Toe On The Trigger Podcast

 

 

This episode starts out with Daniel offending Cassie with her new name for the week: “Trashy” Cassie. It has been decided that her name will probably change on a weekly basis. If anyone has any suggestions for a name for an upcoming episode, feel free to let us know!

With Cassie’s sugar bear not around and Daniel just giving up, both members of our crew have gotten zero laid. This has brought Daniel to search out some - avant garde - online dating sites that may cater to his picky idiosyncrasies. Some examples he found for himself include tastebuds.fm, a dating site for music lovers. Of course, he thinks a lot of people don’t take music as seriously as he does (Of course he would!). Or, maybe Libertarian Passions would suit his fancy a little more, or he can make his own dreams come true and create a website for nerds (or geeks?) that use Linux (GHEY!).

Of course, Cassie is a little less picky about her site, but not by much. It’s agreed upon unanimously that a sugar daddy would help immensely, but if she can’t get that, she’d settle for old people, or breaking up an already failing marriage. She would also love to jump the bones of some geeks (nerds?) on a "Star Trek" dating site.

As long as there aren’t inmate or a virgin, they’d probably both be content.

So, we know none of you sick fucks would never dream of masturbating at work. But Daniel and Cassie . . . They are not above such shenanigans. They’ll go as far as endangering the lives of their coworkers to get them some. It’s all fun and games at work till someone gets punched in the face.

On a side note, if you want to send your work nudes to the illustrious (INSERT NAME HERE) Cassie, feel free to send them, but make sure they’re at work, and use the hashtag #WorkNudes.

Tax time is upon us, and Daniel and Cassie aren’t getting as much back as they had originally planned. Taxation is theft!

 

Dear Abby,

I am at the end of my wits, and I need some answers. I am almost 13 and dread being a teenager because I don't want things to be complicated. I used to have depression and felt suicidal, but I never told anybody. I eventually got over it and am now physically fine. But I'm not emotionally stable. Recently, I was told things I don't know how to react to. Among them was, "Wow, your voice is deep," and, "Your laugh sounds like a witch." Most of the time I'm a happy-go-lucky person, but in the last few weeks I have been flickering from happy to sad and have no idea how I feel. It's almost like I don't know who I am anymore. I'm wondering, is this a mental disorder? Or am I simply being silly?

 

- Confused Teen in the South

 

Daniel and Cassie continue the trend of digging deep into their cold hearts to answer the Dear Abby this week. It goes to show that maybe there is hope for them after all.

 

 

If you like what you hear on Toe on the Trigger, don't forget to hit the Subscribe button.

 

Questions, comments, concerns?

 

 

Your favorite snarky host is joined once again by "Anything Goes Cassie". Someone please get this guy an actual co-host. Right, *nudge* am I right? Anyhoo, after some minor confusion Daniel jumps into how they both have joined the New Year, New Me club. Though they discuss the desire to call it quits with cancer sticks, they are both bound to light up after "cigarette warranting activities". Eddie and Water Girl are brought up, of fucking course. "Fat Shamer Cassie" shares how even she is making an effort to work on her weight this year. What a hypocrite. Wait, no that one checks out.

Daniel and Cassie discuss the different types of queefing, vaginal and anal (the butt one is just farts though). Daniel taunts Cassie about her cavern of a vagina, followed up by welcoming "Snow Tits" to the TotT fan-mily. "Terrible Influence Cassie" gets to live out her goal of corrupting small children. It's a grand time.

This week, on "Dog Shit or Nah" the hatred for “Star Wars: Rouge One” is strong with these two. "Plenty O' Plosives Cassie" goes in depth about how upsetting the film (shudder) is and how entertaining Daniel's frustration is. All in all, definitely a "dog shit" round. "Moana" was also briefly brought up. According to Daniel and "Lemon Peeling Cassie", Disney squeezes out another "Nah" rating even if it's literally a movie about a suicidal chicken.

*Funky fresh news sound blares* Sexy priests, Cum-Dodging Cassie's worst nightmare of a human and an up-skirt photographer are all covered in this week's news break. "Throws No Punches Cassie" tells Daniel her logic about how the size and build of a person, can greatly determine their behavior. Because science, man.

