Thrive While Loving an Addict | Addiction | Sobriety | Recovery | Relapse

Thrive While Loving an Addict | Addiction | Sobriety | Recovery | Relapse

By KL Wells

More than 50% of American families have a loved one or close relative who is an addict or alcoholic. Although there are ample resources to help these individuals recover, their families suffer, too. P... more
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Best of Thrive While Loving an Addict | Addiction | Sobriety | Recovery | Relapse

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  1. Number 1: His Father's Death Sent Him Into Addiction, Then Jail.

    What happens when the person who taught you how to survive chaos is also part of the reason you never learned to feel safe? Richard Lynch spent his childhood learning to read his father's voice for warning signs, sometimes recognizing days in advance that another crisis was coming. He grew up quickly, did well in school, and eventually built a life that appeared to be working. Then his father died, and the grief that followed changed the direction of Richard's life. Episode Summary In this episode of Thrive While Loving an Addict, KL Wells sits down with Richard Lynch to explore a story that moves across generations of addiction, mental illness, grief, trauma, and recovery. Richard grew up with an alcoholic father who was later diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. As a child, he learned to anticipate instability, take on responsibilities beyond his years, and navigate an environment where safety could change quickly. After his father's death, Richard's unresolved grief became intertwined with his own opioid addiction, eventually leading to incarceration. Today, he works within Kentucky's correctional system, helping train counselors to look beyond behavior and address the trauma that can exist beneath addiction. Richard shares what helped him rebuild his life, reconnect with his children, find faith, and use his lived experience to support others walking through recovery. Key Discussion PointsGrowing up with an alcoholic father who was also living with serious mental illnessHow children raised in chaotic environments can learn to anticipate danger before they understand what they are experiencingParentification and the impact of taking on adult responsibilities during childhoodHow seeing other families helped Richard recognize that what felt normal at home was not universalThe lasting impact of being told that his grief was too much for othersWhy Richard stopped allowing himself to cry for twelve yearsThe connection between his father's death, unresolved grief, and the beginning of Richard's opioid addictionRichard's experience with incarceration and how it changed the direction of his lifeThe difference between simply stopping substance use and addressing the underlying emotional painWhy Richard believes trauma-informed addiction treatment is essential within correctional settingsHis perspective that substance use can interrupt emotional development and leave unresolved pain beneath the addictionFinding faith while incarcerated and the role it has played in his long-term recoveryRebuilding relationships with his children after years of separationLearning to become the father his son needed in the present rather than remaining defined by missed yearsThe idea of becoming a "wounded healer" and using lived experience in service of others Some Questions I AskWhat does it cost someone emotionally when they are taught that their grief is a burden?How do you begin forgiving yourself for the years when you were not able to be present?What does being a "wounded healer" mean to you?At what point can someone begin separating who they are from what happened to them? In This Episode, You Will LearnWhy children growing up in chaotic homes may not recognize their environment as unusual until they experience something differentHow childhood hypervigilance can develop as a way of anticipating instabilityWhy silencing or minimizing grief can have lasting emotional consequencesHow unresolved grief became connected to Richard's own substance useWhy stopping substance use and healing the pain underneath it are not necessarily the same processHow trauma can influence emotional development and patterns of addictionWhy trauma-informed approaches may offer a deeper understanding of behavior within addiction treatmentHow faith and connection became meaningful parts of Richard's recoveryWhat rebuilding relationships with children can look like after addiction and separationWhy healing may involve learning to show up differently in the present rather than trying to undo the pastHow lived experience can become a source of empathy and purpose Resources & Guest Links QPR Institute: Question, Persuade, Refer Suicide Prevention Training QPR Institute Seeking Safety: Trauma and Addiction Treatment Model Developed by Lisa M. Najavits, PhD Seeking Safety Official Information The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk Bessel van der Kolk Official Website EMDR: Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing EMDR International Association Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Parts Work IFS Institute Connect With Richard Lynch Facebook Richard Lynch on Facebook Instagram @leanonyourpeople on Instagram TikTok @leanonyourpeople on TikTok Email [email protected]

    52min
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  2. Number 2: Grief Doesn't Get to Decide Who You Become

