TRUMP MAFIA

And even as I wander, I'm keeping you in sight

You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night

And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

[Chorus]

And I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I started fighting for

It's time to bring this ship into the shore

And throw away the oars, forever

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I started fighting for

And if I have to crawl upon the floor

Come crashing through your door

Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore

Donnie Boy, I’m trying, I am really trying here to give you the benefit of the doubt, and sitting around the old social club this week, I wracked my brain on what I could cover, I couldn’t continue to talk about documents, documents, were talking about documents.

BUT, lo and behold Donnie as they say, we had a small crack in the case with an exclusive from the Washington Post, that you took some documents that contained nuclear secrets of other nations, documents that were so sensitive the FBI agents who came and GOT the documents weren’t allowed to read said documents.

WHY DO YOU NEED THE NUCLEAR DOCUMENTS DONNIE, WHY YOU GOTTA GO AND TAKE THE NUCLEAR DOCUMENTS?

So this is why I couldn’t fight the feeling here that NO matter what you say at this point Donnie, you fucked up this time, you really fucked up. But, again with the upside down world we live in I am waiting to hear and see how Fox News spins this one, what does Tucker have to say about this, -what can they possibly come up with and WHAT FUCKNUT at the Republican Party will create a talking point that again exonerates this type of behavior.

What is the big deal, it’s just some documents in a box?

We have all done it right, we are in the middle of a move, from one place to another and we just start shoving shit into a box.

Donnie was making a hasty exit, and he probably didn’t notice the 700 pages of material he was shoving into a box with his cute photo of Melania.

Let’s be real here, for me it’s simple. Donnie made a mistake, and when the Justice Department called him after he left the White House, they said “Donnie, Donnie, you might have taken some documents that we really should have burned, you think you can have one of your Mar-a-Lago Valets just Fedex us back the documents?"

Now, if this was a normal President, he would have apologized, got on Trump Air, and bring the fucking documents back himself — but he's not...

Hello, hello, hello, FBI Raids, clandestine documents, secrets and lies — yet again the News cycle has swung back to our guy. Our champion in Chief is bouncing from one legal deposition to another, keeping it classy and riling up the same people that needed to break some shit at the Nation’s capital.

But let’s get serious, more than 20 boxes of documents were retrieved by the FBI from his pad in Mar-a-Lago, which on the surface seems odd, but WHO really cares, then we find out that these documents now MIGHT contain information on nuclear secrets and the President of France, maybe “Le Don” was fond of the Champs-Élysées — little more interesting…

Now I am sure some Republicans would like to think that Donnie might be the Daniel Ellsberg we all need today. Or maybe The Don — the consummate Washington outsider, read some nefarious and corrupt shit and was simply trying to emulate Seymour Hersh, the Pulitzer Prize winning investigative journalist — save the documents to ultimately work with a reputable news organization to leak these secrets — think a bloated Julian Assange — yet this is TRUMPYLEAKS — but I highly doubt that, might be a great talking point for Mitch McConnell, that’s how I would spin it..

Where does the news cycle take this next? Are these documents that Trump was going to sell on the open market to pay off his legal bills, (oh yeah, he the public paying for that with his freedom fund.) Were they his post-presidency security blanket in case he needed a few bucks, or dare I say — is this a direct order from his pal Vladdy Putin?! The speculation is so intriguing and endless that I can’t turn off CNN. Sorry, sorry I am not a socialist it’s just easier to watch Wolf Blitzer than Tucker Carlson. Carlson reminds me of the guys I played lacrosse against in Darien, Connecticut.

Welcome back dear listeners. We were on a brief hiatus trying to recover from the insurrection.

I MEAN WHAT IN THE FUCK, RIGHT!!!???? You might hear me use that expression profusely throughout this episode.

So much has transpired since the Cheetoh-in-Chief lost the election. Yet — to this day — A FULL YEAR-AND-A-HALF LATER, Delusional Donny is still pushing the BIG LIE!

As the Jan 6th Clown Committee with its ABC producer at the helm of their masterful bit of TV programming, (which by-the-way are the runaway TV-ratings hit of the summer,) continues to turn all of Donnie’s cronies into Judas’, the polls still show Tyrannical Trump as the potential front-runner for the 2024 elections! It’s almost an apocalyptic comedy.

Listen folks, we never thought we’d say this on the show, but there might even be a small dark, infinitesimal part of us on a cellular level, that wouldn’t mind seeing him run again. I mean let’s face it, Biden’s a blow out, and there are no obvious Democratic political leaders. So unless we want Mark Cuban or The Rock officially leading our country (let’s face it, they already sorta do, so what the hell) it seems that Trump is still a real contender.

Let’s check Trump’s current stats…

Welcome to another episode of Trump Mafia. I am your returning host, Aaron May.

The target... I mean subject of this episode of Trump Mafia is Jared “The Kush” Kushner. The most spectacularly unqualified member of Trump’s cabal. On past episodes, we have covered equally notable names but at least they had a story to their story.

This guy is a Late-Night Talk Show punchline.

We def will cover his past and give you background, but at the end of the day, he’s just a trust fund douchebag whose ultra-rich real estate felon of a father, Charlie “OG Kush” Kushner, greased 2 state senators & the school to get Jared into Harvard, at some point hooks up with Trump’s daughter and bingo bongo, he’s in charge of bringing peace to the middle east. You know, a kush job.

I have racked my brain thinking that there HAD to be SOME genius nefarious move for having this Sentient Kohl’s Mannequin (to quote John Oliver), as an advisor. Had to be something more than nepotism, something that made sense like Kushner had a secret pipeline to a Russian sex ring that The Don could grab some more pussy from.

I even pondered the possibility of a dark secret that the Kush could extort The Don over, but that would be too smart for the Kush.

