Two Assholes and a Mic

Two Assholes and a Mic

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Two Assholes and a Mic episodes

  • S2E31 - Retirement Checks, Carnivore Diets, and VFW Realizations

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    In S2E31, we bring on our old friend Chance Cunningham and catch up on life after the Air Force. We talk about Chance retiring out of Fairchild, getting medically retired after 21 and a half years, rolling straight into his VA rating, and what it feels like to finally collect the retirement we all beat ourselves up for. From there, we get into kids, college, GI Bill benefits, CCAF/EPR bullet chasing, Course 14/15, NCOA, Crash School, online classes, and why some of us just wanted to do the job without all the extra blue nonsense. We also talk Volkswagens, Mustangs, project cars, welding floor pans, Texas heat versus UK houses with no AC, weight loss, carnivore dieting, Ozempic-style shots, and how retirement can quietly get lonely when you go from seeing your people every day to barely knowing anyone nearby. That leads into a surprisingly honest VFW realization: maybe all those old heads weren’t just sitting around telling stories for no reason — maybe they missed the same thing we’re starting to miss now. 

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    30 min
  • S2E30 - Diesel Problems, Dragon Ball Endings, and Dog Ball Science

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    In S2E30, we kick things off with Ian sweating through the UK heat with no AC while Robby enjoys his precious American cooling. From there, we get into the latest mystery with Kirstie’s car, diesel particulate filters, oil dilution, check engine lights that disappear at the worst possible time, and why modern cars are a pain in the ass. We also talk Slinky getting attacked by stickers, Robby losing money at poker, hole-in-the-wall taco spots, horchata, Texas construction, Tiger Woods apparently ruining the roads, esports, Masters of the Universe, and another deep dive into Dragon Ball Z, Daima, Buu, Uub, and why the ending pissed Robby off. Then we somehow end up on fighting anime, dog neutering versus human vasectomies, testicular cancer in dogs, cones versus body sleeves, Comic Con plans, Wing Wednesday dread, regulars at the bar, and Robby possibly needing an Oklahoma casino trip. 

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    26 min
  • S2E29 - Sonic LEGO, Bar Training, and Alien Shoe Trauma

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    In S2E29, we start with Robby showing off a new Sonic LEGO set, Knuckles, Rogue, dual-molded minifig legs, and whether custom 3D-printed LEGO figs are actually a thing. From there, we get into Robby’s bar schedule, learning drinks, wine pours, being a “15% handicap” behind the bar, Ian accidentally calling a coworker the wrong name, Uncle Buzz, LEGO reward points, gift cards, kids getting spending money, and trying to push them toward jobs and earning their own cash. We also talk about teenage anxiety, social batteries, feeling guilty when we’re out too long, ADHD, auditory processing disorder, Whatnot friends, and finish with Robby telling the story of accidentally traumatizing Autumn with light-up shoes and fake alien attacks in the Edwards desert. 

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    28 min
  • S2E28 - Summer Projects, Stinky Paws, and Digital Game Trust Issues

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    In S2E28, we kick things off with full dad-mode chaos, dog hair everywhere, and Slinky demanding attention like usual. From there, we get into Slinky’s stinky feet, dogs sweating through their paws, baby teeth, Roxy trying to sit on Robby, USA versus Australia, clogged “tobacco” carts, pipe cleaners, future podcast guest ideas, becoming a better parent with age, Autumn’s online art contest, summer plans, camping, Alaska, Lego Batman, Fortnite, Forza, PlayStation Plus, and why Robby still doesn’t fully trust digital games. 

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    23 min
  • S2E27 - Wing Wednesday, Testicle Energy, and Ball Bag Science

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    In S2E27, we start with Slinky getting seeds and eye goop picked out, Robby waking up in full existential “what am I doing with my life” mode, and Ian talking about the problem with wanting a relaxing “tobacco” morning when you still have places to be. From there, we get into Robby’s chaotic Wing Wednesday shift, the many versions of his name at work, UK office heat with no AC, tiny desk fans, Alani energy drink flavors, job satisfaction, expo chaos, yaki, gyoza, and why Japanese barbecue sauce beats regular barbecue sauce. Then the episode fully derails into the real question: why do people call someone weak a “pussy” when testicles are clearly the fragile ones? We break down the logic, build a new insult vocabulary, and land on “ball bag,” “testicular energy,” and “you don’t have to get all scrotal about it.” 

