Training4Manhood

Guest: Dr. Rick Fowler

There are a lot of challenges for boys in the transition to manhood - which is why the phrase “boys will be boys” is profound and needs to be addressed!

We are not born with “executive functioning” skills - they must be developed. According to Understood.org, “executive function is a set of mental skills that include working memory, flexible thinking, and self-control. We use these skills every day to learn, work, and manage daily life. Trouble with executive function can make it hard to focus, follow directions, and handle emotions, among other things.” Sound like anyone you know?!

Brain isn’t fully developed until age 25. Is this an excuse for why “boys will be boys” or something to know, address, and work to handle?

Dr. Fowler - kids aren’t expected to be out of the home and on their own until the age of 32. WHAT?!

“Lawnmower parents” - mowing down any obstacles in the way of their children.

Dr. Fowler - you need these three things to be successful:

1. Self-discipline - you have choices, make good ones

Make Your Bed by Admiral William H. McRaven

Dr. Fowler - if you’ve been in the cocoon of a protective parent, you might need to be a “life-coach” to help you navigate the difficult waters of adulting.

Dr. Fowler - social media addiction works in the brain the same way as ADHD - hard to tell the difference…

Dr. Fowler - encouragement helps. If you’re an older man, speak words of encouragement into the life of those younger letting them know they can accomplish things. Check out Dr. Fowler’s own personal testimony What’s the Problem…I Understand Me: How Those with ADHD Think, Learn, and Communicate.

Dr. Fowler - ADHD - the “D” doesn’t have to be a disorder, but can be seen as a difference. If you understand how your brain works best, you’ll be able to accomplish tasks better!

Dan’s suggestions - carry a four-color pen and a notebook with you at all times!

Dr. Fowler - most ADHD people are highly kinesthetic - and need an energy release before their mind will be able to focus!

Guys - let’s take the time to learn more about how we learn best - let’s not make excuses, but look for ways that we can be better!

READING and MEMORIZATION - important life skills for men - more on this coming soon to T4M!

Guest: Rob Wilton 

Pastor, Vintage Church, Pittsburgh, PA

Follow Rob Wilton

Jesus radically saved Rob’s grandfather, which changed the trajectory of his entire family!!!

What if YOU are the only believer in your family - YOU can be that legacy that passed down a different path for your great-grandkids!

Guys, if you don’t have an example of what a man should be - Jesus is THE greatest example, THE greatest man. Ephesians 3:14-15: “For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name.” God, the Father, is the Creator, the Provider, the Sustainer. 

Wilton Family Manifesto - We are a family that has been loved by Jesus in order to love like Jesus so that the world will know Jesus by our love. Together we remain thankful for His love, faithful in His love, and generous with His love.

1 John 4:19, Deut. 6:5, Gal. 5:14

My job as a father - stewardship of teaching the men in my household the dynamics of manhood, especially as it relates to womanhood. Here are the responsibilities: 1. Love her, we are to love as Christ loved the church, that means sacrifice. 2. Protect her, keep away “bad” things from those you love. 3. Support her, we make others feel valuable. 4. Learn from her, women are our “battle partners in life” and help us in our journey toward Christ-likeness!

Psalm 144:12 - May our sons in their youth be like plants full grown and our daughters be like pillars carved (polished) to adorn a palace.

Appreciate the role that women play in helping to shape the man that God intended for you to be! Men, how are you treating ALL the women in your life - mom, teachers, waitress, co-workers, boss, neighbor, friend…

Resources for young men:

Wild at Heart and Captivating by John Eldredge (and Stasi)

Raising Men by Eric Davis - lessons from Navy SEALS…

Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp

Bringing Up Boys by Dr. James Dobson

No More Excuses and Kingdom Men Rising by Dr. Tony Evans

The Intentional Father by Jon Tyson

Take-away - don’t just tell your kids how much you love them, SHOW them! Let all that you do be soaked in love.

Guest: Jaco Booyens

To find out more about Jaco Booyens and his efforts to battle against child sexual exploitation, check out his ministry website or personal website.

Raised by a single mom, Jaco found some “father figures” in sport - his coaches taught him some valuable life lessons…how to shave, mow lawns, etc.

Men, we all know that child sexual exploitation is awful, but there is a question that we need to ask ourselves - “Am I part of the problem?”

Guys need to have accountability - men who will hold you accountable to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. Men, you may not be exploiting children, but you might be “feeding the beast.” If you’re looking at pornography, at any level, you are engaging in the exploitation of people

Sex trafficking is a symptom of a larger problem - the problem of self-centeredness.