So WHY THE FUCK is this “Harvard’s Shiniest Mistake” in the White House? Even ex-Harvard schoolmate Natalie Portman thinks he’s a tool who cheated his way through school.

Alright, Alright Alright….. So, the probe into Donnie seems to be moving forward, this is why I am here to hopefully one day be able to analyze and pick apart a criminal trial that revolves around our former fuck-wad of a President.

When I started Trump Mafia, I wanted to make some sense of what just happened, make some sense of what happened to the media and the president, and what exactly happened to our country, in doing so maybe I would feel better about what the fuck just happened.

But I have to say, He is still here, like a hemorrhoid that just won’t go away, it’s there and sometimes you ignore it, but its still there and you still feel it.

Here is the thing, I’m completely fine with Donnie giving wedding speeches, for all I care he should become a fucking wedding DJ, but I want to be clear here and I have said this from the top, if the Manhattan DA, or the Southern District or the Eastern District doesn’t indict DONALD J TRUMP, I do believe that he will become part of our daily routine again, and I think you remember that daily routine, the rodeo circus that he conducted across the globe.

He has to go to jail, and there has to be consequences or karma, and that process is starting, and we keep getting hints of the process.

The first step is there is a grand jury that has been convened in New York but what exactly does this mean in layman’s terms, what is actually going on here?

Rudy, Rudy Rudy….I’ve yet to quote the bible in this series, but to quote the King James version 2 Samuel Chapter 1 - “Oh how the mighty have fallen.”

Rudolph William Louis Giuliani, once America’s hero, America’s Mayor, has become a laughingstock of the news, a punchline for late night hosts and pundits and possibly the most pathetic of all the Trump Mafia crew members.

On paper, this guy was as good as it gets, I mean a real fucking stud of the judicial system. He served as US Associate Attorney General from 81-93 and US Attorney for the Southern District of NY from 83’ to 89’ and in 94’ he became the 107th Mayor of NYC. Seriously. A Fucking Rockstar.

In the 80s, as the U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York he led the federal prosecution of New York City mafia bosses. He turned Times Square from a drug and porn epicenter in NYC into a veritable Disneyland filled with corporate restaurants, and businesses and made it into one of the biggest tourist attractions in the country.

Rudy Gazooty was also widely credited with the steeply falling crime rates in NY, well ahead of the national average.

In 2001, he was named Time Magazine’s Man of the Year, and if that’s not enough, in 2002, he was given an honorary knighthood by the Queen of Goddam England. I mean COME ON!

So how did this “G” fuck it all up?

Well, that’s the story I want to tell. You see, although he received those accolades, behind-the-scenes our headline-grabbing crime fighter, was not all pure of heart and most of his greatest hits, had a dark lining, which I will dig into, and when you understand the “REAL RUDY”—the Rudy who was married to his OWN FUCKING COUSIN FOR 14 YEARS—gimme a minute, I will explain this one—you will see that there has been no real fall from grace, he’s always been a douche bag.

Before we delve into this episode, quick programming note.

Since leaving office, our favorite reality show star/ex-prez, has apparently lost 14lbs due to a fulltime steady diet of golf, and has returned to a human skin tone abandoning his trademark Cheetoh orange.

Now on to the show— but before we dive in, I have to say that out of all the characters in the Trump Mafia, this guy might be the most perplexing member of his Cabal. There is so much talk and speculation about this guy’s moves during the Trump Regime that his name will live on not just in infamy, but most likely in classrooms, boardrooms and news departments for eons to come as a case study into our very own system of justice. (Please insert your pov on why his conduct is so precedent setting.)

Ladies and Gents, may I present to you- Ex Attorney General William Pelham Barr.

As always, a little background on our target, I mean subject.

Willie Barr is an attorney who served as the 77th and 85th United States Attorney General in the administrations of Presidents George H. W. Bush and you-know-who.

Barr also did a 4yr stint in the 70s at the CIA. Before becoming the AG in ‘91, he held numerous other posts within the Department of Justice, so he got to know his way around the system. From ‘94 to 2008, he did corporate legal work which made him a multimillionaire.

Interestingly enough and most likely reason for his appointment under the Trump administration, was his that Barr was a longtime proponent of the unitary executive theory, which believes the Prez should have TOTAL AND UNFETTERED AUTHORITY over the executive branch of the U.S. government making him the perfect foil for ole Donny boy’s dirty work.

When I came up with the title Trump Mafia, my impetus was driven by the fact that Trump literally operates like a Mafia boss. I am not the first to draw this comparison, but it resonated so strongly with me, that I felt an exploration intothebelief that he operates like a “DON” (pun intended) and in fact operates A REAL CRIME FAMILY needed some attention.

To understand this comparison, you have to first understand the way a true mob boss operates. First and foremost, they surround themselves with minions who are willing to “go to the mat” for them.

This is very important.

We all know that DON MUSSOLINI insists on blind loyalty and allegiance, and we also know that “TRANSACTIONAL TRUMP” only gives when he gets.

That said, the most powerful sword he wields is even more seductive than money, it’s the “PARDON CARROT”. This singular power of the President isdangledto his criminal band of neer-do-wells. Just remember that as we will circle back on that later in this episode.

The other element that rarely is appreciated due to the constant barrage of Trump’s assaults in the news cycle, is the immense totality of his criminal web. When you’re making the comparison of a person to a Crime Boss, you are comparing them to someone with a vast network of operatives all conspiring on your behalf.

Additional, I feel it is equally important to give some airtime to some of his more nefarious “COMPLICIT CRONIES”.

We already explored Michael Cohen, Trump’s flipping fixer, as he had some serious unreported ties to Russia, but now we’re going to move on to another player on the board with more ties to Russia than vodka.

His name is Paul Manafort.