Try Not To Die

COME ONE, COME ALL TO THE LOVER'S QUARREL IN CHAMPION'S CALL! Love is beautiful... and so is violence! (This Content Surge was originally published on our Patreon on March 9th 2025! You can hear over 60 Content Surges on our $7 tier.)

A cosmic thank you to our Employee of the Month, Patrick Brandstätter. Never quit, Patrick! We have a copy of your soul backed up to the database, and we will resurrect you! <3

Thanks also to our network Lore Party - check out their shows at loreparty.com!

Sound Effects:

“Large-crowd-medium-distance” - eguobyte 
“Mad-scientist-lab-loopable” - ramonmineiro 
“Subway-door-close” - tweeterdj
“Elevator-ding” - colliershs-colinlib
“Robot-walking-demo” - kwahmah-02
“Crowd-cheering-soft-cheering-and-chatter” - gregorquendel 
“Stonedoor-closingwithboom” - audiotorpedo 
“Portal-idle” - couchhero
“Bamf” - themfish
“Gut-a-blastix” - rolandseer 
“Electric-wire-03” - glaneur-de-sons 
“Electric-zap” - Michael-grinnell
“Record Scratch” - Luffy
“Device-powering-up” - spoonsandlessspoons 
“Censorbeep5s” - bthv
“Vine boom sound effect” - Omar Sounds
“Book Sounds” - Allsounds/Audionauti

All sound effects from ⁠Freesound.org⁠, unless listed under AllSounds/Audionauti, background sound effects, Free Audio Zone, Fun With Sound, Gaming Sound FX, Live Wallpaper Master, Lord Sandwich, Michaël Ghelfi, Omar Sounds, Relaxing Recordings, Royalty Free FX, Sound Effect Database, Studiomod, Sword Coast Soundscapes, or Viral Vids NL.

Additional sound effects by Noah Perito and Lisa Condemi.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oddjobs will be back shortly. This away message was written by Fetch. If you read it, will you mention how great it was to Odessa? And also mention that she locked us all in behind her when she left HQ today? Thanks!!!!!!!

Music by Noah Perito & Lisa Condemi

Produced by Noah Perito & Lisa Condemi

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is the finale of our 3-part Birth Day arc, originally released on Patreon! Like most children's birthday parties, this one was kind of creepy and dangerous, but ultimately a good time.

Speaking of birthdays, it's our SIXTH this month! We're grateful you're here, telling this story with us. Stay tuned for more news about what's coming in 2026. :)

Links! Our patreon to support us; our awesome network Lore Party, and our Buy Me A Coffee page if you're feeling generous.

Produced by Lisa Condemi and Noah Perito.
Music by Lisa Condemi and Noah Perito.

Sound Effects:

“Book Sounds” - Allsounds/Audionauti
"60s-pinball-in-arcade-2" - mrpagliara
"elevator-ding" - collierhs-colinlib
"sword-clash-and-slide" - Fun with Sound
"fireball-whoosh" - robinhood76
“Catacombs” - Sword Coast Soundscapes
"panther" - xhwzq6gv
“Time-stop” - damnsatinist
"fire-in-fireplace-close-up-reverberant2" - silencyo__silencyo
"Record Scratch" - Luffy
"dog-disonant-howl" - jace
"gut-a-blastix" - rolandseer
“Portal-idle” - couchhero 
"Fairy Dust Sound Effect" - Free Audio Zone
"cracking-earthquake-cracking-soil-cracking-stone" - uagadugu
"entrance-bell" - zott820
"tires-squeaking" - rutgermuller
"sparks" - erh
“teleporter-24b” - blendcache
“vehicle-small_car_burnout_version-1” - scott_snailham
“Time-slow-down” - patricklieberkind
"bamf" - themfish
“crashing” - smmassuda

All sound effects from ⁠Freesound.org⁠, unless listed under AllSounds/Audionauti, background sound effects, Free Audio Zone, Fun With Sound, Gaming Sound FX, Live Wallpaper Master, Lord Sandwich, Michaël Ghelfi, OmarSounds, Relaxing Recordings, Royalty Free FX, Sound Effect Database, Studiomod, Sword Coast Soundscapes, or Viral Vids NL.

Additional sound effects by Noah Perito.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Five (Hundred) Nights in Happy Happy Fun Times continues as Shortsword Jass and Clover navigate the halls of this crumbling demi-plane.

See how things turn out in the finale, part 3, next Tuesday! (Or hop in the van and warp over to the Patreon to hear it right now.)

Special thanks to our network Lore Party!

