Have you ever heard the phrase “don’t should on yourself?”

Maybe you’ve heard it on this podcast, because I believe “should” is a dirty word when you apply it to yourself. You might as well stand there wagging a finger in your face, chewing yourself out for not living up to expectations.

Who’s expectations, though? Are you over 21? Are you self-supporting? What do YOU expect from yourself?

I’m not asking you to spew what other people expect from you – this is your life and your expectations are the ones that matter. The expectations of others are not in control of your life unless you let them be. Don’t. Live up to your own expectations – that’s where self-confidence and self-esteem come from.

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Did someone do you wrong? It happens.

Are you still angry or hurt or vengeful? That’s not on them, that’s on you.

When you stay stuck in the muck of being hurt, you’re making a choice to let the other person control you. Seriously - they’re not in charge of your emotions, you are. But if you’re still crying to your friends, fixated on what that person did to you, you are putting that person in charge of your emotions.

Yikes!

They have no right to control you. You control you. You choose how you feel and what you focus on. Forgive yourself for not knowing this, and starting right this minute quit focusing on the memory when it pops into your head. This will give you the tools to walk away, because when you’re not angry and vengeful, then they’re not in control of you and your emotions.

Take charge – let it go!

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Have you ever heard of boundary training? Today I want you to begin boundary training all the people you deal with, especially those you love.

It’s common to say “yes” when people request things of us because we like them, like helping them, and sometimes it’s just easier. Right up until it isn’t.

Don’t wait until you’re ready to explode – set some boundaries.

Giving people we care about boundaries is hard – it doesn’t come naturally and it goes against our desire to build communities and be of service.

Boundaries are necessary because otherwise you’re disrespecting yourself, your time and your needs. Set small boundaries at first, so you can practice enforcing them, and then set some bigger boundaries and practice enforcing them. Boundaries might initially irritate the other person because they’re used to being able to walk all over you.

If they’re worth having in your life, they’ll value you, your time, your talents, and your generosity enough to quit challenging your boundaries. If not, they’re not worth having in your life.

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When was the last time you really touched the heart of a stranger?

I was at the checkout counter and the cashier seemed like he was having a bad day, so I decided I’d make him smile. Why? Because it would be fun for me and good for him.

As I handed him paper money I asked if the store accepted “the annoying green stuff.” Close, but no smile. The change would only have been a few pennies, so I told him to please hang on to those pennies in case someone needed them later. Eye contact – still no smile. I looked him in the eyes and thanked him for being there so people could get what they needed easily.

Eureka – a smile!  And the feeling it gave me to see it was at least as good as the feeling he got from me.

Will you make it your mission to touch the heart of a stranger at least once a week? Try it and I bet you’ll soon be doing it every day. When you touch a heart, you give yourself that same feeling, too.

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Want to be a great leader? Realize it’s not about you, it’s about your team.

Know each person – what they’re passionate about outside work, whether they’re better solo or on a collaborative project, and what support they need from you.

Each one of your team is an individual – they existed before you began to manage them and they’ll exist after the two of you part ways. While you have them, be a good human being, being interested in them as people, being transparent when you make a mistake, going to bat when they make one, and rooting for the success not just of your team but of each person on it.

Sure, you’re the boss. Be the one the team rallies around, roots for and will follow through the fire. Be the leader that follows the hearts of your people.

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How do you feel when you see a confident, successful woman? Happy for them? A little tiny bit jealous of them? Or do you go off on how they didn’t earn it or even if they did, they’re probably such a rhymes-with-witch that they don’t deserve it?

Sadly, a lot of people have a knee-jerk reaction in a bad way towards success. They assume the successful person is wicked and undeserving because that helps them feel better about themselves.

The truth is, we’re all human. We all question ourselves, get hurt so badly we think we’ll never get over it, and we all are judged and criticized by others.

You know what that feels like, right? Not good, so why would you do it to someone else?

If you want to be confident and successful, stop condemning others for showing you how good that looks. Celebrate them so you’re poised and ready to celebrate yourself, too.

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Do you even know who you are?

Sure, you know your name, you know yourself in relation to your job and your friends and your family.

So let me ask you again – do you know who YOU are?

Each day you’re alive, you have the chance to learn a little bit more about you.

Those types of interactions help you learn who you are at your core. They help you grow as a person, grow in self-confidence, and grow in self-knowledge.

Want to know who you are at your core? Challenge yourself daily to step outside your comfort zone and notice how you feel. Feels pretty good, right?

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Have you ever had stress dreams when you’re starting something new?

When I worked on the radio, each time I’d go to a new station the stress dreams about saying the wrong call letters or not being able to reach the microphone switch on the control board would haunt me for about a week.

Has that ever happened to you?

Those dreams don’t feel good and can leave you with lingering dread throughout the day, but they don’t have to. Try to reframe the dream from a bad one to a way that your brain is practicing while you sleep. It would be nice if it would practice in a more positive way, but it is what it is.

When the feeling of the bad dream crops up during the day, remember it’s your brain helping you succeed. You’ve got this, whatever it is!

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How often to you explain your actions to others? May I lovingly suggest you stop doing that?

Here’s why – people see you and respond to you based on their life experiences, not yours. They see you as they are, not as you are. When you try to explain yourself, they’re hearing your words through the same set of their life experiences that made them misunderstand you in the first place.

Explaining yourself makes the situation worse – they think you’re weak and you walk away feeling even worse about the situation and yourself.

When you feel like you need to explain yourself, say these words either inside your brain or right out loud – I’m good. Because you are, whether anyone else can see it or not.

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Think about something that’s a current goal of yours. It doesn’t matter if it’s a personal or professional goal, focus on it. How does it make you feel? Excited? Anxious? Frightened?

Goals are wonderful to have because they give us an excuse to focus, learn, and grow. That’s the excited feeling – the possibilities of who you’ll be once you’ve accomplished the goal. Anxiety and fear are the “can I do this” or “am I good enough” thoughts that result from trying to know how the goal will happen before you’re ready for it to unfold.

Think about just one thing that you’ve already accomplished – did you have all those feelings before achieving that goal? Probably, and yet that turned out OK, right? It will this time, too.

When doubt shows up, remind it how exciting this goal is going to be when it happens!

PS...want more? Subscribe to the Mind, Body, Soul Sessions podcast, a weekly mental spa treatment for your total self! #success #leader #lawofattraction #personaldevelopment #mentalwellbeing