Men were made to be “hunters” - what are we hunting for? Ideally he is supposed to hunt evil, injustice, find the outcast and underprivileged. Today, we see young men holding up a cell phone and recording an injustice - PUT THE PHONE DOWN and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

How do we move from being the guy who records evil to become the guy who protects others from evil?

Watchman/Warrior Project

Start with you - get real with yourself. Where have I contributed to either evil progressing in the world or doing battle against the darkness?!

Jaco - I promise the answer won’t come from your peers! You learn from the older, wiser men. Invest in your own life and careers - stop spending all your time focused on the lives of “famous” people who aren’t giving you a good example anyway!

Jaco - get rid of your “coping mechanisms” - the things that you run to when life is difficult that really don’t help you address the situation, just cover it up and prolong the pain.

Jaco - pay attention to this statistic - 88% of the guys in prison come from a fatherless environment. They don’t have a role model for a different lifestyle. We need men who are modeling the truth about what a true man looks like.

IF you want to be that man who steps up and steps out to be different, don’t expect that others will cheer you on and support you - if it’s the right thing to do, you need to do it regardless of the cost and the isolation!

IF you see the “Goliath” and know that he must be defeated, you’ll most likely be fighting alone. If you’re in the “crowd” and lots of people are doing what you’re doing, you’re most likely going the wrong way! The only thing that grows without work is weeds - in the garden and in your life.

Bezos, Gates, Zuckerberg, Musk - all good examples of succeeding against all odds - great for success in business, but not good examples for being successful in other aspects of life.

Jaco - walk the road that is lonely, it will be worth it. The crowd will come and support AFTER you cut off the head of the giant, not before.

Jaco - be the “rudder in the room.” It’s not a call out, it’s a call UP. Men, step UP to be the men that God has created and called you to be. Amen.

Guest: Gabe Boyd

Dating 201 - Both Gabe and I agree that the responsibility to pursue in a relationship generally falls on the guy. Let’s continue our examination of this…

Gabe: in the concept of pursuing a woman, marriage is not the “finish line.” As a man, you are always after her heart, learning more about her, taking the relationship deeper and growing in intimacy!

“Markers” in a relationship are important - birthdays, Valentine’s Day, anniversaries - but men should be intentional about growing the relationship “every” day of the year as well.

Remember that if a guy is “out-kicking his coverage” it might also imply that a girl is settling for less. Guys, if you’re looking to pursue and connect your life with a quality woman, you need to make sure you step up your life to not only meet her on that level of maturity, but also get to the point where you can lead her in your relationship.

Guys - pursue a woman well - be intentional about the time you spend together - this shows her that she is valuable and worthy of your time and attention. A woman who is an “after-thought” will soon be just that. And, your continued pursuit of that woman can and should continue throughout the year, and year after year. Guys, if you’re more concerned about lowering your golf score than you are about improving your relationship with your wife, you need to reevaluate your priorities.

Myths that Guys Believe:

1. I’ll do whatever it takes to get her attention. If you need to do something “out of character” to get her attention, that will backfire on you - be confident in the man that you are and work to win the attention of a young lady with quality and significance. Remember your character is being revealed in your actions - Proverbs 20:11 says that even a child is known by his actions.

How should we “start” a relationship with a young woman?

1. Look to serve others.

Guys - don’t wait for a girl to pull you up to her standard, get busy and put in the work and effort to be the man that the woman you’re interested in needs to lead her and love her well.

Take-away: men, look to make everyone around you feel valuable and significant in the way that you treat them!

Guest: Gabe Boyd

Dating 101 - let’s start having a conversation about the role and responsibility of young men and young ladies as they are looking at dating. Should a young lady wait for a guy to call…or is it ok in today’s culture for a young lady to pursue (call/text) a guy for a date? Should a couple wait to have sex until marriage…or is that just an outdated religious restriction?

Great resource for helpful information, especially for dads raising daughters: Hooked: The Brain Science on How Casual Sex Affects Human Development by Dr. Joe McIlhaney and Freda McKissic Bush - you NEED to know this information about how our bodies (emotions and chemicals) work!

The follow up to Hooked is a book called Girls Uncovered: New Research on What America’s Sexual Culture Does to Young Women - another valuable resource for both parents and young women to understand!

Some research suggests that when sex is introduced into a relationship, the emotional “depth” for that relationship is set - meaning, that if a couple has sex on the first date (or whenever it is introduced), their relationship will not grow emotionally deeper beyond that time. Great concept to think about and argument for waiting until marriage before having sex.

