Triggered

Triggered

By Girl TherapyEducationSelf-Improvement
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Triggered episodes

  • How To Get A Man To Do What You Want

    Men, are you listening? Probably not, it’s not your style after all. Catch our sweet breath while we sigh, because all we wanna do is prise open your emotional chakras. Why won’t you let us in? Yep, communication seems to be a real struggle when it comes to relationships. We want men to be emotionally available, so what the f*ck is the problem? The truth is, it’s just extremely unlikely that you’ll meet a man like that. They are like finding a goddamn fat d*ck in a pile of pencil d*cks. You’re praying to lay your hands on that girth but there’s just too many let downs in the way. Babe, we’ve got some serious pearls of wisdom to give to you this week… and for the first time, you’ll actually find out how guys think, and why we should all just date our best friends instead. What can we say… you’re here for it.

    42 min
  • Why Rejection Stings Like A B*tch

    We always make the deadly leap of criticising ourselves when we get rejected, but why? Just imagine that rejection is a death that’s happened, and you have to grieve it, babe.  There is not one single gal who doesn’t go through life, feeling like they’re being rejected thick and fast. It’s a sh*t, but giant learning curve. We get it tho... every time you get rejected, it's like it opens the wound of every other time you’ve been discarded. It feels hopeless, and like it always happens to you. Us too, so if you're thought you're alone, you're wrong. We'll guide you on how to relieve the sting of rejection immediately, and why there really is... a big fat silver lining to you going through hell. 

    Spoiler: The sooner you realise that NONE OF US are immune to the Confused Cowardly Cunts that is the male species… you can start to feel better about being rejected by them.

    45 min
  • Why We Need To Stop Expecting Miracles

    Expectations, they’re the root of all evil. But we want to break down why it’s not bad to have them, because they make you ambitious as f*ck (which is a good thing, babe). It’s just finding ways to cope with the reality, in our relationships, careers, selves. Bottom line? Don’t make things outside yourself the centre of your world. Stay independent, and you’ll never get bitten by the viper that is ‘expecting sh*t outside yourself to make you happy’. If you do want to dream big, cool, but just make sure you got your emotions in check if the reality doesn’t show up the way you wanted it. 

    Other highlights include… 

    • How we all look like sh*t we wake up, you’re not special. 
    • Let’s blame Disney for everything, because those beauty ‘ab’normals were laid on way too f*cking thick in our childhoods. 
    • Oh wait, did you think your boyfriend is going to suddenly understand you like he does in the movies, once he realises how much of an emotionally insensitive tw*t he is babe? Ouch, sorry but no. 
    • We home truth the f*ck out of you about how dramatised the media is in every way, and here's your reality check about how that isn’t real.
      • 45 min
    • How To Actually Cum During Sex
      Men, we’ve got a message for you. Either go at our clitoruses like they are bread dough you’re kneading to rise into a hot fluffy bun, or pay us in cash to make up for all the orgasms we’re missing out on because you’re just too damn lazy. In this ep, we’ll cover every single f*cking thing that we go through when it comes to CUMMING, and mainly… just how hard that is to do when you’ve got a vagina. Spoiler: We’re serving up squirting, fingering, foreplay, sexual positions, clits, porn, and emotional strategies to get your O every time (almost).
      42 min
    • Tissue In Da P*ssy, Sh*t On The D*ck
      Get your ears locked in and gooey for lots of explicit banter... we’re going all in on our nastiest & most mortifying moments. Yes, we may as well go into hiding after this one. This is the episode we were avoiding publishing at all costs, but now have to, due to technological reasons that made our planned episode fall through. So yeah, that sucks... because this ep contains way too many personal stories that really didn’t need to see the light of day. As in, it’s all disgustingly unnecessary, but f*ck... honey... if it makes you feel a bit more normal, that’s a win for us.
      40 min
    • What's Making You Anxious As F*ck
      Babe, overworrying about ourselves is the root of all evil, so let's break it down… so you stop feeling like you’re losing your mind. 99% of us have these anxieties, spit at us if we’re wrong?! Like how anxious does it make you when you think someone’s upset with you, off with you, or just seems indifferent as f*ck about you in love, life, or work? Yep, it eats you alive but you won’t say sh*t to them about it, and you’re not alone. Feel like everyone’s judging you, blows. Head to 24 mins in where we give you the no.1 tool to break down anxiety in this exact situation. We’ll also discuss…
      How China had to keep the d*ck juice inside because it was too f*cking cold to get out of bed to go pee and now her vagina needs antibiotics (a definite side note).
      How being productive makes us feel in control, and that lowers our anxiety, but then that means that when you’re not being productive you freak the f*ck out and feel useless and low.
      Let’s all burn our planners because planning our goals is starting to make us feel like sick b*tches. Over it, goodbye.
      Society has brainwashed us into thinking that self-care only exists when we’re DOING stuff, but actually NOT DOING stuff is what self-care is too.
      Can we talk about this stigma where apparently self-care doesn’t require energy? It can require a sh*t-ton of energy. Putting your hair mask on, going to the gym, eating healthy, doing all that requires so much stressful energy that you can’t maintain that all he time.
      We’re all about the social good right now (global warming etc), but that in itself gives us anxiety cramps.
      The biggest thing that gives us anxiety is talking to strangers in social situations… being in ‘people mode’ is hard as f*ck.
      How funny is it that we think other people aren’t insecure just like us, we’re all in the same f*cking boat honey.
      Why are we so different in front of different friends? And why is it so hard to break out of those roles to be our actual real-life selves?
      How confrontation is the biggest anxiety trigger of all and why that is. However, being voiceless is never good, so there’s a middle ground - babe.
      39 min
    • The Ick