    What happens when life changes in an instant? Within just ten days, Elizabeth Grandinetti lost both her grandfather and her fiancé while recovering from major surgery. The losses were overwhelming, and for a time, grief became the center of her world. This conversation explores what came next: the slow work of healing, rediscovering herself, and learning that while grief changes us, it does not have to define who we become. Episode Summary In this episode of Thrive While Loving an Addict, KL Wells sits down with Elizabeth Grandinetti to talk about navigating profound loss, rebuilding trust in herself, and finding hope after addiction and grief reshaped her life. Elizabeth shares the story of losing her fiancé to an overdose after his relapse following years of recovery, just days after losing the grandfather who helped raise her. Together, KL and Elizabeth explore the importance of community, stillness, self-trust, and the small daily choices that gradually make healing possible. This conversation offers encouragement for anyone grieving a loved one or trying to reconnect with themselves after life has been turned upside down. Key Discussion PointsLosing multiple loved ones within days of each otherGrieving the loss of a partner to addiction and overdoseRecovering physically while navigating overwhelming emotional lossThe role of grief support groups and community in healingFriends who showed up with consistent care during difficult seasonsHow busyness can become a form of emotional avoidanceLearning to trust yourself and your instincts againRebuilding life after profound lossLeaving a successful career to pursue a more meaningful pathReconnecting with joy through intentional daily practicesChoosing how grief will shape, but not define, your future Some Questions I AskWhat are three to five things you would share with someone who feels lost in grief or in someone else's addiction?When did you begin to realize that the strength you were looking for was already within you?What helped you learn to trust yourself again after everything you experienced?What patterns do you commonly see in the women you coach today? In This Episode, You Will LearnWhy grief does not have to determine the rest of your lifeHow community and support groups can provide hope during difficult seasonsWhy slowing down can reveal what constant busyness often hidesHow rebuilding trust in yourself happens one step at a timeWhy reconnecting with joy can become part of the healing processHow childhood memories can help reconnect you with feelings of hope and possibilityWhy major life changes can sometimes lead to greater clarity about purposeHow healing can create space for new relationships, new experiences, and a renewed sense of self Resources Learn more about This Way to Joy http://www.elizabeth-grand.com Notable Insight From The Episode "Grief doesn't get to decide who you become." Grief can change the course of our lives, but it does not have to define our identity. Healing often begins through small, intentional choices that gradually help us reconnect with hope, purpose, and ourselves. About the Guest Elizabeth Grandinetti is a Tampa-based coach and founder of This Way to Joy, where she helps women reconnect with themselves after seasons of grief, overwhelm, and life transition. Drawing from her own experiences with profound loss, Elizabeth encourages others to cultivate self-trust, embrace stillness, and intentionally reconnect with joy. Her coaching focuses on helping women move beyond survival and create lives rooted in authenticity, resilience, and purpose. Connect With the Guest Website http://www.elizabeth-grand.com Facebook Elizabeth Grandinetti Instagram @coach_elizabeth_g

    41min
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  3. Number 3: Why Healing Yourself Is the First Step to Breaking Generational Cycles of Shame