Produced by Lisa Condemi and Noah Perito.
Music by Lisa Condemi and Noah Perito

Love the show? Buy us a coffee! <3

Sound Effects:

“Book Sounds” - Allsounds/Audionauti
“Portal-idle” - couchhero 
“metal-gate-01” - silentstrikez
“glass-smash” - chewiesmissus
"electric-wire-03" - glaneur-de-sons
"Wind Temple" - Michaël Ghelfi
"cracking-earthquake-cracking-soil-cracking-stone" - uagadugu
"entrance-bell" - zott820
“teleporter-24b” - blendcache

All sound effects from ⁠Freesound.org⁠, unless listed under AllSounds/Audionauti, background sound effects, Free Audio Zone, Fun With Sound, Gaming Sound FX, Live Wallpaper Master, Lord Sandwich, Michaël Ghelfi, OmarSounds, Relaxing Recordings, Royalty Free FX, Sound Effect Database, Studiomod, Sword Coast Soundscapes, or Viral Vids NL.

Additional sound effects by Noah Perito.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Happy new year everyone, and happy sixth birthday to us, a podcast!

In this special Oddjobs arc originally released on our Patreon, Jass and Clover travel to a plane of aging to save the Cottonbottom Kids from a Birth Day Party gone wrong!

Support our network Lore Party by listening to their awesome shows! And support this awesome show by joining our Patreon, or buying us a coffee.

Produced by Noah Perito & Lisa Condemi

Music by Noah Perito & Lisa Condemi

Sound Effects:

“Book Sounds” - Allsounds/Audionauti
“Crowd-cheering-soft-cheering-and-chatter” - gregorquendel 
“Small Marketplace” - Sword Coast Soundscapes
“teleporter-24b” - blendcache
“Time-stop” - damnsatinist
“Portal-idle” - couchhero 
“Time-slow-down” - patricklieberkind
“Subway-door-close” - tweeterdj 
“Bamf” - themfish
“apartment-entrance-someone-buzzed-in-door-open-hallway-steps-echo-bgsound” - kyles
“elevator-ding” - collierhs-colinlib
“mad-scientist-lab-loopable” - ramonmineiro 
“The Underdark” - Sword Coast Soundscapes
“vehicle-small_car_burnout_version-1” - scott_snailham
“lightningcrash” - noisenoir
“glass-smash” - chewiesmissus
“metal-gate-01” - silentstrikez

All sound effects from ⁠Freesound.org⁠, unless listed under AllSounds/Audionauti, background sound effects, Free Audio Zone, Fun With Sound, Gaming Sound FX, Live Wallpaper Master, Lord Sandwich, Michaël Ghelfi, OmarSounds, Relaxing Recordings, Royalty Free FX, Sound Effect Database, Studiomod, Sword Coast Soundscapes, or Viral Vids NL.

Additional sound effects by Noah Perito.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

From the depths of our Patreon, we bring you a very special Oddjobs holiday adventure!

Haven't joined us yet in the new campaign? Let us get you caught up!

Spoilers for Arcs 1 + 2 of Oddjobs ahead!

Jassifer is a no-nonsense goblin captain who's been spirited away from her own world of Erdheim, and into the city of Forever: a twinkling and futuristic metropolitan of inter-connected asteroids. Having falling in battle against her sworn enemy, she's left with no option to work off her resurrection debt at the morally grey adventuring company, Oddjobs (led by eccentric tiefling CEO, Odessa Magisteria).

But contracts for Jassifer, her slime familiar Goo, and her partner Clover are about to go off the charts... as FESTQUEST approaches!

Sound Effects:

“Book Sounds” - Allsounds/Audionauti
“Subway-door-close” - tweeterdj
"Elevator-ding” - collierhscolinlib
“Klaxon Alarm Sound” - Lord Sandwich, Youtube
“Mad-scientist-lab-loopable” - ramonmineiro
“Record scratch” - Luffy
 “Bamf” - themfish 
“Portal-idle” - couchhero
“Teleport” - outroelison 
“Teleport-24b” - blendcache 
“Time-stop” - damnsatinist
“Time-slow-down” - patricklieberkind 
“Nyc-ambience” - purpleaux 
“Tires-squeaking” - rutgermuller 
“Renault-master-f3500-dci135-foley-horn-outside-mono” - sound holder
“Crowd-cheering-soft-cheering-and-chatter” - gregorquendel 
“Small Marketplace” - Sword Coast Soundscapes
“Blizzard” - Michaël Ghelfi 
“Metal-gate-01” - silentstrikez
“Stone door-closingwithboom” - audiotorpedo
“Window breaking” - m1a2t3z4
“Car-door-open-05” - pnmcarrierrailfan
“Door opening 1” - Bowen707
“Fire-in-fireplace-close-up-reverberant2” - silencyo__silencyo
“Vehicle-small_car_burnout-version-1” - scott_snailham 
“Laser-pistol-shooting” - nxrt 
“Bullet-ricochet” - aust-paul 
“Crashing” - smmassuda 
“Crowd-in-panic” - ienba 
“Champagne glasses” - idabrandao
“Daytime Tavern” - Sword Coast Soundscapes

All sound effects from ⁠Freesound.org⁠, unless listed under AllSounds/Audionauti, background sound effects, Free Audio Zone, Fun With Sound, Gaming Sound FX, Live Wallpaper Master, Lord Sandwich, Michaël Ghelfi, OmarSounds, Relaxing Recordings, Royalty Free FX, Sound Effect Database, Studiomod, Sword Coast Soundscapes, or Viral Vids NL.

