In this episode of Thrive While Loving an Addict, KL Wells sits down with Lauren Fay to explore the hidden emotional landscape of addiction, particularly when it is shaped by perfectionism, secrecy, and the pressure to maintain an image. Lauren shares her experience of appearing put together on the outside while quietly struggling with alcohol and mental health challenges behind closed doors.

As Lauren reflects on her path to sobriety, she speaks to the moment she chose to be seen and how that shift allowed her recovery to begin. This conversation also offers insight for families, highlighting the complexity of learning the full story all at once and the time it can take for healing to unfold on both sides.

Key Discussion Points

• The role of perfectionism and image management in addiction
• How secrecy and shame can delay recognition and support
• What it can mean to choose openness after years of hiding
• The emotional experience of early sobriety and identity uncertainty
• Why families are often unaware until much later
• The distinction between the person and the behavior shaped by addiction
• How comparison can keep individuals from seeking help
• The role of willingness and choice in the recovery process
• Recovery as a shared experience that can involve both individuals and families

Some Questions I Ask

• Was the voice keeping you stuck your own, or something shaped by addiction?
• What was it like to begin sharing your story publicly?
• What messages feel most important for both those in recovery and their families?
• How can families begin to separate the person they love from the behavior they are seeing?

In This Episode, You Will Learn

• How perfectionism and the need to maintain control can influence addictive patterns
• What early recovery can feel like when identity begins to shift
• Why families may need time to process what they learn
• How separating the person from the behavior can support compassion
• Why comparison can delay recognition of a problem
• How willingness can become an early step toward change
• Why healing may involve both personal work and relational repair

Resources

Blurred Lines: My Reclamation of Power from Alcohol Addiction — You Are Not Powerless by Lauren Fay

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FL12GQP6

Learn more about Lauren Fay

https://laurenfay.co

Episode Summary

In this episode of Thrive While Loving an Addict, KL Wells sits down with Dr. Robb Kelly, a neuroscientist and addiction specialist, to explore what it means to understand addiction as a disease rather than a moral failure. Dr. Kelly shares his personal journey from early exposure to alcohol in childhood to losing his family, home, and stability, and eventually living on the streets before reaching a turning point that changed the direction of his life.

Drawing from both lived experience and years of working with thousands of individuals and families, Dr. Kelly offers insight into how addiction affects the brain and why behavior can feel so difficult to understand from the outside. This conversation also acknowledges the impact on families, the complexity of boundaries, and the possibility of healing and reconnection over time.

Key Discussion Points

• Dr. Robb Kelly’s personal journey through addiction, loss, and recovery
• Understanding addiction through a brain-based perspective
• How survival mechanisms in the brain can influence addictive behavior
• The difference between intention and compulsion in addiction
• The role of thinking patterns in sustaining addiction
• How enabling and boundaries can impact recovery
• The emotional toll addiction can have on families and loved ones
• The possibility of reconciliation after long periods of disconnection
• The role of faith, meaning, and perspective in recovery
• The brain’s ability to adapt and change over time

Some Questions I Ask

• What were the turning points that led you from addiction into the work you do today?
• How did your personal experience shape your treatment approach?
• Do you see your life experiences as something that shaped your purpose?
• What would you say to loved ones trying to stay grounded in the middle of addiction?
• Were you able to find forgiveness in your relationship with your father?

In This Episode, You Will Learn

• Why addiction is often understood as a brain-based condition rather than a lack of willpower
• How certain brain processes can influence decision-making and behavior
• Why asking someone to “just stop” can feel unrealistic in the context of addiction
• How patterns of thinking can play a role in sustaining addiction
• The difference between supporting and enabling a loved one
• How addiction can impact the emotional well-being of families
• Why healing and reconnection may still be possible over time
• How the brain has the capacity to adapt and change

Resources

Learn more about Dr. Robb Kelly

https://robbkelly.com/

Explore Breath Box Studio

https://robbkelly.com/breathbox/

Episode Summary

In this episode of Thrive While Loving an Addict, KL Wells sits down with Dawn Jackson, a nurse, grief recovery specialist, and author, to explore what happens when grief goes unnamed for years. Dawn shares her experience growing up with both a biological father and a stepfather struggling with alcoholism, and how those early environments shaped what felt normal, safe, and familiar.

