Ahhh, the first Trash Box of 2021. Our only resolution was to get all caught up on Potomac Reunion Part III, Dallas’ premiere, and the latest Salt Lake City. And guess what? We did it. Back to sleep for the rest of the year!

First up is Dallas, which was a lot more entertaining than we thought it'd be. Mainly thanks to Kameron Westcott (whose comedy stylings finally put the "are women funny?" debate to bed once and for all) and newcomer Dr. Tiffany Moon (who addresses the racist ginger elephant in the room). By the time we get to Salt Lake City, Emily is inexplicably wine-drunk. But that doesn't stop her from leading a very serious discussion on addiction, marriage, and music copyright law. Finally, it's a farewell to Potomac, Monique, T'Challa, and a neeearly perfect fifth season (binder went MIA). Even diehard Gizelle stan Marshall Lorenzo is forced to admit the word on the street: she totally bombed the reunion. Two private bodyguards in one single season? Hey, ya gotta admire her dramantics (not a typo).

Christmas is over and we've returned to lead a critical discussion on Potomac reunion Part II + last week's Atlanta and Salt Lake City eps. Marshall comes to you LIVE! (errr, pre-recorded/heavily edited) from a swanky quarantine hotel in New Zealand! Emily comes to you from her very messy bedroom in Toronto!

First up, Potomac. We discuss the anti-climactic conclusion to Monique's Binder vs. Gizelle and our own problematic history of defending both Ashley and Monique. Over in Atlanta, it's all about scumbag Ralph, new girl LaToya (a.k.a. Kenya 2.0), and snorefest 10/10/20. Then Salt Lake City: Heather wants to leave the church, Jen wants to be the SLC-LVP, Brooks Marks debuts his single tracksuit "collection", and Whitney talks about thumbs. 

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This week we devote the entire episode to the lovely, loony ladies of Salt Lake City, Utah. If you're looking for coverage of the latest Potomac and Atlanta, please direct your eyeballs to the ep directly preceding this one, "The Bindering".

But back to our mostly Mormon mommas. We analyze Jen's rock hard tittays and mystery fortune, Heather's flirting skills, Whitney's sunny disposition, and Lisa's claim that she's the Queen of Sundance. Then, inspired by the pre-fashion show chaos at Casa del Meredith, we reminisce about our own traumatic overflowing toilet experiences. Learn to use a plunger, Brooks Marks! It'll change your damn life. And to the rest of you? Remember who you are, and return with honour.

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We just couldn't wait to talk about the Potomac reunion, so here's an early Trash Box (let's call it a Hanukkah present). And, heck, we thought we'd cover the latest Real Housewives of Atlanta while we're at it. But first, we must honour the recently departed Gigolo "Giggy" Vanderpump. Lisa's Vanderpump's dazzling Pomeranian prince passed away at the surprisingly young age of ten. TEN. 

Then... Potomac. An unsuspecting Gizelle is violently slaughtered, with the girls (even Robyn!) attacking her fashion and Monique proving Jamal is a cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater. What else could be in her binder of tit for tat colour-coded receipts? Over on Atlanta, we meet Drew (sweet girl, married to evil gaslighter) and LaToya (CAMERA READY). Cynthia, She of Plastic Plants & Grapes, hosts some kind of wine ladies night, and the episode descends into full-blown confusion and chaos. Nene who?

Stay tuned for our usual Salt Lake City episode at the end of the week...

In this week's super-sized Trash Box, Emily and Marshall dive headfirst into all three new Housewives eps (OC is still dead to us, duh): the Potomac finale, Salt Lake City, and Atlanta's Season 13 premiere. We prattled on for so long our voices grew hoarser than Mary M. Cosby's after a particularly spirited sermon. 

First up is the shocking, explosive, near-perfect Potomac finale that had Marshall Tom Cruise-leaping onto his couch screaming "OH MY GOD!" We stupidly attempt to list every single one of Michael Darby's party fouls, and it's... a lot. Over in Salt Lake we discuss how Mary (much like Ashley Darby) made a deal with the Devil when she wed her grandhusband. Then there's Emily's new Instagram friendship with Lisa, the end of Meredith + Seth, and the return of Valter. Finally we head on down to Atlanta where some of the ladies have gained pandemic weight. Housewives! They're just like us. Meanwhile, Porsha is literally changing the world by fighting for Breonna Taylor and Black Lives Matter. It's amazing. Also amazing (in a very different way)? The preview for this upcoming season. A threesome with a PPE-wearing stripper? Bravo, bravo, fucking Bravo!

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After two Gossip Time specials, we're back for our regular (but still extremely exciting!) coverage. However, we must first discuss the new trailer for Real Housewives of Dallas Season 5. Welcome Dr. Tiffany Moon! Hope they smudged the place to get rid of LeeAnne's bad vibes.

After this week's Potomac episode, we have some questions... Is Karen genuinely that terrible at orchestrating drama? Why is Ashley's uncle named "Lump"?  And why OH WHY has this show's editing team not swept the Emmys? Then it's time to head (checks map of America) WEST to Salt Lake City, where Jenn's in rage mode, Lisa's somehow managed to melt our ice-cold hearts ("Can I touch?"), and Heather's hit her stride. And Mary? Mary's educating these ladies on the heat wave of 2003. 5,600 people died and it made the best grapes of all time. 

Next week we add Atlanta coverage to the mix. Follow us on Insta @trashboxhousewives and on Twitter @thetrashboxpod. 

Two whole Gossip Time specials in just one week? We simply didn't have a choice! Yesterday, Wednesday, December 2nd, 2020 (Saint Britney Spears' 39th birthday), the world was hit with an avalanche of drama so powerful that both of us (OK, just Emily) were left physically shaken. First up — Erika Jayne and Tom Girardi allegedly using their divorce to embezzle funds meant for the family members of deceased plane crash victims. It's not her best look. Then we talk about Braunwyn Windham-Burke being the first housewife to come out as a lesbian. Congrats! After a brief stop in Kelly Dodds-ville (it's full of racists and COVID-deniers), we discuss Kyle, Kathy Hilton, and Dorit all testing positive for coronavirus. Then we circle back to shitting on Erika again, because, hey, eat the rich, amirite?

Our regular coverage of Potomac and Salt Lake City (plus the Dallas trailer) will drop shortly in a separate episode. Follow us on Instagram @trashboxhousewives and on Twitter at @thetrashboxpod. If you're lucky you could be our TENTH follower!

Sound the alarm, cuz it's officially GOSSIP TIME! On this very special episode of Trash Box, unabashed busybodies Emily and Marshall dish about all the current Housewives hearsay, including: is Ramona as broke as we are? What's up with Lisa Rinna's 19-year-old daughter and 37-year-old Scott Disick? Who is Patricia the Muskoka whore, and did she bang Harry Hamlin? Is Erika Jayne having an affair with Scooter Braun? And have you seen Margaret Josephs' brand new head transplant (read: facelift)? 

Come back later this week for our coverage of the latest Potomac and Salt Lake City eps, and follow us on Instagram @trashboxhousewives.

This week features Trash Box's very first guest: our favourite ex-Pentecostal New Brunswicker, Tom Hearn! Comedian, writer, producer, and least importantly, friend. Tommy has a case of the 'PINIONS. And even though we may not support all his views (Erika Jayne as one of his top housewives?!), all three of us agree that Salt Lake City is shaping up to be an iconic franny™. But disturbing questions loom: is Whitney really a Trump supporter? Why do straight people insist on throwing parties at venues with secret entrances ("You want a surprise, go to a gay bar, and knock on the toilet door!")? Who exactly is Leticia, and why does Brooks think it’s her job to clean up the blender mess?

Then we head over to Potomac, where Emily rages out over the greyness of the Candiace/Monique fight and Marshall remains eerily fixated on Karen’s vibrating masturbation pillows. But it's the preview for next week's wig launch showdown that has us doing slut-for-drama chef's kisses.

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What hath we mere mortals done to deserve Salt Lake City and Potomac airing at the same time? Thank you, Mormon Jesus. On this week’s episode, Marshall hath been blessed with a brand new microphone. He immediately uses his new gift to spread blasphemous tea re: Emily’s former favourite Salt Lake housewife, Whitney. Despite the ex-communicated maybe-swinger’s unfortunate political leanings (sigh), we remain firmly anti-Lisa. After all, evil is evil. Over on Potomacers Take Portugal, our beloved ladies toboggan into traffic, play pranks on the new girl, and plot to assassinate one of their own in a court of law. To quote the Bible, “I haaave the most beautiful tan clitoris.”

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