“Friend zone” - great place to start, being friends! Good and healthy relationships more than likely actually grow out of good friendships!

Sexual experience - we need to experiment so that we can prepare for our future marriage relationship - is that a good argument? Would you buy a car without a test drive? Depends on the car - I’d drive a Rolls Royce without a test drive!!! How do you view the girl that you’re dating - is she a Rolls Royce…or a clunker?

Whose responsibility is it to set the boundaries for the physical relationship? Gabe and I both agree that this is the responsibility of the man in the relationship! And, we also agree that healthy boundaries are VITAL to a healthy relationship - we see the value of boundaries in so many other aspects of life - think about sports, for example, and the importance of boundaries on a field that help define what is “fair” and what is “out of bounds.” As a man, you need to set proper boundaries for your relationships.

SnapChat - “the medium is the message” concept applies here. IF the message is so unimportant and irrelevant that it’s going to disappear after a few seconds, that speaks to the quality of the message (and probably the relationship) itself. The depth of your communication is a great indicator of the depth of the relationship! Guys, learn to have a meaningful, significant, deep conversation with a girl. Guys, the time, energy, and effort you put into good communication with a young lady demonstrates her value to you.

Take-Away: evaluate your “communication” with others - does it convey the quality that I think of that other person? 

Guest: Gabe Boyd  

T4M Update:

1. Training4Manhood is now officially a licensed non-profit 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organization - donations to help support the ongoing work, ministry, and education of T4M are tax deductible and greatly appreciated! Check out our T4M website for opportunities to support our organization!

Went with Mike Thornberry to hear Jordan Peterson on his current tour. Some very interesting and very well informed perspectives on life…appreciate his thoughtfulness and willingness to share and add to the great conversation of our culture.

Timeless principles of manhood - because God stands outside time, space, and culture, the principles from God’s Word have a universal application to all men everywhere at all times! The principles of what makes a man that are taken from Scripture are as valuable now as they were thousands of years ago when written!

What is the percentage of children who are being raised in a home without a father - without a man to train a man, without a man to model “manhood” both to the future generations of men and women?!

Older men, great men - are you looking to pass on your wisdom and experience to a younger man who wants to learn, grow, and mature?

What role do books play in this process? As mentioned above, we will be rolling out our Quarterly Book Discussions - we’ll read a book and then record our perspectives and thoughts on the book - a new book each quarter - and we’ll break down the book into four segments, four podcast discussions, to be released on Friday mornings along with our normal Monday T4M episodes.

John Wooden - first thing Coach Wooden started with - a T4M principle - the socks!!!

Take-away: Find a book about a GREAT MAN and learn more about what made them great!

Wooden: A Lifetime of Observations and Reflections On and Off the Court by John Wooden and Steve Jamison

Amazing Grace: William Wilberforce and the Heroic Campaign to End Slavery by Eric Metaxas

Guest: David Salas 

Critical thinking begins with proper self-reflection and self-examination!

George MacDonald - “Foolish is the man, and there are many such men, who would rid himself of discomfort by setting the world right, by waging war on the evils around him, while he neglects that integral part of the world where lies his business, his first business, namely, his own character and conduct.”

1 Samuel 16:7 - But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as a man sees; man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

Manhood - what our culture celebrates is more often the externals - appearance, wealth, accomplishments - but what God’s Word says is important for a man is that he has a heart that pursues the Lord.

Men are body, soul, and spirit - all three are important. Don’t just focus on one to the detriment of the others.

David - people don’t just “drift” toward holiness. Holiness is a climb, it’s uphill, it takes effort to get better! Thomas Watson wrote that the only thing that grows without effort is weeds! If you want to get better, it’s going to take effort - reflection - self-examination.

Dan - my birthday is the day of self-reflection - what are the things that we improved on this year, what are the areas where we can grow in the next year?

A “friend” is a person who can be honest with you and point out some “blind spots” to help you be the best version of yourself as possible! My spouse is my greatest advocate…and my greatest critic! Proverbs 18:22 says “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” A life-partner who can speak truth to you is a tremendously valuable asset to have! Nothing civilizes a man like a good marriage!

Critical Thinking/Self-Examination

1. How will this attitude or action play itself out in five years?

When you read the Bible…the Bible reads you! 

If you want to develop your critical thinking skills, you need to be a reader - a reader of books, people, and situations. Walk slowly, pay attention, think before you speak and when you open your mouth, add value to the conversation!

