Enjoy this hastily-edited belated Easter episode. Greg's in Little Hitler mode this week, eviscerating everything in his sight. Meanwhile, Matt's slipping into Goblin Mode and we're not talking about the sex position. Matt remains convinced that Cape Verde is a result of the Mandela effect. Matt's new goals include becoming king of the homeless, opening a video store in Mariupol, or becoming Kim Jong Un's hype man. What if men played in the WNBA? Where do you take a shit during the apocalypse? The answers to all your questions contained in this week's episode.

In this week's episode, the two discuss ways to decapitate people riding motorbikes and ATVs in cities. Matt taunts a landscaper and ponders if marching bands are super spreader events. After finding out about a government program giving UBI to trans people, Matt has decided to come out as non-binary. This also means he is now immune to criticism from anyone, as he lets us know. He's been trying to pray the fluidity away. He worries Putin will hire Special Kink Forces to rape women Ukrainian women with shaved heads. Matt wants to start a punk band based on Impractical Jokers and identifies most closely now with Caitlyn Jenner. He wants to run for president in 2024 on the sole platform of making Latinos quietier. He proposes banning them from Spencer's Gifts and from buying expensive car stereo equipment. He and Greg debate whether Illmatic or Enter the 36 Chambers was the defining moment in black music? Greg is sick of hearing about peoples' "journeys" and encourages Matt to get in the game. They both contemplate sanding off their genitals if it means never having to use the bathroom again. What if Britain had won the revolutionary war? Matt reveals his bucket list items and derives pleasure from watching the slow torture of civilians. Matt tries to get Greg to witness a compound fracture, but Greg wises up. Do only psychos drink milk with dinner? What's with woke white people missing out on ZZ Top?

Matt’s still arguing with the far left on the internet as Greg begs the world to try harder. Matt wants to spontaneously combust and talks spontaneous ejaculation from his war fantasies. Greg is scared of the Booty Warrior but Matt would make his ass inaccessible in prison. They discuss how a friend of theirs destroyed their favorite local music venue and how identity politics are a grave danger to our society. They worry about America becoming weaker and the optics of the United States circus to the rest of the world. What did Putin say to make Matt and Greg laugh? Matt has interest in body modification when he gets to his 50s. Greg wants to wear suits on hikes. Matt encourages Greg to become a more aggressive driver again and has strong thoughts on Britney Griner's fate. Matt doesn't feel guilty eating Chick-Fil-A now that he saw a flamboyant queer working there. Learn about the new gender fluid chip mandated by Disney World. Greg has strong feelings about the artist Pitbull but goes out of his way to respect Kid Rock. They recall a legendary promotional video that Matt directed for a farm where mennonites were performing homoerotic acts. Whole Foods rejected the video with disgust.

Matt's in a particularly violent mood in this week's episode, like his random urge to stab a woman in the face a grocery store during an apocalypse. He wants to commit war crimes for Zelensky and wishes death on anyone that sleeps with his ex. An allargy attack in his eyes begins to take over the episode. What is the source of this allergy attack? Wi-fi beams? His anger? His cats? Matt does not believe Cape Verde exists and blames the Mandela effect. He proposes becoming Ron Lime, the white heteresexual counterpart to Don Lemon. Are female artists grifters? This week's episode may provide insight.

Matt is still upset over the trans swimmer and he wants to have a sit down debate with her on Fox News. He confronts a homeless man and wishes for a suicide by cop while listening to "Freebird". We can rest safely knowing that he would abuse his child if they were to ever identify as a flamingo. Matt and Greg regret not just becoming normal dudes in their 20s. Matt lusts after Fox News anchors throughout the episode and the two discuss their collective hatred for Rachel Maddow and her ilk. They debate whether or not they would get another booster shot and are justifiably bummed that the end of civilization has so far been an empty threat. Greg predicts Matt will end up dating a trans person. Instead, Matt thinks they should each get mail order brides from Ukraine. Can therapists be replaced by Impractical Jokers? Find out in this week's episode.

This week's episode sees the return of Black Matt. He and Greg yearn for nuclear war and are disappointed it hasn't happened yet. Matt's been taking patriotic shits ever since starting a multi-vitamin. Ben Simmons gets compared to Putin. They contemplate what's on the other side of death and which areas would be targeted in the US in the event of nuclear attack? The two are baffled that they keep getting scowled at for merely existing. Matt thinks the television show Impractical Jokers has kept Putin from being rooted in reality. Matt still has eyes for the Victora's Secret model with Downs Syndrome. He wants to start walking around with his grandpa's canes for no reason. The two are conflicted about Larry David appearing in a crypocurrency commerical. Learn about C-bagging, a hip new trend no one's talking about yet. Are rats God's most underrated creatures? Only one way to find out.

Matt and Greg taunt and dare Putin to bomb their respective geographical regions to ensure certain death. Matt has divided all Asians into two categories: math or sex. He also defends the use of the word negro(w) and applies a positive new meaning to it. Matt teaches Greg about Lady G and his ladybugs. Could Mark Wahlberg have prevented 9/11? Are Putin and his inner circle really just eco-terrorists that want to rebuild a verdant paradise? Is a lesbian time traveler somehow involved?

In this week's episode, Matt and Greg view the war in Ukraine through the mainstream media lens. Matt's convinced he and Putin got into an internet argument on Reddit. Matt and Greg try to justify not keeping in touch with friends. Matt has a crush on AOC but Greg worries that she'll scold him during sex. Matt makes the case that a teenage boy hooking up with a teacher is a self-esteem boost. Matt tries convincing Greg that he was molested by his mentors as a youth. Greg urges less self-expression from society after Matt tells him of a nurse that identifies as a mermaid. Do real patriotic men have dirty butts? Matt sure thinks so.

The boys have missed their meds and you can tell in this week's scathing review of society. They reflect on the imminent attack on Ukraine, welcoming fit women ages 18-25 to come to safety in America. Matt is envious of Putin and proposes turning the White House into Castle Grayskull. Matt wants to date the new Victoria's Secret model that has downs syndrome and to live a happy blissful petting zoo life with her. Matt tries to convince Greg that one of their high school teachers was trying to hit on him through Christ. Find out why Greg doesn't entertain the idea of friend groups anymore. Doesn't matter if you're a fine artist or Miyam Bialik: everyone gets eviscerated in this week's episode.

Greg compares his nose-blowing to all-time great jazz musicians. As Greg continues to get richer, Matt wants to gain access to secret societies. The two debate yelling vs. remaining calm in the middle of an argument and whether or not it's okay to call a woman a bitch. Matt wants run a sweat shop or be a boss so he can have people to yell at. Learn about Matt's wigger wars from high school. Do humans taste more like chicken or steak? Find out the answer to this completely sane question in this week's episode!