"Bud Sex" is a nation sweeping phenomena and "Wants To Watch All The Boys Fuck Each Other Cassie" spills her dirty mind tea all over the studio. Buckle up folks! Daniel pushes "Overly Sensitive Cassie's" buttons for a hot second and it get's tense.

 

Dear Abby,

 

I am a straight man who met and fell in love with a transgender girl I'll call Eve. We dated for almost three years, and they were the happiest of my life. In all that time, we never once had an argument. She said I had given her the strength to come out to her family and begin her transition. I was planning to ask her to marry me. Without any indication that anything was wrong, she dumped me one day and weeks later began dating her friend, another trans girl. I wanted to walk away and take time to heal, but Eve maintained that I was important to her and we could remain friends. For the next few months we tried, but her new girlfriend treated me like I was a threat. While I was emotionally hurting, she seemed to take intense pleasure in showing me how happy they were together. It eventually led to friction, and now my ex thinks I caused it because I was jealous, so she cut off all contact with me. I stood by her when she absolutely needed my support, but when the time came to give a little back, I was abandoned. I'm worried I will never trust anyone again, and I don't know how to get "myself" back. Can you help?

 

Abandoned in West Virginia

 

"Dear Abby" has "Sentimental Cassie" on her soap box (things get sappy. You have been warned.) and Daniel chimes in with his own smushy experiences. Episode Seventy Three ends on a fluffy cliche note of "balance is everything."

Now ya'll know what they know about debauchery.

This week's podcast:

[Show Name]:

[@TwitterHandle] and [show website]

 

[Twitter Link]

 

 

Do you all remember the one and only Erik "Shaft" Johnson? One of our veteran guests from podcasts past. It's been over a year since he's been on the show, and his nervousness

shows.

 

Try as he might, Daniel couldn't manage to bring much holiday spirit to the show; probably 'cause he no soul. He can't seem to bring the festive as fuck attitude

to the show. Christmas is a very touchy subject for the show.

 

Daniel sees a girl while eating dinner that looks strangely like his ex. After many socially awkward, panicking moves; it turns out, it was just another basic bitch.

 

While at dinner, Cassie overhears a man of color say that he wouldn't fuck her which may teach Daniel and Cassie about saying bad things about people in public; probably not, though.

 

To try to fanagle some content into the show, Daniel shares a very morbid life plan involving rape, donations and a karma scheme.

 

As if Daniel hadn't learned his lesson enough from trying to add Christmas spirit to the show, he shares a list of unorthodox Christmas songs:

 

On this year's list:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Gx_e_8hHvs

Waffle House 12 Days of Christmas

 

 

https://youtu.be/jWKN-EYFxbs?t=14s

Christmas with the Devil by Spinal Tap

 

Nerd actor, Christopher Lee with such classics as:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLP1PEqp8ks

Jingle Hell

 

And

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FG_YbW5EDgk

 Little Drummer Boy

 

And, who could forget:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOg7aPNLLG0&t=10s

Eric Idle - "Fuck Christmas"

 

Daniel shares how salty he is about the holidays despite trying to buy gifts and be in the festive mood.

 

Various stories are shared about cheap and not-so-cheap prostitution tactics, and Daniel has a scumbaggy view on contractual law in regards to marriage.

 

The question is raised: Will you make out with a chick after she's given you head?

 

Final attempt at Christmas cheer with Christmas traditions around the world:

 

What about the shitting dude?

Or

 

Japanese KFC?

 

What end of the year would be complete without delving into some New Years' Resolutions

Erik has a very sound list that includes: Receiving more blowjobs With his measly 75 this year, he ups the ante to aim for at LEAST 150 next year.

He also wishes to make good on his past debts with the IRS; and of course, getting into shape.

 

Cassie gets a bit more realistic. She wants to fuck a guy with a strap-on, get a car, and make good on her dry year as a lesbian and fuck a woman. All realistic.

She would also like to get an internship, get over her petty little cum-aversion, go to a strip club, and possibly quit smoking (Psyche!).

 

Daniel, the meatbag has become quite scared of his physical state. Due to his weight and status as a smoker, menial tasks have become an emergency. so obviously

 

Faithful, loyal, loving, tender, gentle Daniel is joined by . . . JUST Cassie. Daniel has to pull himself together to get into the mood to podcast when he realizes he can't put it off until the next, because he has plans with Cassie to go to a diner.

