Throw in the Pal

Are you a scholar of ancient, Biblically revered cities that serve as a symbol of debauchery and excess? Or perhaps you have a friend who natters incessantly about topics that no-one cares about? At the very least, maybe you've recently encountered a newborn with the unusual Christian name of Lon? Regardless of which, any one of these very normal scenarios would mean you're now familiar with Babylon, which is also the name of Damien Chazelle's 2022 epic yarn about 1920s Hollywood. It is sickening, impressive, obnoxious and hard to ignore, making it perfect fodder for this podcast, where we somehow manage to strike the exact same Pal-ance.

The formula for success is evergreen: you need gritty sex appeal, a willingness to endure pain and a Pal-ate for pig semen. But enough about Throw in the Pal, let's talk Jackass: Forever (2022), the fourth (and final?) proper entry in the Johnny Knoxville-spearheaded series of films where grown-arse people make easels of their bodies, lending stupidity the brush to paint its bloody masterpiece. Join the Pals as they revisit and reappraise their scabby adolescent predilection for tightening torture, attempting to discern whether their is true affection to be found in the mischief of this Pal-letic mayhem.

Here there be dragons, so be ye forewarned.

Whether regular scaled or Norwegian horned.

The Pals have all gathered to watch it transpire, in this Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005).

Full of challenging tasks, for only the boldest sort

Full of mazes and mermaids, and dark lord Voldemort.

In this world of deception and mad, tricky thieves

You'll need lots of spunk, and some old Gillyweeds

And if Moaning Myrtle doth help you while peeping through bubbles,

Do all that you can to keep well out of troubles.

So Pal-t if you must, through we prefer smiles,

As we three discuss Potter for just a short whiles.

As Pal-lies, we’re aware that Ezra Miller prefers they/them pronouns and use them accordingly throughout the episode, though we do use he/him pronouns in regards to the character of Barry Allen/The Flash that Miller portrays in the film. We apologise for any confusion caused by switching between these terms in our discussion and apologise for any accidental misgendering we so. As always, thanks for listening!

What's faster than a speeding bullet, redder than a flaming devil and unlikely to leave you sexually satisfied? Well, just like at a free-for-all tulip tussle, this week you're just gonna have to try and take your pick, because it's either one of the three pals or Andy Muschietti's The Flash (or both!). Yes, that's right, we watched the latest in the DCEU filmography, and now it's everyone else's problem. Find out if the pals have a hard time enduring this critically panned movie because you know misery loves comPalny or maybe they'll Flash a big grin and Get Nuts in the speed force! Please consider listening, or -- in lieu of that -- enjoying this Pal-indrome we wrote that we feel captures the film's merits:

Anti movie; I vomit, na!

They say even cowboys get the blues, which is really sad to consider, because then you know that Woody from Toy Story must be out here just suuuuper bummed out. Luckily, the easiest way to overcome this existentialist train of thought is to listen to the Pals as they horse around in the evening blue of Midnight Cowboy, a movie that (and this is com-pal-tely true) uses the well-worn buddy format to interrogate the hollowness of the American Dream, starring Jon Voigt and Dustin Hoffman. Yee-haw!

Look, we hear you fellow Pals. After all, as regular patrons, we'll take it for granted that you know we're great listeners. Some people have been asking for us to boldly go where no man has gone before, to speak about "the black private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks", or even for us to rub shoulders with Spiderman's nemesis. But seeing as you were all shouting at once, the words "Star Trek", "Shaft" and "Green Goblin" all sorta merged into one... So we did Shrek. You're Pal-come!

Is this latest episode of your favourite podcast a deep dive into the mysteries of the gooey substance that paves our roads and makes cigarettes so rich and oh so smooth? Or is it about a new Euro-twist on the delecta-Pal pastries we all know and love, but simply omitting the final 'T' at the end because you know how crazy them Europeans are? Or or oooor is it a movie about Lydia Tár, famed conductor who finds her life of sophistication and magisterial influence crumbling as her words and actions combine to undo her mythos in ways she could never have possibly foreseen? The answer to all these questions and more, on this week's episode of Throw in the Pal!

*to the tune of We Didn't Start The Fire*

Michael Keaton's here to stay

In a Raymond Carver play

Edward Norton going meta in this onstage show

All in one shot, so it seems

Dashed and damned artistic dreams

And there's Galifankankis, as if you didn't know

Close the curtains, quick now

Certain there's a sick crowd

Loving this implosion of the path this man has chosen

Why we gotta be so mean, critics hog the big screen

And the boards and literati, Riggan's gonna try fly

Watch the Birdman go higher

Floating on and cruising from his own delusion

Pals gonna be inspired

Cos this movie's rooting and it's also tootin

Some would say the Pals are overqualified when it comes to discussing sport, not to mention women's sports and, more specifically, the cross-cultural experiences of working class British Indian Punjabi Sikhs. With only some minor adjustments, that's essentially the life story of each of our four podcasters, making Gurinder Chadha's sports-comedy Bend it Like Beckham (2002) a shoe-in for this week's episode. Perhaps, finally, we'll also settle the age-old debate: is it soccer or foot-Pal?

Get bent, pals!

[Open on a meadow on the cusp of a fresh morn, where one regular fella approaches another.

The first fella sighs forlornly, as the other asks:]

"Hey, what's wrong there, buddy?"

"Oh, nothing. I just... [a spry piano arpeggio is heard] I wish there were more colours."

"Whadda ya mean, glum-bum?"

"Well... [to the beat of a jaunty tune] we have blue for the skies and the seas..."

"That's true."

"Green on the grass, far as I can see..."

"Black for the nights..."

"And yellows for days..."

"Purples for blurples..."

"And suits made of greys! Yet there's no special colour for the feelings I have."

"What feelings are those? Are they terribly sad?"

"No! It's of laughter, of play and delight!"

"Well, I've got a colour that I think is just right?"

"Really?!"

"Yeah, it's pink."

"Oh, sh#$t, I forgot about pink."

"I remembered cos I just saw the Barbie movie."

"Any good?"

"Only one way to find out: tune into the Pals brand new episode where they discuss just that, Greta Gerwig's pink billion-dollar smash hit, and the cultur-Pal event of the year!"

"Why are you yelling?"

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!"

"THAT MAKES SENSE!"