Take-away - who are the individuals who have gone before you - that you walk in their footsteps or stand on their proverbial shoulders - find them, learn from the example of their life and journey - and then realize that there are others who will follow in your footsteps years from now.

Guest: David Salas 

Salas - didn’t have a father-figure - now reading Proverbs, the phrase, “My son” takes on new meaning and significance…

What’s the one role of a father? To point them to their heavenly Father. All the lesser things are important, but the greatest thing is to help them satisfy their greatest need - to know who they are as an image bearer of God.

Thomas Watson - great men are the mirror by which ordinary men dress themselves!

If you made a list of the “greatest men in history” - who would make that list? Would Jesus? That’s an interesting question!

Salas - Jesus really “mans like a man should man”!

Do we consider Jesus a “great man”? We should - here’s why we should recognize Jesus as THE GREATEST MAN:

1. Meekness - strength under control - you never get the sense that Jesus was anything but in control

The Chosen - great series from Dallas Jenkins on the life and “manhood” of Jesus

A Woman Caught in Adultery - John 8:1-11

Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, 2 but early the next morning he was back again at the Temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them. 3 As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd. 4 “Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?”

6 They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. 7 They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” 8 Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust. 9 When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. 10 Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?” 11 “No, Lord,” she said. And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

IF you had to choose between your children being wealthy, healthy or walking in the truth - which would you select and what are you doing to train your children in that concept?

Take-away: spend some time examining the person and life of Jesus - read the Gospel letters of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John in the New Testament, and then, if you want to see a cinematic rendition of Jesus, watch The Chosen.

Guest: Pastor Jarrett Stephens 

Champion Forest Baptist Church 

Jarrett’s books:

The Mountains Are Calling: Making the Climb for a Clearer View of God and Ourselves

The Always God: He Hasn’t Changed and You Are Not Forgotten

Forgiveness:

1. Learning how to ask for forgiveness when you’ve wronged someone

Forgiveness does not mean that justice should not be pursued and served.

Forgiveness does not mean that you forget. Forgiveness does not mean that a relationship is restored.

Unforgiveness can lead to resentment and anger, it can become bitterness and a stronghold in a person’s life that keeps them from moving forward in life.

The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant - Matthew 18:21-35

Can you forgive a person who doesn’t even ask for forgiveness, isn’t repentant, or doesn’t even acknowledge? Yes. Ephesians 4:32 - Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Good resources:

1. The Bait of Satan by John Bevere

How to seek forgiveness from someone who you have wronged:

1. Do it as quickly as possible. Confrontation is an opportunity for growth.

Guest: Pastor Jarrett Stephens 

Champion Forest Baptist Church

Jarrett’s books:

The Mountains Are Calling: Making the Climb for a Clearer View of God and Ourselves

The Always God: He Hasn’t Changed and You Are Not Forgotten

Why should a man go to church?

First, don’t discount the person and message of Jesus Christ because of something that happened to you or something you’ve seen or heard from those who are followers (real or self-proclaimed) of Jesus.

Second, the church is one of the only places (ecosystem, if you will) that you’ll find humility, authenticity, and people who truly want the best for your life. The church is one of the only places that celebrates “servant-leadership” and not “self-centeredness.”

Third, the church is the epitome of diversity - in today’s world where “diversity” is celebrated and pursued, the church really is the fulfillment of unity through diversity - all walks of life, all ages, all cultures, colors, skills, abilities - all part of the body of Christ!

What should I look for in a church?

First, start with the core components evident in the Book of Acts. Biblical teaching - have to have an authoritative source. The church should point people to the person of Jesus.  The church should be Scripture filled, Jesus centered, Holy Spirit inspired.

Second, look for a Biblical community, a place where your family can get plugged into, etc.

Third, things that give you pause. Jarrett - “blessed are the balanced.” Look out for an imbalance that focuses too much time and energy toward one component to the detriment of others. Try to find a church that’s “balanced.”

Recent study - 90% of men say they have never heard a sermon that related to work. 

Jarrett - men, at some point, we have to learn to be “self-feeders.” You can’t just settle for someone else opening up and teaching from the Word - YOU need to dig in and see what the Word has for you. Train yourself for godliness. Men are passionate about things that are important to them - are you passionate about your spiritual life and growth?

Recent study - if the husband/father of the family goes to church, the family is 90% more likely to attend. Men, your example leads your family spiritually - either for the good or for the bad! Jarrett - as a dad, it’s my responsibility to put my family in a positive place for their growth and development.

Take-away: Find a good church. Don’t sit in the stands of life, get in the game. You get out of something what you put into it.