Cassie launches into a rant that smells oddly of man-hating. Apparently, all guys don't like to commit to plans in case more enticing plans are revealed, like a female wanting to sit on your face. The two decide to roleplay (not that kind of role playing, you demented fucks) to show who cancels plans more. While Daniel feels guilt for canceling plans made a week ago, Cassie gets slightly defensive when it is brought up she has canceled plans that were in the calendar for nine months. That's like carrying a baby for nine months then deciding you don't want to have sex with the guy after all.

Cassie's masturbation woes make another appearance in the form of dead batteries mid-orgasm. Just when you are five feet from the top of the mountain, life smacks you right back down to the bottom. No wonder she is in a mood, her vagina is all scratched up from having to masturbate organically.

 

#letthecumcomethrough

 

Could it be? Did Jerry and Dave from the Bad Cop Bad Cop Shop jerk each other off and sploosh in a sealed container for Cassie to shampoo her hair in? The excitement is short-lived when Cassie realizes the mixture is a condiment she despises even more than cum in the hair: mayonnaise. The wait for a cum-filled container continues. Hopefully, people will join in the #letthecumcomethrough movement so that Daniel can open a PO box.

Daniel shares news that does not help to elevate his mood. The Palomar College radio station he used to DJ at won an award and a guy he used to DJ with is about to graduate. Daniel is feeling the regret of being a community college dropout. However, the plus side to being out of school is he no longer psychoanalyzes people from his days as a psychology major... okay sometimes he still does. But, listeners can rest easy knowing they won't run into the awkward situation of having Daniel as their therapist.

 

The sadness continues when the two discuss a cool device called The Lovely, which is a fitbit for sexy times. A device that monitors your thrusting patterns and all the calories isn't a bad thing, what is a bad thing is realizing it is geared toward couples and you are all alone. All by myself, indeed.

 

Movers Penis:

noun

1. a scared penis that rolls into a joint out of fear of being crushed;

 

2. a button dick phenomena caused by carrying large objects.

 

Sentence:

My tact escaped me when I had to shove my hand down my pants to cure Movers Penis.

Oh my god, his movers penis looked like a little button and I lost all interest of having it jammed in my pussy.

 

Big Dick Eddie has a new nickname. Ya know, the hero that saved Cassie from a long drought of being zero laid? He has become the Sugar Bear to her Mama June. But could Daniel have unintentionally caused trouble in paradise when he tainted Cassie's loins, mere minutes before Eddie showed up? Hey Eddie, how did Daniel's dick taste?

In the past, TotTlers learned the 43 questions women always wanted to ask guys. This week, Cassie stands in for all women to attempt the answer the 41 questions men want to know about women. Does having a pussy feel like warm, banana pudding? Do you women think their vagina's look weird?

TotTP Episode 070 - Y'all Should Fuck Eddie

 

 

 

Daniel and Kinky Cassie get into the topic of gift-giving. While the only thing Cassie can look forward to from Daniel for Christmas is another year of friendship, The Bad Cop Bad Cop Show mailed Cassie an early Christmas present. Fingers crossed it turns out to be the first specimen for #letthecumcomethrough.

Speaking of cum, maybe Cassie will be lucky enough to get Luke Johnson from the Bold and Belligerent Podcast to send in his cum, because according to rumors she would enjoy nothing more than to fuck the shit out of him and be doused in his dick smoothie. Apparently, simple online bantering can be mistaken for flirting. Daniel explains we need to be easy on the poor, bastard child.

Question, is it vain to hang up a painting that symbolizes the show, but is basically a giant picture of yourself? Thanks to @amurdermostfoul for the wonderful painting of the show artwork.

 

 

Future ex-wife Faith makes another topic appearance (Damn, will Daniel and her just fuck already and get it over with!). Cassie is wondering when he will finally make a move or take out the garbage for good. As it stands, she could be his Pam Beasley, or he could be a back burner guy for when things inevitably fall apart with fuck boy. The question is: What will happen if she finds out about the podcast? I don't think people take kindly to being called garbage human beings.

Sir Big Cock makes another appearance by destroying Cassie's pussy. God bless Eddie and his big dick. Being sore = good fucking. Not being able to feel your pussy or masturbate = a good fucking by Eddie.

 

Have you ever battled with the question “To fuck or not to fuck”? Well, if you have to ask yourself whether or not it’s a good idea or not, do the right thing: masturbate. Seriously, masturbation can clear your mind of all the reasons you may have to make a terrible mistake.

 

We all have those red flags for when guys/girls get weird. And deal breakers doesn’t just apply for dating,in can also be a gauge for fucking someone; because they have to have some type of standards. The ultimate conclusion: Clingy is bad. Hippy stank is a’ight.

 

Guys name 34 things about girls that guys don't understand. And of course, who better to answer on behalf of women, than Cassie? Daniel dives into a rant on how men are always waiting on a woman. Bottom line, men will marry a woman as soon as possible if women would just forego the planning, and it shouldn't take nine months to cook a baby. It also shouldn't take ten years to figure out why a woman is mad. Cassie explains the perfectly logical reasons for why women are the way they are. However, Daniel doesn't seem to get it. It is possible Daniel wrote the entire article by himself.

 

Dear Abby,

 

What can I do to make my way from my gf's floor to her bed? We have been together for a black people minute, yet the bitch will not put out, citing her young daughter as reason. What do I do?

 

Communication. Communication. Communication. Grow a pair of balls and tell his girlfriend that the floor is getting uncomfortable and he will be sleeping in her bed. What is wrong with these Dear Abby's not wanting to talk to people? What are we, five? If you have a problem with someone, Talk.To.

Episode 069 - The Feeling of Slut in the Morning

 

 

The heartless, the soulless, the not-caring-for-anybody Daniel and the schizophrenic Cassie are back; and right out of the gate we touch upon a topic that has beaten worse than a raped and abused stepchild: Fat chicks.

What is Cassie's deal with Fat Chicks anyway? And since every opinion Cassie has on the podcast becomes Daniel's opinion, what is his deal with Fat Chicks? Ya'll fat chicks need to calm the fuck down. Everyone is attracted to what they are attracted to. Some people like more rolls, while others would rather not have a significant other with a gut. It’s simple biology. Everyone is good in their own way.

Daniel and Cassie's discussion with a triggered individual, causes them to dive deep into the archives to revisit Cassie's stance (not Daniel's!) on Fat Culture. Furthermore, opinion shaming is just as bad if not worse than fat shaming. Besides, Cassie doesn't spend her time running around, slapping fat chicks across the face. If there is one silver lining for all the fat chicks out there, Daniel will fuck any woman 18 and over. So bring on your love handles, ‘cause Daniel will gladly hold onto them while he takes you to pound town. This is, by the way, the last time they will touch on this topic; so anymore inquires on the fact will be directed elsewhere.

What could be worse than fat shaming and opinion shaming combined? How about, using a handicap stall at a fast food joint to get high? I'd say that one takes the cake. Here’s some words of advice to paranoid tweekers: If you’re afraid of drawing attention to yourself, don’t use the handicap stall if you’re not, in fact, handicapped.

Daniel has a situation at work with Faith that leaves him thinking Cassie may have been correct in calling her "garbage human being." He tries to explain a good coffee cup is like a cast iron skillet, you give it a good rinse after each usage to season it, but you only wash it every once in awhile. Unfortunately, Faith does not seem to understand this concept, or the concept of not touching things that do not belong to you. Speaking of touching things, could Faith be warming up to the idea of putting her lips around Daniel's dick? And if so, is Daniel be cooling down to the idea of Faith?

From Daniel's work week, listeners are taught a few life lessons: $100 Hawaiian shirts should be burned, and last, and most important of all, Don't fucking mess with other people's coffee cups. There may be a special place in hell for people who fuck with coffee cups.

Thanksgiving! By the time this episode airs, everyone will be wiping the gravy off their shirts. However, it is always good to show thanks no matter the day and the Toe on the Trigger Podcast would like to thank all the various listeners out there, the outspoken and the quiet ones. Cassie is thankful for co-hosts of the past who unintentionally fucked Daniel over, alleviating any show responsibility from her. She is no longer plagued with having to come up with show prep and instead can spring last minute stories in the middle of the show.

Daniel is left to find topics to discuss such as, articles where 13 sex-crazed men talk about their favorite places to ejaculate on a woman. People who have listened to past episodes are waiting ever so patiently through the normal, boobs, ass, lips, pussy comments, until they get to the guy who would probably send Cassie a cup full of cum: the dude who wants to jizz in a woman's hair. Cassie decides it is a good time to clear the air, because while she may not prefer to shampoo her hair with cum,

TotTP Episode 068 - Baggie Full of Cocksand

 

 

This week we say goodbye to Cum-Dodging Cassie, and meet the newly promoted, Super Kinky Cassie. Side note, someone send Cassie their cum so she can put it in her hair like dry shampoo. Perhaps... ChooChoo Stu? Maybe Daniel can let his cum dry and let people at the clubs snort his cock sand.

 

Daniel got... kind of laid? I mean, should it count if the sex feels like work? Daniel and Cassie dive deep into the red tide of wetness... ya know, the crimson tide. The sticky, gooey, smelly hell river Daniel canoed across last week. He underestimated the flow of a fat chick and was left to suffer the consequences of disturbing such a crime scene. Doesn't matter, had sex?

Cassie has her own virtual sexual adventures to discuss. While on the interwebz, she met a foreign individual across the pond, who is getting her damper than Niagara Falls with their in-depth sexting. We are talking some scenarios that would make erotic novelists horny, and some intense masturbation videos. Cassie is beginning to think she has some serious problems when she pulls over to a secluded parking lot for a forty minute meditation session with just her and her weak AF fingers. The two of them discuss sexual relations in the car.

Just when you think the snowflakes were starting to calm the fuck down about the election, you remember Florida exists. In Florida, they don't give a fuck about the spirit of Christmas and will - through liberal temper tantrums - ruin anything sacred and beautiful.!Daniel and Cassie go on a tangent about underwear. boxers, briefs, or boxer briefs? Women may be taking over boxer briefs to Daniel's dismay. Fuck equality shit, ain't nobody wants to undress a chick to discover boxer briefs. Listeners get to find out what their favorite podcasters wear as undergarments, in this juicy tell all!

The second half of the show gets saved by none other than mindless click bait. The first of which is a list compiled from Ask Reddit, where 16 men confess their thoughts during sex. Along with the usual insecure thoughts over the quality and need for cum control, there are men among us who admire the smell of pussy. Cassie shares her experience with a sniffer who was heartbroken he did not get to smell her freshly after she’d been fucked. You also get the men who just want some mother fucking water! You also get the Daniel's of the world who are engineer's in a control room. Daniel mulls over what women are thinking during sex. If she is thinking of her taxes, she isn't that into you bro! On the flip side, if you are fucking her like a gorilla and she starts reminiscing about Harambe, its on!

Since we are so far down the rabbit hole from lack of show prep, let’s get depressed about how our backbreaking labor will never pay nearly as much as the worthless Kardashians! 'Murica! They all take the top spots of the highest paid reality stars. (Okay confession time- a certain podcast note writer may have bought a Kylie Jenner lip kit, but there is no shame! That shit is dope.) Daniel admires the leach-iness of Kris Jenner.

What do the single folk do in their spare time? Unfortunately for Cassie, no one else is going hog wild on themselves on the side of the road. Can we all stop pretending single people are depressed and waiting by the phone? Many of the single folk are spending too much time shopping, taking selfies, and fucking to be depressed over their singlehood. Or if you are Daniel, reading shit on the internet all day, err day!

 

Dear TotT,

 

I'll keep this short and to the point. I very much enjoy hearing about your lives and what you get up to in R...

Episode 067 - Battered Women Taste the Best

 

 

Daniel meets Kinky Cassie's alter ego, Thug Cassie. Decked out in some skull sneaks, baggy black scrubs, black tank and hoodie, Thug Cassie will steal your fuckin’ lunch money.

 

Election results are in. Honestly, what else is there to talk about? Movies told us Aliens would be the cause of the end of the world, but they got it wrong. The Apocalypse is Social Justice Liberals beating the shit out of Granny and her granddaughter for voting for Trump, and Racist white supremacists ready to get the ol' gang back together to hang some Googles.

