreeableness toward science, and a commitment to always growing, transforming, and trusting that the best days are yet to come.

Colby is one of leading voices of the Progressive Christian movement, he made me cry with his vision for the church in his first book UnClobber – Rethinking our Misuse of the Bible on Homosexuality and introduce me to the incredible voices of Brian McLaren and Glennon Doyle.  Colby will be talking about his newly released book The Shift: Surviving and Thriving after Moving from Conservative to Progressive Christianity

For those moving from a conservative to progressive sense of Christianity, Colby talks of our need to welcome doubt, welcome questioning, welcome vulnerability.

This journey is not about pretending that any human has all the answers or that any of the answers can fit neatly into one of two boxes.

I also really appreciate Colby, his story and his approach because he acknowledges (and has experienced) some of the pain, loss, anger and loneliness that the journey forward has… these feelings and all of our feelings are valid and are part of our healing process so that we can grow forward into the full expression of who we were created to be.  As much as we might want to (and as much as I have tried), we can’t skip over this part.

What came up for you as you listened to this conversation with Colby?  What questions did it stir inside of you?  What anger might have come up?  What new hope or insight might have been born?

I’d love to hear from you.

A huge thank again to Colby Martin for joining us today and for helping set a new course of bringing more love into our world with his new book ‘The Shift’.  

Thank you so much for joining us today and I look forward to connecting with you in two-weeks’ time for our next story episode called ‘PUREity shame’ where I share what it was like growing up in the 90’s evangelical church culture and share about one of my worst nightmares coming to life. 

Thank you again for being with us today and before I go I want to remind you.

Your story is important.  You were designed with a powerful voice.  We need to hear what you have to say. 

Your feelings and your experiences are valid.  You have the right to feel safe and be safe.

You matter, you are needed, you are wanted, and you are loved.

James

www.humankind.work

In today’s episode ‘Gospel gaslighting’ I share where some of my emotional arrested development started. 

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment, often evoking in them cognitive dissonance and other changes, including low self-esteem.

In short, gaslighting is another’s attempt to question your ‘Knowing’ or to question your ‘Truth’.

The antidote to gaslighting is vulnerability and intimacy.  It’s taking off the armor.  It’s going off script and having a heart-to-heart conversation.  It’s radical transparency, it’s mucky, it’s messy and it’s emotional… because… guess what… we are emotional beings!

Instead of teaching ourselves how to reign in our emotions, suppress our feelings, labeling our feelings as good vs. bad we have the opportunity to honour ourselves and each other by bringing our full and wonderfully messy selves into each and every situation.  And just to be clear, I’m not saying “bring ALL of your emotions ALL of the time into EVERY situation”, we need to balance this with emotional intelligence and gauge how can I appropriately show my emotions and be human right now.

Being told that my inner knowing, my being, my sexuality, my orientation, whatever you want to call it was wrong or it was a choice or something I could get rid of; I always knew that it wasn’t.  But I was taught to doubt myself, and so many people are taught to doubt who they are, who God created them to be.

Our emotions, our feelings, our conscience, our intuition these are our gifts from God.  They are what make us unique and they are what we need to fully bring forward, each and every one of us, if we are going to heal forward together.

Next episode I will be joined by best-selling author, podcaster, and PROGRESSIVE pastor Colby Martin. Colby is passionate about carving out a space within Christianity that includes: a whole-heartedly affirming posture toward LGBTQ individuals, a broader acceptance of other spiritual practices and religious perspectives, an agreeableness toward science, and a commitment to always growing, transforming, and trusting that the best days are yet to come.

Join us next episode as I sit down with Colby Martin! Colby is one of leading voices of the Progressive Christian movement, he made me cry with his vision for the church in his first book UnClobber – Rethinking our Misuse of the Bible on Homosexuality” and introduce me to the incredible voices of Brian McLaren and Glennon Doyle. Colby will be talking about his newly released book ‘The Shift: Surviving and Thriving after Moving from Conversative to Progressive Christianity’

I want to give away a free copy of his book ‘The Shift’ to a listener of This Little Light Of Mine. For your chance to win all you need to do is subscribe, rate and leave a review of This Little Light Of Mine on Apple Podcasts or on IGTV. Next episode I will choose one of the reviews and send you your very own copy of ‘The Shift’.   

