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00:03:25 Why Stories Matter

00:05:23 Four Elements of a Good Story

00:09:28 Be Natural ... But Have a Plan

00:17:16 USING WITTY BANTER IN BUILDING RAPPORT

00:22:35 Technique 2: Use the Element of Surprise

00:24:03 Technique 3: Sarcasm

00:26:25 Technique 4: Being Self-Referential

00:28:15 Banter Warnings

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• Though the real foundations of a good conversation are humility, curiosity, and open-mindedness, it’s still worth learning how to tell engaging and entertaining stories. Storytelling is human, and anyone can be a good storyteller. But a story’s value is in how it’s perceived by the audience.

• The best stories have an attention-grabbing hook; they’re short, precise, and have a relevant emotional core. In conversation, a story is meant to create connection and rapport, not showcase you as interesting. Prepare somewhat by building a story “library” beforehand, then use natural transition phrases such as “You know, that reminds me of . . .”to introduce the story. Remember that telling a story is still a kind of conversation.

• Witty banter is playful, clever, amusing conversation that speeds up rapport and builds closeness very rapidly. Anyone can learn to banter as long as they follow the rules: start small and build, banter WITH someone, not AT them, and a little goes a long way.

• Self-deprecating or self-referential humor helps you drop your ego and shows strength and maturity, putting people at ease. Be brief and very obviously exaggerate something you’re actually comfortable with. Be unexpected and use the element of surprise to grab attention and create spark and spontaneity. Flaunt conversational norms with playful sarcasm. The focus is always on building rapport, not on entertaining or impressing people.

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