Through years of personal development work, Dawn searched for something that would reach the deeper layers of her pain. It was not until she encountered grief recovery work that things began to make sense. This conversation gently explores how unresolved grief can sit beneath patterns formed in addiction-impacted families, and what can begin to shift when that grief is acknowledged.

Key Discussion Points

1. Growing up with two father figures affected by alcoholism and how that shaped early patterns
2. How chaos can become familiar, and why calm may feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable
3. Grief as an underlying thread in addiction, abuse, and life transitions
4. The limits of personal growth work when grief remains unprocessed
5. How grief recovery work can offer a different layer of understanding
6. The emotional complexity of setting limits with a parent in active addiction
7. The shift from surviving to building a more stable and grounded life
8. Naming grief as a step toward understanding long-held emotional pain

Some Questions I Ask

1. When do you begin to recognize that patterns may be repeating?
2. What helped you continue searching for something deeper?
3. Was there a moment when you chose to set limits and accept what is?
4. How do you relate to the idea that life may be happening for you rather than to you?
5. Who are you now on the other side of this healing work?

In This Episode, You Will Learn

1. How unresolved grief can influence patterns developed in childhood
2. Why calm and stability can sometimes feel unfamiliar after growing up in chaos
3. The difference between ongoing personal growth and addressing grief directly
4. Why setting limits with a loved one in addiction can feel painful regardless of the choice
5. How naming grief can bring clarity to long-standing emotional experiences
6. Why healing yourself is not abandonment, but an honest response to a complex situation

Resources

Journey to Peace and Healing by Dawn Jackson

Journey to Self Discovery: 100 Days of Soulful Reflections by Dawn Jackson

Free guide: Unburdening Your Heart: Transforming the Beliefs Stealing Your Joy

https://www.dawnmichelejackson.com/unburdening-your-heart-gift

Learn more about Dawn Jackson

https://www.dawnmichelejackson.com

Connect on Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/dawnmichelejackson

Connect on LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/dawn-michele-jackson/

Episode Summary

In this episode of Thrive While Loving an Addict, producer Steve Cary joins host KL Wells to explore how deeply rooted patterns shape the way we think, respond, and relate to others. Many of these patterns begin in childhood as survival strategies within family systems affected by addiction, chaos, or emotional unpredictability.

KL reflects on how growing up with a mother struggling with prescription drug addiction influenced her relationships later in life, including the partners she chose and the way she responded to challenges with her son. Through awareness, reflection, and support, she shares how shifting from a mindset of “life is happening to me” to “life is happening for me” opened the door to healing, forgiveness, and healthier boundaries.

Key Discussion Points

1. Understanding behavioral, emotional, and cognitive patterns developed during childhood
2. How growing up in addictive or chaotic environments can normalize dysfunction
3. The way inherited relationship patterns can shape adult partnerships
4. Survival strategies such as hypervigilance, people-pleasing, achievement, and avoidance
5. The role of education, awareness, and support in recognizing unhealthy patterns
6. Why love alone is often not enough to change addiction or abusive dynamics
7. How boundaries can interrupt cycles of enabling and self-sacrifice
8. Shifting focus from controlling external circumstances to strengthening internal values
9. The mindset shift from “life is happening to me” to “life is happening for me”
10. Identifying growth and insight within painful experiences
11. Understanding forgiveness as release rather than justification
12. How the questions we ask ourselves influence the patterns we create

Some Questions I Ask

1. What do you mean when you talk about patterns of behavior, thinking, and emotional response?
2. How can someone begin to break these cycles if they lack awareness or education about them?
3. When did you first recognize that some of your strengths were actually patterns developed for survival?
4. What happens when someone does not recognize the patterns shaping their life?
5. What would you say to someone who feels trapped and cannot yet see the possibility of change?

