Training4Manhood

Guest: Ricky Chelette

Living Hope Ministries - livehope.org

For Valentine’s Day - no better topic than “sexuality”!!!

“Sexual Brokenness” - what is it, what to do about it?

Scripture tells us that we are all born into sin, all “broken” or “bent” away from God’s design in so many different ways! If our desires do not match up with God’s design, we have to subject our personal desires to God’s design if we want to be happy and holy!

Ricky - what do you believe about who you are and how you got here? Do you believe that you are only a group of cells brought together by random chance or an accident - or do you believe that you are a created, designed being - and that there is a Creator/Designer of all existence? 

Men and women are both created by God and have different roles and responsibilities - not less than or greater than, but different. To choose to not follow God’s design is to invite death, decay, and distance into your life and relationships.

How do I move from broken to better? Wrong question - we don’t move from broken to better by “doing.” We move from broken to better by “being.” The ultimate question really is: Who am I? When we know who we truly are and act in accordance with that true nature, we walk in authenticity to God’s design and protection.

Ricky - if you had a sister and she was going to marry a guy - who do you want that guy to be? That’s the guy that you ultimately know YOU need to be!

Ok - I get it, I see who I want to be - now what?

Ricky - you have to be:

• a “man of the Word” - that’s how God communicates to us, through His Word - to know how to do life well, you need to know the framework and narrative of God’s design and desires for our lives

It all starts with knowing God and knowing who He has created you to be.

Start with God’s Word. There is no alternative game plan.

Ricky - sex really isn’t about sex. It’s generally about connection, relationship, control, intimacy, power, etc. When you pursue “sex” as a act, you end up tired, frustrated, and empty. Be careful that if you pursue the fulfillment of your “sexual appetite,” you won’t fulfill what you really want!

Take-away: sexuality isn’t about doing, it’s about being. What kind of person do you want to be? You need to answer this question first.

Guest: Gabe Boyd

What’s your decision-making process? Why do you do what you do? What do you value?

• My own personal comfort

Key concepts to consider:

1. Stewardship - affordability, best use of resources, etc..

The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch - WATCH this video of Professor Randy Pausch as he shares some great life principles that he gives as his “last lecture.” Or READ the book - almost as good as the video.

The car you drive tells me something about what you VALUE. What questions are you asking in determining what car you drive - and how are you answering those questions?!

Question: can a “man” drive a minivan? YES! Stewardship is also part of the equation. Don’t let your pride determine the car that you drive.

Question: if money is “no object” what car do I drive then? The car still tells others what you value - and it models for your kids what is important as well. And, money is ALWAYS an object because you always have to make a priority judgment about where you’re spending what God has given you - stewardship is important no matter how much money you make.

This episode is NOT about the car. We make about 35,000 decisions every day. HOW are you making these decisions, what is the anchor that ground you, what is the rudder that guides you?

Question: if Jesus were living in your city today, doing your job, having your family, what car would He drive? 

Take-away: Evaluate your decision-making process - what do my decisions say about me?

Guest: Gabe Boyd

True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity, before it is entitled to the appellation. George Washington

There can be a difference between a “friend” and a co-worker, teammate, classmate, neighbor, even a family member. 

“Friend” gets thrown around so casually - “Facebook friends” are not truly friends. How many “friends” do you really have?

What does it mean for a person to be a friend?

1. Someone who seeks or has your best interest at heart

God made men to be relational. You’re not supposed to or created to do life alone.

The Bible speaks about friendship. Loyalty is an important aspect of friendship. A friend is a person who is consistently walking through life with you. Examine the friendship of David and Jonathan - great study of God’s Word on this subject.

Inhibitors to true friendship - pride, isolation, self-centeredness.

Proverbs 18:24 - A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

A friend doesn’t always tell you “what you want to hear.” A friend will speak truth, even when it might hurt. A friend is someone who has earned the right to tell you what you need to hear.

How do I develop good friendships?

1. Prioritizing quality friendships - shoulder-to-shoulder activities. There are face-to-face activities, talking. There are also shoulder-to-shoulder activities - hunting, fishing, building a home, going to a game, whatever - not just doing the activity, but using the experience to build a relationship. 

Proverbs 19:4 - Wealth makes many friends, but the poor is separated from his friend.

Are the people around you truly friends or people who just want something from you.

Game Plan - go be a friend to someone this week.

