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What if the questions we ask about sex are too small? We take on role-play, masturbating while thinking about a spouse, and the habits modern culture treats as normal—and then we lay out a bigger, braver vision for intimacy that actually heals.

We start with the allure of role-play. Playfulness and communication are good, but pretending to be someone else can fracture the connection by elevating a mask over the person you vowed to love. 

From there, we tackle solo sex “about” your spouse. It feels faithful, but fantasy edits reality and guarantees availability in ways a real spouse cannot. Training our bodies on images—yes, even of a spouse—forms us toward self-directed pleasure rather than mutual self-gift. 

Throughout, we return to the telos of sex in the Christian story: union, openness to life, and joy woven together by self-giving love. Bodies speak a vow—all of me for all of you—and that vow matures as we’re known more deeply over time. The surprising payoff? Pleasure can grow richer when performance gives way to presence. If you’ve used role-play or fantasy, this is not a verdict; it’s an invitation to something fuller, kinder, and more durable.

If this resonates, share the episode with a friend, subscribe for more thoughtful conversations on sexuality and wholeness, and leave a review with the one question you want us to tackle next.

Resources mentioned in this Episode:

• Heart of Dating Podcast: Heart of Dating Podcast Featuring Host Kait Warman | Heart of Dating

Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole:

• Email us questions! [email protected]

👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional
👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)
👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)