Marriage Lab

Unmasking Defensiveness: Identify your protective patterns


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In this episode, we talk about our tells around defensiveness. What are the signs that we are becoming defensive as a listener, specifically when our spouse is sharing pain? Here are a few we identify within ourselves:

  • The desire to edit the details of what the other person is sharing
  • Interrupting the speaker
  • Judging the speakers thoughts and/or feelings
  • Feeling anger (frustration, annoyance)
  • Wanting to explain myself

These are signs that our defenses our up and our ears and empathy is off. 

What are you tells around defensiveness?

Finally, we talk about what to do with that defensiveness. Explore what you are actually defending to find out what needs attention within yourself!

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Marriage LabBy Aaron & Jenna Zint

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