Training4Manhood

Guests: Jared Wood and Chase Hilbert

Show me the man you honor, and I will know what kind of man you are, for it shows me what your ideal of manhood is and what kind of man you long to be.  Thomas Carlyle, July 1850

What men do you honor? What men do you want to emulate? Is there an ideal man out there who you can model your life after - or does every man have flaws that prevent you from putting them on a pedestal - or should we put anyone on a pedestal other than Jesus himself?

Are there younger men that you can learn from?

What principles do you think are important in the man that you follow?

JWood - integrity and loyalty are two of the biggest personal characteristics that are important to see.

How do you find other men that encourage you on your journey to manhood? There will be some great coaches, teachers, etc. who speak life and truth into your life along the way. Be wise about the men you allow into your life.

Also ask the question - are you the type of man that others would want to emulate?

JWood - the word “legacy” comes to mind - what type of man do you want to be, what legacy do you want to leave for others?

Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul by John Eldredge

Roundtable Discussion Participants: Michael Thornberry, Gabe Boyd, Parker Panetti and Dan Panetti

Episode 3: Chapters 7-9

I don’t trust a man who hasn’t suffered. If you don’t realize your weaknesses, you still believe you can be self-sufficient and do life on your own.

You cannot be the man who rescues until you’re the man without the horse. Good line! You can’t give what you don’t possess.

Having kids is an incredible journey into self-awareness.

Christ is not only the “chief-sufferer” he’s also the “chief-physician.” He not only understands our sufferings, He is the solution for our problems, the “balm of Gilead.”

Ignorance is not a resolution.

Distinction between a warrior and a mercenary. A mercenary fights for his own benefit. A warrior serves something or someone higher than himself!

If you know the enemy, and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you’ll also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle. Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Let people feel the weight of who you are and let them deal with it.

Sabotage happens when we give our strength away. The most selfish thing is not wanting to run at full strength! You are wasting people’s time if you’re not in God’s Word each day.

For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law [God’s Word], the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.  James 1:23-25

If we ignore the enemy, then he wins.

Learning to fight starts with remembering.

How many of us have spent “extra” time at work? Compare with this question - how many of us have spent “extra” time with God? Which one gets our time, attention, and priority?

Guest: Stephen Oehlschlaeger

A good name is better than precious ointment, and the day of death than the day of birth.   Ecclessiastes 7:1

Solomon is saying that everyone gets a name when they are born; but when they die, we all get to evaluate what they did with the name they were given - what life did they make, what impact did they have, what legacy did they leave?

People have to feel like you care about them before a relationship will grow.

So important to have good people around you - here’s a quote that expresses that concept to wrestle with:

“One of the most valuable lessons I learned from [my father] growing up was that we are all guilty by association. In other words, we are the average of the people that we spend the most time with. So, if you want to be drug dealer? Surround yourself with drug dealers. If you want to be a millionaire? Surround yourself with millionaires. This goes for surrounding yourself with people who are caring, generous, etc., and has really carried into the kinds of friends and professional networks that I aim to keep.”  Adam Callinan, cofounder and CEO of BottleKeeper

While there is some truth to this comment, I think this idea is too simplistic - good place to start, but relationships are more complex and deserve more attention than this quote gives to them. For example, you can surround yourself with millionaires that lack moral integrity and have lied and cheated their way to their wealth - just because you have money, doesn’t mean that you have character. 

While you are influenced by the people you’re around, you need to be discerning about what level of influence you allow anyone to have in your life. The old adage of “eating the chicken and throwing away the bones” can apply to relationships as well as ideas - we can learn positive aspects from others, but choose to not allow negative influences into our lives.

Key: learn how to evaluate and self-reflect on your own life.

Key: training for manhood is a series of a million “smaller” decisions that you make every day that add up to the quality of your life

Men, do the work without the need for recognition. But…if I expect nothing, doesn’t that mean I’ll get nothing? That’s what you signed up for - remember? You should be giving 100% expecting nothing…and find a spouse who signs up to give 100% expecting nothing - that’s a great marriage!

Believers who are loving their spouse correctly, the natural gaps that are created in life are filled.

What kind of man do you want to be…and are you around the kind of men that you want to be? Realize there is more to being a man than your bank account. Are you around guys that model what is means to be the kind of man you really want to be?