Guest: Gabe Boyd

Men shouldn’t be oblivious, they need to be observant, aware of their surroundings, their position in the world - you are not the center of the universe and everyone else is just revolving around you!!!

Maturity - children see themselves at the center of life, they are “me-centered” - when is that supposed to change, when are we supposed to mature to an “other-centered” world (or even better, a “God-centered” world) where we play an important role in a story that is much larger than ourselves.

Psalm 144:12 - how do you know when God has blessed a nation? David says that your boys will be like well-nurtured plants and your girls will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace. Your young boys will begin to mature - bear fruit - not be a wild, untamed plant that just runs wild. David never said “no” to Adonijah - and Adonijah turned out to be spoiled!

Maturity from boyhood to manhood - walking into a room and having the ability to see a need before you are asked. Boys look for things that affect them, men look for things that affect others.

Do you look for ways to put others first? Do you look for ways to serve others? Are you proactive about making opportunities?

The answer is always “yes.” What’s the question?

Psalm 125 - children are described as arrows in the hands of a warrior. A warrior first shapes those arrows. Men “speak” things into existence, we call things by their name. A warrior next sharpens those arrows. People around us should be better because of our presence. A warrior finally shoots out those arrows into the world. So many young men do not have a “warrior” to shape, sharpen, and then send them out into the world!

Observant - where are the young men around me that need to be trained, discipled, mentored by my life experience, the wisdom God’s given me. The world is better when men act like men - it’s better for society as a whole. How can you help in this process?

Men walk into a room slowly - look around, assess the situation, be aware, pay attention, then engage in action to make the situation better. Self-assessment: how do others feel about you when you walk into a room?

Statistic: more than 20 million children live in a home without the physical presence of a father. One in three American children are growing up in a home without their biological father.

Men, pay attention to this reality - look for opportunities to invest in the lives of younger guys who need an older man to provide wisdom and guidance.

Connect with me at [email protected]

Guest: Bryce Hopson

One of the most important decisions a man will ever make (besides the faith commitment to follow Christ) is the connection of your life with another human being - finding a great spouse to journey through life together is such an important decision - join my friend Bryce Hopson as we talk through this decision - how to make it, what it means, how to navigate the world’s perspective on marriage - all important things for every man to consider and contemplate.

Bryce - importance of “burning the ships” - a reference to the story of Hernan Cortes burning the ships as he and his men arrived in the New World making the point that there was no “going back” - they were either going to be successful in this new land or they were going to die trying! Bryce suggests that each person adopt this mindset going into the marriage union - the idea that divorce isn’t an option will help each individual have to work through some difficult seasons of marriage and life.

Bryce - if you keep a “piece” of yourself separate from your spouse, that piece becomes something different - and can grow into a major problem in your marriage

Bryce - importance of “real communication” - and don’t buy into the idea that marriage counseling isn’t going to help - if you need help, get help!

Good resources:

Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs

Marriage by Paul David Tripp

Podchaser: F3UPtUuXfOnHl1lAmvm6

Guest: Bryce Hopson

Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce by Elizabeth Marquardt

What about the idea of “sticking together for the sake of the children” - read Between Two Worlds and at least consider the realities that divorce has on the lives of children - which is different than the impact on the lives of the husband and wife.

Bryce Hopson’s Three Points to Address:

1. Pride - pride is the only poison that is good for you when swallowed. Pride is a killer of relationships and commitment. Sin blinds us to the truth that we need to address.

Guest: Fred Villa - RE/MAX real estate agent

Good books can be used for education, instruction, inspiration, etc…

What’s your goal for reading for 2022?

One book a month = 12/year

Reading and listening to a book are both acceptable ways of digesting books. I will often listen to longer fiction books, like Anna Karenina - great way to digest the longer stories that you want to read. I will use Audible.com and I’ll also get CDs or Playaways from my local public library and listen to those.

Books mentioned:

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

Bonhoeffer by Eric Metaxas

Soldier, Statesman, Peacemaker: Leadership Lessons from George C. Marshall by Jack Uldrich

What’s So Amazing About Grace, The Bible Jesus Read, The Jesus I Never Knew, Church Why Bother, Prayer - all by Phillip Yancey

Christianity for People Who Aren’t Christians by James Emery White (read most of this books)

Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett

Joel Rosenberg books

The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien

Death Comes for the Archbishop by Willa Cather

Divine Conspiracy and Life without Lack by Dallas Willard

The Humiliation of the Word by Jacques Ellul

Great place to find books:

Half Price Books

Christianbook.com

Monergism.com

Categories to select books from to diversify your reading:

1. Biblical Literacy - not just reading your Bible, but resources that help you understand God’s Word even more

If you’re looking for some book recommendations, email me at [email protected] and I’d be glad to send along some ideas.