Additional sound effects by Noah Perito

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

An office memo for the TNTD history books. Stay warm this winter and we'll see you next TNTD Tuesday!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's gonna blow! Jassifer and Clover fight the super-heating Slay-I and discuss the dangers of online shopping. We're gonna need some sandwiches after this one!

Thank you for catching this arc of Oddjobs! You can hear us discuss this arc in the next episode of the Afterlife, our Patreon-exclusive talkback show, on the $5 tier this month!

Thank you to Nicola Narracci for our opening graphics and our wonderful podcast network as well: loreparty.com!

Produced by Noah Perito & Lisa Condemi
Music by Noah Perito & Lisa Condemi

Sound Effects:

“Book Sounds” - Allsounds/Audionauti
“mad-scientist-lab-loopable” - ramonmineiro
“Record Scratch” - Luffy
“Klaxon Alarm Sound” Lord Sandwich on Youtube
“Gut-a-Blastix” - Rolandseer
“device powering up” - spoonsandlessspoons
“lightningcrash” - noirnoir
“glass-smash” - chewiesmissus
“sword-clash-and-slide” - Fun with Sound
“bullet-ricochet” - aust-paul
“crack-glass” - 13fpanska-cerny-jan
“bamf” - themfish
“fireball-whoosh” - robinhood76
“explosion” - tommccann
“fire-in-fireplace-close-up-reverberant2” - silencyo__silencyo
“crashing” - smmassuda
“explo-hit-metal-01” - pnmcarrierailfan
“elevator-ding” - collierhs-colinlib
“large-crowd-medium-distance-stereo” - eguobyte
“crowd-cheering-soft-cheering-and-chatter” - gregorquendel

All sound effects from ⁠Freesound.org⁠, unless listed under AllSounds/Audionauti, background sound effects, Free Audio Zone, Fun With Sound, Gaming Sound FX, Live Wallpaper Master, Lord Sandwich, Michaël Ghelfi, OmarSounds, Relaxing Recordings, Royalty Free FX, Sound Effect Database, Studiomod, Sword Coast Soundscapes, or Viral Vids NL.

Additional sound effects by Noah Perito.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Press this button to commence the core tour. (No scientists were harmed in the making of this episode.)

Thank you to our Patreon patrons, for your incredible support through the seasons of our show! And thank you to our incredible network, Lore Party.

Produced by Noah Perito & Lisa Condemi
Music by Noah Perito & Lisa Condemi

Sound Effects:
“Book Sounds” - Allsounds/Audionauti
“metal-gate-01” - silentstrikez
“car factory - Kia Sportage factory production line” - furiousdriving on Youtube
“crashing” - smmassuda
“01_crash_loud_cymbals__snares” - theriavirra
“elevator-ding” - collierhs-colinlib
“Record Scratch” - Luffy
“device powering up” - spoonsandlessspoons
“lightningcrash” - noisenoir
“electric-wire-03” - glaneur-de-sons
“hissing metal” - vibe_crc-24b 
“stonedoor-closingwithboom” - audiotorpedo
“mad-scientist-lab-loopable” - ramonmineiro
“Klaxon Alarm Sound” Lord Sandwich on Youtube

All sound effects from ⁠Freesound.org⁠, unless listed under AllSounds/Audionauti, background sound effects, Free Audio Zone, Fun With Sound, Gaming Sound FX, Live Wallpaper Master, Lord Sandwich, Michaël Ghelfi, OmarSounds, Relaxing Recordings, Royalty Free FX, Sound Effect Database, Studiomod, Sword Coast Soundscapes, or Viral Vids NL.

Additional sound effects by Noah Perito.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Clover and Jass struggle to not blow up the entire mission.

Thank you to our patrons over at Patreon! And shout out to our awesome network, Lore Party. If you'd like to donate to the show, you can do so at Buy Me A Coffee!

Produced by Noah Perito & Lisa Condemi
Music by Noah Perito & Lisa Condemi

Sound Effects (Forgive me):

“Book Sounds” - Allsounds/Audionauti
“large-crowd-medium-distance-stereo” - eguobyte
“delphis-fart-12” - delphidebrain
“longfart1” - opposit
“wav-fart-vegan-002” - frenkfurth
“Big Water Splash” - qubodup
“water gushing” - jakobthiesen
“alarm” - sparrowdagamer
“metal-gate-01” - silentstrikez
“crowd-cheering-soft-cheering-and-chatter” - gregorquendel 

All sound effects from ⁠Freesound.org⁠, unless listed under AllSounds/Audionauti, background sound effects, Free Audio Zone, Fun With Sound, Gaming Sound FX, Live Wallpaper Master, Lord Sandwich, Michaël Ghelfi, OmarSounds, Relaxing Recordings, Royalty Free FX, Sound Effect Database, Studiomod, Sword Coast Soundscapes, or Viral Vids NL.

Additional sound effects by Noah Perito.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices