Thrive After Abuse

In this episode, I give a brief history of the origin of the term codependency, and how the term has grown over time.  ...Many people (myself included for a long time) really had issues with the label of "codependency."  I felt like it was victim blaming.  So if you feel this way too, please know that you aren't alone in that, and that you might find it more helpful to view the label of "codependency" as a pointer--because the label isn't as important as the behaviors that it's pointing to.  

It's these behaviors of caring, compassion, and "control" (trying to fix other people) that leave a person very out of alignment with themselves to where they are forever putting others first and themselves last.  This is highly problematic thinking and behaving, because you matter, and you deserve the dignity, respect, caring, and compassion that you give to others. 

To find out more or to get support: http://www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com

In this episode, I cover the questions of, "Why is it that these types are so hard to let go of?" "Why can't I just move on?" "Why am I still trying to figure her out and find a solution?"

If you have a question for the show, please email me at [email protected] and I will do my best to answer it.

To find out more or to get support: http://www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com

I have known this covert narcissist for the past six years. He love bombed me endlessly, made me feel like the most wonderful person on this earth, and I fell head over heels for him. I loved his good bits and I still do because they are really good. I moved an hour away from my home to be near him. Our secret relationship has been on and off a lot since then.

He described his wife as a cold housewife living a cloistered life with no interest or hobbies. He has one official Facebook profile and several fake ones (which I discovered on Facebook and dating sites) for supply when he gets bored. His wife has no idea. He just won't separate from her and she is fiercely holding onto this marriage, wanting the happy family image with the backing of their 24 year old daughter who is an overt narcissist herself.

His wife recently opened a Facebook profile and the narcissist has told me she's been asking about me to which he offered a fair amount of very convincing half truths. And now he's hoovering me yet again. The temptation is strong to speak to her in a down-to-earth way, but how should I do this?

To find out more or to get support: http://www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com

In this episode, I'm asked about abuse, feeling revictimized, and what to do about it. 

Have a question you'd like answered in a future podcast episode or YouTube video? If so, send me an email me at: [email protected]  (make sure to use a name that you feel comfortable with me putting on the air).  

The live streams happen every Wednesday at 8:30pm EST over on my YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/thriveafterabuse and they run for about 2.5 hours.

 If you are looking for support, I have two support groups (both are free). The first one is on my website: www.thriveafterabuse.com/forum and the second one is on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/HealingAfterNarcissisticAbuse (it is a closed group, but please make sure to read the group rules before you post so that you can change any privacy settings you may need to in order to stay safe). 

Looking for daily motivation, inspiration, or more information about narcissism in general?  You can find me (Dana Morningstar) at:

 Facebook/ThriveAfterAbuse

YouTube/ThriveAfterAbuse

Instagram/ThriveAfterAbuse

ThriveAfterAbuse.com 

Narcissists target people based on supply and in order to get that supply, they manipulate their vulnerabilities. They do this is in a wide variety of ways, most of which fall within the realm of what I call "I CHIVE" which stands for: Isolation, Charm, Hope, Intimidation, Violence, and Emotion. In order for us to prevent being manipulated, it's really helpful if we know what manipulative behavior looks like in motion so we don't keep getting sucked in by it.

...Towards the tail end of this podcast, I talk about the need for us to use logic and reason when interacting with someone and not go based off of our emotions. What I meant by this is to not go based off of the emotions that were being manipulated or the emotions of being blinded by our "love" for them. It's important that we see their behavior for what it is and then respond accordingly. 

To find out more or to get support: http://www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com

I know about Narcissistic Personality Disorder but I have trouble with the idea that they should be completely abandoned. What about compassion, understanding, and love without expecting anything in return?

To find out more or to get support: http://www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com

How long is it going to take for me to get over him and move on? You just got emotional about what you've been through with Jack and it's been six years!

To find out more or to get support: http://www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com

I have a question regarding healing from a relationship with a narcissist. I'm fairly certain that my ex is a covert narc or at least an extremely passive-aggressive and manipulative person. This is not only because of how his behavior fits into the description but also how my emotional situation coming out of the relationship has been. One of the main struggles that I'm having in the moment is feeling like I can't be trusted in picking out worthwhile relationships and nontoxic people. I've become socially secluded and paranoid aside from three people who have shown me that they deserve my trust. I am working with a therapist but I was wondering if you could address this topic.

To find out more or to get support: http://www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com

How can I tell if I'm seeing a red flag or I'm just being hypervigilant?

To find out more or to get support: http://www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com

Dear Dana, How do I divorce my narcissistic wife?

I am married to an evil and hateful woman. She didn't start off this way. When we were dating she was so good to me. She always made time for me and made me my favorite meals. And she encouraged me to spend time with my friends. Once we got married everything changed. She's made the last 20 years of my life a living hell. Only our children see how awful she is. She is active in our church and volunteers all the time. She hasn't worked a day in the past 20 years while I've worked two jobs to support our family. It's not like she was a stay at home mom which I would have totally supported. Our kids were in daycare before school and then after school. I found out that she's racked up over $75,000 in credit card debt that I knew nothing about. She's refinanced our house; all the equity is gone. I've waited to leave until our children were grown and moved out. I'm ready to leave her but I'm scared of what she's going to do. How do I divorce a woman like this?

To find out more or to get support: http://www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com