 

Daniel voices his shame in living in America at this point. However, you won't find him in the fetal position or threatening to leave the country. He ain't no snowflake. Speaking of threats to leave the country, there is a hefty list of Celebrities (and I'm sure a few Joe Blows), who need to start packing their bags and get the fuck out. You said you were gonna leave, so Bye Bitches! Be careful about reminding Amy Schumer she promised to leave the country, because her inner Social Justice Warrior may start crying and call you an asshole. To save face, she may want to move to California, because the bleeding liberal state may be bowing out of the United States.

 

On the flipside, time for everyone to make like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and cash in their golden-blow-job tickets. For those who voted for Trump, forget Harambe, it is time to whip out your cock for adult film stars Angelina Castro or Maggie Greene to slurp on. If you voted Clinton, you get a sad attempt at a blow from crusty old Madonna. Unfortunately, no one was willing to suck Dick for Johnson or Stein.

 

The podcasters remind listeners to remain calm, some countries are accepting of the change and new chapter in America. Russia's Putin even came out in support of Donald Trump, which is a score for the U.S., because as everyone knows you don't want Russia hating your guts. A Furthermore, any ladies on the verge of suicide or even still on the high of Trump winning, it may be beneficial to give a shout out to your favorite host. Daniel has great cock!

 

As part of the election (Not meaning to Seabiscuit the topic) many on the far left have taken on to protesting by burning New Balance sneakers because of their support of Trump. We’re not saying this is a brilliant marketing idea; but let’s just say that as a show, we support (INSERT THE CANDIDATE YOU DESPISE HERE), and if you wish to burn products in our name, feel free to purchase them from our Amazon link. /shameless plug

 

Over the week, Daniel went searching the vault of Google images for cute fat girls. This opens the door to the much-loved discussion on fat girls and Cassie’s never-ending struggle with “fat culture.” The struggle between how to identify a - ahem - bigger girl is a very difficult thing to do in today’s culture. After some pandering, it is decided that Daniel could never spend his life with a fat chick without cheating on her. Scumbag level: 100!

 

In the latest Girl news with Daniel: Daniel is hopeless. The girl from down the hall, Am-Alyssa has quit. She no longer works there, and Daniel is a bit sad. So, his focus is moving onto Faith. She has been visiting Daniel in his new office to banter. Could Faith be his Pam Beesly? Before Daniel gets a chance to grab information from Cassie as to what his next move is to be,

TotTP Episode 066 - I Don't Fuck With Scarves

 

 

Daniel is again plagued by girls, girls, girls; and the soap opera of Daniel's love life continues! Before we get into things, question for listener: is it considered semi-stalking to stick your ear out the door to listen for a female to walk of her office down the hall? (I thought so). Daniel has not given up on the female in his life he has nicknamed "Amanda." He is still in hopes that one day he can catch her leaving her office. Unfortunately, Daniel got cock-blocked by coffee, ya know that afternoon feeling when coffee grounds knock on your sphincter's door? Needless to say, his little bowel emergency made him just seconds too late. Cassie talks the conversation off on a tangent by musing about what would happen if the bathrooms at Daniel's work were. sexually integrated. Women better be careful about whipping their vagina's out around Daniel.

 

Next we move onto Faith. Is she worth the fuss? Cassie, of course believes she is in the hole by negative a million points. Daniel is on the fence whether she makes out in the positives, or if her stock has dropped in the realm of bucket three. First, we have to analyze the company one keeps to judge a person's character. Daniel continues with his stalker ways and looks up Faith on Instagram. The guy that pops up is the most backwards hat wearing, douchebaggiest fuckboy in all of human history. Minus one point for dating a fuckboy. In her spare time, she makes a candy covered poem poster board for her new boyfriend. Minus one point, because if she does art projects like the ones from third grade, she's too young for you, bro! And remember when Cassie freaked about her not knowing the holy trinity of movies? Her music choices are just as bad. Her and fuckboy went to a concert with Wiz Khalifa, but they didn't even stay for him. Minus two fucking points for horrible music choice and not sticking to commitments. Daniel may decide he has to just take a step back and be a spectator in her life.

