Thrive While Loving an Addict | Addiction | Sobriety | Recovery | Relapse

Thrive While Loving an Addict | Addiction | Sobriety | Recovery | Relapse

By KL Wells

More than 50% of American families have a loved one or close relative who is an addict or alcoholic. Although there are ample resources to help these individuals recover, their families suffer, too. P... more
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Best of Thrive While Loving an Addict | Addiction | Sobriety | Recovery | Relapse

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  1. Number 1: His Father's Death Sent Him Into Addiction, Then Jail.

    What happens when the person who taught you how to survive chaos is also part of the reason you never learned to feel safe? Richard Lynch spent his childhood learning to read his father's voice for warning signs, sometimes recognizing days in advance that another crisis was coming. He grew up quickly, did well in school, and eventually built a life that appeared to be working. Then his father died, and the grief that followed changed the direction of Richard's life. Episode Summary In this episode of Thrive While Loving an Addict, KL Wells sits down with Richard Lynch to explore a story that moves across generations of addiction, mental illness, grief, trauma, and recovery. Richard grew up with an alcoholic father who was later diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. As a child, he learned to anticipate instability, take on responsibilities beyond his years, and navigate an environment where safety could change quickly. After his father's death, Richard's unresolved grief became intertwined with his own opioid addiction, eventually leading to incarceration. Today, he works within Kentucky's correctional system, helping train counselors to look beyond behavior and address the trauma that can exist beneath addiction. Richard shares what helped him rebuild his life, reconnect with his children, find faith, and use his lived experience to support others walking through recovery. Key Discussion PointsGrowing up with an alcoholic father who was also living with serious mental illnessHow children raised in chaotic environments can learn to anticipate danger before they understand what they are experiencingParentification and the impact of taking on adult responsibilities during childhoodHow seeing other families helped Richard recognize that what felt normal at home was not universalThe lasting impact of being told that his grief was too much for othersWhy Richard stopped allowing himself to cry for twelve yearsThe connection between his father's death, unresolved grief, and the beginning of Richard's opioid addictionRichard's experience with incarceration and how it changed the direction of his lifeThe difference between simply stopping substance use and addressing the underlying emotional painWhy Richard believes trauma-informed addiction treatment is essential within correctional settingsHis perspective that substance use can interrupt emotional development and leave unresolved pain beneath the addictionFinding faith while incarcerated and the role it has played in his long-term recoveryRebuilding relationships with his children after years of separationLearning to become the father his son needed in the present rather than remaining defined by missed yearsThe idea of becoming a "wounded healer" and using lived experience in service of others Some Questions I AskWhat does it cost someone emotionally when they are taught that their grief is a burden?How do you begin forgiving yourself for the years when you were not able to be present?What does being a "wounded healer" mean to you?At what point can someone begin separating who they are from what happened to them? In This Episode, You Will LearnWhy children growing up in chaotic homes may not recognize their environment as unusual until they experience something differentHow childhood hypervigilance can develop as a way of anticipating instabilityWhy silencing or minimizing grief can have lasting emotional consequencesHow unresolved grief became connected to Richard's own substance useWhy stopping substance use and healing the pain underneath it are not necessarily the same processHow trauma can influence emotional development and patterns of addictionWhy trauma-informed approaches may offer a deeper understanding of behavior within addiction treatmentHow faith and connection became meaningful parts of Richard's recoveryWhat rebuilding relationships with children can look like after addiction and separationWhy healing may involve learning to show up differently in the present rather than trying to undo the pastHow lived experience can become a source of empathy and purpose Resources & Guest Links QPR Institute: Question, Persuade, Refer Suicide Prevention Training QPR Institute Seeking Safety: Trauma and Addiction Treatment Model Developed by Lisa M. Najavits, PhD Seeking Safety Official Information The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk Bessel van der Kolk Official Website EMDR: Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing EMDR International Association Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Parts Work IFS Institute Connect With Richard Lynch Facebook Richard Lynch on Facebook Instagram @leanonyourpeople on Instagram TikTok @leanonyourpeople on TikTok Email [email protected]

    52min
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  2. Number 2: Grief Doesn't Get to Decide Who You Become

