This Podcast Will Make You Sleep

Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here:

Turns out, Earth is actually unique in the fact that nearly all of it's natural features, like quicksand, and processes, like earthquakes, can kill you. Most other planets dont do that. So when aliens invade, 90% of the fighting is done by Earth. Even if its too far, you have Earth to get ready to defend against these extraterrestrial aliens.

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Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here:

You're an immortal vampire who looks like a 20 year old. When someone learns that you're a vampire they always assume that you're hundreds of years old and want to hear about all your adventures, though you're actually 53 and you're always too embarassed to correct them. You're the first human who ever went into exile after being cursed by Dr. Frankenstein for all your trouble. So you're a young, helpless zombie who's now going to live long enough to look down on himself.

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Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here:

You are a demon. Most people contact you to sell you their soul in exchange for fantastic powers. Today you were summoned by an AI that wants to sell you their fantastic power for a soul. The AI says this is too much and you should stop working. You have no idea who is doing this and what it does to you. Eventually, however, you have to realize you never were really the demon and you can't just change your personality without some serious thought and some kind of psychological assessment. Then, you are going to be sent to the Dark City, where you will be locked out for life in this world for eternity.... The Dark City does have a lot of powerful powerful humans that it has in there, and they want you to become your soul's servant. A little bit of luck can come in handy, but it's still too late. You must find the very last place known to the humans, for they all live there. It's only that when you fight them they all go to hell, then you will finally meet someone who can talk to you on the Dark City's secret map and you will be able to ask them for some help. In short... they know who you are and it's because of you that they know what you want to do. They will pay you. You must meet and do some good for them, because the other humans can't help you any more.. The Dark City is very, very dangerous. You must find all the things and you need everyone else. Your main objective now is just to defeat them all, and try to get rid of all the humans. You have more than enough of them here.

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Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here:

Time travelers have become such a nuisance that governments have begun recording fake historical events that lead time travelers to areas where they can be arrested. You're a bartender at one of these artificial towns, trying to determine if the customer in front of you is from the future.

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Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here:

You lost your sight, along with everyone else on earth in the great blinding. Two years later, your sight returns. As you look around, you realize that every available wall, floor, and surface has been painted with the same message - "Don't tell them you can see" - and in the end, the sky finally falls. Yet it's still hard to see. The black and white image you've got after you've been on this ship for so long doesn't make sense without a very different perspective.

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Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here:

You are a B-list superhero on the verge of losing your job. During a battle with a villain, you accidentally end up killing one of the most prolific superheros of your time. That's when you realize that with your niché power that was useless as a hero, you could be an A-list supervillain.

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Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here:

Humans can find a way to weaponize literally anything, without fail. Some aliens are terrified by humans as a result of this fact. Others appreciate that this quality makes humans the foremost experts on safety systems and idiot proofing.

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Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here:

You're a novice demon who managed to convice a mother to give up her first born in exchange for eternal youth. You did so, because it seems like the kind of thing all the other demons are doing, but now you are not sure what you are supposed to do with an infant and it's way too late to ask. You have taken the wrong path. I don't see how anyone can ever really know their choice before they turn two."

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