It’s hard to speak your true feelings. When asked, you may talk about what is happening externally: you’re stressed from work, worried about your relationship or upset about something a friend said. But those aren’t your deeper feelings; those are actually reactions. To understand what’s really going on, you have to dig beyond those surface emotions. Waiting for the situation to change or resolve itself may help temporarily, but it will resurface because you’re not getting to the root. This pattern of waiting for the external to change rather than dealing with the underlying emotions is learned… so of course it can be unlearned. And it takes a willingness to sit with discomfort.

If you are angry that your partner ignores you while telling him/her about your day, dig below the anger. Why does it make you angry? What does it trigger inside? Maybe you’ll find a fear of rejection or abandonment. Connecting with those underlying feelings and sharing them with your partner is the road to emotional freedom. Or you can resign yourself to feeling this way whenever you talk to your partner about your day, hoping one day he/she will change. But where is the power in that? Feeling your ACTUAL feelings will keep you out of a reactionary state, and out of the victim zone, for a greater sense of well-being.