Dallas Christian College - Fred Villa history course

If men are to be the leaders of their family and their community, then having a vested interest in the community is important - owning a home is a vital piece of the puzzle toward responsibility.

Fred Villa - RE/MAX real estate agent

What is the “right” home?

Lending Agent is going to be looking at:

1. Income

Finding the “right” home includes considerations like…

1. Finding the right price point (what can you afford?)

How can you improve your credit score?

1. Start by establishing solid credit - finance a few things and make sure you pay off your bills!

Home ownership = “building equity”

Why would you buy a home…when would you buy a home?

1. See if you’re in the right place - are you wanting to stay there for a while?

Do I need a real estate agent?

1. A real estate agent will help you understand the market from an objective point of view, can pull comps (comparable selling prices to consider)

What are the “red flags” that you should pay attention to when purchasing a home?

1. Homes that back up to RR tracks, power lines, major highways, etc. - things that you can’t change and 80% of the people are bothered by these things

20% down rule? No, not everyone needs to have 20% down!

Understand the difference between a “buyers” market and a “sellers” market.

Interest rates affect the amount of home you can purchase with the same amount of money! Better credit will get you better interest rates!

Ready to buy a home - DON’T call the person’s name on the “For Sale” sign - their interest is in selling the home, not helping you buy the home!

Unleashing Peace: Experiencing God’s Shalom in Your Pursuit of Happiness

Dr. Jeremiah Johnston

Yes, MEN struggle with anxiety and depression, too!

Isolation is the worst form of punishment - are you disconnected from a vibrant, real, faith-building community? Guys, we need to take the time and make the effort to develop strong relationships with others.

STRESS kills people - it poisons your body! There is a world-wide focus on the “mental health crisis” - 51% increase of actual hospitalization because of suicidal inclinations last year! Do not ignore your mental health!

48% of men will have a challenge with mental health some time in their lives.

Peace happens through an action verb: thinking. We need to get our minds right, our thoughts placed on things that help us, build us up, equip us to be the men we desire to be!

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8

Learning to apologize “correctly” - means first saying what you’re sorry for….then actually asking for forgiveness.

Immediate Steps to Care for Your Body and Mind

1. Get enough sleep

First 5 people to email me the name of Jeremiah’s wife at [email protected] will receive a free copy of Dr. Johnston’s book!

A boy knows enough to think he’s right; a man knows enough to realize he might be wrong.

I’m going to be teachable enough to learn.

Remember the guy on your team that was “coachable” - that’s the same concept.

Are you afraid of showing “weakness” that you don’t know everything - that’s simply your pride talking…don’t listen to that voice!

Think about some of the great coaches you’ve had in life - why were you able to listen to them when you were younger, but you find it difficult to listen to “coaches” now in life?

Coaches - what if we evaluated coaches based on the number of great men they produced, not the number of championships they’ve won? In some regard, we look at the “coaching tree” of great coaches - but what about the players they’ve “produced” - what kind of men are they not merely on the court/field, but also in life?

Matthew 10:24 - a student will not be above his teacher.

What “teachers” do you need to have in your life to be successful? Depends on what you’re trying to accomplish!

Where do you find great “life coaches/teachers”?

1. Great books. Consider the wisdom of men who have walked the good walk before your time. 

Thomas Watson - great men are the mirrors by which ordinary men dress themselves.

What “great men” are you watching, learning from, modeling your life after?

We must lead wherever you are deployed. Look around you. If you’re a godly man, look for those younger than you to lead and guide. If you’re looking for a godly man to mentor and disciple you, are you making time and putting yourself in the right position to find those men?

Men are teachable. But they need to have a teacher. Jesus is not only the greatest man, He was the greatest teacher. His disciples called him Rabbi - which means “teacher.”

Plan to Succeed

1. What books will you read this next year? (if you need book recommendations, email me at [email protected])

Parents - Issue: sending your son to be trained by others (think summer camp). Problem: boys are not willing to work and can’t be told what to do. If you’re not training your boys at home, don’t expect others to be able to train them either!

If you don’t learn valuable life lessons when you’re young…when will you learn them?