Episode 064 - Happy Rape Victims

 

 

This week, Daniel finds himself suffering from troll karma. All his behavior has finally caught up with him and now people are striking back. Or, he’s just a gigantic pussy.

Girls,Girls, Girls. Because Daniel’s life is a Spanish soap opera. He dishes more about the two women in his life. Actually, more like one and a half. We start with Faith, the hot receptionist at his work; or according to Cassie: the forgettable chick who doesn’t know what Pulp Fiction is. Some information comes to light about this girl, and Daniel is starting to wonder if sticking around is worth it. His strategy may be bleeding into the real world, because he was called out for his flirtatious demeanor at work.

We continue with girl in the same building, but different company (Did we name her Amanda?) Daniel is starting to question whether or not his source in the building who claims she has a live-in boyfriend may have been mistaken. He lays out possible reasons as to why she is being extra smiley, and talkative with him. Hopefully, the reason ends up being she wants the D - boyfriend or no boyfriend. Cassie is reminded of her role as Daniel’s voice of reason when she is tasked with coming up with new strategies or GTFO.

Here is some life advice for Daniel and for other's: Get on the Exodus Diet. Because being fat makes God angry. He is not a wimpy lover, he is a jealous God. Besides, who needs food when you have God to fill you like you have never been filled before. Daniel shares with Cassie and listener’s a video describing his new diet.

 

Don’t Daniel and Cassie sound like people you want to worship with? Well, Daniel could be coming to a church near year via worship team. And no he isn’t doing it for the pussy, so don’t even go there. However, is it possible his type of body shape may not be accepted? Who knew someone could be body shamed out of church. Well, if Jesus went through all the trouble to get rock hard abs, the least us fat asses can do is follow the guidelines to being presentable enough to walk through church doors. I mean, everyone is welcome in the house of the Lord, but you may be shoved in the back with your fat sausage rolls hidden by a tarp. Cassie describes an imaginary (well semi-imaginary) worship team and hopefully goes along with whatever point he is trying to make.

After the break, we learn another one of Cassie’s secret fantasies. It involves a dickless man rubbin’ some nub. We also learn way more about the ever-sexual Kinky Cassie, because sex is a perfect topic to followup a story about the worship team.

Gerbilling. Rule #34 of the internet, if it exists, there is porn of it. Let’s be real, there is a porn for everything so let’s just make peace with that every sick, twisted fantasy exists. We can choose to live in la la land with Cassie, but where’s the fun in that? Luckily, Cassie does not like the idea of cocaine covered gerbils clawing through her asshole. It could be possible Cassie does not have any room left in her asshole with all the sharpies, dicks, and random dildos shoved up there. Maybe one day we will see her on the show, Sex Sent Me to the ER. She may choose to break a Guinness world record one day.

 

 

Dear TotT,

 

Why will guys check out other women’s asses when they are with their girlfriends or wives?

 

Sincerely,

 

Katie

 

TotTP Episode 063 - Black People Aren't Ornaments

 

 

TotT gets political this week to keep up with the election. More on that later. For now, they remind you each day is a gift and to “grab life by the pussy”. Daniel, of course, can’t expect Kinky Cassie to understand this whole pussy fiasco, because she hasn’t been paying attention to the election. Unlike others, she is sitting on the train facing straight ahead, instead of rubbernecking to see the car crash that is Presidential election 2016.

Daniel, on the other hand, prides himself on knowing the ins, the outs, and the what-have-yous of this train wreck election. Perhaps next election everyone should get together and elect Daniel as the next president. First rule: no pant suits allowed. All women must wear short mini skirts in the oval office. However, a guy dressed in a dress is atrocious and not ‘Murican.

Speaking of guys who dress as women, #FuckLuke. Daniel reminds us to stop feeding the troll and to instead chip away at the troll by using the aforementioned hash tag. You know what, Luke is so insignificant, we won’t even waste any more precious words on him. Fuck you, Luke!