 

More work news comes to light. It appears handsome Daniel is still roaming his office and people are still losing their shit over his change in style. I wonder what this individual would think if they found out what Daniel really thinks of her six day compliment streak and putting him on blast in front of Faith? Daniel is really having bad luck with the ladies, but Cassie digs herself into a hole by mentioning he has a cousin with a vagina . . .Is the law in favor of dating first cousins?

 

Pumpkin spice season is overlapping with Peppermint Mocha season, and Cassie had planned on gearing up with her leggings, messy bun, and boots in an attempt to become Starbuck's first basic bitch of the Christmas season. I know, that leaves a taste almost more bitter than the taste of children in people's mouths.

 

How soon is too soon to put up Christmas lights? Daniel is hoping his Scrooge-like heart will be melted this year. Cue the holiday movies with a music background while a family happily shoves delicious ham and turkey down their throats. Cassie even suggests getting the #squad back together for the Christmas episode. However, in Grinch like fashion, she shuts down the idea by reminding Daniel that he has no friends.

 

Out of desperation so the show does not completely derail, Daniel brings up an article about a trans man and a trans woman having a kid. The conversation returns to Daniel, because he decides to come out to Cassie live on the show. He can't hold back his sexuality any longer. He has a thing for a certain Mexican Staple,

Episode 065 - Recreational Masturbator

 

 

This week Daniel is joined by “Whatever-her-nickname-is-this-week” Cassie. Ghosts of Podcast Past are still continuing to haunt the show, as the TotT podcast can’t seem to shake the topic of cum.

Speaking of past partners, Daniel got invited to New York by a female from his past. Cassie is all over Daniel to take this field trip and explore New York City, because how can you not when someone is offering to foot the bills (less plane ticket)?

 

Daniel steps out of his comfort zone by attending a social event called “Boo Ball,” hosted by a local radio station at the House of Blues. He learns he is in fact not very social. He talks of the usual suspects at any events, bar, music, pole dancers, but he brings up a sight that floored him. Imagine a soundless room with a DJ and people hipping and hopping. How does this make sense you ask? 3 words- Music. Streaming. Headphones. A novelty or gay as fuck? (gay as fuck, definitely) Cassie is immediately not too keen on the idea, but will she like Daniel’s idea, birthed from this silent rave room? The idea not only solves the problem of booming stereo’s drawing attention to high school parties, but it can also save a person from getting rejected at the club. Or of course getting triggered by a song that objectifies women, because all one has to do is simply remove the headphones. Welcome to the future.

 

Let’s go to the mall. Because a possible promotion for Daniel (applause) equals the need for new clothes. Cassie and Daniel find formal workwear for him, but he gets a case of the purchase-regret blues. Daniel is whining like a chick who thinks she looks fat in everything-Daniel see’s himself as a swimmer in fabric in his new clothes.(Cassie has to explain he is just used to wearing tight clothes.) However, everyone knows it doesn’t matter what you think personally, all that matters are the perspectives and opinions of other people. New Formal Wear Daniel takes his model look to work and gets a polarity of responses. He gets the normal responses, then he gets the over-the-top response from an over-zealous co-worker who may be mildly retarded. Daniel is learning the consequences of being a sharp dressed man as well as having to take on more responsibilities due to a superior quitting. Who knew workplace shitter conversations was part of the new workload.

 

One of the news stories brings on a conversation on life sentences. How does one compare scumbags? Are they all created equal? How does one quantify a life sentence? (Daniel wonders if resurrection from a technical death means the person served their life sentence.)

 

Let’s move onto a lighter topic, a field trip to a local sex shop. How dare they assume their relationship status! Cassie was like Alice in Wonderland, amazed by everything in the sex shop. She has trouble finding a toy, because for Cassie it isn’t about pleasure, just the fact that she needs to get off. She has to masturbate because of an addiction. The struggle is real, people! (We can’t all be 16 forever and spend all day pleasuring ourselves). After settling with a bullet massager from Femme Funn that is easy, powerful, and convenient, Daniel suggests starting a wish list on TotT for Cassie. She could always add to her collection of sex toys and vibrators, while in the process be cured of her ‘ailment’ as Daniel calls it. The sex-crazed TotTlers also review some