In This Episode, You Will Learn

1. How childhood experiences with addiction or instability can shape patterns that follow us into adulthood
2. The difference between coping mechanisms and conscious awareness
3. Why the belief that “love alone is enough” can keep people stuck in unhealthy dynamics
4. How boundaries can support healing and self-respect
5. Why a shift in perspective can influence how we process painful experiences
6. The importance of asking better questions when facing hardship
7. How challenging experiences and relationships can become sources of insight
8. The role forgiveness can play in releasing resentment and emotional burden
9. How curiosity and openness can help create new possibilities for growth

Resources

Learn more about Viktor Frankl and his work on meaning and resilience

https://www.viktorfrankl.org/

Episode Summary

In this powerful conversation, host KL Wells sits down with Paul Simard, a death doula, TED Talk speaker, and men’s wellness coach, to explore how our relationship with grief, loss, and mortality shapes the way we love. Drawing from his personal journey through crisis and transformation, Paul shares how facing life’s hardest realities can open the door to deeper compassion, connection, and meaning.

Together, KL and Paul discuss how loving someone in addiction often brings families into an ongoing experience of grief, uncertainty, and emotional complexity. This episode offers a thoughtful reframing of grief as an extension of love, explores the role of shame and isolation, and invites listeners to consider new ways of holding both loss and hope at the same time.

Key Discussion Points

1. Paul’s personal journey and how life challenges led him into service work
2. Reframing death as a natural and meaningful part of life’s cycle
3. Understanding grief as an expression of ongoing love
4. How loving someone in addiction can mirror the emotional experience of grief
5. The difference between shame and guilt, and how shame fuels isolation
6. Why connection and community are essential for healing
7. Rethinking sovereignty as interdependence rather than independence
8. The emotional impact of the language we use around death and loss
9. Cultural perspectives on honoring life and death
10. How personal stories and beliefs shape our experience of suffering

Some Questions I Ask

1. How did your personal experiences lead you into this work?
2. What does it mean to show up as a father, partner, and man today?
3. How can we develop a healthier relationship with death and loss?
4. How do we love someone whose addiction creates constant uncertainty?
5. Where do our stories about shame come from, and how do they affect us?
6. How do we know if the beliefs we’re holding are helping or hurting us?
7. What might be possible if we questioned the narratives we’ve inherited?
8. How can we hold both grief and gratitude at the same time?

In This Episode, You Will Learn

1. How reframing grief and loss can shift your emotional experience
2. Why grief is often a continuation of love rather than the end of connection
3. The role of community and connection in supporting mental and emotional health
4. How shame can keep families isolated and how connection helps interrupt that pattern
5. The influence language and internal narratives have on the nervous system
6. How experiences of loss can deepen perspective and meaning
7. Why strength often comes from interdependence rather than independence
8. How grief and joy can coexist
9. The importance of questioning inherited beliefs and rewriting stories that no longer serve you

Resources

Learn more about Paul Simard

https://paulsimard.co

Watch Paul Simard’s TED Talk: The Mythical Man

https://www.ted.com/talks/paul_simard_the_mythical_man

Connect with Thrive While Loving an Addict

https://voicesincourage.com

Books mentioned in the episode:

Lost Connections by Johann Hari

The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield

The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck

Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari

Learn more about Positive Intelligence

https://positiveintelligence.com/about/

Explore the work of Gabor Maté

https://drgabormate.com/

In this episode, podcast producer Steve Cary joins host KL Wells for an honest and reflective conversation about what it means to thrive while loving someone in active addiction. KL shares lessons from her 20-year journey with her son Sam, including his nearly three years of sustained recovery. Together, they explore the perspective that shaped KL’s healing path: the belief that life is happening for you, not to you.

KL discusses how loving with boundaries helped her reclaim her own agency and emotional stability. She reflects on why feeling like nothing is working often signals that families are trying to manage addiction itself rather than focusing on outcomes that support their own well-being. This conversation offers grounded insight into fear, uncertainty, relapse, and the personal growth that can happen alongside a loved one’s recovery journey.