I have one more surprise. I want to introduce you to Nancy Shadlock, CEO and founder of Centered life coaching and host of The Coming Out Chronicles. Nancy’s work as a ‘coming out coach’ caught my attention along with her upcoming retreat, appropriately call ‘The Shift’ and don't forget to contact Nancy for her superpowers session (I know I'll be reaching out!)

Thank you again for being with us today and before I go I want to remind you.

Your story is important. Your thoughts are important. Your intuition is important. Your knowing is important. Your questions are important. Your doubting is important. And what if, what if you’re not wrong?

You are designed with a powerful voice that we need to hear. 

You are loved.

James

Hello and welcome to Episode 12 of This Little Light Of Mine.  My name is James Powell and I’m glad that you’re able to join me for today’s episode, ‘I was wrong’.

In today’s episode I’m joined with best-selling author, columnist, Anglican cleric and former nightly television and radio host, Michael Coren.  Michael and I will be talking about his book Epiphany and “what went wrong” on his journey from being the posterboy of Catholic conservatism towards his profound spiritual and personal change of heart towards the queer community.

Michael is a Christian author and broadcaster who hosted the night show ‘The Arena’ for four years on Sun News, the Canadian version Fox News in the United States (let that sink in for a minute). Michael was well known for opposing same - sex marriage and was, in Canada, arguably the institution’s most high - profile opponent, came to be not only a passionate defender of marriage equality but also a champion of gay rights and an outspoken campaigner for full acceptance of gay people into the Christian church .  I would highly encourage you to follow Michael on Twitter @MichaelCoren to experience Michael’s social commentary, intellect and homour.

A huge thank again to Michael Coren for joining us today and for helping set a new course forward with three simple words “I was wrong”.

What about you?  As you listen to Michael’s words today, as you look around our world, our political landscape or the relationships in your life; could you be wrong about any of your beliefs?  Or are you 100% certain?  I’m starting to wonder if it’s that ‘certainty’ that might actually be the sin we should all really be afraid of. 

Thank you so much for joining us today and I look forward to connecting with you in two-weeks’ time for our next story episode called ‘Gospel Gaslighting’ where I dive into lessons of hyper-vigilant love I was taught while growing up in an evangelical church. 

Thank you again for being with us today and before I go I want to remind you.

Your story is important.  You were designed with a powerful voice, no matter who you are.  We need to hear what you have to say.  You matter, you are needed, you are wanted, and you are loved.

James

Were you ever taught that who you were was wrong, evil, sinful or less than?

In today's episode, God hates figs?  I’m taking another stroll down memory lane to share some of the messages that I learned around homosexuality as a young boy growing up in a fundamentalist church background.

Maybe you’re not part of queer community, but perhaps you were taught some of these same toxic messages because of the colour of your skin, your gender, the shape of your body or different abilities you may have? If so, you know the pain of what it's like to keep these hurt filled messages inside.

I’ve spent a lifetime playing nice and hiding this ugliness inside of me. I'm learning that trauma can cause us to betray ourselves, deny our own knowing, and give up on our emotional needs. We do this in an attempt to keep the peace or to keep a relationship the way it is, even if it's no longer serving us. Parts of me still want to protect my family, my church, my youth group leaders and my schoolteachers from sharing this truth.  As I continue on my healing path I’m growing and honouring other parts that know that I no longer need to hold this toxicity inside.  We heal when we come together and share our stories.

What about you from?  Are you honouring yourself? Are you making sure that you prioritize your emotional and mental wellbeing?

As we continue forward in this global pandemic it's important that we take the time to go within and spend time to acknowledge and feel all of our feelings. Maybe you've been feeling angry and disconnected with yourself and don't understand why? If that could be you, I'd encourage you to take a look at the relationships in your life and ask "am I free to show up and bring all of myself to this relationship?"

Living in alignment with yourself is one of the pathways to wellbeing and a great way to be in love... with yourself.

James