Thrive After Abuse

Projection is where a person (subconsciously) takes their "uncomfortable" thoughts, feelings, and actions and "projects" them (like a movie projector) onto someone else in an effort to ease themselves of the cognitive dissonance that their thoughts, feelings, and actions cause them.  When people are projecting their behavior they are often largly unaware that they are doing it. 

Targets of narcissistic abuse tend to do something that I refer to as "reverse projection" (not an "official" term).  Reverse projection is where a person "projects" all of their good thoughts, actions, and/or morals onto someone else who doesn't actually have these traits (as seen by their pattern of problematic behavior such as chrnoic lying, cheating, siphoning funds/stealing, etc.)

Both forms of projection are problematic, but if we are holding onto hope that a narcissistic person can change--when all their actions point to them not sincerely being interested in changing, then we will continue to be dragged through hell until we can't handle it anymore.

...Have a question you'd like answered in a future podcast episode or YouTube video? If so, you can send me an email me at: [email protected]  (make sure to use a name that you feel comfortable with me putting on the air), and I'll see what I can do!

Looking for daily motivation, inspiration, or more information about narcissism in general?  You can find me (Dana Morningstar) at:

 Facebook/ThriveAfterAbuse

YouTube/ThriveAfterAbuse

Instagram/ThriveAfterAbuse

ThriveAfterAbuse.com 

Manipulation does not always look like we think it does. Most manipulation is very subtle and it starts gradually--and is a slow decent into big trouble. Here are a few things to look out for.

Pay attention to how you feel. Manipulation goes hand-in-hand with feeling confused. It's like the saying goes, if things don't add up, it's because the truth is not in the equation.  

Think about how you feel when you are around people that have earned your trust. You feel calm, clear, relaxed. You don't feel distrusting, suspicious, or confused. If you feel like something is off, odds are it's because something is off...or because there are unresolved issues in the past to where trust hasn't been properly restored (which is the job of the person who broke the trust, it's not on you).  

...Have a question you'd like answered in a future podcast episode or YouTube video? If so, send me an email me at: [email protected]  (make sure to use a name that you feel comfortable with me putting on the air).  

Looking for daily motivation, inspiration, or more information about narcissism in general?  You can find me (Dana Morningstar) at:

 Facebook/ThriveAfterAbuse

YouTube/ThriveAfterAbuse

Instagram/ThriveAfterAbuse

ThriveAfterAbuse.com 

Once your eyes are open to narcissistic abuse it can literally feel like you are attracting these people. In reality it is not so much about who you are attracting and more about who you are attracted too and how long you let them stay in your life. Narcissists feed off of "supply" and in order to get suppy they exploit the vulnerabilities of others. Figuring out what your vulnerabilities are and healing them will help you not be "supply" of a narcissist. Figuring out what your empty buckets are and what your deal breakers are will be a big step in the right direction. Anyone can be on their best behavior for a period of time but eventually their actions will speak for themselves.

From the full livestream October 12th, 2016

Do you have a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath in your life, or think that you might? Are you in (or recently out of) of a relationship that you can only describe as crazy making, toxic, or like a lifetime TV movie? Then you are in the right place.

The live streams are a time where we "meet" every Wednesday at 8:30pm EST to ask questions, and give answers and support. I give my two cents, as do many of the other people in the chat. If you can't make it to the live stream, you can email me your question at: [email protected] I get a lot of questions, but I do my best to bring up and answer as many of them as I can each week. :)

To get support: www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com/forum

* This is an "open" group, meaning that anyone can see what you are posting, however, you can choose your own screen name and have total privacy that way.

Support Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/Heali...

*This is a "closed" group, meaning that your Facebook friends can see that you are in the group, but they CAN'T see what you are posting (although it looks like they can, as you can see the chat on your timeline--but they really can't so don't panic.)

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ThriveAfterA...

Instagram: /ThriveAfterAbuse

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist, doctor, attorney, or expert in Narcissism...or anything at all really. If anything, I am a student of life, love, behavior and behavior change, and a woman who is dedicated to thriving.

Professionally, I worked as an advocate for victims of domestic violence at a domestic violence shelter, and currently I am a psychiatric nurse. Personally, I have been through two relationships with narcissists, and have been able to not only survive those, but have been able to move forward and thrive.

My goal with these videos is to share all of my lessons learned, as well as to start many important conversations about abuse, and recovery with the hopes that together we can provide the clarity, closure, and healing that we all deserve.

Remember: You are not crazy. You are not alone. And yes, you really can heal from this.