    Episode SummaryIn this powerful episode, host KL Wells sits down with Denise Frenette, a Canadian spiritual synergist, life coach, and author of the newly released book, More. Denise opens up about the birthing process of her book and the profound realization that she could not teach others about manifestation and habit-breaking without first confronting her own origin story. Denise shares the raw reality of growing up with a father who was a functioning alcoholic, a gambler, and at times violent, all while maintaining the perfect family image in their community. Through the lens of her father’s passing and the subsequent discovery of the financial devastation he left behind, Denise discusses the difficult journey of moving from intellectual understanding to deep heart work. This conversation explores how to acknowledge the trauma of the past with grace, the duality of loving an addict while hating their actions, and why personal healing is the essential portal to breaking generational cycles of shame.Key Discussion PointsThe Acknowledge Phase: Why Denise had to move past denial to respectfully acknowledge what was wrong in her childhood before she could truly heal.The Facade of Perfection: Growing up in a church-going, perfect family and the immense shame associated with any behavior that threatened that public image.The Duality of Love and Pain: Navigating the conundrum of how to acknowledge a parent's harmful behavior without losing the ability to love them.The Breaking Point: How her father’s death and the discovery of his hidden gambling debts acted as the drop in the bucket that forced Denise to step into her authentic self.Fear as an Acronym: Exploring the concept of F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real) and how it keeps us from transparency.The Evolution of Healing: Understanding that healing is not a one-and-done event but an ongoing discovery process. Some Questions I AskHow can I acknowledge what is going on and still love them at the same time?Was that curiosity about your dad's upbringing born in that experience?Do you think the curiosity and the willingness to step into discovery is the first step in breaking generational cycles?What was the portal or the moment that cracked you wide open to explore the gifts and lessons embedded in this experience? In This Episode, You Will LearnWhy intellectualizing your trauma is not the same as healing your heart.The importance of viewing the boy behind the man to understand the roots of addiction and behavior.How to transition from anger to sadness and finally to curiosity and discovery.Why anger is often sadness that has not been acknowledged and how to ask the right questions to move toward a solution.The power of coming out as your authentic self and realizing that the things you feared most often do not happen. ResourcesLearn more about Denise Frenette https://www.denisefrenette.com Read the Book More by Denise Frenette https://www.denisefrenette.com/book Connect with KL Wells Thrive While Loving an Addict Community https://voicesincourage.com Watch KL Wells’ TEDx Talk The Secret Lives of Families Dealing with Addiction https://youtu.be/SM4uxpBN-g8?si=Z2LOhmdZMDMuMDHY Note: This is Part 1 of a 2-part series. Be sure to tune in for the next episode as we dive deeper into the misunderstood nature of forgiveness.

    37min
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  4. Number 4: Mother & Son: How Healing Herself Saved His Life: A 20‑Year Journey From Pain to Purpose

    In this powerful third installment of our series with KL Wells, host Steve Cary explores KL’s deeply personal 20-year journey of loving her son, Sam, through the grips of addiction. Timed with National Sobriety Month, this conversation includes a moving update on Sam’s recovery and a heartfelt message of hope he recently wrote. KL shares her emotional transformation—from trying to “fix” her son to healing herself and choosing to thrive despite the chaos. This shift not only saved her life, but also created the space for Sam’s recovery. Her story is a profound example of how pain can become purpose, and how one mother’s healing journey has now become a mission to help one million people thrive while loving someone with an addiction.🔑 Key Discussion Points:A Message of Hope: KL reads a recent post from Sam, now over two years sober, reflecting on his transformation from homelessness to a stable, fulfilling life.Parallel Journeys: The idea of simultaneous recovery—Sam’s from addiction and KL’s from the "mom code" of control and caretaking.From Surviving to Thriving: Why KL chose not to settle for surviving, and how she pursued a life of meaning and joy in the midst of struggle.Radical Self-Care: KL’s annual solo backpacking trips in the Beartooth Mountains, which became essential for her emotional recovery and renewal.Purpose in Pain: Seeing challenges not as punishment but as preparation for a greater mission.Agency and Power: The empowering reminder that we always have a choice, no matter the circumstances.Mission for a Million: KL’s bold vision to help one million people learn to thrive, shifting the narrative from heartbreak to hope. ❓ Some Questions I Ask:What does National Sobriety Month mean to you right now, with where you and Sam are in your journey?How did you first glimpse a different path for yourself—beyond just surviving?At what point in the 20-year journey did you realize you didn’t want to be hijacked by your son’s addiction anymore?When you imagine one million people thriving, what does that vision look like to you? 🎧 In This Episode, You Will Learn:The key differences between surviving and thriving while loving someone with an addiction.Why prioritizing your own well-being can positively impact your loved one’s recovery.How to shift your mindset to find the lessons and meaning in your struggle.The power of choice and agency, even when life feels out of control.How stories of hope and thriving can spark your own transformation.Why normalizing thriving stories is critical to changing the collective experience of families affected by addiction. 📚 Resources Mentioned KL Wells’ TEDx Talk – How My Family Learned to Navigate Addiction🎥 Watch on YouTubeBALM Family Recovery (Be A Loving Mirror) by Beverly A. Buncher🌐 BALM Family Recovery official site📖 Book: BALM: The Loving Path to Family Recovery on Amazon 📣 Connect with KL Wells:If you're struggling and need support, KL offers resources, referrals, and heartfelt guidance. You're not alone. voicesincourage.com