    What happens when life changes in an instant? Within just ten days, Elizabeth Grandinetti lost both her grandfather and her fiancé while recovering from major surgery. The losses were overwhelming, and for a time, grief became the center of her world. This conversation explores what came next: the slow work of healing, rediscovering herself, and learning that while grief changes us, it does not have to define who we become. Episode Summary In this episode of Thrive While Loving an Addict, KL Wells sits down with Elizabeth Grandinetti to talk about navigating profound loss, rebuilding trust in herself, and finding hope after addiction and grief reshaped her life. Elizabeth shares the story of losing her fiancé to an overdose after his relapse following years of recovery, just days after losing the grandfather who helped raise her. Together, KL and Elizabeth explore the importance of community, stillness, self-trust, and the small daily choices that gradually make healing possible. This conversation offers encouragement for anyone grieving a loved one or trying to reconnect with themselves after life has been turned upside down. Key Discussion PointsLosing multiple loved ones within days of each otherGrieving the loss of a partner to addiction and overdoseRecovering physically while navigating overwhelming emotional lossThe role of grief support groups and community in healingFriends who showed up with consistent care during difficult seasonsHow busyness can become a form of emotional avoidanceLearning to trust yourself and your instincts againRebuilding life after profound lossLeaving a successful career to pursue a more meaningful pathReconnecting with joy through intentional daily practicesChoosing how grief will shape, but not define, your future Some Questions I AskWhat are three to five things you would share with someone who feels lost in grief or in someone else's addiction?When did you begin to realize that the strength you were looking for was already within you?What helped you learn to trust yourself again after everything you experienced?What patterns do you commonly see in the women you coach today? In This Episode, You Will LearnWhy grief does not have to determine the rest of your lifeHow community and support groups can provide hope during difficult seasonsWhy slowing down can reveal what constant busyness often hidesHow rebuilding trust in yourself happens one step at a timeWhy reconnecting with joy can become part of the healing processHow childhood memories can help reconnect you with feelings of hope and possibilityWhy major life changes can sometimes lead to greater clarity about purposeHow healing can create space for new relationships, new experiences, and a renewed sense of self Resources Learn more about This Way to Joy http://www.elizabeth-grand.com Notable Insight From The Episode "Grief doesn't get to decide who you become." Grief can change the course of our lives, but it does not have to define our identity. Healing often begins through small, intentional choices that gradually help us reconnect with hope, purpose, and ourselves. About the Guest Elizabeth Grandinetti is a Tampa-based coach and founder of This Way to Joy, where she helps women reconnect with themselves after seasons of grief, overwhelm, and life transition. Drawing from her own experiences with profound loss, Elizabeth encourages others to cultivate self-trust, embrace stillness, and intentionally reconnect with joy. Her coaching focuses on helping women move beyond survival and create lives rooted in authenticity, resilience, and purpose. Connect With the Guest Website http://www.elizabeth-grand.com Facebook Elizabeth Grandinetti Instagram @coach_elizabeth_g

    41min
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  3. Number 3: Two Wars: One His Father Fought, One Jason Lived In