Men, find some time to evaluate how you’re doing in life - self-awareness, self-reflection. Small course corrections done more frequently are much easier than a large course correction later in life.

Men, utilize some “tools” along the way to help you evaluate where you are in life. Write some thoughts down in a journal so you can evaluate those feelings and thoughts later.

Men, ask yourself this question: are you proud of the work you’re doing? Are you proud of the person you’re becoming? If not, what steps are you going to take to change things?

Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul by John Eldredge

Roundtable Discussion Participants: Michael Thornberry, Gabe Boyd, Parker Panetti and Dan Panetti

Episode 2: Chapters 4-6

My job as a father is to point my kids to the cross of Jesus Christ!

Until a man knows he’s a man, he’ll forever try to prove he’s one…and at the same time he’ll shrink from anything that might prove that he’s not.

What’s the role of women in training up a man? Femininity can arouse masculinity, but it can’t produce it.

If you’ve given your wife the power to validate you as a man, she has the power to invalidate you as well.

Who am I looking to for the validation of my manhood? Are these people who will build you up or tear you down? Do we look to God, the author and perfecter of our faith to validate who we are?

When we become performance driven to validate our identity, it produces a culture of self-centered, independent men who only care about themselves.

Men think they are on their own because they’ve created a bubble around them to “protect” themselves from being hurt - reality is that our strength and significance come from inside, from our relationship to the Lord, not from what we do in terms of performance…

The only thing more tragic than the tragedy that happens is the way that we handle it!

“Rubbing dirt” on the real wounds of life can actually make things worse!

The wound you’ve embraced is a wound you can not heal. The wound you think you deserve is a wound you can not heal. Wow, that’s good stuff!

If you deal with a wound properly, that transformation can change your life in a positive manner!

Sometimes the best teacher is failure.

A man needs a much bigger orbit than a woman - some larger purpose - only then can he invite someone into this mission!

Guest: Michael Craven

Michael is the Vice President, Equipping and Mobilization at The Colson Center.

To learn more about The Colson Center and its founder, Chuck Colson, visit their website.

What Does It Mean to be a Man?

What is our philosophy of parenting? The Christian goal of parenting is to raise virtuous men and women.

If God has given the power and authority of the “sword” to the state (government) to enact justice and fight evil, then is it our responsibility to participate in the state’s actions that fight against evil?

From a mother to her son - do your duty. When women expect men to be men, they rise to the occasion.

Are we raising our young women to expect men to act like men, to expect men to treat them with respect? Women determine the sexual ethic of a culture because they “control opportunity.”

Psalm 144:12 - May our sons in their youth be like plants full grown, our daughters like corner pillars cut for the structure of a palace.

What are you going to do about those two questions:

1. Who does she say Jesus is?

The man should lead the relationship and establish those proper, right, and good boundaries for a healthy relationship. Sex before marriage inhibits true intimacy and frustrates the maturity and development of meaningful relationships.

The physical connection (sex) is not adequate to sustain a meaningful and profound relationship that should last a lifetime!

Once you establish those clear and healthy boundaries for sex, then you need to make good decisions that support that decision!

If she is a WALL, we will build on her a battlement of silver, but if she is a DOOR, we will enclose her with boards of cedar.  Song of Solomon 8:9

• Men, work to protect the virtue and chastity of the women in your life - your sisters, those you date/marry, your daughters - if she is a wall, strong and virtuous, value will come to her…but if she is a door (meaning that she would allow men to be intimate with her without discretion), then you need to work to protect her from herself.

We need to raise and expect our kids to be godly…not good. Godly individuals, by definition, will be “good” (nice, polite, meek - powerful under control), but they will also be strong, courageous, bold, truthful, honest, etc…

Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul by John Eldredge

Roundtable Discussion Participants: Michael Thornberry, Gabe Boyd, Parker Panetti and Dan Panetti

Episode 1: Chapters 1-3

Every man is going to have 1) a battle to fight, 2) a beauty to rescue, and 3) an adventure to live.

What is a Christian man? Eldredge tries to present a target to aim for in life…if you aim for nothing, you’ll hit it every time! Jesus is our example and our model for life.

