Periods of transition (like going from single to married) can be happy and exciting, but also painful and frustrating. You have an expectation about how you should feel—all sunshine and roses, right? How could you be anything but elated to marry the love of your life? So why are you also feeling crappy and confused and anxious? It’s because your expectations are based in fantasy, not reality. They come from what you’re “supposed” to feel. But negative feelings don’t mean you’re moving in the wrong direction; they’re just part of being human. And this isn’t just about marriage. These Jekyll and Hyde emotions can happen with a new job, new house, new baby, etc.

It’s normal to feel both excited and insecure when starting a new job. And moving to your dream home doesn’t mean there isn’t room for sadness over what you’re leaving behind. Some people try to minimize the negative feelings by saying, “But I asked for this! I should be happier!” It’s not black and white, so don’t give them meaning and think it’s a sign to turn back. Pay attention to all of your feelings, and look deeper for the root of the negative ones. Maybe you’re afraid of making decisions because you believe you’ve chosen wrong in the past. When you’re in transition, don’t fight the feelings you have—positive or negative. Accept and allow all of them. You have to move forward in order to grow and learn. Otherwise you stay stuck.