Family, particularly siblings, have the potential to be the most powerful healing circle. But unfortunately, most families don’t operate that way. We have deep patterns of how we interact with family members, that present a huge hurdle. But, the most difficult things in life often have the greatest rewards. 

The magic art of tidying up shouldn’t stop at throw pillows and toaster. Let go of friendships, jobs, and anything that is no longer energy-building. You need to let go in order to make room for new to grow. Letting go is hard, but letting go can be an act of love. 

Bet on yourself. Don’t wait for someone else to choose you. When you choose you, fully, unabashedly, humbly, you become a magnetic force. This isn’t overconfidence, this is self-acceptance. Overconfidence is an act for others, hoping they’ll see you a certain way. Or a shallow, “fake it until you make” it performance for yourself. Truly accepting yourself is a quiet constant internal act rooted in gentle love. No bravado. “The first product of self-knowledge is humility.” - Flannery O’Connor

We live in an insatiable culture that is always chasing more. More money, more praise, more love. But more isn’t always better. Our bodies can be a wise guide to teach us that more isn’t always better. With eating, we know when we are full. We know when we’ve had enough. We know when adding more will only cause discomfort and pain. If more starts making you constrict, that’s an indication you’ve hit the point where more isn’t better. Listen to that. 

How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you. If you don’t see yourself, if you downplay your experience, you are teaching others to do the same.

There’s been an unnerving trend, where a lot of people have stopped asking questions. In conversation, they just look to be seen, but never to see. Trying so hard to curate your perception of them. Who they’re talking to is irrelevant. They are expanding themselves in an attempt to feel internally that they are enough. This approach is never going to make them feel like enough. It’s a vicious cycle. The person on the other side of the table can feel that you are lost in your own spotlight, and they will disengage, which will send a signal that you aren’t captivating enough. So how do we break this cycle?

You are worthy of your desires. Your desires are meant for you. Magnetic, from both ends. Lay down the belief that you are not worthy of your desires. That you do not deserve your desires. Remove the internal friction between yourself and your desire. Trust your desires to show you the path that you are meant to walk down. 

Often we try to shame or hate parts of ourselves out of existence. This approach is a dead end. The only way to heal, or to create lasting change, is through love. There is a modality of psychology called Internal Family Systems (IFS). IFS states that each of us is made up of multiple parts, and underlying them is a person's core or true Self. Like members of a family, a person's inner parts can take on extreme roles or subpersonalities. So when you say “a part of me feels guilty”, there actually is a part of you that feels guilty. While there might be another part of you that feels excited about the very same thing. 

A core tenet of IFS is that every part has a positive intent, even if its actions are now counterproductive or cause dysfunction. Parts can do extreme behavior, that at one point was needed to protect you, however, might now be a way of behaving that no longer serves you. 

There is no need to fight with, coerce, or eliminate parts; the IFS method promotes internal connection and harmony to bring the mind back into balance. 

For more information on IFS, check out these:

Video: an explanation of IFS (this is the first in a 4-part series, by the creator of IFS). Self Therapy Book. Gives a great description of IFS.

It’s easy to view trees as something static. But if you observe, you’ll notice that trees are a beautiful mentor when it comes to embracing change. When was the last time you bloomed as widely as a cherry blossom tree? When was the last time the fire inside you burned so bright it covered a mountainside, like the leaves of a tree change in the fall? When was the last time you let everything that was no longer serving you fall away, creating space for new? When was the last time you went into yourself, shutting out all distractions? 

You can’t force creativity, and yet, often times we try to do exactly that. But here’s the thing, when you force yourself to sit down and “be creative” that act of forcing yourself means that you’re disassociating from parts of yourself. You’re cutting off access to parts of your brain, which means your thinking will be constrained, and your output will suffer. There’s another approach you could use…