Daniel has an update on the females he recently added to the PoP a few weeks ago. Uber girl is obviously a no go. She squeezed Daniel for everything she wanted and moved on. According to sources, the chick just in his building has a live-in boyfriend, and Daniel is ready to take the next step with hot receptionist at his work. He is contemplating finally buying her a beverage, because if you give a chick a Starbucks, then she will think of your cock. If she thinks of your cock, she is gonna want to suck it. Sounds like everything is going smoothly...or are things not as they seem? Cassie strongly disagrees with his work friend due to new information Daniel has uncovered about her. Her advice changed from slow and steady, to pull out and abort mission. What are your thoughts?

Unfortunately for Cassie, her strong disagreement with this new lady is causing some passive-aggressiveness in studio. Cassie may need to learn her place is kneeling at the pedestal of Daniel.

After the break, Daniel is concerned for Cassie’s well-being after he finds out she is dabbling in the hard stuff… Fan Fiction. It’s not her fault she appreciates the creative minds that come up with trees with long ass dick, branches fucking the shit out of people. Let us pray it isn’t underage folk coming up with the sexual tension getting Cassie ‘damp’ down south. I mean, who doesn’t get hot off the idea of human “Knotting.”(warning-this has zero to do with crafting).

Here are more lives that matter. #ClownLivesMatter. Real clowns are sick of the discrimination due to the scary, fake clowns posting up all over cities, trying to scare everything and everyone. The clowns may want to rethink their strategy of giving hugs, because wanting hugs from kids is the gateway drug to wanting to lure kids into the woods.

Breaking News Alert: Daniel goes on a long ass rant about how fucked up America is. Everyone is afraid all the time. Everything is going to shit, and it’s easier to see how that is the case, because people are starting to call kids “little bigots.” And by people, we mean Social Justice Weirdos (Because kids wearing a Native American costume is way worse than objectifying men by waving a dildo around on a school campus? ).

 

 

Dear Abby,

 

My friend’s kid is a major bitch to mine. Unfortunately, she is always going to be around at social gatherings,

TotTP Episode 062 - Sphincter's Gonna Sphinct

 

 

The motivation bug hits Daniel once again, and he has been working overtime to make the podcast you, the listener. To help make the podcast better, Daniel has soldout. He is pimping himself out for your hard earned cash, so go to the support page on the website to find out how you can help out.

Now that that awkwardness is over with, let’s talk about the morality of having sex with someone while they are asleep. If someone is dead asleep, but they start getting handsy and hand over a vibrator to use on them, is it okay to have sex with them? A man was sentenced to three years for engaging in sexual play with his former sexsomnia ex-girlfriend. Daniel and Cassie's what if's games based on the situation goes real deep. Cassie then talks about how awful it is to be falsely accused of rape.

Surprisingly, the podcast takes on a topic deeper, darker, dirtier than rape:eating ass. Because, there ain't nothing more satisfying and taboo like tongue punching the ol' fart box. Daniel and Cassie briefly contemplate whether the content of devouring ass will be too much for the San Diego Sun Radio that just added their podcast to the lineup Tuesday nights at 9pm. But in true fashion, the 3am at heart podcast marches on.

Daniel brings up another article, this time 19 men confess their deepest thoughts on eating ass. One man believes it is important to go make way to the area with brown skies, because the anus has millions of nerve endings as well as the clitoris. Another man shares his feelings, feelings that deeply offend our pussy loving host. The logic used basically was, might as well hit up the ass when he vagina doesn't smell good, 'and he eats pussy like a pig at a trough.

 

Per usual, Daniel and Cassie's personal experiences hijack the conversation. We may need to change Cassie's name to "Ass" Cass, because apparently our sexpert has eaten 8-9 asses like they were fuckin’ groceries. She shares her experience with straight off the construction site ass instead of straight outta the shower ass. Let's just say, if she had asked you to smell her finger, it would not have smelled like pussy... Daniel shares a story about the time he had sex with an ape who enjoyed throwing her feces at his wall. Sometimes when your sphincter sphincts mid masturbation, little surprises pop out of your hole.

