Don't die of shock, but Joel and Tommy got into a gay twitter beef; Joel says the live-action Beauty and the Beast was better than the animation bc PLAGUE; Tommy suffers the least bc he is a cis white male; everyone suffers more than Tommy.

Kevin hosts RISK!, a storytelling show based on Keren and Tommy's obnoxious personalities; Kevin spills a never-before-told and creepy af story about personally waiting on Harvey Weinstein; lying in Risks is not only ok, it's lowkey necessary; Kevin went to kink camp and discovered that "pansexual" just means greedy.

Everyone on the show has fucked between 6 and 2000 people; Donald Trump’s problem is he’s not a benevolent king; tiki torchers are mediocre entitled betas who don’t try; in relationships, someone has to be the man?

Tyler says a swastika maybe shouldn't be protected speech, and neither should the Game of Thrones guys' new show about black slavery still being a thing in America; everyone yells about whether it's racist to not wanna hear a white person blorble on about race; if everything's crazy, then nothing's crazy (but everything is crazy tho).

Cookiepuss moved mad weed at NYU, a marriage pedigree school that Keren and Cookie are the losers of; everyone but Chrissie is a felon; Sean Spicer hasn't finished his time out: agree or very agree? An ACTUAL DRUG DEAL happens FOR DRUGS, and fuck/marry/kill with present company gets fucking real!!!!

Usama is an obvious 9/11 baby; Tommy and Usamy have crazy chemistry; Usama testifies to Keren's horrific onstage shit-eating; everyone agrees that Kid Rock the politician is the best thing that ever happened and also the end of the world.

Keren gets (trigger warning) brutally outfagged; Lester got sashayed and chasséed TWICE by RU PAUL!!! This is a big fucking deal. Tommy points the finger at some STUNT ASS BITCHES, but four fingers point back at us.

This week we bring you bonus FIRST bc the world is backwards and upside down (tbh the original ep we recorded was too musical theater faggy so that's on Patreon.com/unhireable). This ep: Singy Broadway prude Lacretta (no last name) balls out hates jizz and has a master's degree in vocal pedagogy (which only sounds like a kind of felony). Tommy doesn't not love the smell of homeless (relateable!); everyone knows that if you don't smell like (trigger warning) pussy after a workout, it's high key time to move your body before it turns into an unused raisin.

Trigger warning: blah politics blah annoying blah white people. Former asexual Sarah dykes up the pod, Tommy whitesplains why white people are afraid to talk to black people, and Keren racistly argues that everyone can be and is be a racist.

It's Sherrod's birthday!! To celebrate, his white children podcast without him! We love you, black dad!! Today is also Kurt and Tommy's two year anniversary of fighting as strangers online! We check in after Charlottesville, Tommy insists that Jews and blacks hate each other despite being neither, and lastly, Rapid Fired is the window to the gross little soul.