There are 3 types of guilt. There's appropriate guilt, inappropriate guilt, and survivor guilt. Guilt can also lead to shame. It can feel selfish to put ourselves first. If a person is causing you hurt, heartache or harm it would be appropriate to distance yourself. Survivor guilt is felt when you are trying to distance yourself from a situation and other people have to stay in it. Ex: a survivor going away to college but leaving younger siblings behind. First figure out which type of guilt it is and why. If you are experiencing survivor or inappropriate guilt examine why you are feeling these types of guilt and reaffirm to yourself that it is okay to move yourself to a place you feel safe and sane.

From the full livestream October 12th, 2016.

Do you have a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath in your life, or think that you might? Are you in (or recently out of) of a relationship that you can only describe as crazy making, toxic, or like a lifetime TV movie? Then you are in the right place.

The live streams are a time where we "meet" every Wednesday at 8:30pm EST to ask questions, and give answers and support. I give my two cents, as do many of the other people in the chat. If you can't make it to the live stream, you can email me your question at: [email protected] I get a lot of questions, but I do my best to bring up and answer as many of them as I can each week. :)

To get support: www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com/forum

* This is an "open" group, meaning that anyone can see what you are posting, however, you can choose your own screen name and have total privacy that way.

Support Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/HealingAfterNarcissisticAbuse/

*This is a "closed" group, meaning that your Facebook friends can see that you are in the group, but they CAN'T see what you are posting (although it looks like they can, as you can see the chat on your timeline--but they really can't so don't panic.)

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ThriveAfterAbuse

Instagram: ThriveAfterAbuse

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist, doctor, attorney, or expert in Narcissism...or anything at all really. If anything, I am a student of life, love, behavior and behavior change, and a woman who is dedicated to thriving.

Professionally, I worked as an advocate for victims of domestic violence at a domestic violence shelter, and currently I am a psychiatric nurse. Personally, I have been through two relationships with narcissists, and have been able to not only survive those, but have been able to move forward and thrive.

My goal with these videos is to share all of my lessons learned, as well as to start many important conversations about abuse, and recovery with the hopes that together we can provide the clarity, closure, and healing that we all deserve.

Remember: You are not crazy. You are not alone. And yes, you really can heal from this.

After experiencing the highs of love bombing, and the whirlwind romance that they thought was their soul mate only to be dropped to the lowest lows, many people are terrified to date again.

But there are major differences between love bombing and love. Love bombing starts off hot and heavy. It's constant communication and complements. It's rushing all forms of intimacy--sex, opening up about your life, moving in together (or talking about moving in together), talking about marriage--all within the first few months of dating a person.

Love is something that takes time to develop. It is based on dignity and respect. Love is kindness, caring, and consideration of the other person and their feelings.

Love is not a one-sided dynamic in which one person is dragged through hell and has to continually look the other way and try to "forgive" their partner of all their wrong doings in order to keep the relationship together. It does not envy, it does not boast. It does not abuse. It does not cheat, lie, or deceive. It does not demand trust or forgiveness when it is not earned.

Our love, like our compassion, is not complete if it does not include ourselves. Because while you may love them, you have to love yourself enough to walk away when someone is mistreating you.

From the full livestream October 19th 2016

Do you have a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath in your life, or think that you might? Are you in (or recently out of) of a relationship that you can only describe as crazy making, toxic, or like a lifetime TV movie? Then you are in the right place.

The live streams are a time where we "meet" every Wednesday at 8:30pm EST to ask questions, and give answers and support. I give my two cents, as do many of the other people in the chat. If you can't make it to the live stream, you can email me your question at: [email protected] I get a lot of questions, but I do my best to bring up and answer as many of them as I can each week. :)

To get support: www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com/forum

* This is an "open" group, meaning that anyone can see what you are posting, however, you can choose your own screen name and have total privacy that way.

Support Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/HealingAfterNarcissisticAbuse/

*This is a "closed" group, meaning that your Facebook friends can see that you are in the group, but they CAN'T see what you are posting (although it looks like they can, as you can see the chat on your timeline--but they really can't so don't panic.)

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ThriveAfterAbuse

Instagram: ThriveAfterAbuse

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist, doctor, attorney, or expert in Narcissism...or anything at all really. If anything, I am a student of life, love, behavior and behavior change, and a woman who is dedicated to thriving.

Professionally, I worked as an advocate for victims of domestic violence at a domestic violence shelter, and currently I am a psychiatric nurse. Personally, I have been through two relationships with narcissists, and have been able to not only survive those, but have been able to move forward and thrive.

My goal with these videos is to share all of my lessons learned, as well as to start many important conversations about abuse, and recovery with the hopes that together we can provide the clarity, closure, and healing that we all deserve.

Remember: You are not crazy. You are not alone. And yes, you really can heal from this.

We tend to mirror what we learn, and for many people who grow up in a dysfunctional (or troubled home) they've developed some healthy ways of "surviving" (or navigating) that environment--the slang term for this is "fleas." And while a person might have some "fleas" they can work towards getting rid of them (changing their behavior) if they are truly motivated to do so.

