This week, the Hoes are getting a serious sugar rush from Trader Joes, including two questionable confections, a patriotic taffy and a strawberry candy so good, we’d sing about if we weren’t so afraid of getting sued.

In the cart:

Red White & Blue Cookie Bites

Flat Taffy

Root Beer Float Pieces

Coconut Cashew Candy Clusters

Strawberry Fields Gummy Candy

This week, the Hoes are taking a quick lunch break, but this lunch may very well break them. Katie and Evie are topping these sandwiches with some Trader No’s, the first ranking predictions, and an impassioned spit take. 

In the cart: 

• Chicken and Cheddar Cheese Sandwich on Cranberry Seeded Wheat Bread
• Turkey Apple Cheddar Sandwich 
• Ham and Cheese Sandwich 

• Spring Vegetable Tart

The Hoes are getting juiced - with Joe’s fruitiest of refreshments. We’re up to the gills in Guava and Katie is up to her in a full-body bathing suit. Not included: the drink umbrella Trader Joe loves so much. 

In the cart:

• Passion Fruit Orange Guava 100% Juice Blend
• Organic Guava Nectar Juice 
• Sparkling Lychee Juice Beverage

We’ve got a special treat for you this week, Hoes: A peek at the exclusive episodes our Patrons get each month in our Readin’ & Eatin’ series, where we pair Trader Joe's snacks with our latest literary obsession.

In this episode, we're descending into the chaotic, explosive, and high-stakes world of Dungeon Crawler Carl by Matt Dinniman. Is this essentially an absurdly violent intergalactic game show where a guy in boxer shorts and his ex-girlfriend’s prize-winning cat fight for survival? Yes. Did the incredible voice work of narrator Jeff Hays rock our worlds and alter us on nearly a cellular level? Also, yes.

Here's the gist: Navigating the bizarre alien floors, lethal traps, and the sheer, unhinged madness of the dungeon with Carl and Princess Donut is as precarious as trying to maneuver your cart past the sample station on a Sunday morning. It’s a story of survival, rebellion, the heavy cost of entertainment, and how much you can really trust a sarcastic AI with a foot fetish. Obviously, it's best consumed with snacks that can handle the emotional weight.

We’re pairing this sci-fi litRPG madness with a trio of Trader Joe's finds you may want to keep at-the-ready in your inventory.

In the Cart:

• Garlic Fish Chips
• Raspberry Yogurt Candy Clusters
• Sweet & Sour Gummy Worms Candies

Want access to all of the Readin’ & Eatin’ episodes, first dibs at merch, and more? Head to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/traderhoes

While the Hoes are normally pretty cheesy, this week they have reason to be extra sharp. Katie and Evie are slicing into four new(ish) new options from the cheese case, with unexpected results. In addition to the Multigrain Crackers, they’re pairing these dairy delights with pondering how Katie escaped Twilight, our new favorite alias, and the complete mystery of why Evie can’t say “paprika.” 

In the cart: 

• The “OG” (Old Goat) Aged Goat Cheese
• Brie Cheese Flavored Spread
• Taco Seasoned Gouda Cheese
• Smoked Cheddar Cheese with Paprika

• Multigrain Crackers

The Hoes are back on the baked goods and expectations are all over the place. From the neon shortbread to the tea time blondies, it’s a shelf-stable rollercoaster of sweet, sweet carbs.

In the cart:

Strawberry Brioche Style Liège Waffles

Lemon Flower Cookies

Earl Grey Blondie Bars

Time is a construct, so the Hoes are digging into breakfast for dinner this week. But why stop at challenging the self-inflicted limitations of time? Katie and Evie also question what can realistically (and safely) be car food, if humans really need silverware, and how long is too long in the microwave.

In the cart:

• Breakfast Bowl 
• Tortilla Española 
• Spicy Spuds

• Bubble Waffles

Trader Joe's set the trap, and we walked right into it. This week, we've reviewing those items near the checkout that just happen to make their way into your cart at the last minute. For better or worse. We also squeeze in whether clones celebrate birthdays, the possible familial relations of Betty Crocker and Betsy Ross, and a gummy bear situation that's definitely not safe for work.

In the cart:

• Celebration Cake Pretzels
• Cheery Lemon Animal Crackers 
• Sour Strawberry Candy Belts
• Milk Chocolate Covered Gummy Bears Candy

The Hoes are hitting the snack aisle once again to try Trader Joe's much talked about ranch rolls (their name, not Joe's). While they're there, they'll also have a chance to sing about buffalo popcorn and talk new nut merch.

In the cart:
Ranch Flavored Rolled Corn Tortilla Chips
Buffalo Ranch Popcorn
Chile Lime Flavored Fried Pork Rinds
Garlic Butter Nut Mix

The Hoe's are hitting up Trader Joe's frozen pasta, and that's if you use the "pasta" verrry loosely. Of course eating endless amounts of carbs isn't their only skillset – these Hoes can also name your baby, pack your suitcase and tell you where to build your next Trader Joes.

In the cart:

• Jambalaya
• Spicy Farfalle Pasta with Italian Chicken Sausage
• Garlicky Pasta
• Spicy Alfredo Fusilloni Pasta