      You know when you get the ‘ewww’ feeling about someone and it closes your vagina? Yah, it’s called the ick. Get f*cking stuck in for this episode babe… we’re talking about all the sh*t our love interests do that take us from frothing at the gash to feeling luke warm at best.

      • Why the stereotypical ‘nice guy’ gives China the ick… no she’d rather get f*cked over by d*cks instead.
      • Baby G’s stinky boyfriend, and how hygiene is the biggest turn off.
      • Listen to China nearly throw up.
      • How China’s ex-boyfriend stank like cabbage but she carried on seeing him anyway ‘cuz she’s desperate.
      • The ex with orange rind gums and how it tanked the budding relationship.
      • How lack of intelligence turns us off quicker than a soft willy.
      • Why being the only one bringing the charisma and the humour is f*cking exhausting.
      • Why when guys get physically clingy way too early on, it puts us off.
      • How guys need to learn to tread the fine line between soppy but not too soppy, like it’s hard.
      • Pet names? Here’s where we stand.
      • Say ‘nice tits to us’… and DIE.
      • Circumcision, yes, we’re going there. We like foreskin, also we don’t like foreskin?!
      • Getting the ick is an organic gut feeling that you need to follow and use as conclusive evidence of whether to snog, marry or avoid.


        • 38 min
      • You're Not Normal B*tch, Get Used To It
        This week’s Georgia’s on her period and the gremlins really have come out to play. Especially because she gave up the ‘ch’ and the ‘ch’ for January (yes, she’s a cliche chocolate ’n’ cheese b*tch). She makes out her head is in the game but no, she’s just f*cking delirious. But actually, we’re talking about vices, and how we love to do things that feel so good at the time but actually damage the f*ck out of us. Like when having sex in the shower sounds really attractive, and then you’re in there and it feels like you’re being drowned. So yah, whatever sh*t you think you do is disgusting and wrong, we’re gunna blow that myth to pieces, because we all do it. Gobble up the following list to get yourself wet as f*ck for this episode, because it’s a good one.
        5 - 12 mins: China cuts her toe nails compulsively because what the f*ck else is she gunna do, see her boyfriend? And… yeah, bum crack hair, we all love to scoop that baby out after the shower. Also, wet willies, anyone?
        12 - 15 mins: Blanking the f*ck out of people is our favourite thing, not healthy mind you. Also, why reading your star-sign is like crack cocaine for the soul.
        15 mins: Baby G is one of those people who won’t order her own dessert but will take yours, and it unravels a whole story about her poo, so sorry.
        21 mins: Making guys shower before AND after you sleep with them, we just want to be clean?
        25 mins: Eating rubbers, they just taste good.
        26 mins: Why we prefer to have sex after we’ve had a poo, and we know we’re not alone.
        27 mins: China love smelling armpits, delish.
        28 mins: We go into detail about 69ers… why?! Does anyone want to do that ever? The answer is no, and that’s why it’s the only vice none of us girls will ever, ever have. It’s not sexy, and how the f*ck are you supposed to do two things at once without being terrified they’re going to lick your butthole?
        31 mins: We really dive into sexual vices, we know this is the sh*t you’ve been waiting for you filthy b*tches. “Yes call me bitch but also tell me you love me! Damn it!”
        35 mins: Tell me I’m a bitch when we’re in bed, but not in the day because I will f*cking leave you. And as soon as you’re finished calling me a b*tch can you give me a head massage & make me a cup of tea.
        37 mins: Baby G thinks she’s getting pregnant in her left tit, and it’s not relevant to anything so just suck it up.
        39 mins: When China’s ex tried to turn her on with a knife, and she wishes he hadn’t. Then there was the crotchless onesie off Ebay. And when her gag reflex got destroyed by d*ck.
        44 mins: Strange places we like to have sex, everyone has this vice.
        47 mins: Baby G talks about the horrible smells she loves smelling, including damp garages.
        49 mins: Baby G is gunna eat her boyfriend like a black widow.
        51 min
      • The Bottled Formula To Not Being A Needy B*tch