Eldredge addresses the concept of what a Christian man isn’t…he examines what the world has tried to make men into and the traps that far too many guys fall into that keep them from becoming the men that God has designed.

Don’t settle for “good” when the goal should be “godly!” Godliness includes goodness, but goes beyond that. The world doesn’t need nice guys - it needs warriors! Dangerous men who live under control.

Do you need to be whitewater rafting down a river in Colorado to truly understand what it means to be a man? No…but Eldredge is trying to get a person out of their comfort zones to see that life is greater and grander than what they have settled for. 

The question that haunts every man - am I [blank] enough? Am I strong enough? Am I smart enough? Am I rich enough? That’s not the question you should be asking. The I AM IS enough! Manhood shouldn’t be defined by a performance standard, but needs to be understood from a Biblical perspective because God is the author and designer of manhood.

“What is a Christian man” is an IDENTITY question. Your purpose doesn’t create your identity - your identity determines and gives you a purpose. Who you are should dictate what you do and not the other way around!

Guest: Michael Craven

Michael is the Vice President, Equipping and Mobilization at The Colson Center.

To learn more about The Colson Center and its founder, Chuck Colson, visit their website.

Colson was devoted to the development of the Christian worldview - the underlying philosophical thought process that dictates a person’s actions. Your actions are controlled by your belief system - Colson understood this concept and tried to equip the church to address issues at their root cause.

Colson’s desire was for Christians to develop a comprehensive Biblical worldview that would engage the false ideas of this world system with the truth of God’s Word. The Colson Fellows is the continued work of The Colson Center for Christian Worldview in helping equip Christians in this effort.

Michael: we need to understand the difference between the “private” Christian faith where a person “invites Jesus into their life” and the public Christian faith where “Jesus invites a person into His purpose, His plans.”

Michael: we have a two-fold duty - to love God and to love others. Is it possible to love others yet allow them to be destroyed by false ideologies?

Michael: we can commend the truth, contend for the truth, and demonstrate the truth.

How did we get here, today, on the issues of gender and sexuality? Read The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self by Dr. Carl Trueman.

Michael: Christ has come into the world to set right all that has been set wrong, and He invites us into that redemptive work.

Michael: there is a profoundly intellectual dimension of being a follower of Jesus Christ - having the “mind of Christ.”

Michael: the book How Should We Then Live? by Francis Schaeffer opened his mind to the understanding of a much broader and more profound Christian life.

Michael: our principal witness of the gospel of the Kingdom is demonstrating to a watching world this is what life looks like when it is lived under the rule and reign of Jesus Christ!

Dan: Francis Schaeffer’s book A Christian Manifesto was the book that brought me into this awareness of a Christian worldview

Take-away: read lots of old books. Begin to have those important conversations with others. Listen. Learn. Ask questions. Explore deeply the concept of a Christian worldview - which includes the concepts of creation, fall, redemption, and restoration - and seek to understand who the King is and what He’s called you to do - this is the abundant life in Christ!

Guest: Rick Briscoe

Instagram: @RickBriscoe

Hebron Road Facebook page

Hebron Road website

Rick grew up with a father who struggled with alcoholism. While his father was unable to properly mentor and lead Rick as a young man, God graciously brought other men across his path.

“I do believe, without Christ in my life, without the mentors who walked alongside me, I would have been an absolute disaster.”

Between Two Worlds: The Inner Life of Children of Divorce by Elizabeth Marquardt

“There’s another hero in my life and that’s my wife Barbi.”

“I was only going to love my dad, if he got better.” God convicted Rick that he was withholding grace and forgiveness from his father, but God had not withheld His own grace and forgiveness from Rick. Consider Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Men, is there someone in your life that you need to forgive? Have you accepted the forgiveness of God through Jesus Christ in your own life? God's forgiveness can set you free from the chains and legacy of hardship and difficulty so you don't have to pass these things on to your kids and grandkids!