1. Reframing hardship through the perspective that life is happening for you, not to you
2. The difference between loving with boundaries and rescuing or enabling
3. Brain science and addiction survival wiring and how it shapes behavior
4. Why feeling like nothing is working may signal you are trying to control addiction rather than your own healing
5. Setting clear personal boundaries, including removing financial or rescue-based support
6. Self-care as a survival skill, including emotional processing, tapping, movement, and time in nature
7. Managing fear and internal stories during periods of silence in recovery
8. Viewing relapse as part of a longer learning process rather than a single failure
9. Shifting from focusing on a loved one’s outcomes to identifying your own

1. Where were you in your journey when you were able to respond with boundaries instead of rescuing?
2. For listeners who feel nothing is working, how can they begin to see a path forward?
3. Was there something different about your son’s most recent turn toward recovery?
4. What are a few early steps for someone who feels overwhelmed, stuck, or afraid?

1. Why the feeling that nothing is working can signal you are focused on the wrong battle
2. How loving boundaries can support both compassion and self-protection
3. How shifting focus toward your own outcomes can create emotional stability
4. Early support steps that many families find helpful, including peer support and learning from others’ experiences
5. Why addiction can disrupt survival priorities in the brain and create unpredictable behavior
6. Ways to navigate uncertainty during recovery periods
7. How routine, joy, and connection can help rebuild emotional capacity

Find support through Al-Anon Family Groups

https://al-anon.org

Learn about the Be A Loving Mirror (BALM) family recovery framework

https://balmfamilyrecovery.com

Connect with Thrive While Loving an Addict

https://voicesincourage.com

Episode Summary

In Part 2 of this compassionate conversation, host KL Wells continues her dialogue with Denise Frenette on what it truly means to heal while loving someone with addiction. Together, they explore how forgiveness, boundaries, and emotional honesty can exist without minimizing harm or excusing destructive behavior.

Denise reflects on her own journey of reconciling love for her father with the reality of his addiction. She shares how releasing judgment, challenging secrecy, and choosing understanding over blame can help interrupt generational patterns of shame and inherited trauma. This episode centers the healing of the loved one, not as abandonment, but as a necessary step toward truth, freedom, and peace.

Key Discussion Points

1. Holding love and truth at the same time when addiction has caused real harm
2. What forgiveness is and what it is not
3. Moving through anger, sadness, and grief without getting stuck in them
4. Reframing harm through the lens of “nothing is personal”
5. Choosing moments of joy while a loved one continues to struggle
6. Why boundaries are essential to healing, including stepping back when needed
7. How secrecy and silence reinforce shame across generations
8. Telling the whole truth as a form of honoring, not betrayal

Some Questions I Ask

1. How can I love my father and still say, “This was wrong”?
2. What does forgiveness really mean, and what are the most common misconceptions about it?
3. How do we stop taking addictive behavior personally?
4. Is it possible to experience joy while someone we love is suffering?
5. When are boundaries necessary for healing, even if they feel painful?
6. How do we move from anger to understanding without excusing harm?
7. Why does humanizing the person who hurt us help set us free?
8. How do we hold the full truth of our family story without rewriting it?

In This Episode, You Will Learn

1. Why healing yourself is not abandonment, but responsibility
2. How forgiveness can free you without minimizing harm
3. Why emotions are a pathway rather than a destination
4. How boundaries support compassion rather than weaken it
5. Ways to challenge inherited shame without rewriting history
6. How honesty can interrupt generational cycles of secrecy

Resources

Learn more about Denise Frenette

https://www.denisefrenette.com

Read the book by Denise Frenette

https://www.denisefrenette.com/book

Connect with KL Wells and the Thrive While Loving an Addict community

https://voicesincourage.com

Watch KL Wells’ TEDx Talk

The Secret Lives of Families Dealing with Addiction

https://youtu.be/SM4uxpBN-g8?si=Z2LOhmdZMDMuMDHY

Note: This episode is Part 2 of a continuing conversation with Denise Frenette on generational shame and healing.