    What does it take to understand a parent who hurt you? Not excuse them. Not justify what happened. Simply understand them in a way that helps make sense of wounds that have been carried for years. In this episode, KL Wells sits down with Jason Prokowiew, author of War Boys, to explore the lasting impact of addiction, generational trauma, and the possibility of finding healing through understanding. Episode Summary Jason Prokowiew grew up as the youngest of thirteen children in a Massachusetts family shaped by alcoholism, silence, and the lingering effects of war. His father survived extraordinary hardship as a child during World War II, carrying experiences of loss, displacement, and trauma that would continue to influence his family for decades. Together, KL and Jason explore what it was like to grow up in an alcoholic home, how childhood survival strategies followed him into adulthood, and the journey that eventually led him to record more than fifty hours of conversations with his father. Through those conversations, Jason gained a deeper understanding of both his father's story and his own. Key Discussion PointsGrowing up in a household affected by alcoholism and unprocessed traumaThe impact of wartime experiences across multiple generationsThe lasting effects of emotional messages received during childhoodThe concept of the "dry drunk" and what happens when drinking stops but healing does notFinding your voice after years of learning to stay invisibleThe influence of teachers, mentors, and supportive communitiesPanic attacks, emotional overwhelm, and the body's response to unresolved painThe role of Al-Anon in providing language and understandingCuriosity as a pathway toward healing and understandingUnderstanding a parent's history without minimizing its impact Some Questions I AskWhen your father stopped drinking, what was happening inside you that still needed attention?When did you realize that what you thought was shyness might actually have been something else?What helped you continue rewriting your story as new understanding emerged?What motivated you to begin interviewing your father about his experiences?Before your father passed away, did you find your own experience of forgiveness? In This Episode, You Will LearnHow growing up in an alcoholic home can shape identity and survival strategiesWhy childhood coping mechanisms often continue into adulthoodThe impact of generational trauma on familiesHow mentors and supportive relationships can create new possibilitiesWhy understanding and forgiveness are not always the same thingHow curiosity can open doors to healing and connectionThe value of hearing a loved one's full storyHow community support can help individuals make sense of experiences that once felt isolating Resources War Boys by Jason Prokowiew https://www.jasonwprokowiew.com/war-boys-praise Al-Anon Family Groups https://al-anon.org The Awakening by Kate Chopin Come and See (1985 film directed by Elem Klimov) Stories from the Stage (PBS) Notable Insight From The Episode "In order to understand what was still hemorrhaging inside of me, I had to hear my dad's stories." This reflection speaks to something many families experience. Understanding the history behind someone's behavior does not erase the pain it caused, but it can offer context, perspective, and a different path toward healing. About the Guest Jason Prokowiew is the author of War Boys, a father-and-son memoir that traces his father's survival during World War II, his immigration to the United States, and the lasting impact of wartime trauma on their family. Through storytelling, writing, and public speaking, Jason explores themes of family, resilience, addiction, and generational healing. He has appeared on Stories from the Stage and has shared readings and presentations about War Boys, including appearances connected to Oberlin College, where he first began recording his father's history. Connect With the Guest Learn more about Jason Prokowiew and War Boys https://www.jasonwprokowiew.com

    50min
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  4. Number 4: Running Out Of Capacity Is Not The Same As Giving Up

    For years, Sherry Ehrin grieved a sister who was still alive. When her sister eventually died after decades of addiction, that grief did not end. In many ways, it began again. This conversation explores the kind of loss that families often carry quietly: the grief that accumulates through years of relapse, hope, disappointment, and difficult choices. It is a story about love, capacity, boundaries, and what it means to keep moving forward after profound loss. Episode Summary In this episode of Thrive While Loving an Addict, KL Wells sits down with Sherry Ehrin to discuss the often-overlooked sibling experience of addiction. Over more than twenty years, Sherry watched her sister move in and out of addiction, recovery, and crisis. Along the way, she adopted her sister's four children, navigated serious health challenges of her own, and carried the emotional weight that so many family members know intimately. Sherry shares the reality of grieving someone who is still alive, the difficult decisions families sometimes face when support and capacity run out, and the perspective that has helped her make sense of her journey. This conversation offers a compassionate look at ambiguous grief, boundaries, and the difference between stepping back and giving up. Key Discussion PointsThe sibling experience and why it is often overlooked in conversations about addictionAmbiguous grief and the experience of losing someone in stages over many yearsThe emotional and physical toll of loving someone through addictionAdopting a sibling's children while navigating complex family dynamicsThe difference between abandoning someone and reaching the limits of your capacityBoundaries as an act of care rather than rejectionManaging guilt, grief, and responsibility in the face of addictionRebuilding life and meaning after loss Some Questions I AskWhat does it feel like to grieve someone while they are still alive?How did you care for yourself while loving your sister through two decades of addiction?How do you navigate judgment from others when you choose to step back?How are you rewriting your story now, one year after losing your sister? In This Episode, You Will LearnWhy grief often begins long before a loved one diesHow ambiguous loss affects families living alongside addictionThe difference between running out of capacity and abandoning someone you loveWhat prolonged caregiving and chronic stress can cost emotionally and physicallyWhy siblings may feel unseen in addiction and recovery conversationsHow boundaries can coexist with deep love and compassionWhy choosing yourself is not the same as giving up on someone elseHow grief, hope, and responsibility can exist at the same time Resources Learn more about Thriving Yinzers https://thrivingyinzers.com Listen to This Is It by Thriving Yinzers https://thrivingyinzers.com Notable Insight From The Episode “I didn't abandon her. I ran out of capacity.” For many families, those words capture a painful reality. There is a difference between choosing not to care and reaching the limits of what you are physically, emotionally, or mentally able to give. Recognizing that distinction can be an important part of healing. About the Guest Sherry Ehrin is a Pittsburgh-based writer, advocate, and host of the podcast This Is It by Thriving Yinzers. After losing her sister to addiction, she became the primary caregiver for her sister's four children while continuing to build a life for her own family. Through Thriving Yinzers, Sherry creates space for honest conversations about resilience, healing, and finding meaning after difficult life experiences. Her work reflects the belief that people can continue moving forward even while carrying grief, loss, and uncertainty. Connect With the Guest Website https://thrivingyinzers.com