    35min
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  5. Number 5: Loving a Brother Through Addiction: Justin Burgy's Story

    What does it mean to become the "fixer" in your family, and what happens when fixing stops working? In this episode, KL Wells sits down with Justin Burgy, an author from Youngstown, Ohio, whose novel Not My Brother's Keeper grew from his family's generational experience with addiction. Justin first watched his father struggle with cocaine addiction. Roughly a decade later, he found himself confronting addiction again when his younger brother, the sibling he describes as his "shadow" growing up, began traveling a similar path. Episode Summary Justin and KL explore an experience many families affected by addiction recognize: beginning with advice, financial help, and attempts to solve the problem, then gradually realizing that love does not provide control over another person's choices. Justin shares how his understanding of helping and enabling changed over time and why he eventually learned to love his brother from a distance. Their conversation also explores the enormous strain addiction can place on an entire family. Justin reflects on supporting his mother through his brother's addiction while she was battling breast cancer, the night his brother nearly died from an overdose in her living room, and the guilt and helplessness he carried afterward. Writing eventually became one way for Justin to process those experiences and give language to emotions he struggled to express elsewhere. Key Discussion PointsGrowing up in a family already affected by addictionWatching addiction move from one generation of the family to anotherJustin's role as the "fixer" sibling and the responsibility that came with itWhy advice and reasoning may have little impact during active addictionHow genuine attempts to help can gradually become enablingGiving money and other forms of support before understanding their potential consequencesThe repeated cycle of treatment, relapse, and returning to treatmentRecognizing that someone you love may not yet be ready for recoverySupporting his mother through her son's addiction while she was also facing breast cancerThe night Justin's brother nearly died from an overdose in their mother's living roomGrieving for someone who is still aliveReaching the point where Justin realized he could not fix or control his brother's addictionLearning to love someone from a distance without viewing that distance as abandonmentThe guilt that can accompany stepping backWriting and storytelling as an outlet for helplessness and unresolved emotionsDiscovering a wider community after speaking openly about family addictionWhy rebuilding trust after repeated relapse takes timeRemaining open to relationships even after trust has been broken Some Questions I AskWhat did helping look like for you in the beginning, before you understood what you were dealing with?Was there a point when you realized you couldn't fix or control what was happening?How do you continue loving someone from afar?What did you learn about yourself while trying to save someone you couldn't save?How do you carry the guilt associated with the times you needed to pull away? In This Episode, You Will LearnWhy reasoning with someone during active addiction may not create the change families hope forHow enabling can begin from a place of genuine love and concernWhy repeated treatment and relapse can be emotionally exhausting for the entire familyWhat someone's lack of readiness for recovery can look like to the people who love themWhy creating distance can sometimes become part of loving someone through addictionHow family members can experience grief even while their loved one is still aliveWhy speaking openly about addiction can reveal that families are less alone than they may believeHow writing and storytelling can provide an outlet for difficult emotionsWhy boundaries do not have to be rooted in punishmentWhy trust often needs to be rebuilt gradually after addiction and repeated relapse Resources Not My Brother's Keeper by Justin Burgy Evolve From Empathy Notable Insight From The Episode Sometimes loving someone means accepting that you cannot be the person who fixes what they are going through. For family members who have spent years trying to help, stepping back can bring grief and guilt of its own. Justin's experience explores the possibility that distance and love can coexist, and that setting a boundary does not necessarily mean closing the door on the person behind the addiction. About the Guest Justin Burgy is an author from Youngstown, Ohio, whose writing explores addiction, family relationships, empathy, and the complicated experience of loving someone through substance use. His novel, Not My Brother's Keeper, draws from his family's generational experience with addiction, including his experiences watching both his father and younger brother struggle with substance use. Through his writing, Justin gives voice to the perspective of family members who may find themselves caught between wanting to help and recognizing the limits of what they can control. Justin also writes about addiction and family life through his blog, Evolve From Empathy, where he shares reflections shaped by his experience loving a brother through active addiction. Connect With the Guest Evolve From Empathy

    43min
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