In this powerful episode, host KL Wells sits down with Denise Frenette, a Canadian spiritual synergist, life coach, and author of the newly released book, More. Denise opens up about the birthing process of her book and the profound realization that she could not teach others about manifestation and habit-breaking without first confronting her own origin story.

Denise shares the raw reality of growing up with a father who was a functioning alcoholic, a gambler, and at times violent, all while maintaining the perfect family image in their community. Through the lens of her father’s passing and the subsequent discovery of the financial devastation he left behind, Denise discusses the difficult journey of moving from intellectual understanding to deep heart work. This conversation explores how to acknowledge the trauma of the past with grace, the duality of loving an addict while hating their actions, and why personal healing is the essential portal to breaking generational cycles of shame.

1. The Acknowledge Phase: Why Denise had to move past denial to respectfully acknowledge what was wrong in her childhood before she could truly heal.
2. The Facade of Perfection: Growing up in a church-going, perfect family and the immense shame associated with any behavior that threatened that public image.
3. The Duality of Love and Pain: Navigating the conundrum of how to acknowledge a parent's harmful behavior without losing the ability to love them.
4. The Breaking Point: How her father’s death and the discovery of his hidden gambling debts acted as the drop in the bucket that forced Denise to step into her authentic self.
5. Fear as an Acronym: Exploring the concept of F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real) and how it keeps us from transparency.
6. The Evolution of Healing: Understanding that healing is not a one-and-done event but an ongoing discovery process.

1. How can I acknowledge what is going on and still love them at the same time?
2. Was that curiosity about your dad's upbringing born in that experience?
3. Do you think the curiosity and the willingness to step into discovery is the first step in breaking generational cycles?
4. What was the portal or the moment that cracked you wide open to explore the gifts and lessons embedded in this experience?

1. Why intellectualizing your trauma is not the same as healing your heart.
2. The importance of viewing the boy behind the man to understand the roots of addiction and behavior.
3. How to transition from anger to sadness and finally to curiosity and discovery.
4. Why anger is often sadness that has not been acknowledged and how to ask the right questions to move toward a solution.
5. The power of coming out as your authentic self and realizing that the things you feared most often do not happen.

Learn more about Denise Frenette

https://www.denisefrenette.com

Read the Book

More by Denise Frenette

https://www.denisefrenette.com/book

Connect with KL Wells

Thrive While Loving an Addict Community

https://voicesincourage.com

Watch KL Wells’ TEDx Talk

The Secret Lives of Families Dealing with Addiction

https://youtu.be/SM4uxpBN-g8?si=Z2LOhmdZMDMuMDHY

Note: This is Part 1 of a 2-part series. Be sure to tune in for the next episode as we dive deeper into the misunderstood nature of forgiveness.

In this deeply moving and honest episode, host KL Wells is joined by Jim Horton, a father who tragically lost his 19-year-old son, Zach, to an opiate addiction. Recorded during the holiday season, a particularly challenging time for many, this conversation offers a raw and authentic look at the rollercoaster ride of grief. Jim shares his personal story, from the initial shock and all-consuming pain to his journey of healing and finding new purpose. He and KL explore the paralyzing stigma of addiction, the complexities of the recovery landscape, and the critical need for community for both those struggling with addiction and the families who love them.

This episode is a powerful testament to the long, non-linear path of grief and a beacon of hope for anyone feeling lost in the darkness of loss.

• The profound impact of stigma and how it prevents families from seeking and receiving help.
• Understanding that the recovery landscape is wide and looks different for teenagers versus adults.
• The family's parallel journey of recovery and the importance of their own healing.
• Navigating the intense, unpredictable emotions of grief, especially during the holidays.
• The distinction between sobriety as simple abstinence and recovery as an active, ongoing journey toward a better life.
• Finding purpose and a path forward through service and contribution after a devastating loss.
• The power of community and why no one should have to walk this path alone.