So if you are seeing some problematic behavior in yourself that makes you think you might be a narcissist you do have the power to work on it. And while this might be kinda scary, it is actually a great thing if you can actually see a problem with your behavior, because for most people (myself included) it can be really difficult to see our own problematic behavior because we are so close to it--we often have to experience enough pain in order for us to "wake up" and realize what we are doing isn't working. Growing up in unhealthy environments can make it hard but not impossible. Find some role models that have the kind of behavior you'd like to have and use their behavior initially as a guide to give you some ideas on alternative ways of behaving.

Do you have a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath in your life, or think that you might? Are you in (or recently out of) of a relationship that you can only describe as crazy making, toxic, or like a lifetime TV movie? Then you are in the right place.

The live streams are a time where we "meet" every Wednesday at 8:30pm EST to ask questions, and give answers and support. I give my two cents, as do many of the other people in the chat. If you can't make it to the live stream, you can email me your question at: [email protected] I get a lot of questions, but I do my best to bring up and answer as many of them as I can each week. :)

To get support: www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com/forum

* This is an "open" group, meaning that anyone can see what you are posting, however, you can choose your own screen name and have total privacy that way.

Support Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/HealingAfterNarcissisticAbuse/

*This is a "closed" group, meaning that your Facebook friends can see that you are in the group, but they CAN'T see what you are posting (although it looks like they can, as you can see the chat on your timeline--but they really can't so don't panic.)

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ThriveAfterAbuse

Instagram: ThriveAfterAbuse

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist, doctor, attorney, or expert in Narcissism...or anything at all really. If anything, I am a student of life, love, behavior and behavior change, and a woman who is dedicated to thriving.

Professionally, I worked as an advocate for victims of domestic violence at a domestic violence shelter, and currently I am a psychiatric nurse. Personally, I have been through two relationships with narcissists, and have been able to not only survive those, but have been able to move forward and thrive.

My goal with these videos is to share all of my lessons learned, as well as to start many important conversations about abuse, and recovery with the hopes that together we can provide the clarity, closure, and healing that we all deserve.

Remember: You are not crazy. You are not alone. And yes, you really can heal from this.

It's important that we all know ourselves well enough to know what are deal breakers for us--and what we consider workable behavior is, because treating deal breaker behavior like it's workable behavior is how (and one of the main reasons as to why) people stay in abusive relationships.  There is a difference between commitment and codependency. It's okay (and healthy) to not be dragged through hell by another person's behavior, and to get yourself to both a physical and emotional place where you can stay safe and sane. 

What are your deal breakers?  ...And what are your deal makers?

Do you have a question that you'd like my two cents on?  You can email me at: [email protected] 

 To find out more or to get support: http://www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com

This episode covers some thoughts I have about why people are willing to jump into whirlwind romances or dynamics with a narcissist or other type of emotional manipulator. 

To find out more or to get support: http://www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com

Instagram/ThriveAfterAbuse

YouTube/ThriveAfterAbuse

Facebook/ThriveAfterAbuse

Twitter @teamthriver

Codependency is one of those words and concepts that has continued to grow and change over time.  This episode covers some common definitions of codependency as well as my own take on it.

Have a question you'd like answered in a future podcast episode or YouTube video? If so, send me an email me at: [email protected]  (make sure to use a name that you feel comfortable with me putting on the air).  

The live streams happen every Wednesday at 8:30pm EST over on my YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/thriveafterabuse and they run for about 2.5 hours.

 If you are looking for support, I have two support groups (both are free). The first one is on my website: www.thriveafterabuse.com/forum and the second one is on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/HealingAfterNarcissisticAbuse (it is a closed group, but please make sure to read the group rules before you post so that you can change any privacy settings you may need to in order to stay safe). 

Looking for daily motivation, inspiration, or more information about narcissism in general?  You can find me (Dana Morningstar) at:

 Facebook/ThriveAfterAbuse

YouTube/ThriveAfterAbuse

Instagram/ThriveAfterAbuse

ThriveAfterAbuse.com 

The term (and concept) of "codependency" is one of those terms that either offers a lot of clarity to people or it makes them feel revictimized.  My intentions are not to place blame, or to revictimize anyone, as what happened to you is not your fault.  Narcissists are highly skilled emotional manipulators, and anyone can be a target. So please, hold onto what helps and let the rest go.   

Many people are in codependent relationships and don't realize it.  One of the best ways I've heard a codependent relationship described is as a one-sided dynamic in which the codependent person continually feels like they have to sink themselves in order to help their partner to swim, all so the relationship can stay afloat. 

To find out more or to get support: http://www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com

Instagram/ThriveAfterAbuse

YouTube/ThriveAfterAbuse

Facebook/ThriveAfterAbuse