Two Open Doors

Relationships evolve, often in fairly-predictable ways, but sometimes taking unexpected twisting turns.  In a prior episode titled “The Relationship Life-Cycle’”, we identified six different stages that an intimate relationship can pass through.  Since change is effectively inevitable in relationships, it’s good to understand not only these relationship states or stages, but also the conditions that tend to drive transitions between these.  In this episode, we’ll explore some of the factors that can drive relationships to evolve.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

Those who are in a long-term committed relationship almost invariably encounter a cooling of the romantic fire in their relationship.  As we’ve noted in prior episodes, attraction and physical passion are at least partially driven by physiological influences that naturally wane over time.  As a result, many initially-passionate relationships transition into a loving but less-passionate “companionate” relationship, over a period of months to years.

As we’ve also previously noted, novelty and excitement are as essential to relationship satisfaction as are security and predictability.  “Open” relationships offer one possible path to introducing novelty and excitement into a committed relationship.  We’ll explore that possibility here.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

As we all know, relationships evolve.  Even those relationships that start off full of light and fire can and usually do cool over time.  In some cases, the connection between partners may weaken to the point that it no longer sustains a relationship, in which case the partners may separate.  In other cases, the partners may choose to stay together, but with a more emotionally-distant connection.  The resulting attenuated connection can become a “fossil” of what it was before.

Despite these tendencies, it’s possible to revitalize a flagging relationship so as to give it new life.  That possibility doesn’t rely on forms of artificial “life-support”, but rather on a re-connection with and a deepening of what previously linked the partners.  We’ll explore that hopeful possibility, in this episode.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

We recently reviewed the differences between three “dependence styles” (or ways of interacting with partners to obtain support and validation).  As we saw, neither true independence (i.e. complete self-reliance) nor co-dependence (or inappropriate dependence on a partner) are healthy or sustainable.  In contrast, interdependence enables an appropriate balance of self-reliance with appropriate dependence on others.

In this episode, we’ll further consider the benefits and the requisites for living a life of interdependence with others.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

In large part, people are drawn into relationship with one another to satisfy their needs and desires.  In a well-functioning relationship, each member of a couple provides specific things to their partner, and that’s done in a reciprocal way.

In our prior episode titled “Relationship and the Hierarchy of Needs”, we considered the range of human needs, conceptualized by Abraham Maslow as a hierarchy of needs.  We went on to review refinements to Maslow’s theory, leading up to an attachment-based hierarchy that I proposed.  Let’s now use that model to examine the differences between distinct dependence styles, or ways that a person can relate to others: independence, co-dependence and interdependence.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

To bring the Two Open Doors message to a broader audience, I have assembled the blogs that I’ve written to date into book form.  (The initial release will be in Kindle e-book form, to be followed by a paperback.)  I’m grateful for the suggestions and encouragement that I’ve received in taking on this project; my hope is that it will prove to be a valuable resource for those who seek deep connection.

This book is the culmination of many years of work.  It’s a very personal piece of work, as well as being the fruit of much learning and investigation.

While there are a seemingly-endless number of self-help books available, this work targets something a bit different: filling a gap in our education, regarding the centrally-important skills required to build healthy and satisfying bridges of meaningful relationship with the important people in our lives.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

As we’ve seen in prior episodes, intimate relationships offer many distinct benefits.  That makes it important for us to determine what our relationship goals are, for each of our close connections.

One of the larger challenges that can confront us in relationships is a misalignment between what we’d like a relationship to be, and what it actually offers us.  That is, what we want (or need) may not be the same as what our partner is offering us, based on their own needs and desires.  Such a mismatch can have grave consequences for the relationship, ranging up to and including the loss of that connection.

In this episode, we’ll explore this potential conflict, as well as how we can navigate it to maintain healthy and mutually-satisfying intimate relationships.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

Most adults have experienced the physical pleasures that sex offers.  We’re aware of the delights that adult sexual “play” can bring us and our partner.  Sex can be a primal in-the-moment experience.

In contrast with such experiences, sex can also be a key that unlocks a range of human experiences that take us way beyond pleasure, and into a realm that provides access to some experiences that vastly transcend the occurrences of daily life.  In this episode, we’ll explore how sex can serve as a bridge that can connect us deeply with others.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

As we’ve discussed in prior episodes, our relationships fulfill a variety of needs that we have as humans.  Different relationships can address different needs; for that reason, it’s important for us to determine what we seek from each of our relationships.

As a framework for considering relationship needs, it’s useful to think about the various perspectives that have been proposed for describing human needs.  In this episode, we’ll review one such well-known framework, and we’ll consider how that model of needs has evolved.  I’ll close with some of my own thoughts as to what needs are served by our relationships.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/

As human beings, we all hold the potential to hurt others, including those we love.  Often, that hurt is unintentional, though in some cases, we may have an intention to inflict hurt.

In this episode, we’ll consider some of the possible sources of hurt in our relationships.  We’ll take a look at how we can manage that hurt, to minimize its damaging effects.  We’ll also consider the various ways in which we can respond to those who hurt us.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers workshops and other events regarding that topic, as well as being available for individual and couples intimacy coaching. He can be contacted at [email protected].

This weekly podcast is distributed through multiple podcast directories, including:
* Apple podcasts: 1588173033 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-open-doors/id1588173033
* Google podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/search/two%20open%20doors
* Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/two-open-doors
* Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ib3hb9vsNoNvWM3HWpEXL
* iHeart Radio: · https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-two-open-doors-86831925/