• How can we shift our perspective to see relapse not as a total failure, but as part of a longer recovery journey?
• What are the first steps a parent can take when they feel paralyzed by their child's addiction?
• How do we navigate the shoulds and self-blame that often accompany loving someone with an addiction?
• For those deep in grief, what does the path toward finding moments of peace or even joy look like?

• Why treating addiction as a disease, not a moral failing, is crucial for both the individual and their family.
• The importance of exploring city and county resources for addiction and recovery support, which are often overlooked.
• That grief is not a linear process; it is a rollercoaster with ups and downs, and it is okay to not be okay.
• Practical strategies to interrupt negative thought patterns and head trash when you feel yourself spiraling.
• That your own recovery journey as a loved one is just as important as the person's journey with addiction.
• There is hope for finding light and purpose again, even after the most profound loss.

Links and Resources:

The Zachary Horton Foundation

Learn more about Jim’s work to end the stigma of addiction, spread awareness, and support individuals and families in his community.

🌐 https://zacharyhortonfoundation.org/ zacharyhortonfoundation.org

Thrive While Loving an Addict (Podcast & Community)

Listen to the Thrive While Loving an Addict podcast by KL Wells and find community support for parents and loved ones of those struggling with addiction.

📍 https://voicesincourage.com/podcast

County Mental Health and Addiction Services

As mentioned in the episode, a critical and often underutilized resource. To find support near you, search for:

🔎 "[Your County] mental health and addiction services"

Grief Support Groups

Connecting with others who have experienced similar loss can be incredibly healing. You can find grief support through organizations such as:

📍 GriefShare — https://www.griefshare.org/

In this episode, host KL Wells welcomes Pamela Tosh, an energy healer and yoga teacher joining us from Cape Town, South Africa. Pamela shares her incredible story of resilience and transformation, from a childhood marked by emotional abuse and early struggles with addiction to a profound spiritual awakening in the Himalayas. She recounts how her journey to India for yoga teacher training became the turning point that allowed her to release stored trauma, break the cycle of addiction, and find her true purpose.

Join us for a powerful conversation about the limitations of conventional rehab, the healing power of spiritual connection, and how a life dedicated to service can lead to your own liberation. Pamela’s story is a testament to the fact that it is never too late to rewrite your script and create a life of authenticity, purpose, and joy.

1. Pamela’s story of origin, growing up in an environment of emotional abuse and alcohol dependency in South Africa.
2. The powerful, life-altering journey to India that sparked a deep spiritual awakening and healing from trauma.
3. The concept of being addicted to a "3D reality" and how to break free from societal conditioning.
4. Karma Yoga, or meditation in action, and how serving her community became a cornerstone of her recovery.
5. The critical need for sustainable, holistic, and long-term approaches to addiction recovery.
6. How to practice emotional detachment to find peace and stillness, even in the midst of chaos.

1. Would you please give our listeners a window into your story of origin?
2. Did you step away from addiction when you got pregnant?
3. Talk about your first journey to India. Was that an experience of awakening for you?
4. How do you describe your formula for thriving?

1. The limitations of short-term rehabilitation programs and the importance of creating a sustainable, long-term healing plan.
2. How stored trauma and emotions manifest physically in the body and how practices like yoga can help release them.
3. The concept of Karma Yoga and how selfless service can be a powerful tool for healing and finding purpose.
4. Techniques for practicing emotional detachment and finding inner peace, even when surrounded by chaos.
5. The importance of withdrawing the senses to move past physical attachments and connect more deeply with your spiritual self.
6. Why telling your truth is a fundamental practice for living an authentic life and breaking free from toxic relationship patterns.
7. How to find daily excitement and inspiration to stay resilient on your unique, divinely guided path.

Connect with Pamela Tosh (Indie Pam):

Website: https://indiepam.org

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pamela.tosh.indipam/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pamelatosh/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/pamelatosh/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@IndiPam.pamelatosh

Book Mentioned:

The Song of God (A version of the Bhagavad Gita)

https://a.co/d/21ahoyx

Connect with KL Wells and the Thrive While Loving an Addict Community:

https://voicesincourage.com