    30min
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  5. Number 5: Loving a Brother Through Addiction: Justin Burgy's Story

    What does it mean to become the "fixer" in your family, and what happens when fixing stops working? In this episode, KL Wells sits down with Justin Burgy, an author from Youngstown, Ohio, whose novel Not My Brother's Keeper grew from his family's generational experience with addiction. Justin first watched his father struggle with cocaine addiction. Roughly a decade later, he found himself confronting addiction again when his younger brother, the sibling he describes as his "shadow" growing up, began traveling a similar path. Episode Summary Justin and KL explore an experience many families affected by addiction recognize: beginning with advice, financial help, and attempts to solve the problem, then gradually realizing that love does not provide control over another person's choices. Justin shares how his understanding of helping and enabling changed over time and why he eventually learned to love his brother from a distance. Their conversation also explores the enormous strain addiction can place on an entire family. Justin reflects on supporting his mother through his brother's addiction while she was battling breast cancer, the night his brother nearly died from an overdose in her living room, and the guilt and helplessness he carried afterward. Writing eventually became one way for Justin to process those experiences and give language to emotions he struggled to express elsewhere. Key Discussion PointsGrowing up in a family already affected by addictionWatching addiction move from one generation of the family to anotherJustin's role as the "fixer" sibling and the responsibility that came with itWhy advice and reasoning may have little impact during active addictionHow genuine attempts to help can gradually become enablingGiving money and other forms of support before understanding their potential consequencesThe repeated cycle of treatment, relapse, and returning to treatmentRecognizing that someone you love may not yet be ready for recoverySupporting his mother through her son's addiction while she was also facing breast cancerThe night Justin's brother nearly died from an overdose in their mother's living roomGrieving for someone who is still aliveReaching the point where Justin realized he could not fix or control his brother's addictionLearning to love someone from a distance without viewing that distance as abandonmentThe guilt that can accompany stepping backWriting and storytelling as an outlet for helplessness and unresolved emotionsDiscovering a wider community after speaking openly about family addictionWhy rebuilding trust after repeated relapse takes timeRemaining open to relationships even after trust has been broken Some Questions I AskWhat did helping look like for you in the beginning, before you understood what you were dealing with?Was there a point when you realized you couldn't fix or control what was happening?How do you continue loving someone from afar?What did you learn about yourself while trying to save someone you couldn't save?How do you carry the guilt associated with the times you needed to pull away? In This Episode, You Will LearnWhy reasoning with someone during active addiction may not create the change families hope forHow enabling can begin from a place of genuine love and concernWhy repeated treatment and relapse can be emotionally exhausting for the entire familyWhat someone's lack of readiness for recovery can look like to the people who love themWhy creating distance can sometimes become part of loving someone through addictionHow family members can experience grief even while their loved one is still aliveWhy speaking openly about addiction can reveal that families are less alone than they may believeHow writing and storytelling can provide an outlet for difficult emotionsWhy boundaries do not have to be rooted in punishmentWhy trust often needs to be rebuilt gradually after addiction and repeated relapse Resources Not My Brother's Keeper by Justin Burgy Evolve From Empathy Notable Insight From The Episode Sometimes loving someone means accepting that you cannot be the person who fixes what they are going through. For family members who have spent years trying to help, stepping back can bring grief and guilt of its own. Justin's experience explores the possibility that distance and love can coexist, and that setting a boundary does not necessarily mean closing the door on the person behind the addiction. About the Guest Justin Burgy is an author from Youngstown, Ohio, whose writing explores addiction, family relationships, empathy, and the complicated experience of loving someone through substance use. His novel, Not My Brother's Keeper, draws from his family's generational experience with addiction, including his experiences watching both his father and younger brother struggle with substance use. Through his writing, Justin gives voice to the perspective of family members who may find themselves caught between wanting to help and recognizing the limits of what they can control. Justin also writes about addiction and family life through his blog, Evolve From Empathy, where he shares reflections shaped by his experience loving a brother through active addiction. Connect With the Guest Evolve From Empathy

    43min
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