This Show Has Everything

Grab your 7-11 bananas, don your ripped t-shirt from 1979 and hit the ‘down’ button on the elevator: it’s time for all you sneaky snakes to slither out for some smokes and make some questionable life decisions. This week, Mike and Ann are joined by TBTL ‘B-list celebrity’ and public radio pledge drive lover Shanna Gratton Demke to talk about receiving pizza in the mail, the joys of life in Texas, and Six Degrees of North Dakotans. Then we go back in time to the TBTL Chicago live show where the irrepressible Sean DeTore shares the story of a very dubious post-show nighttime excursion.

Startled from falling asleep to Teletubbies again? Join Ann, Mike and Bobby in Ann’s Therapy Corner, where an A is an F, a C is and A, and watching the TV in your Fiero is no problem because you’ve got a police escort from the stadium direct to your impractically hip hotel. So drown your picnic FOMO in forest Eggos and Augustus Gloop fantasies. Plus, Mike likely screwed some ESL students working on their US citizenship in the late ‘80s, and Ann quit her night job and bought a purple Shark. Because if you can’t go crazy with your vacuum color, than what can you do?

Grab your travel mug of white wine and your fresh-ass backpack, because it’s time to follow Meredith, Bobby and Phyllis Fletcher back to September 2008 for a two-clip phlashback that will make you love Jen and Jason more than you already do. (If that’s possible.) Jason commits a fashion faux pas, Jen abides, and we all learn valuable lessons. Plus, our own drinking-on-the-job stories, hot takes on the abysmal state of public schools, and one of us was recently touched inappropriately at a semi-public pool. Will finding out which one of us it was surprise you? Si señor(e)!

This episode includes clips from TBTL episodes 171 (Monday, Sept. 15, 2008) and 175 (Friday, Sept. 19, 2008).

String cheese wrappers? Check. Authentic teriyaki? Check. Blend of 11 secret herbs and spices? Check.  Enough alcohol to float 1500 Michiganders to Canada? Check. We’re ready for another round of TBTL: The Week That Was. In this episode, Mike, Ann and Meredith talk about, among other things, the extreme hotness of Justin Trudeau, why no one feels sorry for Nick Denton, and how to learn to look at yourself in pictures without dying inside. Plus, we hear all the dirty details from last Friday’s Texas LRB meetup (which I’m referring to as The Debauchery in Dallas, because I can), including steaks, dog behavior and Mike’s manspreading.

Ann and Christy are joined by PRO-fessional podcaster Naomi Hillyard to talk about TBTL picnics past and future, the evergreen strangeness of Randy Quaid, and drinking The Kraken at the TBTL Summer Slam 2 Electric Boogaloo. Then we head back to 2010 for a clip where Luke (and Jen, by way of Skype) visit Sean’s apartment to check out what’s in his fridge, get the story on a dispute with his upstairs neighbor, and discuss Tila Tequila’s unfortunate treatment at the Gathering of the Juggalos. Additionally, Jen laments her fashion choices in the face of physical activity and shares the circumstances under which she got competitive with “European” children. Oh, and everyone should check out Naomi’s podcast, The Sunday Morning Experience. It’s a fan show about CBS Sunday Morning. (A show about a show? What kind of weirdos would be into something like that??) 

Luke’s back! Luke’s back! And look what he brought us: some peach Fresca, a vacation “beard” and a Bay Kitty (Kittens! Inspired by kittens!)! Last week’s TBTL was chock full of news and notes, and Mike, Meredith and Ann are ready to cover it all. On the docket for discussion: Luke’s relief that he’s been eating the low-carb almonds, Andrew’s chances of qualifying for the Popsicle®-eating Olympics, and whether “Brian Latke” is a dummy or just dumb (can’t he be both?).

Over on the LRB front, Mike’s exercising his cheapskate ways while visiting The Island of Lost Groceries, Meredith wants to know if anyone shares her paper product scarcity paranoia, and Ann tries valiantly to defend the practicality of the space program (Jeremy, WE NEED YOU!).

It’s time to rinse and spit, as Christy and Ann get together to conduct an examination of the dental experiences of TBTL hosts past and present. We’ll hear the epic story of ol’ Barnacle Mouth Burbank, wonder where Jen gets her impressive supply of prescription drugs, and ponder what those poky gum test numbers Andrew’s so proud of actually mean. Plus, the only radio show that considers it good content to have its producer come to work high as a kite, and the best (or worst?) lies to tell your hygienist. Remember, if you fall up the stairs just let everybody know that it’s okay because you took a Xanax.

Our vagabond friend may not have been able to score us any whiskey, but Meredith, Bobby and Ann have loaded up on Sucrets®-flavored slushies cut on the dais, and are ready to recap your latest week of TBTL. Together, we find out that StuBot has a great radio voice, Sean DeTore has a conveniently located Dumpster, and Aaron Roden is “woke,” whatever that means. Plus, misadventures in music, fertility talk where the rubber hits the road, and the story of how the Salieri of Software got her groof back.

Seriously, thanks for all the recent donations, Wagoneers. Tonight we’re lighting a gratitude-scented candle in your honor that we bought from a clerk with a masters’ degree.

Straight from Papa Q’s English No. 1 Playlist, Mike pours salt in his FOMO wounds by coaching Team LRB—Christy, Jeremy*, Bobby and Meredith—through the HolmesGetsWise All Around, including Freestyle Dive Bowling, the Hotel Room Bundle Dash, and the highly anticipated Triathlon of Cake. Plus, medal ceremonies for Wedding Toast Synchronized Drinking, a 5-year-old’s flawless floor routine, and one host’s breakout success in High Fencing. Note: Things do get a little emotional, and as a result, the entire men’s field was disqualified from the ~90-minute Holdinyourtearsathon.

*While generally disqualified from LRB events, Jeremy was allowed to participate in this episode because, like the IOC, we are extremely corrupt. On an unrelated note, thanks for the recent donations!

Clear your Monday, because Mike, Ann and Bobby have won the raffle* and the neighborhood pool is ours for the day. Luke is on vacation, and according to Andrew’s caffeine intake, everything on the TBTL lot must go! Plus, Vieves’ job is awesome, Sean’s terrariums are suspect, and the Aryan Mason’s hobby is indefensible. So put your arms under your shoulders, chug some garbage milk, and keep your Shrek-like hands out of your small, small mouth, because there aren’t any locks on the studio doors, and anything could happen. 

*moderated by PricehelpyourselfCoopers