Daniel and Cassie contemplate whether the content of devouring ass will be too much for the San Diego Sun Radio that just added their podcast to the lineup Tuesday nights at 9pm. But in true fashion, the 3am at heart podcast marches on.

After the break, Daniel busts out another article, this time: The Gentleman's Guide to Casual Sex. Cassie decides it would be fun to listen to the list and answer the underlying question: Is Daniel a gentleman when it comes to having casual sex?

 

* Be a straight shooter

It may be a bad sign that they can't get past the first guideline without it coming to light that Daniel has done things purposefully to be an asshole. While going over things not to say, Cassie asks Daniel if it was appropriate to send his then booty call a love duet?

* Don't meet the parents

* Don't cuddle post-sex

* Choose your women wisely.

Daniel, don't take advantage and go after the women you know are in love with you. Or infatuated with you, because being in love is different than being overly o...

TotTP Episode 061 - Friend on Friend Facial

 

 

 

This week, Daniel and Kinky Cassie are joined by podcasters who are more fucked up than they are, Dave and Jerry from the Bad Cop Bad Cop Show. Daniel admits that he may be a little fearful of what these two will say about him on their next show.

Daniel and the guests get into a discussion on the elements needed to make podcast magic. It takes more than simply getting some friends together and shooting the shit for an hour.

Empathy. Daniel learns how slimy men can be when he gets hit on by a flamboyantly gay man, who only wanted him for his body. His hairy ass body and nipples are apparently a turn on for gay men, because he can be their big bad, bear-cub. Hopefully he learned why some women label him as a scumbag; they may not find it favorable to be told they have 'potential'. You are shitty now, but you may be less shitty later. Women just want to be fucked for their brain, alright?!

 

Our guests as well as listeners, get a look into Daniel's life when he discusses the time he lived in Mexico. Daniel has gone through a lot in his life, but sometimes it is better to eat and fuck the pain away, rather than be mind fucked by a therapist. Cassie talks of her own adventures in Mexico as a young Missionary, trying to teach the ways of Jesus to young, deaf orphans. Because those Catholics are doing it wrong, fuck that whore Mary, everyone knows it is all about Jesus Christ.

 

After Dave and Jerry get over their fascination with the news stories, Daniel introduces an article with 43 questions every woman is dying to know the answer too, but are too embarrassed to ask. Cassie narrowed it down to 10 questions that she legitimately needed to know.

* Does it make guys feel insecure when women masturbate during sex?

* Does cumming feel like peeing for men?

* What do men think about the nickname "daddy" during sex?

 

Ladies, get your pens and papers ready to take notes! As a side note for all the ladies who want a piece of Daniel, never say his name during sex. He knows his name, and he prefers his nickname "Jesus" to be used, because TotT hasn’t sexualized Jesus quite enough. During the segment, more of Daniel's dirty laundry comes to light; like that time he gave his friend a facial . . . “on accident”.

 

It turns out TotT had to fess up to a stolen idea. It appears they ‘borrowed’ the Dear Abby segments from the Bad Cop Bad Cop Show. Although, they both technically stole Dear Abby from Abby, so no harm no foul. Regardless, enjoy the first and last installment of, Dear Jerry:

 

Dear Jerry,

Me and my husband have 3 kids. Originally, he didn’t want any kids, but we had them anyway and now I want more. I was thinking 19 kids and counting status. However, my husband got snipped due to not wanting any more, and I am wondering if I should go to a sperm bank?

 

 

Dave and Jerry give a resounding, fuck you greedy bitch, your husband is done paying for your kids. The advice quickly turns into a discussion on the process of getting a vasectomy. Cassie and Daniel both comment on their baby-less life, while everyone around them are pushing out one after the other. To end the show,