Alyssa believes, Love can be to anyone and everyone, including yourself. Myself. Self love. Are we more prone to giving love to another or ourself?
For me, my goal is to shower others in love, to help them feel needed and important. To show them Gods love.
But when did we forget to remember our own souls? Our own bodies?
Alyssa’s story, Three years ago I lost a tremendous amount of weight- granted my body adjusted to my activity level of intense running. It was all new.
At first I didn’t notice how much of a transformation had been made until I weighed myself on the scale: an unhealthy 104lbs.
I had the body I dreamed of. To be “skinny” and to fit into any piece of cute clothing or swimsuit I wanted to. I knew I couldn’t lose anymore weight, so I made sure to replenish myself right after each hard workout with a protein bar and believed this was enough. I even thought sometimes it was “too much “.
I let this take over me mentally. It was acceptable. It was the “runner’s” body. I was supposed to look like this. This was the image everyone expected. I even expected it. I began to run faster, run more, becoming obsessed with fast paces, more mileage, and not being mindful of my teammates. But, I began to win, I began to lead my team for every race my junior XC season. This was what I wanted. Fast forward to the present, As a female distance runner it is the “norm” to lose your menstrual cycle. I experienced this for the 3 1/2 years I was a collegiate distance runner. I was aware it wasn’t right, but again I had learned it was common and it was “okay”.
To me I didn’t care, I was fine not dealing with Mother Nature every month.
Little did I realize that highly restrictive eating, binge eating, pounding my body with miles upon miles, and the loss of a cycle would spiral into the repercussions I now face.
I have found I have low levels of SHBG, (sex hormone binding Globulin) a protein whose job is to bind androgen and estrogen together. Because my levels are low, the free testosterone in my body increases: a hormonal imbalance. A reason for levels being low may be due to insulin resistance which is also linked to PCOS(polycystic ovarian syndrome).
Symptoms I am experiencing are related to these issues I have developed.
Insulin resistance can lead to type 2 diabetes.
I have been undergoing blood tests recently and have more to come in the near future.
I have had 3 stress fractures including the one I am in the process of healing now in my L5 vertebrae and sacrum.
I am only recently accepting these facts about myself. I used to turn my family and friends down each time they mentioned my weight in a negative demeanor. I argued with them and shut down. Unknowingly hurting myself, all because I wanted to look a certain way. I obsessed and became addicted to how I ate and looked. I vividly remember multiple instances where I was alone craving junk food. I ate and ate, felt like shit after, said I’d never do it again because I would gain “30lbs”. I’d do any exercise I could right after to “burn off” any calories I could. But repeatedly it happened. I remember even a few times gagging myself to throw up after eating. I was miserable. This is not how I want to live.
I am aware now.
I am alive.
I am surviving.
I have fallen apart at times before, and it is hard not to now.
I am overcoming.
Eating disorders are REAL. And I am still not finished with this journey.
God wants us to be happy in our bodies. They were made in His image. We are on Earth to do His works. We are enough for God our Father. He is guiding me. He can guide you. Find her on Instagram @lyssa.ann and her whole story at https://aharmonblog.wordpress.com/2018/03/01/love/ she is an incredible individual and I’m so excited to have her on the show. Please as always if you like this episode share it with your friends and give it a rating on iTunes! I can be found on Instagram as well @conniebegonnie