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    24 min
  • S2E26 - Toy Story Nails, Hummingbird Wasps, and Japan Dreams

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    In S2E26, we kick things off with Slinky, Roxy’s heavy-breathing ass, and Robby showing off his ridiculous Toy Story-themed nails. From there, we get into LEGO pop culture figs, Venomized characters, missing pieces, Batgirl parts that have to stay with Willow’s collection, and somehow end up talking about whether riding on the back of a garbage truck would be fun for about a week. We also talk electric vehicles, charging infrastructure, sleep schedules, old mid-shift drinking habits, going live versus keeping the podcast audio-only, pipe screens, “tobacco,” Texas heat versus UK weather, AC in British houses, giant wasps doing Top Gun flybys, Top Gun: Maverick, fighter jets overhead, Misawa swapping F-16s for F-35s, and whether a job in Japan would be enough to make Robby quit “tobacco” and disappear across the world. 

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    28 min
  • S2E25 - Timing Chains, Dog Drama, and Dick Falange

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    In S2E25, we start with Slinky covered in stickers, dog hair everywhere, and Robby debating whether Slinky’s “newts” need to go after he marks one of the LEGO boxes. From there, we talk about brushing Slinky and Roxy, Roxy’s guard-dog energy, bite strength, and how weirdly gentle she gets when taking treats. The episode then shifts into Ian’s ongoing Range Rover nightmare, including the P0341 camshaft position sensor code, the possible timing chain issue, and the brutal £6,000 repair quote. We also get into whether it makes more sense to fix it, trade it in, or sell it to a dealership, before somehow ending up on COVID car prices, Robby’s possibly broken toe, dog bite stories, future dog options, pipe screens, frozen video delays, and the unforgettable birth of “Dick Falange.” 

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    25 min
  • S2E24 - Goodwill LEGO, Dragon Ball Rants, and a Check Engine Light

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    In S2E24, we start off talking about online Goodwill LEGO lots, giant pallets of mystery bricks, Robby’s day running around with Autumn, and Kirstie’s birthday plans. From there, we get into Dragon Ball, including Robby’s hatred for the Vegito-inside-Buu episode and Ian getting closer to the Tournament of Power. We also talk rare Atlantis LEGO figs, old Star Trek toys, childhood collectibles, pawned comics, Robin Hood, Waterworld, comfort-watching old movies, and why familiar shows like Rick and Morty and Gravity Falls are easy background noise. Then the episode takes a turn when Kirstie’s Range Rover throws a check engine light, leading to live troubleshooting, dealership diagnostic fee complaints, dream replacement cars, Audi wagons, CTS-V wagons, Dean impulse-buying a Corvette, and a camshaft position sensor code that may or may not point toward timing chain bullshit. 

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    28 min
  • S2E23 - Cuban Bee, Florida Heat, and Life After Retirement

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    In S2E23, we bring on Rodney, also known as Cuban Bee, and catch up on life after the military. We talk about his move to Florida, retiring in 2023, getting his A&P, teaching aviation maintenance, buying a dream home, and raising two young kids after spending the first decade of marriage travelling and enjoying life. From there, we get into old crash recovery memories, the car crash Ian and Rodney somehow walked away from, life in England, Florida and Texas heat, medical cannabis versus tobacco, working at a sports bar, weight loss, old video games, Call of Duty, GTA, Need for Speed Underground, kids, patches, going back to school, and the reality of being retired but still tired as hell. 

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    31 min
  • S2E22 - Small Towns, Mustangs, and Maintenance Therapy

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    In S2E22, we bring on our old Misawa coworker and friend, Josh, to catch up after years of not talking. We get into Josh’s retirement life, small-town Arizona living, the opportunity to take over a machine shop, and how machining heads and building engines scratches that old maintenance itch without all the military bullshit from above. From there, we talk about missing the satisfaction of turning wrenches, old crew chief days, small-town life, retirement routines, car projects, Ian’s future GTR plans, Josh’s ’65 and ’66 Mustangs, Robby’s family truck, painted nails, Whatnot streams, LEGO selling, and the weird balance between hobbies, side hustles, and actual work. 

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    32 min

About Two Assholes and a Mic

From the publisher's feed

Just a two "normal dudes", having some drinks and having regular conversation. Conversations will vary, but are none-the-less comical. We will try to veer away from political and religious…