        Why the f*ck do we go from 0-100 so fast when we meet someone we like? We reveal how to play it in a relationship, so they don’t think you’re a needy b*tch. And just wait, you'll be screaming 'Yes, that's me!' all the way through this episode. Because let’s be honest, we all love to pretend we’re chilled out as f*ck, but the reality is… we will literally murder you if you leave the house without permission. Also...

        • How the biggest red flag ever is when guys say ‘you’re not like other girls’, but on the inside you know you really, really are.
        • Getting attached really fast, then getting needy & expectant isn’t love, it’s infatuation.
        • How being unhinged, anxious, tired, insecure and neurotic is a recipe to scare off the future love of your life, quick stat.
        • Why you should never show your true colours until month 6 when they’re romantically locked in & seen your pussy.
        • Always, always let the guy lower the tone first.
        • Why if you’re going to tolerate sh*t once, trust us, you’ll be tolerating it another 100 times. 
        • Being honest straight away about who you are. It’s way better to be you from day one. (Just don’t take it too far by oversharing too much and scaring the sh*t out of them).
        • How there’s also such a thing as reigning it in too much on a first date, and playing it ‘too’ cool.
        • Setting expectations about what you’ll actually tolerate from a relationship, early on.
        • Why you should never change your plans or negotiate them based on the fact that you’re worrying about when he’s going to be free. Let him follow suit and book sh*t for when you’re busy, not the other way around.
        • We’ve all been in bad relationships & project that sh*t into our next one… which is dumb & unfair. But how do we stop doing that? 
        • Figuring out that blurred line between whether it’s your ex’s ghost projecting onto your current relationship, or it’s just your current partner being a c*nt.
        • How men love to make us feel like psychopaths for wanting the most simple things. How stupid of us to trust them to do what they say they’re going to do, right?! All guys downplay stuff so you think it’s all in your head, you’re not alone. 
        • Choosing your fights wisely.


          • Bonus Tidbits:

          • How Baby G used to rub it when she was a child.
          • China went on a date the night before recording this podcast as research, you’re welcome.
          • Head to 47:50 for Baby G’s most profound advice yet.
            • 51 min
          • Why Do You Shave Your P*ssy, Babe?

            Full disclosure, skip to 4 mins in if you want to avoid listening to Baby G chatting utter sh*t. This episode covers how we all hate things about the way we look... and we will go to extreme lengths to make that sh*t go away. Baby G tells us how she used to strap up her nose before she went to sleep to make it less pointy, and compares her red eyes to two bum holes that have been poo-ing out spicy curry. China also overshares about her freaky vagina plucking habit, and why we talk to ourselves in the tongue of acidic criticisms, when we're actually cute as f*ck but just can't see it. Also... 

            • Why not liking how we look & spending a sh*t-ton of money to change that is universal trend. 
            • Bleaching our hair til its f*cked to make our boyfriends happy. 
            • How much money we would have saved if we didn’t have to mutilate ourselves for beauty… and it’s no f*cking joke. 

            • Why Baby G is a scruffy b*tch who gives none... namaste beauty. 
            • How to unblur the biggest beauty caveat of all... which is that yes, you can bleach, pluck & powder as much as you want, but not for sinister reasons.
              • 44 min

            About Triggered

            From the publisher's feed

            Each week we'll be getting woke about the cold, hard truth of being a girl in 2020. Froth at the labia while we debunk your real-life issues with non-fluffy practical steps to move you out of your own…