Guest: Neal Jeffrey

If I Can, Y-yyou Can! Giving All You’ve Got to Become All You Can Be (actual title) - great book about the life and testimony of Neal Jeffrey

From NealJeffrey.com:

NEAL JEFFREY, former All-American quarterback at Baylor University and quarterback for the San Diego Chargers, learned the meaning of overcoming early in life. A stutterer since childhood, Neal had to find a way to "get through what he couldn't get over" to achieve his lifelong dreams. Today, he is one of America's most powerful and passionate communicators, speaking for corporate conferences, national conventions, sales organizations, sports teams – twice for the New York Yankees – school districts, student groups and churches from coast to coast. Everywhere he goes he inspires audiences to go "higher, swifter, stronger" in the critical areas of life. In addition to a busy speaking schedule, Neal serves as a speaking/teaching minister at the 28,000-member Prestonwood Church of Dallas, Texas, where he has served for over 25 years. He and his wife Sheila live in the Dallas area and have three grown children. His new book, If I Can, Y-Y-You Can! is available nationwide and at [email protected]

We live in a world where nobody wants to live under authority.

Truth is, if I’m left up to myself, it’s not going to be good. I’m self-serving. I have appetites that can lead me to a place where the world says you ought to go, but if you go there, it’s going to be a disaster!

How do you learn to live under authority? It helps to have an older man model living under proper authority. For some, it may be their biological father. Others might see this and learn these principles from a good coach. For everyone, learning how to live under authority from God’s Word is available.

It is valuable to learn to live under authority before you are placed in a position of authority.

Living under the authority of God means that you say “Yes, sir” to whatever God has for you. You can trust the goodness and plan of God for your life - and you can find out more about God’s will for your life by spending time reading God’s Word.

To read more about the faith of the centurion, read the passage found in Matthew 8:5-13.

One of the greatest ways that a man can honor God is to honor his wife, to cherish her, to love and care for and provide for her. You have an authority in heaven that you will answer to.

Men, you need to have others around you that you will listen to as you make important decisions in life. We all need someone that we allow to hold us accountable, to speak truth into our lives, to “slap us upside the head” and bring a sense of clarity to a situation.

What about the guy who has been under “bad” authority? God isn’t a bad authority, but a loving and perfect authority. God can help you forgive and move past the experiences of bad authority by the power of His grace.

Compare the self-sacrificing example of Jesus to the self-serving actions of others. Jesus led by serving others, even the “least of these.” That’s an “authority” that you can place your trust in and delight in.

Two take-aways:

1. If you’re not under authority, you need to consider coming under the loving authority of God.

Guest: Neal Jeffrey     

If I Can, Y-yyou Can! Giving All You’ve Got to Become All You Can Be (actual book title) - great book about the life and testimony of Neal Jeffrey

From NealJeffrey.com:

NEAL JEFFREY, former All-American quarterback at Baylor University and quarterback for the San Diego Chargers, learned the meaning of overcoming early in life. A stutterer since childhood, Neal had to find a way to "get through what he couldn't get over" to achieve his lifelong dreams. Today, he is one of America's most powerful and passionate communicators, speaking for corporate conferences, national conventions, sales organizations, sports teams – twice for the New York Yankees – school districts, student groups and churches from coast to coast. Everywhere he goes he inspires audiences to go "higher, swifter, stronger" in the critical areas of life. In addition to a busy speaking schedule, Neal serves as a speaking/teaching minister at the 28,000-member Prestonwood Church of Dallas, Texas, where he has served for over 25 years. He and his wife Sheila live in the Dallas area and have three grown children. His new book, If I Can, Y-Y-You Can! is available nationwide and at [email protected]

God loves you and CAN use you…and He can use your weaknesses for His glory!

What things are in your life that you struggle to trust God with?

The encouraging words of Neal’s mom - I don’t know why, but I just know that God loves you and God is going to use this in your life in some incredible way…we just need to trust Him.

Life Lesson from Neal - the life of comparison is a losing game. If you aren’t confident with who God has made you to be,  you’ll never fully know all that God has planned and prepared for YOU! Don’t waste your time looking at everyone else, wanting to be someone else; spend your time getting to know the God that made you, crafted you, created you - the more you know about Him, the more you’ll know about His plans for your life.

Neal’s wisdom for struggles in life - “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-4

YOU are God’s “masterpiece” - “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10

Life Lesson from Neal - we often see ourselves through a negative lens, while others often don’t focus on our negatives as much as we do!

Life Lesson from Neal - my “main assignment” in life is to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Matthew 22:37

God has a plan for everything…including YOU!