True Crimes Against Wine

DEFENDANT: Sting

 

EVIDENCE: Il Palagio Roxanne Rosso Toscana

 

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Tuscany, Italy

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Our judges jaunt out to the sun-drenched hills of Tuscany, where they sample an ancient red grape, discuss family lineages, and ponder such deep questions as, "How much wine is too much?"

DEFENDANT: Lisa Vanderpump

 

EVIDENCE: Vanderpump Cabernet Sauvignon 2017

 

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Sonoma County, CA

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Our judges return to the original scene of the crime in Sonoma County to investigate the alleged crimes of a femme fatale from across the pond. Topher defends Kathy Hilton while Rachel talks about the music video career of her boobs.

DEFENDANT: John Legend

 

EVIDENCE: LVE Sparkling Rosé

 

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Cote de Beaune, France

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Bonjour! Our judges find themselves once again in beautiful France as Rachel learns how sparkling wine is made, and Topher learns the difference between a prodigy and a talented nun.

DEFENDANT: Cameron Diaz

 

EVIDENCE: Avaline Red Blend 2018

 

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Southern Rhone, France

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Our judges find themselves inexplicably at each other's throats as they taste an intriguing red blend. Rachel is enthusiastic about her love of puppets, and Topher learns to be grateful for however much wine he gets.

DEFENDANT: Jon Bon Jovi

 

EVIDENCE: Hampton Water Rosé 2019

 

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Languedoc, South of France

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Our judges are once again basking in the South of France, where Topher learns all about 80's hair bands, while Rachel dives deep into the wealth and privilege of the Hamptons.

DEFENDANT: Mary J Blige

 

EVIDENCE: Sun Goddess Sauvignon Blanc 2019

 

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Friuli Venezia Giulia, Italy

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Our Judges head to the culturally diverse, yet exclusive northeastern tip of Italy, where Topher tries his hand at songwriting and Rachel learns some dark secrets about a problematic winery...

DEFENDANT: Sarah Jessica Parker

 

EVIDENCE: Invovo Sauvignon Blanc 2019

 

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Marlborough, NZ

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Our judges jet off to the South Island of New Zealand, where they attempt to sort everyone's favorite New York gal pals into their appropriate Hogwarts Houses. Topher goes on a rap strike, and Rachel expresses very strong opinions about a LOT of subjects.

DEFENDANT: Paris Hilton

 

EVIDENCE: Hogwash California Rosé

 

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Sonoma County, CA/Beverly Hill, CA

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In this episode, our judges explore an unlikely connection. Topher learns about the early 2000's club scene, while Rachel tries in vain to educate him about female anatomy.

DEFENDANT: Highclere Castle, aka Downton Abbey

 

EVIDENCE: Highclere Castle London Dry Gin

 

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Highclere Castle grounds and estate, Hampshire, England

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In this very special episode, expert witness Andrea presents a new form of evidence to our judges. Rachel and Topher both reveal their royal connections.

DEFENDANT: Post Malone

 

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Provence, France

 

EVIDENCE: Maison No.9 Rosé 2019

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Our judges jet to the sun soaked vineyards of coastal Provence, where Rachel delves into her dream real estate while Topher takes on Big Corporate Lavender.